I am currently planning on NOT changing my last name. I'm Mrs. "husband's last name" for all intents and purposes, BUT I would still like to be Dr. "Maiden name". Is that odd? I think that I have to keep my maiden name legally so that I can be addressed/officially Dr. "maiden name". Is that true?

I'm curious to see what other people have to say about this topic. I realize that times are changing and a lot, though still a minority, of females are not changing their names.

I got married a few years ago, did not change my name, and no one refers to me as Mrs "husbands name" either unless they do not know.

I don't think I'd change my last name either. I like how Dr. [last name] sounds. Also, if I end up working in my hometown, I'd be stupid not to keep the last name since my parents, especially my mother, are well-known within the community (they're both doctors, so insert doctors' kids comments here).

if my wife did that i'd defiinitely get me a prenump

I didn't change my last name because I have always looked forward to being Dr. [last name]. My husband and I talked about it and he didn't have any stong opinions. I did want to be fair so we actually came up with a bunch of options (hyphenation, using one last name as a middle name, him changing to my name) and pulled one out of a hat. We ended up pulling the him changing his last name to mine option, but his family gave him some grief and we figured it would be simpler to just leave it alone.

Depending on what point in your career you get married, changing your name could be simple or complex. If you don't change it you will get called all sorts of things by people who don't know (Mrs. husband's last name, Mrs. your last name, your husband may get Mr. your last name) but as long as you tell the people who matter to you it should be ok after a while (I have been married 4 years and some of my extended family still forgets what I am supposed to be called, but I will respond to whatever they try-Dr. first name is gaining popularity since I graduated). Do what you want and don't feel pressured by others (but do talk it over with your husband, his input should matter to you and hopefully you can agree on something)

I think it's becoming more common for women to keep their birth names after they get married. I have two friends who didn't change their names. Their children have their father's surname and that seems to satisfy their husbands.

My fiance tells me that if I ever become a "loser" I'll have to change my last name to her maiden name :D hahaha....

I think hyphenation is the perfect solution. Simple, yet effective. In emergency situations you wont' have to provide evidence that you're the spouse (with a different name) or a family member to a parent/ sibling (with your maiden name). Just perfect.

Nope, no name change for me.

No. However, it's also unlikely that I will get married. Most single men my age are single because they treat women like crap, and I refuse to be some married man's mistress. And I'm not interested in women, so that doesn't leave much.

nope i dont think so. it will be the same.:)

cool, nice to know many of you guys (er, gals) will be keeping your maiden names. like i said, i'm happy with my husband's last name for everything except work-related times. i worked hard as ms. M to become dr. M, and darn it, it will stay that way. and yes, my kids will take my hubby's last name. the only reason i'm not hyphenating is b/c my real first name and hubby's last name are looooooooooooooooong. i don't want to subject people to that kind of pain.

cool, nice to know many of you guys (er, gals) will be keeping your maiden names. like i said, i'm happy with my husband's last name for everything except work-related times. i worked hard as ms. M to become dr. M, and darn it, it will stay that way. and yes, my kids will take my hubby's last name.

I totally agree with you. That is what I'm going to do when I get married whether my future husband likes it or not:) .

I changed my name.
I wasn't planning on it.
But when wedding time rolled around I just felt like doing it.

I don't LIKE my married surname as much. With my particular first name + my married name I have the same name as a relatively famous institution... get lots of dumb questions.

I DO like having the same name as my husband and our daughter.

Several of my friends did not change their names. They still get referred to by their husbands' last names all the time, especially by the husband's family. The times are changing, but perhaps not as fast as people would like!

I got married last year and I changed my name. I never really considered not doing it unless I had my degree or a bunch of papers published in my maiden name, or my hubby and I were in the same profession. I like my married name, it has the same first letter for first and last names now, and has a nice symmetrical look to it. :D Designing a signature for the new name was a PITA though.

I added my husbands last name to my last name but I want to go by Dr. madien name ... I don't know how that will work as of yet but if anyone has any insight that be great ;)

I added my husbands last name to my last name but I want to go by Dr. madien name ... I don't know how that will work as of yet but if anyone has any insight that be great ;)
If you're hyphenated, use w/e name u want. EG. Mrs Smith-Jones could easily say "I'm Mrs. Smith" or "I'm Mrs. Jones" and noboody would look at her like she was crazy.

we had a female attending who was Dr. "xxxx"-"xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx" (yes, that's a hyphen between all those x's). so everyone just called her Dr. xxx.

Yeah I don't have the hypen b/c I wanted to be able to use the madien name (I didn't think it really mattered with hypen/no-hypen other than with hypen I would have to use both names.

I just don't know the legal implications of it, such as I already have most of my degrees in my madien name and would like to have all my degrees in just my madien name. Both names never fit.

I think hyphenation is the perfect solution. Simple, yet effective. In emergency situations you wont' have to provide evidence that you're the spouse (with a different name) or a family member to a parent/ sibling (with your maiden name). Just perfect.Yeah. Until two hyphenated kids fall in love.

Two of my friends used to joke about getting married so they could do this: J. Laird-Koch (pronounced "coke")+ A. Stuart-Koch (pronounced kaw-ch) ---> kids named Stuart-Koch-Laird-Koch. :rolleyes:

I got married last year and I changed my name. I never really considered not doing it unless I had my degree or a bunch of papers published in my maiden name, or my hubby and I were in the same profession. I like my married name...

Me too... I'm still in the newlywed stage where I love seeing my new name. :love: I have a sentimental attachment to all members of the family having the same name, but it helps that I like my husband's name and my husband's family. I would have reconsidered if I'd married somebody with a really awful name (I've met people named Teet or Succop or whatever...ugh.)

I added my husbands last name to my last name but I want to go by Dr. madien name ... I don't know how that will work as of yet but if anyone has any insight that be great ;)

I've been told this works well: use one name professionally and the other socially. Never tried it, though.

Yeah I don't have the hypen b/c I wanted to be able to use the madien name (I didn't think it really mattered with hypen/no-hypen other than with hypen I would have to use both names.

I just don't know the legal implications of it, such as I already have most of my degrees in my madien name and would like to have all my degrees in just my madien name. Both names never fit.

My experience is not mine personally...just thru friends. The only legal problem they ran into was when they were taking whatever licensing examinations (2 female dentists & 1 female physician). The name they put on the examination had to be their legal name & the one on the official ID that allowed them to enter the examination. So...you have to allow enough time for your DMV to get your ID to match your legal name, if you choose to change.

However...there are many female prescribers who do change their name after licensing. I know because of their DEA #. That # always begins with either an A or B & is followed by the first letter of your last name at the time you apply for it. Many female prescribers have a DEA # that will begin with BL, for example (her maiden or previously married name @ the time of licensure was Lee perhaps) then later she married or remarried & the new name is Smith....but the DEA # never changes....it stays BL.

So...you can graduate with whatever name you want & change it at any time you want. It can be at the time of marriage, 1 yr, 10yrs or never.

I married while in school & changed my name at that time, so I graduated & became licensed with my married name & our kids have our name.

I will add....it does sometimes become awkward with treating children. I never know if the woman whose name is different is the mom, stepmom, nanny, aunt, caregiver...so I just ask how they are related to the child. I'm sure they're used to it & no one has ever given me a hard time.

No. However, it's also unlikely that I will get married. Most single men my age are single because they treat women like crap, and I refuse to be some married man's mistress. And I'm not interested in women, so that doesn't leave much.



It's also unlikely that I will get married. Most single women my age are single because they treat men like crap, and I refuse to be some married woman's meal ticket. And I'm not interested in men, so that doesn't leave much.

Same old same old for the past 36 years and two husbands. :)

I asked my best friend if I should change my name, and she said, "well, your husband's name sounds friendlier, but your name sounds smarter..."

I went with smart. ;)

Fortunately my husband is very self-assured and not at all threatened.

we had a female attending who was Dr. "xxxx"-"xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx" (yes, that's a hyphen between all those x's). so everyone just called her Dr. xxx.



Ok, tell me that second one is an Indian surname...that's the only ethnic group I know that would have such a long surname! ;)

Just curious...

Is changing your last name a cultural thing, traditional thing, or is it a religious thing?

I ask this because Arab women (Muslim, Christains, or Jews) NEVER change their last name regardless of religion.

Family name is a BIG thing for Arabs...and if an Arab girl ever changes her last name she would be dis-owned by her family...

Arab Moslims, Arab Christians, and Arab Jews do not change their last name when they get married...

...so I guess it is a traditional thing, right?:confused:

It's also unlikely that I will get married. Most single women my age are single because they treat men like crap, and I refuse to be some married woman's meal ticket. .

:thumbup:

No. However, it's also unlikely that I will get married. Most single men my age are single because they treat women like crap, and I refuse to be some married man's mistress. And I'm not interested in women, so that doesn't leave much.

I married someone 10 years older than me. Best thing I ever did. :)

Some men aren't quite "done" until they are 35-40. Usually by then, they've learned how to not treat women like crap, and that they are not the center of the universe.

Don't despair, and don't look at every man as if he's about to treat you like crap--that's inviting disaster.

Most single women my age are single because they treat men like crap,

I'd have to agree with you there. Both men and women are guilty of treating each other badly. As for me, though, I think it has just as much if not more to do with the nomadic existence I've been leading since I graduated from college. Combine that with the fact that I like to take things slowly, and that I don't figure any guy into my plan unless there's a commitment between us, and that's an entirely sufficient explanation for still being single, despite being a basically good and reasonably attractive person.

I'd have to agree with you there. Both men and women are guilty of treating each other badly. As for me, though, I think it has just as much if not more to do with the nomadic existence I've been leading since I graduated from college. Combine that with the fact that I like to take things slowly, and that I don't figure any guy into my plan unless there's a commitment between us, and that's an entirely sufficient explanation for still being single, despite being a basically good and reasonably attractive person.

Agree 100%..But also, as you mentioned, a person really needs to sit back and analyze their future career and non-career aspirations and determine if marriage/long-term relationship are one of those.. For me though, I dont really see myself being married in the next 20 years or so, simply because it doesnt fall into any of my personal goals, which I guess can be construed as selfish, but screw the haters :cool: :D

I will change my name when I get married. And my boyfriend tells me that the only women he's known with hypenated names end up getting divorced, so he won't let me get a hyphenated name. :rolleyes:

Agree 100%..But also, as you mentioned, a person really needs to sit back and analyze their future career and non-career aspirations and determine if marriage/long-term relationship are one of those.. For me though, I dont really see myself being married in the next 20 years or so, simply because it doesnt fall into any of my personal goals, which I guess can be construed as selfish, but screw the haters :cool: :D
Well, it is a personal goal of mine.

I can still pursue my goals and allow for another person in my life. But that involves limiting my choices in a way that could potentially be detrimental to my career goals in the long term. So I'm only willing to do that if by doing so I further another important goal of mine. And hanging around a guy in the hope that he'll want to make a commitment to me someday just isn't quite a sufficient reason.

My experience is not mine personally...just thru friends. The only legal problem they ran into was when they were taking whatever licensing examinations (2 female dentists & 1 female physician). The name they put on the examination had to be their legal name & the one on the official ID that allowed them to enter the examination. So...you have to allow enough time for your DMV to get your ID to match your legal name, if you choose to change.

However...there are many female prescribers who do change their name after licensing. I know because of their DEA #. That # always begins with either an A or B & is followed by the first letter of your last name at the time you apply for it. Many female prescribers have a DEA # that will begin with BL, for example (her maiden or previously married name @ the time of licensure was Lee perhaps) then later she married or remarried & the new name is Smith....but the DEA # never changes....it stays BL.

So...you can graduate with whatever name you want & change it at any time you want. It can be at the time of marriage, 1 yr, 10yrs or never.

I married while in school & changed my name at that time, so I graduated & became licensed with my married name & our kids have our name.

I will add....it does sometimes become awkward with treating children. I never know if the woman whose name is different is the mom, stepmom, nanny, aunt, caregiver...so I just ask how they are related to the child. I'm sure they're used to it & no one has ever given me a hard time.
That's for sharing. I suppose I'll have to have both names "legally" but hopefully I can just go by Dr. Maiden Name. Else I change my name back to just my maiden name but I don't think I can do that now that I already have both names. (and I'm not planning on divorce ;) )

no, that was not an indian last name, american actually. might i add that only south indian last names are that long. north indians keep them short. and i think that thai/vietnamese last names are probably even longer than south indian last names.

Ok, tell me that second one is an Indian surname...that's the only ethnic group I know that would have such a long surname! ;)

secondly, how can anyone generalize that hyphenated last names get divorced? that's pretty funny.

i'm not not changing my last name to prove some sort of superiority/power over my husband (he's a cardiologist in training and i'm an internist) or to prove any feminist points, i just feel that i've worked hard with my maiden family name and want to keep it as a physician (i'm also the only physician from my side of the family so its nice to hear dr. M). people address me as mrs. "husband's last name" all the time and i'm quite happy with it. our children will have my husband's last name. i like tradition, but we also have to admit that times are changing. and as women, we should be happy if our husbands at least try to understand our point of view (about keeping a maiden name professionally - which is hard for most guys to understand) rather than "telling" us what to do.

Nope. But then again, I'm probably never getting married since I'm very Panda-like and just don't have the desire or energy to seek out a mate. Besides, I'm selfish enough to want the freedom to move/live/work as needed so as to better my career.


Eh.... *warms up another swanson hungry man meal* :cool:

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I have no idea. :confused: I kinda like the hyphenation idea, but my maiden name already has an apostrophe, and GOOD GOD that's hard enough as it is... I can't imagine adding ANOTHER non-alphabetic character to my name.

I've said this like 80 times on SDN, but what my best friend and her husband did was go through their respective family trees and look at all the family names that had died out (all-female generations, didn't have kids, etc) and then picked a name for them *both* to change their names to. That way one wasn't being subordinated to the other, and they both got a really beautiful new name so they're a united family under the single surname, and they're bringing back a part of their combined family histories. It's cool.

For me though, I dont really see myself being married in the next 20 years or so, simply because it doesnt fall into any of my personal goals, which I guess can be construed as selfish, but screw the haters :cool: :D

Ha ha--this pretty much seals the deal. Anyone with plans like that is bound to fall in love and get married within the next year! ;)

Perhaps not, but sometimes the best laid plans, well, you know...

And how sad to miss out on someone really perfect for you because they don't fit into your "plans"....I don't know how old you are, but male or female, putting off marriage until you are in your 40s might mean you'll be a bachelor/ette for life.

Ha ha--this pretty much seals the deal. Anyone with plans like that is bound to fall in love and get married within the next year! ;)

Perhaps not, but sometimes the best laid plans, well, you know...

And how sad to miss out on someone really perfect for you because they don't fit into your "plans"....I don't know how old you are, but male or female, putting off marriage until you are in your 40s might mean you'll be a bachelor/ette for life.


Just to clarify one thing..I said I didnt have any plans for marriage...BUT I'd still more than welcome a long-term relationship without marriage in the meantime as this is a more than doable option.

Just to clarify one thing..I said I didnt have any plans for marriage...BUT I'd still more than welcome a long-term relationship without marriage in the meantime as this is a more than doable option.

Riiiiiiiight....we'll see how far that "long term relationship without marriage" lasts before she drops you. Most women will put up with that for a few years, but not for 20.

;)

It's your life, obviously...but I try to think about what will be most important when I see my life flash before my eyes before I die. What people who have had this experience say really matters in the end (the ones who have survived, obviously) is loving others and being loved back, family, and friends, not careers or accomplishments or money. Just something to think about along the way....

Riiiiiiiight....we'll see how far that "long term relationship without marriage" lasts before she drops you. Most women will put up with that for a few years, but not for 20.

;)

It's your life, obviously...but I try to think about what will be most important when I see my life flash before my eyes before I die. What people who have had this experience say really matters in the end (the ones who have survived, obviously) is loving others and being loved back, family, and friends, not careers or accomplishments or money. Just something to think about along the way....


By long term, I dont mean 20 yrs, just a few to see if it works out..

Happiness and fulfillment is an individualistic notion. Yes, marriage and kids can be very rewarding; its not like I'm saying I'll never get married or have kids..I will, when I'm ready and have met other goals first.. I have many goals and priorities and at this moment , marriage isnt one of them..

Marriage is NOT the end all to be all and isnt necessarily going to make you happy..

With the divorce rate approaching 60% in this country, I'm sure many couples are extraordinarily happy and 'fulfilled'..

Again, criticize me all you want as is noted by your suggestive tone, but its a personal choice, which I feel is the best..

I am getting married soon and will change my last name for the simple reason of tradition. I have no problem leaving my current last name, but for me I just want to take my husband's name. I believe it is a personal choice though and it is a woman's choice to make not her husbands.

Again, criticize me all you want as is noted by your suggestive tone, but its a personal choice, which I feel is the best..

No suggestive tone intended, but if you perceived one, well, I have no control over that.

No one is criticizing you. Of course it's a personal choice. I've been married twice and divorced once and believe me, I understand that marriage is not right for everyone.

I was just suggesting you keep an open mind, because you never know who will cross your path and change your life for the better.

Best of luck to you.

I have no idea. :confused: I kinda like the hyphenation idea, but my maiden name already has an apostrophe, and GOOD GOD that's hard enough as it is... I can't imagine adding ANOTHER non-alphabetic character to my name.

I've said this like 80 times on SDN, but what my best friend and her husband did was go through their respective family trees and look at all the family names that had died out (all-female generations, didn't have kids, etc) and then picked a name for them *both* to change their names to. That way one wasn't being subordinated to the other, and they both got a really beautiful new name so they're a united family under the single surname, and they're bringing back a part of their combined family histories. It's cool.
This is something that I had considered but I think the man is way too old fashion for any of that.

Hence why I did Mushy Maiden Married name no hypen. I sign my name either or and hardly ever both except on offical documentation.

I probably won't change my last name. I like my last name and there are no doctors in my family. I don't mean to be snotty about it, but since that is the case, I like the idea of being the first doctor in the family and keeping my name to go with it. Also I have had my last name up until now and I don't want to get married until at least after medical school. By then, I don't see any reason to change it, at least for the purpose of the "Dr." title.

That's how I thought too but also my husband and I are old fashion and I did want his name but to be able to keep mine as well.

It was a real tough decision to decide what I did and I just hope I can still go by Dr. Maiden name ... I haven't heard of many women doing what I did for the same reasons as myself.

Hence why I did Mushy Maiden Married name no hypen. I sign my name either or and hardly ever both except on offical documentation.

I did that, too... changed my middle name to my maiden name. I didn't like it, really -- I love my old middle name -- but it's so very standard where I'm from that it would have been like a slap in the face to my father if I hadn't.

The wierd thing was that everybody here in the north (where I had to do all the paperwork) was really surprised... as the default, they expected First Middle Married instead of First Maiden Married... made me wonder whether these things vary by regions.

Well I still have my middle name so my last name is two names. So I'm weird my nature.

I changed mine because it was really important to my husband. He is really big on traditional gender roles, etc. So, it meant a lot to him for me to do it. He is very supportive of me pursuing a career in medicine and he never says this, but deep down I like he would like me to be barefoot in the kitchen baking him a pie! LOL!:laugh: (Just kidding!) He is a good man though and hopefully it won't be too much of a blow to his ego when I make more money than him. I figured that the least I could do was to take his last name. ;)

I changed my name when I got married and my daughters have that last name.

I want to go by Dr. MaidenName, though. I have no idea how to do this. For licensing purposes, it looks like your ID, SSN names all need to match. So I actually think if I do this, I need to change my name back!! Weird, huh?

I want to be Mrs. MarriedName for everything the way I am now - except for work. There are several reasons, but frankly I just like my maiden name better. It's easier to pronounce. And I don't want patients to be able to find my home number in the phone book, but my married name is uncommon and my husband needs to have his name listed for his job.

Has anyone ever changed their name back (and not because of a divorce! LOL)? I have no idea where to start with this. I'm starting medical school in August - should I do it before I matriculate (I applied with my current, legal married name), after I graduate, after residency??

It would be easiest if you change your name back early enough in med school that it will be on your diploma. That way you won't need to try to get it changed when you go to get licensed. The process is probably similar to when you changed it to begin with (but I din't change my name so I am not sure). Try you local government website first. I don't think you can go by Dr Maiden Name unless that is your legal name.

I changed my name. For a while, I tried to keep my maiden name professionally but that soon got complicated. So, now I'm [first name] [married name] across the board.

can i ask what made it so complicated? i've been doing ok so far, but then i've only been married for a few months. i am, however, an attending. i'm done with med school, etc.

I kept my name legally and for proffessional purposes after getting married, but we let our traditional families put my married name on cards/mail/gifts/invitations etc. It makes them happy so whatever. I am my father's only child and all the other children of my generation are female so I felt I really wanted to keep the last name alive. I really don't think divorce is in my future but realistically we never know and I feel like its difficult proffessionally to change your name in the future, so I'd rather just keep my name so it wouldn't be affected by things occuring in my personal life.

http://www.heavy.com/viral/married/images/15f3c0.jpg
http://www.heavy.com/viral/married/images/15f43d.jpg
http://www.heavy.com/viral/married/images/15f391.jpg

It's also unlikely that I will get married. Most single women my age are single because they treat men like crap, and I refuse to be some married woman's meal ticket. And I'm not interested in men, so that doesn't leave much.

Sounds like you and samoa need to invest in something made by GE or powered by duracel. :D ;) :eek:

http://www.heavy.com/viral/married/images/15f3c0.jpg
http://www.heavy.com/viral/married/images/15f43d.jpg
http://www.heavy.com/viral/married/images/15f391.jpg

These should be on leno. lol:laugh:

i shouldn't have been surprised (but i was!) to see how many people here kept their maiden name. it's obviously a very personal choice. for me, i never really wondered if i was or was not going to take my future husband's name - it was implicit. i was baptized in an ukranian orthodox church where it is tradition (i don't know how it originated) that females aren't given middle names because their maiden name becomes their middle name after marriage. that's exactly what i did. my husband didn't pressure me to do anything, it was my choice. for me, i wanted my family to all share the same name (including any future kids). plus it helped that i love his last name :)

a male classmate of mine, whose name is of indian descent, married a pathologist... her maiden name was the equivalent of "jones" and she (after his pleading) changed it to xxxxxxxxxxxxxx (5 syllables)... she said it barely fit when she got her new white coats embroidered... oh, what we do for love!

These should be on leno. lol:laugh:

omg... i hope the first bride didn't hyphenate!:laugh:

No I like my last name and it's against my religion to change your last name.

..................

Heh - it all depends on what the surname is!! I know a guy called Robin Banks but hey .... :laugh: Other than that i'm all for taking whoever my future husband's name - whenever i find him!!! :D

Linda

I will NOT be keeping my maiden name when I get married.

Call me traditional, but even as an MD I will be perfectly happy to be "Dr. and Mrs. Husband's Name".

However, I am VERY annoyed by all those house cleaning product and baby product commercials that are SO specific to WOMEN. I feel that this is much more insulting than a name-change at marriage... IMO. :mad:

Kept my last name after we got married. Never really thought about changing it in the first place. My husband says it's my choice and he's okay whether I change it or not.

I changed mine when I got married, but only because I figured it would be practically easier with kids and all. I don't really have a strong emotional opinion one way or the other. On the other hand, if I'd gotten married after med school, I definitely would have kept it, just because I've seen the hassle female professionals have to go through when they change their name when they're already professionally established under their maiden name.

As for me, though, I think it has just as much if not more to do with the nomadic existence I've been leading since I graduated from college. Combine that with the fact that I like to take things slowly, and that I don't figure any guy into my plan unless there's a commitment between us, and that's an entirely sufficient explanation for still being single, despite being a basically good and reasonably attractive person.

ditto to all you just said samoa. . .and I'm starting to tire of this nomadic existence. . .:rolleyes:

I changed my name when I got married and my daughters have that last name.

I want to go by Dr. MaidenName, though. I have no idea how to do this. For licensing purposes, it looks like your ID, SSN names all need to match. So I actually think if I do this, I need to change my name back!! Weird, huh?

I want to be Mrs. MarriedName for everything the way I am now - except for work. There are several reasons, but frankly I just like my maiden name better. It's easier to pronounce. And I don't want patients to be able to find my home number in the phone book, but my married name is uncommon and my husband needs to have his name listed for his job.

Has anyone ever changed their name back (and not because of a divorce! LOL)? I have no idea where to start with this. I'm starting medical school in August - should I do it before I matriculate (I applied with my current, legal married name), after I graduate, after residency??

From the documentation that I'm finding on certain boards (I was scouring Mommd.com) some women did what I did by adding his last name to their last name. They use one for personal (his last name) and one for business (maiden name). Legally you can use whichever last name you want as long as you are not trying to use it for fraudulent purposes.

You can actually file for a name change whenever you want. Look it up on the web because I considered doing this to change back to just maiden name, but I know how important it is for my husband that I have his last name, so I plan on being Dr. Maiden Name and going by his last name on everything else. You only need to file the correct paperwork (or pay a lawyer to do it for you) and you can legally change your name WHENEVER you want. :thumbup:

I'm Asian-American and my mother and grandmother kept their maiden names; there has been no doubt that I will do the same.

I'm surprised no one here has addressed the sexist resonance of the (western) "tradition" of taking one's husband's last name. A woman is not her husband's property, being sold to his family for a dowry, to turn out "his" children one after another. Words and names mean so much; in a woman's name is contained her history, biography, identity. Therefore any man who wants his wife to change her name, or who would get a prenup based on her refusal to do so (as an earlier poster said), does not view a woman as possessing the same depth, power, nobility, and worth as a man.

I'm surprised no one here has addressed the sexist resonance of the (western) "tradition" of taking one's husband's last name.

I was surprised, too... and impressed. It's good to know that most of the women who post here are level-headed enough not to go around yelling "discrimination!' at the drop of a hat.

We aren't any more or less intelligent and independent with our husbands' names than with our mothers'.

I don't consider it sexist, I consider it traditional. In a time when women didn't work and did everything for their families and husbands ;)

I also am not very traditional for taking on both last names :D

Hello.

I am a guy here.

Well, I guess if you are the kind of person to pursue medicine, then I suppose you are also the type of person who isn't gonna change your last name no matter what.

As a guy, I guess I would be hurt a little, but I'd get over.

Also, it maybe a bad idea to change your name - cause if you have done any research in the past, then academia will give you grief when you try to cite the research work that you did.

I will NOT be keeping my maiden name when I get married.

Call me traditional, but even as an MD I will be perfectly happy to be "Dr. and Mrs. Husband's Name".

However, I am VERY annoyed by all those house cleaning product and baby product commercials that are SO specific to WOMEN. I feel that this is much more insulting than a name-change at marriage... IMO. :mad:
Most women do the baby care and house cleaning... seems like good marketing. What's the problem?

Why is this name change thing such an ordeal? So many people here seem very insecure about changing their name... as indicated by the copious forms of rationalization implemented by various posters.

Just change it or don't change it. It's not really a complicated matter and doesn't really need any justification. Saying that you "didn't work this hard to be called Dr. [husband's name]" makes you sound like a smug dimwit. Also, hyphenated names are the most idiotic thing ever created and basically represent a woman who is a tool of society (i.e. she wants to retain her identy but isn't secure enough in herself to stand by her sentiments). It's not nearly as big an issue as you all make it out to be and anyone who thinks otherwise must still be wearing lime-green coat-tails to work with calf implants hidden beneath their socks.

Well maybe it is a big deal for ourselves as its a big step in our lives as well as the legal implications that follow with changing your name. I had a heck of time trying to figure out what I was going to do because of my situation. To some there is tradition involved, whether its his side or hers, as well as it is apart of your identity of who you are and who you will become.

There is no need to insult other users because you do not share their viewpoint.

There is no need to insult other users because you do not share their viewpoint.

Now, Mushy, you're failing to show the proper SDN spirit! You could get banned or put on probation for subversive attitudes like that. ;)

:laugh: Well of course I have to be a diplomat on the boards, hence why I try to keep peace amongst the boards ... ;) I could have been harsh like those in the lounge!

or maybe this is a troll :meanie:

No name change for me. As another poster stated, it's a cultural thing. I'm chinese and chinese ladies dont' change their names. My grandmother and my mother (as well as my aunties) all retained their last names. Besides, what a hassle, especially since there's no guarantee that I'll be married by the time graduation rolls around. More importantly, I want to be able to hear Dr. MyLastName. I'm shallow that way. :D

I am planning on getting married before starting med school and will change my name to his and keep my middle name the way it is, not change it to my maiden name. I might have wanted to hyphenate, but our names rhyme so that's out. His is easier to spell and pronounce and I love his family, whereas I don't feel very connected to my dad's side of the family.

If I get married, I'll probably keep my last name. It's short, relatively easy to spell/pronounce, ethnic, near the beginning of the alphabet, and sounds great w/ "Dr."

Everyone should go back to basics. Maybe thats why we have 60% divorce rate in America. Its really sad. We should look-up to marriages like African Marriages cuz they last till death-do-them-path.

so, back to the OP for a moment, i don't think it's odd because that was exactly my plan. we felt that keeping my name was the natural choice, but we figured that our families may not feel the same way. in the end, however, it didn't quite work out like that. simplicity won out, and i currently use my madien name for everything. plenty of relatives (including my mom) call me Mrs. "husband's last name," which is fine. the only time i've not been sure what to do is when we send a joint letter to friends and family - but now i just sign our first names on the letter and on the envelope, and it works.

i think i read somewhere that more women are taking their husbands' names now than 10 years ago.

I am currently planning on NOT changing my last name. I'm Mrs. "husband's last name" for all intents and purposes, BUT I would still like to be Dr. "Maiden name". Is that odd?

Mine will be hyphenated, but my children will have my husband's last name.

I never changed my name after marriage. Partly because I'm lazy, but also because I'm so attached to my last name. I feel like it flows well with my first name, if that makes any sense.

My hubby could care less either way, he likes my last name as well. He jokes that if I had an awful, hard to pronounce name he would have forced me to change it.

I wonder what will happen when it comes time for kids though. Do kids normally take their mother's name? Or is it up to the parents?

In the US, it is completely up to the parents what name a child gets. You could name the kid Tax Deduction and they wouldn't be able to stop you (please don't though:) ).

In the US, it is completely up to the parents what name a child gets. You could name the kid Tax Deduction and they wouldn't be able to stop you (please don't though:) ).

:idea:

Good to know.

Well, I guess if you are the kind of person to pursue medicine, then I suppose you are also the type of person who isn't gonna change your last name no matter what.
Huh? I took my wife's last name when we got married, and I'm going into medicine. What would one possibly have to do with the other?

blank.

EC3: if you're a girl, i'm surprised that it isn't a big deal to you - regardless of which "side" you are on - keeping the maiden name or switching. if you're a guy...i'm not surprised that you wrote a post like that.

its very difficult for a guy to understand why a woman is attached to her maiden name...whether its for sentimental reasons or career related - because a guy never has to make such a decision. there is no more rationalization about changing last names on this forum than making a decision to pick a residency on other forums, or finding out which residency program has 24-27 year old residents. its all important and relative to our stage in life.

if you're a girl and its not a big deal to you, that's great. why don't you let those of us who do care talk about it.

thanks. and oh yeah, i love the smug dimwit comment...i believe i wrote what you quoted.

Why is this name change thing such an ordeal? So many people here seem very insecure about changing their name... as indicated by the copious forms of rationalization implemented by various posters.

Just change it or don't change it. It's not really a complicated matter and doesn't really need any justification. Saying that you "didn't work this hard to be called Dr. [husband's name]" makes you sound like a smug dimwit. Also, hyphenated names are the most idiotic thing ever created and basically represent a woman who is a tool of society (i.e. she wants to retain her identy but isn't secure enough in herself to stand by her sentiments). It's not nearly as big an issue as you all make it out to be and anyone who thinks otherwise must still be wearing lime-green coat-tails to work with calf implants hidden beneath their socks.

What I don't get is why some guys actively care if their wife changes their lastname...I've met guys who are interested in intelligent, ambitious women but are bothered by the idea that she might not change her name. And it's not like they're looking to "own" anyone.

What I don't get is why some guys actively care if their wife changes their lastname...I've met guys who are interested in intelligent, ambitious women but are bothered by the idea that she might not change her name. And it's not like they're looking to "own" anyone.

I had that problem with my husband. He loves strong ambitious women but hated the idea of me keeping my name (though he didn't force me to take it). My problem is as a half-Mexican/half-Slavic I identify with my Hispanic roots more, but I am Day-Glo white. My Hispanic last name meant a lot to me (and I HATE my husbands last name). Unfortunately, he father was an only child and he is the only male son, so he needed our children to carry on his name or it would die. I didn't want a different name than my children so I changed it. I kept it at school though because I was the first one with my last name to get a degree and it meant a lot. I just hate this whole name changing thing.

Wow, I didn't think that this would be such a huge ordeal. My name was changed shortly after I was born, then I took my husbands name when we were married. I have no ties to a name that was not mine to begin with. But I do have to say, all of this name changing is alot of red tape when you are trying to get a passport! I can't imagine the other hastles you would have to go thru with medical licensure. I do wish that I had married someone with a better last name though, I went to the social security office to get my new card and the lady there (after pronouncing all sorts of foreign sounding names) had to spell mine, it's really easy too! Just nobody pronounces it right!!

I, too, kept my “maiden” name. I never really considered changing. We never considered hyphenating either. Keeping my name was just the natural thing for me to do. When we have children, they will take my husband’s name.

My father-in-law and his two brothers are physicians and my brother-in-law and one of my husband’s cousins are in medical school as well. In fact, my husband is one of the few on his side of the family who didn’t pursue medicine (he did marry a future doctor, though). I joke with my him that I didn’t take his name b/c there are already enough Dr. [husband’s last name]s…but I digress.

Interestingly, I’ve received only positive (oftentimes overwhelmingly positive) responses regarding my decision to keep my name, especially from women of older generations.

What I don't get is why some guys actively care if their wife changes their lastname...I've met guys who are interested in intelligent, ambitious women but are bothered by the idea that she might not change her name. And it's not like they're looking to "own" anyone.
For some I think its traditional values which I can understand as well. But my desire to be Dr. Maiden Name is a little more than the traditional desire to have my husbands last name so I compromised and now I have both!

I will add husband's last name to mine :)

I will add husband's last name to mine :)
well technically that is still a change, albeit minor ;)

I'm getting married in June and I told my soon to be wife to pick a name: either her's or mine, because that hyphenated stuff is just going to drawl ire.

You told her, huh?;)

Sooooo

Could I be Dr. Martinez-Orihuela

But then with personal stuff Could I be Dr. Orihuela which is his last name?

im honestly really confused about all this... i am engaged right now and will be getting married at the end of the first semester of med school... so when i go in i will be maiden name but i could always change it.

would i legally be hyphenated or legally his last name and then as a professional courtesy be known as a hyphenated last name...

what a headache, argh...

Hello.

Also, it maybe a bad idea to change your name - cause if you have done any research in the past, then academia will give you grief when you try to cite the research work that you did.




the earlier you change, the better, in that case.

My parents are both dentists and my mother kept her name. She was going to keep it anyway, but it was helpful since they worked in the same practice. I think it would be confusing to have two doctors in the same office by the same name. On that same note, I think I will take my husband's name when it happens (if he is not also a Dr.) so that I don't have the same name as my father (Dr. Father's Last Name). I guess it is a personal choice, most of the women in my family kept their name. I never minded that my mother kept her name, but my cousins tell me that they were always annoyed that their mother's name caused so much confusion in their lives. And honestly, sometimes it is confusing, like when buying airplane tickets, or signing consent forms, but it's really not that big a deal.

I think I am going to keep my last name professionally and take his socially. I would take his professionally- but does this world really need an other dr. SMITH?!?!?

I added my husbands last name to my last name but I want to go by Dr. madien name ... I don't know how that will work as of yet but if anyone has any insight that be great ;)


I've read your posts on this topic and I'm pretty much in line with your thoughts. However, I'm wondering how this all works. Have you been able to legally use just one of the last names for documents or do you need to use both all the time for legal/official purposes? Also, do you have any links for me to get more information on this?

Me, too. I was hoping to be Dr. First Name Maiden Name His Name, and go by Dr. Maiden Name in the hospital and with patients. Can you do that? Like, with the HR department/computer system stuff, etc? I just don't want to hyphenate.

I've read your posts on this topic and I'm pretty much in line with your thoughts. However, I'm wondering how this all works. Have you been able to legally use just one of the last names for documents or do you need to use both all the time for legal/official purposes? Also, do you have any links for me to get more information on this?

Me, too. I was hoping to be Dr. First Name Maiden Name His Name, and go by Dr. Maiden Name in the hospital and with patients. Can you do that? Like, with the HR department/computer system stuff, etc? I just don't want to hyphenate.


Hate to interrupt, pedialyte, but do you happen to know why pedialyte goes "bad" within 48hrs of opening?

Me, too. I was hoping to be Dr. First Name Maiden Name His Name, and go by Dr. Maiden Name in the hospital and with patients. Can you do that? Like, with the HR department/computer system stuff, etc? I just don't want to hyphenate.

I've read your posts on this topic and I'm pretty much in line with your thoughts. However, I'm wondering how this all works. Have you been able to legally use just one of the last names for documents or do you need to use both all the time for legal/official purposes? Also, do you have any links for me to get more information on this?

Ah I'm a lowly pre-med so I have no idea but in my research I have come across the following.

Legally I have two last names. I can use either of those last names LEGALLY if I am not defrauding anyone. I have a feeling my licensure has to state both last names (which is fine) but I will sign everything Dr. Maiden Name. I have yet to consult a lawyer on this issue but there was a woman on mommd.com that did just this. I did a search over there and this topic was discussed but doesn't get alot of traffic over there! I'll try to find the post and post it over here. I also have done some google searches and I think that it is extremely feasible.

Most women I know just keep their maiden name and use their husband's name socially which just wasn't an option for me. Plus I want to have association to my husband. I use most of my maiden name on things (like classwork, exams etc) just because its too long to write all my names. :laugh:

Some threads:

http://www.mommd.com/cgi-bin/ubb-cgi/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=2;t=000119#000000

http://www.mommd.com/cgi-bin/ubb-cgi/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=2;t=000217#000000

http://www.mommd.com/ubb/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=5;t=000516#000001

http://www.mommd.com/cgi-bin/ubb-cgi/ultimatebb.cgi/ubb/get_topic/f/1/t/000399

http://www.mommd.com/ubb/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=1;t=000874#000001

http://www.mommd.com/ubb/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=5;t=000516#000000


I really don't see the issue in using your maiden name as it IS legally my last name I just happen to have two legal last names now. I did this on PURPOSE so I can go by Dr. Maiden Name. I have looked into the legal issues and the only issue is "fraud". I might consult a lawyer on this b/c I get sick of all the "contradicting" information out there.

You know, regardless of whether or not I got an MD or any degree that changes your title (I guess PhD is the only other one that does that) I was planning on keeping my last name. But I get the feeling that a lot of people expect a "valid" reason for you to hold on to your last name, like not wanting to be Dr. SomeoneElse.

To answer the original question of this thread: I don't know.

I would normally say no because I earned my degree with my name and I would like my name to be the one to bear the respect that comes with that.

However, I have a last name that is kind of difficult to pronounce and it is a bit long, so I am not sure if it will be an issue with patients. I hope it wil not, I really think people will just have to get used to it. However, getting annoyed at mispronunciations and patients being unable to remember it might be an incentive for me to take my husband's last name if it is an easier, more common name.

Ah I'm a lowly pre-med so I have no idea but in my research I have come across the following.

Legally I have two last names. I can use either of those last names LEGALLY if I am not defrauding anyone. I have a feeling my licensure has to state both last names (which is fine) but I will sign everything Dr. Maiden Name. I have yet to consult a lawyer on this issue but there was a woman on mommd.com that did just this. I did a search over there and this topic was discussed but doesn't get alot of traffic over there! I'll try to find the post and post it over here. I also have done some google searches and I think that it is extremely feasible.

Most women I know just keep their maiden name and use their husband's name socially which just wasn't an option for me. Plus I want to have association to my husband. I use most of my maiden name on things (like classwork, exams etc) just because its too long to write all my names. :laugh:

Have you done any more looking into this? I called the Social Security Office today and they stated that you needed to keep everything the same now. There's a big push now and into the future because of so much fraud and whatnot. So having two legal last names, means you need to use both, blah blah blah. Then I called the NH board of medicine who said that your medical license did not have to match what was on your SS card tho it will need to match your degree. BUT, doesn't it have to be your legal name on your boards, which your diploma then has to match and thus your license? Does anyone have any more light to shine on the subject?

this was sorta discussed but i still dont know if it's possible. let's say my name is mary kay smith and my husband is bob jones. can i change my middle name to be my maiden name and have my husband's last name? therefore it would be mary smith jones. could i still be dr. smith but have changed my last name to jones? is this legal? thanks for the insight..

You can change your name to whatever you want (although I think they don't allow curse words). You can't legally call yourself Dr. Middle name though.

You can change your name to whatever you want (although I think they don't allow curse words). You can't legally call yourself Dr. Middle name though.

even if my license and everything medical is dr. middle name? thanks again

I am currently planning on NOT changing my last name. I'm Mrs. "husband's last name" for all intents and purposes, BUT I would still like to be Dr. "Maiden name". Is that odd? I think that I have to keep my maiden name legally so that I can be addressed/officially Dr. "maiden name". Is that true?

I'm curious to see what other people have to say about this topic. I realize that times are changing and a lot, though still a minority, of females are not changing their names.

I'm often amazed to see I am in the minority of women who will NOT change their name... but for some reason I have always felt this way too. To be Mrs. X and Dr. ME. I have thought so much about why I want it this way, and maybe because I am a liberal Californian, and have never fantasized the idea of being married with children (not that I don't think it is likely to happen), but there are two other reasons I have concluded as well. 1) My dad passed away when I was younger and it is the name he gave me, 2) I am now published and want to keep all things connected to my name so it is less confusing in the academic world.
oh, and why not just always be Dr. X? I think it's too confusing for the kids, the children don't need to be bothered with the fact that you are a Dr.

EDIT: oh yeah, thought of two more reasons. 3) my last name starts with a "C", so I am just used to being high up in the alphabet, LOL, 4) my last name is ethnic, and I don't want to misrepresent if I marry another race. =)

Have you done any more looking into this? I called the Social Security Office today and they stated that you needed to keep everything the same now. There's a big push now and into the future because of so much fraud and whatnot. So having two legal last names, means you need to use both, blah blah blah. Then I called the NH board of medicine who said that your medical license did not have to match what was on your SS card tho it will need to match your degree. BUT, doesn't it have to be your legal name on your boards, which your diploma then has to match and thus your license? Does anyone have any more light to shine on the subject?
I actually checked two state medical boards today. If you get married you have the option of going by maiden if you wish and you already have degrees in that name. But you have to be consistent, because otherwise that is when "issues" start to arise. That is the only thing. I was advised since I already have both names it would be easier to go by both. I think it depends on how stringent the medical boards guidelines are followed. With more and more women keeping their own names ... its difficult. I have also considered legally changing my name back for professional purposes (I already have one graduate degree in my maiden name) but who knows. Luckily I can put off the issue for awhile but I would suggest you consult your state medical board for their viewpoint on it.

even if my license and everything medical is dr. middle name? thanks again

In that case why not just keep your name the same. People can call you Mrs. husband's last name socially and it won't make any legal difference. When you apply for a license in California you must use your legal name in its full form (including hyphenated names). If you choose to do business under a name that is not this name (if you want to call yourself Good doctor Inc, or if you want to call youself something that does not match the legal name on your license-which dr middle name would fall under) you have to apply for a fictitious name permit (and pay extra to get one, plus pay to renew it). I would guess other states would have similar rules about calling yourself by something besides your full legal name in your medical practice. Although, you can probably just ask your patients to call you something else to your face while keeping all documentation in your legal name.

I actually checked two state medical boards today. If you get married you have the option of going by maiden if you wish and you already have degrees in that name. But you have to be consistent, because otherwise that is when "issues" start to arise. That is the only thing. I was advised since I already have both names it would be easier to go by both. I think it depends on how stringent the medical boards guidelines are followed. With more and more women keeping their own names ... its difficult. I have also considered legally changing my name back for professional purposes (I already have one graduate degree in my maiden name) but who knows. Luckily I can put off the issue for awhile but I would suggest you consult your state medical board for their viewpoint on it.


Yeah, NH is my home state and they sounded pretty lax about it. I guess it's all going to depend on where we end up for residency and such. Perhaps I'll just stick with my name for now and if it comes up that there's a way I can make both work and still be just Dr. ME, then cool, I'll switch then. Boy, isn't this fun.

Yeah, NH is my home state and they sounded pretty lax about it. I guess it's all going to depend on where we end up for residency and such. Perhaps I'll just stick with my name for now and if it comes up that there's a way I can make both work and still be just Dr. ME, then cool, I'll switch then. Boy, isn't this fun.
Yes it isn't. The woman I talked to was on of the admins for the licensing and she said she sometimes wished she hadn't changed her name ... Since I have my maiden name with me its not that big of a deal but its just so confusing ...

Yes it isn't. The woman I talked to was on of the admins for the licensing and she said she sometimes wished she hadn't changed her name ... Since I have my maiden name with me its not that big of a deal but its just so confusing ...

agreed. i think it's time for the man to change his name... unless he is a Dr. too. then what? no one changes? or you can switch just to make it even more confusing! :)

agreed. i think it's time for the man to change his name... unless he is a Dr. too. then what? no one changes? or you can switch just to make it even more confusing! :)

Haha, switching, now that would make things interesting...

Some threads:

http://www.mommd.com/cgi-bin/ubb-cgi/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=2;t=000119#000000

http://www.mommd.com/cgi-bin/ubb-cgi/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=2;t=000217#000000

http://www.mommd.com/ubb/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=5;t=000516#000001

http://www.mommd.com/cgi-bin/ubb-cgi/ultimatebb.cgi/ubb/get_topic/f/1/t/000399

http://www.mommd.com/ubb/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=1;t=000874#000001

http://www.mommd.com/ubb/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=5;t=000516#000000


I really don't see the issue in using your maiden name as it IS legally my last name I just happen to have two legal last names now. I did this on PURPOSE so I can go by Dr. Maiden Name. I have looked into the legal issues and the only issue is "fraud". I might consult a lawyer on this b/c I get sick of all the "contradicting" information out there.


thanks for this and all the other info!

The only way I would agree to allow my fiance to keep her last name after we marry is if she was already established in practice. If my wife cannot take my last name and become one family unit then we should stay single. PS this may sound sexist, but any man who takes his wife's maiden name is 'weak' to put it nicely.

So by the same logic, you want your wife to be the weak one and take your name. Becoming a family unit has many other aspects more important than name. The fact that you talk about allowing her to keep her own name says a lot about your views on women. I hope the person you fall in love with shares those views.

Ah I'm a lowly pre-med so I have no idea but in my research I have come across the following.

Legally I have two last names. I can use either of those last names LEGALLY if I am not defrauding anyone. I have a feeling my licensure has to state both last names (which is fine) but I will sign everything Dr. Maiden Name. I have yet to consult a lawyer on this issue but there was a woman on mommd.com that did just this. I did a search over there and this topic was discussed but doesn't get alot of traffic over there! I'll try to find the post and post it over here. I also have done some google searches and I think that it is extremely feasible.

Most women I know just keep their maiden name and use their husband's name socially which just wasn't an option for me. Plus I want to have association to my husband. I use most of my maiden name on things (like classwork, exams etc) just because its too long to write all my names. :laugh:There is a doc at a local FP clinic who is Dr. W-O. She has patients refer to her as Dr. O, but signs her Rx's as Dr. W. :scared:

It's up to the ladies!

Personally, I like the way they do in Iceland. There, absolutely nobody will ever change their name. In fact, family surnames don't even exist. Your surname is your father's first name, with a "son" attached for males, and a "dottir" (daughter) for females. So if Mary Jane's father is named Thor, she'd be Mary Jane Thorsdottir from she's born until she dies.

Apart from that special case, I simply cannot understand why anybody should be expected to change their name in mid-life. Men would certainly never dream of doing that, and I really can't see that a couple is less married because the woman keeps the name she was born with. That also solves any chance of misunderstanding or legal issues. But I do realize that I'm in the minority.

There is a doc at a local FP clinic who is Dr. W-O. She has patients refer to her as Dr. O, but signs her Rx's as Dr. W. :scared:
yeah all these legal issues. I'm seriously contemplating changing my name back to my maiden name although I wonder what the hassle it will be. Maybe I'll just become a gardner instead :D

I'm adopted from Korea and had my name changed at 3 months old to something really Italian (both my parents are). I'm engaged to someone with a German last name. It seems like a pretty big deal to me to change my name again, so I'm against it. Besides, who wants to be Dr. Italian German who looks Korean?

Before I got married, I told my husband I wanted to keep my last name as my dad had two daughters and no sons....etc, etc. He didn't have a problem with it at the time until close to our wedding day. I was a bit upset. I really like my last name. Anyway, we compromised and I hyphenated my last name. I'm 90% happy about it, but that last 10% longs for Dr. MaidenName.

I didn't either time. Our house is a hodge podge now, with my two boys, each with their dad's last name and mine. However, that is only on their birth certificates. They use their dads' names each in school as common name (as is the tradition in some Latin American cultures, like my ex husband's.) . I can see how that can be "difficult" to some people, but so is life after divorce and remarriage, which is a fact for 50% + of families. Old friends have been able to find me, and I didn't have to go through bureaucratic hell each time I got married and when I got divorced. Less time in lines and on hold for me, thank you. I didn't think giving up my name and family identity was the default setting and would have still ended up with two kids with two last names, in the long run.

It is a very rare choice. I have met many other women who don't, but it was in a very progressive situation (at a free standing birth center where I trained as a midwife - you are already talking about a select group). Outside of that situation, where a huge amount of women for some reason weren't using their husband's name, I have met few other women who didn't. Now, I am just starting medical school and have not even examined that wrinkle, although one of the few women I know who didn't change hers is now a doctor. If I already had a reputation as a practitioner, that would be even more incentive for me to keep my last name.

Answering original post: I think that it depends on where I am in my career when I get married....yes, now I would choose to change my name because I have yet to begin medical school. I have a very generic name sort of like the female version of "John Smith" and I have always thought that accepting my husband's name causes more oneness (personal opinion). I would take his name with pride and if I decided if I was extremely far in my career and a name-change would only cause confusion then I would consider a hypenate last name...but keeping my maiden name and no change whatsoever---probably not. :cool:

Personally, I like the way they do in Iceland. There, absolutely nobody will ever change their name. In fact, family surnames don't even exist. Your surname is your father's first name, with a "son" attached for males, and a "dottir" (daughter) for females. So if Mary Jane's father is named Thor, she'd be Mary Jane Thorsdottir from she's born until she dies.

Apart from that special case, I simply cannot understand why anybody should be expected to change their name in mid-life. Men would certainly never dream of doing that, and I really can't see that a couple is less married because the woman keeps the name she was born with. That also solves any chance of misunderstanding or legal issues. But I do realize that I'm in the minority.


I totally agree, and thanks for that explanation of the Icelandic system.

The answer to the Original Q. First of I never thought that you guys exist. I always thought I am alone on this matter. I went through a lot of grief becoz I chose not to change my lastname. I did before,but as I get older I started to reclaim my identity. This reclaiming is even get more solid when my Dad passed away. I will never give up my lastname again for anything/any reason. I strongly feel that my father is the only man that is worthy of my devotion.My lastname is my son's middlename ,I am so glad that my father lives in both of us.

Here are the real men & women allowing each other to be who they are.There are also men that won't allow their wives not to have a short hair.And as a dentist, I mostly notice that women doctors usually are the ones who can carry out their wishes up against the societal stigma of any sort.Therefore I must conclude that it is a definite power/assertiveness issue.

I didn't change my last name when I got married. My husband kept his name as well. We have discussed choosing a new last name to both take, and may still do that in the future. No one in my family or his has been negative about our choices, although we both come from relatively conservative Catholic families.

I never considered changing my name. My middle name is my mom's last and my last name is my dad's last. I like that. And I'm lazy and didn't want to deal with the name changing paperwork :laugh: My name is part of my history.

I know that having the same name wouldn't make me any more or less committed to my relationship, no matter how society views things like that. We've been together for almost a decade and going strong b/c we respect and love each other as we are.

I think if someone really wants to take their spouse's last name, or add it, male OR female, that's great. No one should feel pressured. It's a personal choice, and who am I to judge?

I think the idea of one spouse "allowing" the other spouse to do something is nuts (IMO). Of course we make major life decisions together- like me choosing where to go to school based on areas that work both for me as a student and where his career can develop- but to not "allow" a haircut? I never would have considered marrying someone like that, because I am not the kind of person who would do that to another person, or who would put up with that crap.

what about combining last names? I am just starting medical school this fall (in 4 weeks actually), but I have wondered about this. I mean what about research you have done beforehand or during school? It's a tough question/decision.

I changed my last name. I like that we all have the same last name and can be known as the "Smith" family or whatever. Also I never really felt that my maiden name defined me. Ironically, I still have many people refer to me as [first name] [maiden name] [last name] even though this is not my legal name! It even gives my maiden name as my middle name on my masters diploma for some reason. Maybe society just expects that this is how scientific/professional women want to be referred to?:confused:

I didn't change my last name when I married. I've been a feminist since I was 8 and was already pretty adament about that one. It's sort of funny how it confuses everyone here and sometimes sort of irritating, too. My last name isn't spectacularly wonderful and it's amazingly common, but it's mine and reflective of my family. I married my husband, but I didn't marry his family.

I really do like the idea of combining names, too, but with lots of names, it's hard to come up with something that works. Also, it's a real pita for men to change their name because they have to go through the whole formal name change process. There actually was a lawsuit about that a while ago regarding a man who planned on taking his wife's last name, but I don't know how it worked out.

I was surprised, too... and impressed. It's good to know that most of the women who post here are level-headed enough not to go around yelling "discrimination!' at the drop of a hat.

We aren't any more or less intelligent and independent with our husbands' names than with our mothers'.

Well, I have to say that I do think the tradition of name changing is sexist. Too bad that means you don't think I'm "level-headed."

People try to hypenate my name, I don't like that so I try to politely tell them there is no hypen. I have gotten a few dirty looks. :rolleyes: If I don't PUT a hypen, do NOT assume there is one. Ugh.

I wouldn't marry a woman who wanted to keep her name, no matter how ridiculous or sexist it seems to me.

I wouldn't marry a woman who wanted to keep her name, no matter how ridiculous or sexist it seems to me.
Seems like the women who don't want to change their names wouldn't marry you right back, so no problem there :laugh:

If you put yourself in the other person's shoes... if you wouldn't be willing to do the same for them, why would you expect it of them ;)

You would be surprised at what women would do for the right man.

If I were a woman, then it would be a tough decision. It would depend on the person. It is like saying that I would never sacrifice my life for another person. You can hold any opinion you want, but circumstances dictate decisions, not idealistic notions.


Seems like the women who don't want to change their names wouldn't marry you right back, so no problem there :laugh:

If you put yourself in the other person's shoes... if you wouldn't be willing to do the same for them, why would you expect it of them ;)

Just to give a different perspective, I am a man and when I got married BOTH my wife and I took a hyphenated last name. We both come from different cultural groups (which our last names make pretty obvious) and it was important to both of us that we keep both names not only for outselves but also for our kids, when they come. It's really an issue of what's important to you. If keeping your last name has some value to you, then do it or at least talk about the idea of a hyphenated last name.

You would be surprised at what women would do for the right man.

If I were a woman, then it would be a tough decision. It would depend on the person. It is like saying that I would never sacrifice my life for another person. You can hold any opinion you want, but circumstances dictate decisions, not idealistic notions.


I am not sure that you're understanding me.

For me keeping my name was not idealistic, it was something very important to me. My husband respects that and it wasn't a big deal to him (i.e. has no strong feelings about name changing one way or the other). After years of dating you get to know someone well, so I didn't expect him to be hung up on names.

You saying that your "right woman" not changing her name would be a dealbreaker for you is the same as a guy expecting/requiring me to take his would be a dealbreaker for me.

Would you change your stance on name changing for the "right woman"? Or would her not being cool with changing her name invalidate "right woman" status? You would be surprised at what a man would do for the right woman ;)

So, I am overall a very flexible person and my husband and I are a great team and make major life choices together, but there are just some things that are non-negotiable for me right now.

You are contradicting yourself because your situation included a husband who did not mind. If he had been against it, then you may have had to possibly yield if you loved him enough.

There is no right woman for me. Women are interchangeable to me, so if one wants to keep her name then she can keep it without me. I have never had any issues with attracting acceptable women, so if one is not happy with the way I see things, then she can find someone more malleable.






I am not sure that you're understanding me.

For me keeping my name was not idealistic, it was something very important to me. My husband respects that and it wasn't a big deal to him (i.e. has no strong feelings about name changing one way or the other). After years of dating you get to know someone well, so I didn't expect him to be hung up on names.

You saying that your "right woman" not changing her name would be a dealbreaker for you is the same as a guy expecting/requiring me to take his would be a dealbreaker for me.

Would you change your stance on name changing for the "right woman"? Or would her not being cool with changing her name invalidate "right woman" status? You would be surprised at what a man would do for the right woman ;)

So, I am overall a very flexible person and my husband and I are a great team and make major life choices together, but there are just some things that are non-negotiable for me right now.

There is no right woman for me. Women are interchangeable to me, so if one wants to keep her name then she can keep it without me. I have never had any issues with attracting acceptable women, so if one is not happy with the way I see things, then she can find someone more malleable.

Well, more proof that the woman you'd dump for not changing her name isn't losing out on too much.

I fail to understand why your self-perceived inadequacies allows an anonymous person's confidence to upset you so much that you abandon all logic and insult that person without provocation.

You don't know me from Adam, yet you assume that I am undesirable based on the notion that I disagree that people are special snowflakes and irreplaceable. That is a naive outlook on life. It is preposterous to assume that any one of us is so special that we could not be replaced by something just as good. Just as women are interchangeable to me, I am interchangeable, too. Unless you have only had one relationship in life, you would agree.




Well, more proof that the woman you'd dump for not changing her name isn't losing out on too much.

When you know someone you get to know their personality. I make it pretty clear that I am a stubborn feminist so there's little risk of a last-name freakout as one nears the altar :laugh: and I knew my husband was the type of guy who wasn't traditional about that sort of thing. If he was super-traditional we wouldn't have gotten to the point of getting married.

I clearly stated that changing my last name would be a dealbreaker for me. I don't feel that I contradict myself when I say that I would not drop my name just b/c a guy wanted me to. If a guy "required" me to change my name I'd reconsider marrying him. And we'd both be better off for it b/c we wouldn't be a good match. Leaving him to find another snowflake or cog or whatever. I've broken up with or declined to date men when we don't see eye to eye on various things; it's hardly shocking I married someone with similar views to mine. Most people tend to do that, which was the root of my original comment.

i'm pretty sure i'd keep my name. i've got a very unique last name, and its part of my identity. if i changed my name, even for marriage, i feel like i'd be losing a part of myself.

if he was from the same culture I might be content with hyphenating, but if he was American with a (no offense), fairly generic name i'd just keep mine...and insist the kiddos had my maiden name as their middle name. just to add a bit of flavor lol

When I married 5 years ago, I changed my last name to match my husbands. It took a little while to get used to when signing my name but now I don't even have to think about it. Marriage to me is all about becoming two parts to a whole... If your already having issues with the name you will be signing on a piece of paper or being called Mrs. So and So, how do you expect to withstand several decades of being married. Marriage isn't about individualism..it's about connecting and compromising. I love the fact that I have my husband's last name.. as do our children. I wouldn't have it any other way..plus my madien name's initials were G.A.S. I was more than happy to give that baby up. :laugh:

I have to say that equating name changing to the ability to compromise in a marriage is one of the more ridiculous things I've heard. Shockingly, of all the major life issues me and my husband have successfully dealt with, none of them remotely involved a name.

Perphaps I didn't word it correctly. I'm not equating a name change to compromise. Name changing represents your allegiance to a new person and a starting over as a couple. If the husband doesn't have a problem with the name not changing then more power to you. If the husband does have a problem, and you still continue to refuse to take his name, it can definitely be representive of not compromising. To me, giving up my name was a small compromise. It took a much greater effort to change locations, time after time, for my husband's job. I'm just saying that there will be bigger issues in a marriage to stress over without "sweating the small stuff". I can respect that certain cultures may have more emphasis on surname than others. In any instance if there isn't an objection, then don't change your name. I gave my opinion on the topic, void of sarcasm, and would appreciate if the same was done in return.



I have to say that equating name changing to the ability to compromise in a marriage is one of the more ridiculous things I've heard. Shockingly, of all the major life issues me and my husband have successfully dealt with, none of them remotely involved a name.

Perphaps I didn't word it correctly. I'm not equating a name change to compromise. Name changing represents your allegiance to a new person and a starting over as a couple. If the husband doesn't have a problem with the name not changing then more power to you. If the husband does have a problem, and you still continue to refuse to take his name, it can definitely be representive of not compromising. To me, giving up my name was a small compromise. It took a much greater effort to change locations, time after time, for my husband's job. I'm just saying that there will be bigger issues in a marriage to stress over without "sweating the small stuff". I can respect that certain cultures may have more emphasis on surname than others. In any instance if there isn't an objection, then don't change your name. I gave my opinion on the topic, void of sarcasm, and would appreciate if the same was done in return.

But logically you could say that a man who refused to marry a woman who wouldn't change her name would be guilty of the same inability to compromise as the woman who refused to change her name. Why put the sole blame on the woman for being the one who's unable to compromise when both parties are refusing to bend? I get the impression from your post that you think that "compromising" (actually giving in) is a woman's job.

And you can't be too surprised by rgwerin's response when you essentially posted that those of us unwilling to change our names were probably unlikely to have a successful marriage.

It is because it is tradition for the woman to take the man's name. I didn't make the rules. All of our institutions are tailored around a married woman taking the man's surname. Therefore, a great deal of difficulties arises when couples do not follow tradition.

Except, of course, in Quebec where all government institutions use the woman's maiden name for identification. You should move to Quebec. Of course, you would have to learn French and deal with the highest taxes in North America. But at least you don't have to compromise...haha:laugh:





But logically you could say that a man who refused to marry a woman who wouldn't change her name would be guilty of the same inability to compromise as the woman who refused to change her name. Why put the sole blame on the woman for being the one who's unable to compromise when both parties are refusing to bend? I get the impression from your post that you think that "compromising" (actually giving in) is a woman's job.

And you can't be too surprised by rgwerin's response when you essentially posted that those of us unwilling to change our names were probably unlikely to have a successful marriage.

I have to say that equating name changing to the ability to compromise in a marriage is one of the more ridiculous things I've heard. Shockingly, of all the major life issues me and my husband have successfully dealt with, none of them remotely involved a name.

Unless "your name" is your mother's maiden name, you are being ridiculously silly to protect your father's last name which was imposed on your mother, going against what you stand for now. Ironic, don't you think?

I have kind of a bad last name. I finally came to terms with it and I have lauged at becoming Dr. Haha, but now that I think about introducing myself and having patients giggle 80% of the time (yes, even "mature" adults laugh)...

Well, now I'm starting to think about changing it before I hit clinical years. My sister legally took our grandmother's maiden name to avoid this problem.

As for marriage, I had always planned to be Dr. Haha in professional life and Mrs. Husband in private.

As for marriage, I had always planned to be Dr. Haha in professional life and Mrs. Husband in private.

That is a respectable decision.

I'd always assumed that when I got married I would change my name, as I'm not terribly fond of mine. Fortunately the timing worked out that I'll be married before I go to medical school, so there won't be too much confusion... Besides, the identity of the person who is a doctor with my last name is my father, and I want my own identity.

Unless "your name" is your mother's maiden name, you are being ridiculously silly to protect your father's last name which was imposed on your mother, going against what you stand for now. Ironic, don't you think?

Why is it "ridiculously silly" to feel more of a connection to my father's last name than to my husband's father's last name? Hey, I love my father a heck of a lot more than I love my husband's father. Also, I've decided to stop the patriarchal naming structure within my family because if I do have children, they won't automatically have their father's last name.

Why is it "ridiculously silly" to feel more of a connection to my father's last name than to my husband's father's last name? Hey, I love my father a heck of a lot more than I love my husband's father. Also, I've decided to stop the patriarchal naming structure within my family because if I do have children, they won't automatically have their father's last name.

It's the hypocrisy of your decision that is "ridiculously silly."

So, it is about how much you love a man (or that man's father)? That's interesting. What makes you think your children do not love your husband enough to take his name? It seems selfish of you to rob them of the same paternal name that you cherish so much?

You live in a paternal society and by choosing to buck the trend; you are emasculating your husband and targeting your children for ridicule. I hope it's worth it.

Now, if the US starts institutionally backing maiden names, like Quebec, then your husband at least has an excuse. Otherwise, it is blatantly selfish and cruel.

Well, I have to say that I do think the tradition of name changing is sexist. Too bad that means you don't think I'm "level-headed."

You must also then believe that the tradition of women wearing dresses at weddings to be equally sexist. Or do you simply pick and choose the traditions that you follow and summarily dismiss others with pejorative terms?

-Ice

It's the hypocrisy of your decision that is "ridiculously silly."

So, it is about how much you love a man (or that man's father)? That's interesting. What makes you think your children do not love your husband enough to take his name? It seems selfish of you to rob them of the same paternal name that you cherish so much?

You live in a paternal society and by choosing to buck the trend; you are emasculating your husband and targeting your children for ridicule. I hope it's worth it.

Now, if the US starts institutionally backing maiden names, like Quebec, then your husband at least has an excuse. Otherwise, it is blatantly selfish and cruel.

I'm missing where my decision is hypocritical, but you're free to feel how you like.

And maybe my husband isn't so weak as to feel emasculated by me not adopting his name and by our children not automatically getting his last name. And yes, if we do have children, he will be involved in deciding their last name. It's a decision we'll make jointly. However, my children won't automatically have his last name just because of how it's done or whatever.

As for the ridiculousness of bucking patriarchal societal trends, if other women hadn't done it, I wouldn't be in medical school right now. I wouldn't have a right to vote, I'd be barred from owning property, and I would have no defenses against a husband who choose to beat me. Sorry, but I can't say bucking those trends is a pointless endeavor.

I'm missing where my decision is hypocritical, but you're free to feel how you like.

And maybe my husband isn't so weak as to feel emasculated by me not adopting his name and by our children not automatically getting his last name. And yes, if we do have children, he will be involved in deciding their last name. It's a decision we'll make jointly. However, my children won't automatically have his last name just because of how it's done or whatever.

As for the ridiculousness of bucking patriarchal societal trends, if other women hadn't done it, I wouldn't be in medical school right now. I wouldn't have a right to vote, I'd be barred from owning property, and I would have no defenses against a husband who choose to beat me. Sorry, but I can't say bucking those trends is a pointless endeavor.

Your decision isn't hypocritical per se, but dismissing the tradition as sexist is. Why? Because I'm certain that you're willing to hold on to other traditions which are equally sexist but that you enjoy (i.e. wearing a dress at your wedding instead of both of you wearing unisex clothing, etc.).

And this ridiculous argument that men who wish for their wives to carry their names are domineering/subjugating women/insert other feminist bravado needs to stop.

At my wedding, the bride will walk down the aisle all by herself as tradition dictates. I want that to be the case, because I want all eyes to be on her for that moment, for me to feel lucky, for me to show her my appreciation that we're in a union together, and that this is her moment. Because, presumably, I'm marrying her because I love her. I'm not clamoring to have the attention of the crowd on me instead because the traditional walk down the aisle is "sexist" or "oppressive towards men" because it's not to me (or most guys). It's a symbol of my appreciation and love for her. It can be denoted as a sexist act (only she gets to walk down the aisle?) but it should not be connoted as so.

In a similar manner, my wife taking my name is a symbol of her appreciation of me. I'm not wishing this so that I have some sort of branded slave in my house running errands for me, or as a symbol of my power (as some of you have implied). I'm supposed to love this woman. Why would that be my motivation? It's just a way for her to show me the same appreciation I gave to her. Simply because it's traditional does not connote it as sexist, nor does it make me sexist to wish for it to occur. Just as it does not make my wife sexist or weak to wish to walk down the aisle with the entire audience looking at just her in her wedding dress.

If you've got a husband that doesn't mind either way, terrific. But stop demonizing the men who do value these things and implying that their sole purpose in that act is to avoid "emasculation." You can show appreciation for your partner in different ways; respect that, and don't add a pejorative label to it simply because you disagree, because it unfortunately DOES makes you sound like a hypocrite (unless you're somehow completely gender neutral in your dealings with the world in which case I'd have to commend your incredible consistency).

-Ice

I fail to understand how "a great deal of difficulties ensue" when a woman chooses not to change her last name. I can understand how hyphenated and double names might confuse some people, but would be relatively easy to deal with. Not changing either name is actually the least hassle decision (no forms to fill out for name change, no getting new checks and licenses, you can still prove you are married if anybody questions it-not that it has been in problem in the last five years of my marriage). I think people should do what they believe is best, and hopefully will end up with a partner that thinks similarly.

Wow, what is the big deal?

I have a seriously kickass maiden name, and it sounds even better when paired with "Dr.", so I'm sticking with it. Not to mention my boyfriend is Spanish, and in Spain everyone has two last names (i.e. Manuel PaternalName MaternalName, no hyphens), that has just always been tradition. Anything else would cause the same outbursts of moral outrage we're seeing here... or raise questions as to whether the couple is inbred ;)

In the States, individual choice on name changing is so universal now, that I don't see the need to disparage or protect traditional name changing - people can figure out that kind of stuff for themselves.

Honestly, I don't care whether I walk down the aisle alone, or whether someone wears a white princess gown or not, or whether everyone else loves weddings as much as I do (and oh yes, I do!). And my kids are going to have enough to worry about dealing with two cultures and a mom with an embarrassing American accent; I think their last name will be the least of their problems. Love is the most important part; the rest is just details.

I am married and did not change my name legally. I like my name, and I had already published when I married. I am/shall be Dr. Hard24Get at work, and Mrs. Hard24Get's Hubby socially. I am proud of my name but proud to use the same name as my husband when we go out or book a trip. I am going to get a hyphenated driver's license to make this all a bit easier, though. If I have kids they and I will have the same last name for all intents and purposes, just not at work. I like it.

But at the end of the day, it is a very personal decision - why get upset with people you are not married to/marrying about the choices they made? :confused:

just so you know, you won't be able to get your name hypenated on your drivers license without having your "practicing license" having the same name. Its a PITA I'm finding out. If you are just going to keep your name, just use his socially. I am happy I do have both so that way I can technically use both and I don't have any issues with it. Like if someone writes me a check, my bank doesn't question if they only use one name. Some places will if its mr and mrs. x but your mrs. y (i know b/c I worked for a bank that did this!).

just so you know, you won't be able to get your name hypenated on your drivers license without having your "practicing license" having the same name. Its a PITA I'm finding out. If you are just going to keep your name, just use his socially. I am happy I do have both so that way I can technically use both and I don't have any issues with it. Like if someone writes me a check, my bank doesn't question if they only use one name. Some places will if its mr and mrs. x but your mrs. y (i know b/c I worked for a bank that did this!).

By practicing license you mean MD? I was told a woman can use her husband's name legally any time she wants. I am on a banking account with his name. At the DMV they said I could do it, maybe it is state-specific. I will see. Really I just wanted it for when we go on vacation as Mr & Mrs :D. Thanks

By practicing license you mean MD? I was told a woman can use her husband's n