This is one of my favorites:

A young man goes into a drugstore to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.

"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack." The young man makes his purchase and leaves.

Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person." He leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."

:D

Jd

oh dear....help me carry my perscriptions to the car and it will only take 30minutes to walk to my car. ;) No offense to grandmas and grandpas...after all they are the nicest people on this earth.

good joke JD

Oh come on guys and gals, it's not that hard to find some decent ones!

How's this?

A doctor is to give a speech at the local AMA dinner. He jots down notes for his speech. Unfortunately, when he stands in front of his colleagues later that night, he finds that he can't read his notes. So he asks, "Is there a pharmacist in the house?"

:D

Jd

A Polak was suffering from constipation, so his doctor
prescribed suppositiories. A week later the Pole complained to the doctor that they didn't produce the desired results.
"Have you been taking them regulary?" the doctor asked.
"What do you think I've been doing," the Pole said, "Shoving them up my ass?"


Jd

A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks
out of the store laughing hysterically. The pharmacist
thinks this is weird, but hey, there's no law
preventing weird people from buying condoms. Who
knows, maybe it's a good thing.

The next day, the same man comes back to the store,
purchases yet another condom, and once again he leaves
the store laughing wildly. This piques the interest of
the pharmacist. "What could be so funny about
buying a condom, anyway?" So he tells his clerk "If
this guy ever comes back, I want you to follow him to
see where he goes." Sure enough, the next day the same
man is back, he buys the condom, and again starts
cracking up with laughter, then leaves. The
pharmacist tells his clerk, go follow the guy. About
an hour later, the clerk comes back to the store.

"Did you follow him? Where did he go?" asks the
pharmacist.

The clerk replies "Your house."

A man goes in for an interview for a job as a TV news broadcaster. The interview went quite well but the trouble was he kept winking and stammering.

The interviewer said, "Although you have a lot of the qualities we're looking for, the fact that you keep winking and stammering disqualifies you."

"Oh, that's no problem," said the man. "If I take a couple of aspirin I stop winking and stammering for an hour."

"Show me," said the interviewer.

So the man reached into his pocket. Embarrassingly he pulled out loads of condoms of every variety - ribbed, flavoured, colored and everything before he found the packet of aspirin. He took the aspirin and soon talked perfectly and stopped winking.

The interviewer said, "That's amazing, but I don't think we could employ someone who'd be womanizing all over the country."

"Excuse me!" exclaimed the man, "I'm a happily married man, not a womanizer!"

"Well how do you explain all the condoms, then?" asked the interviewer.

The man replied, "Have you ever gone into a pharmacy, stammering and winking, and asked for a packet of aspirin?"

An elderly woman went into the doctor's office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth control pills."

Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you're 75 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?"

The woman responded, "They help me sleep better."

The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?"

The woman said, "I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice and I sleep better at night."

A front end clerk in a pharmacy has just been admonished by the owner for missing too many sales. "I'm sorry" the boss says "But one more missed sale and your fired"

The next customer that comes in has a terrible cough and asks the problem clerk for help. Unable to recall where the cough remedies are, the nervous clerk points to a box of Ex-Lax and says "Here, buy this then go over to our cooler and take all of it with plenty of water".

The customer thanks him and obliges. Finishing his last glass of water, the customer exits the pharmacy. Once outside he stops, takes a few faltering steps, then hugs a telephone pole. The boss, having witnessed the entire scene, approaches the clerk and asks him what he recommended.

"Ex-Lax," says the clerk hesitantly.
"Ex-Lax !" yells the boss. "That won't help a cough!"
"Sure it does," says the clerk. "Look,.. he's afraid to cough."

A duck walks into a pharmacy and says, "You got any duck food?"
"No," says the pharmacist, "we don't sell duck food." The duck leaves.
The duck comes back the next day and says, "You got any duck food?"
"No," says the pharmacist with a frown, "This is a pharmacy. We don't sell duck food." The duck leaves.
The duck comes back the next day. "You got any duck food?"
"Look," screams the pharmacist. "This a pharmacy! We don't sell duck food! We sell medicine! If you come in here tomorrow and ask for duck food, I'm going to nail your little, yellow webbed feet to the floor!" The duck leaves.
The duck comes back the next day. The pharmacist is bristling. The duck asks timidly, "You got any nails?"
"No," says the pharmacist. "This is a pharmacy! We do not sell nails!"
"Good! You got any duck food?" says the duck.

tOP 10 SLOGANS BEING CONSIDERED BY VIAGRA

10. Viagra, It's "Whaazzzzz Up!"

9. Viagra, The quicker pecker upper.

8. Viagra, Like a rock!

7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there tonight.

6. Viagra, Be all that you can be.

5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone.

4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.

3. Viagra, Tastes great! .... More filling!

2. Viagra, We bring good things to life.

1. This is your penis ... This is your penis on drugs.

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don't sell bottom deodorant, and never have.

Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more.

"I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any."

"But I always get it here," says the blonde.

"Do you have the container it comes in?"

"Yes!" said the blonde, "I will go get it."

She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."

The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container, "To apply, push up bottom."

A young Polish virgin finally convinces his girlfriend to have sex with him. Rightfully, she insists on practicing safe sex, and sends him to the drugstore to purchase some condoms.

Overwhelmed by the large variety of condoms on the shelf, the young man approaches the pharmacist for help. After helping him select an appropriate package of condoms, they return to the counter and the pharmacist rings him up: "Okay, that'll be $4.99 plus tax."

"Tacks?!!", the Polak exclaims. "I thought they stayed on by themselves!"

A Man goes into a pharmacy and asks for a vial of Cyanide. The pharmacist, trying to remain professional, asked what he wanted it for.
He answered, "I want to kill my wife."

"I'm sorry Sir," the pharmacist replied, "but you will have to understand under such circumstances I can't sell you any Cyanide."

The guy reaches into his pocket, pulls out his wallet and produces a photo of his ugly wife. The pharmacist blushes and replies, "I am sorry Sir, I didn't realize you had a prescription."

haha good stuff.....more! more! :laugh:

Karma, this is great!

tOP 10 SLOGANS BEING CONSIDERED BY VIAGRA

LMAO :laugh:

I am such a loser...I don't know any pharmacy jokes. Good thread.

LOL ...whoever's giving out red karma on this thread needs to buy a sense of humor.

A man walks into a pharmacy and goes to the counter. Standing behind the
counter is a young woman.
"May I speak to the pharmacist?" he asks.
"Well," she replies, "I am the pharmacist."
He looks very uncomfortable, and asks for a *male* pharmacist, as he has a
"male problem."
She informs him that only she and her sister work at this particular
establishment.
He blushes and says, "Well, I really do need help, so I guess I'll ask you...
I have a problem. I have a constant erection, and nothing I do seems to get rid
of it. It's been like this for three months now. Can you give me anything for
it?"
The woman looks thoughtful, and says, "Hold on, I'll go in back and ask my
sister."
After a couple of minutes she returns and says, "We'll give you half of the
business and it's profits, but that's all we can give you for it..."

A chemist walks into a drug store and asks the pharmacist, "Do you have any
acetylsalicylic acid?"
"You mean aspirin?" asked the pharmacist.
"That's it, I can never remember that word."

"We'll give you half of the
business and it's profits, but that's all we can give you for it..."??? I don't get it... :confused:

"We'll give you half of the
business and it's profits, but that's all we can give you for it..."??? I don't get it... :confused:

well....how can I put this without getting myself banned? ;)

Umm...the female pharmacists don't think his "problem" is a problem at all, and they would like to pay him for his "services." :idea: :laugh:

New Drugs For Women

D A M N I T O L (<----my favorite :D :thumbup: )
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up
to 8 full hours.

ST. M O M M A'S W O R T
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by
rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness
by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers
and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.

P E P T O B I M B O
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups
swallowed before an evening out increases breast size,
decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

D U M B E R O L
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low
IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup
trucks.

F L I P I T O R
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling
road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

M E N I C I L L I N
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases
resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want
to be a better person ... Can we get naked now?.."

B U Y A G R A
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping.
Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of
spending spree.

J A C K A S S P I R I N
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember
your birthday, anniversary or phone number.

A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on
anyone too eager to share their life stories with
total strangers in elevators.

N A G A M E N T
When administered to a husband, provides the same
irritation level as nagging him all weekend, saving
the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.

Did you hear that Pfizer had several names picked out for sildenafil prior to its release? Obviously VIAGRA is the name they went with but the name that came in close 2nd place was Mycoxafloppin.

Did you hear that Pfizer had several names picked out for sildenafil prior to its release? Obviously VIAGRA is the name they went with but the name that came in close 2nd place was Mycoxafloppin.

:laugh: Really? I thought it was "Nolimpia"

umm... a pharmacist without scruples isn't worth a dram


[insert old person sound]

Old pharmacists never die, they just lose their potency....


Favorite forged prescription:

"mophine"

now why did he get caught?

*bump*

:laugh: I forgot about these...

New Drugs For Women

D A M N I T O L (<----my favorite :D :thumbup: )
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up
to 8 full hours.

ST. M O M M A'S W O R T
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by
rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness
by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers
and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.

P E P T O B I M B O
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups
swallowed before an evening out increases breast size,
decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

D U M B E R O L
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low
IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup
trucks.

F L I P I T O R
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling
road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

M E N I C I L L I N
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases
resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want
to be a better person ... Can we get naked now?.."

B U Y A G R A
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping.
Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of
spending spree.

J A C K A S S P I R I N
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember
your birthday, anniversary or phone number.

A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on
anyone too eager to share their life stories with
total strangers in elevators.

N A G A M E N T
When administered to a husband, provides the same
irritation level as nagging him all weekend, saving
the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.


I've really needed some MENICILLIN lately. I am weak! :meanie:

http://img208.exs.cx/img208/9721/fukitol5xf.jpg

This was probably posted before, but I think it's still funny. "The Drugs I Need":

http://www.jibjab.com/cu_play_full.html

A man goes into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something for the hiccups. The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man's face.

"What did you do that for?" the man asks.
"Well, you don't have the hiccups anymore, do you?"
The man says, "No, but my wife out in the car still does!"
---
A miracle drug is one that has now the same price as last year.
---
A pharmacist looks out the front of the store and sees a woman holding a bottle jumping up and down in the parking lot. The pharmacist walks out to the parking lot and asks the woman whats the matter. She replies " I saw it said 'Shake Well' after I took it".
---
A funeral procession is going up a steep hill on main street when the door of the hearst flys open and the coffin falls out then speeds down main street into a pharmacy and crashes into the counter. The lids pops open and the deceased says to the astonished pharmacist, "You got anything to stop this coffin ?"
------------
Jokes stolen from: http://www.workjoke.com/projoke38.htm



A pharmacist goes to a nursing home to review an elderly customer. As he is sitting there, he notices a bowl of peanuts beside her bed and takes one. As they talk, he can't help himself and eats one after another.

By the time they are through talking, the bowl is empty.

He says, "Ma'am, I'm sorry, but I seem to have eaten all of your peanuts."

"That's okay," she says. "They would have just sat there. Without my teeth, all I can do is suck the chocolate off and put them back.
---
A Grandpa walks into a grandson's apartment and sees a condom on the table.
'What's this!?' demands the grandfather.
'It's a condom' replies thegrandson sheepishly.
'What do you use it for?' asks Gramps.
The guy is surprised that his grandpa really doesn't know what a condom is, and replies 'I use it to keep my cigarettes dry when I smoke in the rain'
To his surprise his grandpa says 'That's a great idea,' and goes off to the drug store.
He asks the pharmacist for a condom.
'What size would you like' asks the pharmacist.
'Oh, big enough to fit a camel'
---
Jokes stolen from: http://www.drugnet.com.hk/joke/joke_pharmacy.htm

A chemist walks into a drug store and asks the pharmacist, "Do you have any
acetylsalicylic acid?"
"You mean aspirin?" asked the pharmacist.
"That's it, I can never remember that word."

i like this one the best lol

This isn't a joke. And it has nothing to do with pharmacy. But it still makes me laugh.

http://www.chumfm.com/MorningShow/bits/march24.swf

That is hysterical!!!

A Man goes into a pharmacy and asks for a vial of Cyanide. The pharmacist, trying to remain professional, asked what he wanted it for.
He answered, "I want to kill my wife."

"I'm sorry Sir," the pharmacist replied, "but you will have to understand under such circumstances I can't sell you any Cyanide."

The guy reaches into his pocket, pulls out his wallet and produces a photo of his ugly wife. The pharmacist blushes and replies, "I am sorry Sir, I didn't realize you had a prescription."
I've got one better:

A lady walks into a drug store and tells the pharmacist that she needs some cyanide. The pharmacist says, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said "Lord have mercy, I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I will lose my license, they'll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not, you can NOT have any cyanide!"

Then the lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, you didn't tell me you had a prescription."

Why your Pharmacist hates you so much....
Sunday, August 06, 2006
I Realize Today I've Done You A Disservice

WARNING: This post may be painful for those in the profession to read.

For over a year and a half now, the first thing anyone visiting my little blog garden has seen under the headline at the top of the page is the promise that the question of "why does my prescription take so damn long to fill" will be answered. Tonight I looked over this blogs archives and realized it was a promise not kept. While many topics have been covered here, and you have been provided with ample evidence of how drugstore workday life does indeed warp the mind, the question of why it took 2 hours for you to get 20 Vicodin has remained unanswered. I can't help but to think there may be someone out there who has been logging on every day for the last 18 months hoping in vain for this mystery to be solved. Should such a person exist, I offer my humble apologies. To everyone else, I offer the following prescription scenario:

You come to the counter. I am on the phone with a drunk dude who wants the phone number to the grocery store next door. After I instruct him on the virtues of 411, you tell me your doctor was to phone in your prescription to me Your doctor hasn't, and you're unwilling to wait until he does Being in a generous mood, I call your doctors office and am put on hold for 5 minutes, then informed that your prescription was phoned in to my competitor on the other side of town. Phoning the competitor, I am immediately put on hold for 5 minutes before speaking to a clerk, who puts me back on hold to wait for the pharmacist. Your prescription is then transferred to me, and now I have to get the 2 phone calls that have been put on hold while this was being done. Now I return to the counter to ask if we've ever filled prescriptions for you before. For some reason, you think that "for you" means "for your cousin" and you answer my question with a "yes", whereupon I go the computer and see you are not on file.

The phone rings.

You have left to do something very important, such as browse through the monster truck magazines, and do not hear the three PA announcements requesting that you return to the pharmacy. You return eventually, expecting to pick up the finished prescription.....

The phone rings.

.......only to find out that I need to ask your address, phone number, date of birth, if you have any allergies and insurance coverage. You tell me you're allergic to codeine. Since the prescription is for Vicodin I ask you what exactly codeine did to you when you took it. You say it made your stomach hurt and I roll my eyes and write down "no known allergies" You tell me......

The phone rings.

......you have insurance and spend the next 5 minutes looking for your card. You give up and expect me to be able to file your claim anyway. I call my competitor and am immediately put on hold. Upon reaching a human, I ask them what insurance they have on file for you. I get the information and file your claim, which is rejected because you changed jobs 6 months ago. An ******* barges his way to the counter to ask where the bread is.

The phone rings.

I inform you that the insurance the other pharmacy has on file for you isn't working. You produce a card in under 10 seconds that you seemed to be unable to find before. What you were really doing was hoping your old insurance would still work because it had a lower copay. Your new card prominently displays the logo of Nebraska Blue Cross, and although Nebraska Blue cross does in fact handle millions of prescription claims every day, for the group you belong to, the claim should go to a company called Caremark, whose logo is nowhere on the card.

The phone rings.

A lady comes to the counter wanting to know why the cherry flavored antacid works better than the lemon cream flavored antacid. What probably happened is that she had a milder case of heartburn when she took the cherry flavored brand, as they both use the exact same ingredient in the same strength. She will not be satisfied though until I confirm her belief that the cherry flavored brand is the superior product. I file your claim with Caremark, who rejects it because you had a 30 day supply of Vicodin filled 15 days ago at another pharmacy. You swear to me on your mother's'....

The phone rings.

........life that you did not have a Vicodin prescription filled recently. I call Caremark and am immediately placed on hold. The most beautiful woman on the planet walks buy and notices not a thing. She has never talked to a pharmacist and never will. Upon reaching a human at Caremark, I am informed that the Vicodin prescription was indeed filled at another of my competitors. When I tell you this, you say you got hydrocodone there, not Vicodin. Another little part of me dies.

The phone rings.

It turns out that a few days after your doctor wrote your last prescription, he told you to take it more frequently, meaning that what Caremark thought was a 30-day supply is indeed a 15 day supply with the new instructions. I call your doctor's office to confirm this and am immediately placed on hold. I call Caremark to get an override and am immediately placed on hold. My laser printer has a paper jam. It's time for my tech to go to lunch. Caremark issues the override and your claim goes though. Your insurance saves you 85 cents off the regular price of the prescription.

The phone rings.

At the cash register you sign....

The phone rings.

.......the acknowledgement that you received a copy of my HIPAA policy and that I offered the required OBRA counseling for new prescriptions. You remark that you're glad that your last pharmacist told you you shouldn't take over the counter Tylenol along with the Vicodin, and that the acetaminophen you're taking instead seems to be working pretty well. I break the news to you that Tylenol is simply a brand name for acetaminophen and you don't believe me. You fumble around for 2 minutes looking for your checkbook and spend another 2 minutes making out a check for four dollars and sixty seven cents. You ask why the tablets look different than those you got at the other pharmacy. I explain that they are from a different manufacturer. Tomorrow you'll be back to tell me they don't work as well.

Now imagine this wasn't you at all, but the person who dropped off their prescription three people ahead of you, and you'll start to have an idea why.....your prescription takes so damn long to fill.

A year and a half late, but a promise kept. I feel better about myself already.

Wow, you just made my day. I dont know if that was ment to be funny, but having been through some of that stuff, it made me laugh.

more jokes!

tOP 10 SLOGANS BEING CONSIDERED BY VIAGRA

10. Viagra, It's "Whaazzzzz Up!"

9. Viagra, The quicker pecker upper.

8. Viagra, Like a rock!

7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there tonight.

6. Viagra, Be all that you can be.

5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone.

4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.

3. Viagra, Tastes great! .... More filling!

2. Viagra, We bring good things to life.

1. This is your penis ... This is your penis on drugs.


It's really funny :laugh:

Why your Pharmacist hates you so much....
Sunday, August 06, 2006
I Realize Today I've Done You A Disservice

WARNING: This post may be painful for those in the profession to read.

For over a year and a half now, the first thing anyone visiting my little blog garden has seen under the headline at the top of the page is the promise that the question of "why does my prescription take so damn long to fill" will be answered. Tonight I looked over this blogs archives and realized it was a promise not kept. While many topics have been covered here, and you have been provided with ample evidence of how drugstore workday life does indeed warp the mind, the question of why it took 2 hours for you to get 20 Vicodin has remained unanswered. I can't help but to think there may be someone out there who has been logging on every day for the last 18 months hoping in vain for this mystery to be solved. Should such a person exist, I offer my humble apologies. To everyone else, I offer the following prescription scenario:

You come to the counter. I am on the phone with a drunk dude who wants the phone number to the grocery store next door. After I instruct him on the virtues of 411, you tell me your doctor was to phone in your prescription to me Your doctor hasn't, and you're unwilling to wait until he does Being in a generous mood, I call your doctors office and am put on hold for 5 minutes, then informed that your prescription was phoned in to my competitor on the other side of town. Phoning the competitor, I am immediately put on hold for 5 minutes before speaking to a clerk, who puts me back on hold to wait for the pharmacist. Your prescription is then transferred to me, and now I have to get the 2 phone calls that have been put on hold while this was being done. Now I return to the counter to ask if we've ever filled prescriptions for you before. For some reason, you think that "for you" means "for your cousin" and you answer my question with a "yes", whereupon I go the computer and see you are not on file.

The phone rings.

You have left to do something very important, such as browse through the monster truck magazines, and do not hear the three PA announcements requesting that you return to the pharmacy. You return eventually, expecting to pick up the finished prescription.....

The phone rings.

.......only to find out that I need to ask your address, phone number, date of birth, if you have any allergies and insurance coverage. You tell me you're allergic to codeine. Since the prescription is for Vicodin I ask you what exactly codeine did to you when you took it. You say it made your stomach hurt and I roll my eyes and write down "no known allergies" You tell me......

The phone rings.

......you have insurance and spend the next 5 minutes looking for your card. You give up and expect me to be able to file your claim anyway. I call my competitor and am immediately put on hold. Upon reaching a human, I ask them what insurance they have on file for you. I get the information and file your claim, which is rejected because you changed jobs 6 months ago. An ******* barges his way to the counter to ask where the bread is.

The phone rings.

I inform you that the insurance the other pharmacy has on file for you isn't working. You produce a card in under 10 seconds that you seemed to be unable to find before. What you were really doing was hoping your old insurance would still work because it had a lower copay. Your new card prominently displays the logo of Nebraska Blue Cross, and although Nebraska Blue cross does in fact handle millions of prescription claims every day, for the group you belong to, the claim should go to a company called Caremark, whose logo is nowhere on the card.

The phone rings.

A lady comes to the counter wanting to know why the cherry flavored antacid works better than the lemon cream flavored antacid. What probably happened is that she had a milder case of heartburn when she took the cherry flavored brand, as they both use the exact same ingredient in the same strength. She will not be satisfied though until I confirm her belief that the cherry flavored brand is the superior product. I file your claim with Caremark, who rejects it because you had a 30 day supply of Vicodin filled 15 days ago at another pharmacy. You swear to me on your mother's'....

The phone rings.

........life that you did not have a Vicodin prescription filled recently. I call Caremark and am immediately placed on hold. The most beautiful woman on the planet walks buy and notices not a thing. She has never talked to a pharmacist and never will. Upon reaching a human at Caremark, I am informed that the Vicodin prescription was indeed filled at another of my competitors. When I tell you this, you say you got hydrocodone there, not Vicodin. Another little part of me dies.

The phone rings.

It turns out that a few days after your doctor wrote your last prescription, he told you to take it more frequently, meaning that what Caremark thought was a 30-day supply is indeed a 15 day supply with the new instructions. I call your doctor's office to confirm this and am immediately placed on hold. I call Caremark to get an override and am immediately placed on hold. My laser printer has a paper jam. It's time for my tech to go to lunch. Caremark issues the override and your claim goes though. Your insurance saves you 85 cents off the regular price of the prescription.

The phone rings.

At the cash register you sign....

The phone rings.

.......the acknowledgement that you received a copy of my HIPAA policy and that I offered the required OBRA counseling for new prescriptions. You remark that you're glad that your last pharmacist told you you shouldn't take over the counter Tylenol along with the Vicodin, and that the acetaminophen you're taking instead seems to be working pretty well. I break the news to you that Tylenol is simply a brand name for acetaminophen and you don't believe me. You fumble around for 2 minutes looking for your checkbook and spend another 2 minutes making out a check for four dollars and sixty seven cents. You ask why the tablets look different than those you got at the other pharmacy. I explain that they are from a different manufacturer. Tomorrow you'll be back to tell me they don't work as well.

Now imagine this wasn't you at all, but the person who dropped off their prescription three people ahead of you, and you'll start to have an idea why.....your prescription takes so damn long to fill.

A year and a half late, but a promise kept. I feel better about myself already.

Oh man, I have only worked at an inpatient pharmacy so have never had to deal with this before. It's pretty funny now but I am sure I won't think that when I actually experience it for myself.

Oh man, I have only worked at an inpatient pharmacy so have never had to deal with this before. It's pretty funny now but I am sure I won't think that when I actually experience it for myself.

I've seen things like that for five years... and I still find it funny. :D

A guy walks into a pharmacy on Monday morning and says, "Last Friday I ordered twelve dozen condoms, and when I got home I discovered that only eleven dozen were in the bag."

"Gee," says the pharmacist, "I sure hope that I didn't ruin your weekend.":D

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida , are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"

The pharmacist answers, "Yes."

Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"

Pharmacist: "Of course we do"

Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"

Pharmacist: "All kinds."

Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism and scoliosis?"

Pharmacist: "Definitely."

Jacob: "How about Viagra?"

Pharmacist: "Of course."

Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?"

Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."

Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills , Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"

Pharmacist: "Absolutely."

Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers?"

Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."

Jacob: "We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry." :laugh:

A guy walks into a pharmacy on Monday morning and says, "Last Friday I ordered twelve dozen condoms, and when I got home I discovered that only eleven dozen were in the bag."

"Gee," says the pharmacist, "I sure hope that I didn't ruin your weekend.":D


That was hilarious! Love the jokes!

http://supermassive.com/upload/img/tripzine_mdma_poster_lg_95105.jpg

On a Hooters towlette package: Bartender- Pharmacist with a limited inventory.

i think this might've been an actual true story....

A foreign woman comes into the pharmacy to pick up birth control. She is reaffirmed that these are taken orally. She starts to say that after having 6 kids, this should do the trick in preventing anymore "accidents". About a month later, she comes back screaming at the pharmacists in broken english because low and behold, she's pregnant again. The pharmacist asks her if she has been following the directions. Her reply, "yes i have. i've been giving them to my husband by mouth everyday.":laugh:

When you have had one of those TAKE THIS JOB AND SHOVE IT days,try this.
On your way home after work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the section where they have thermometers. You will need to purchase a rectal thermometer made by *Q-Tip. Be very sure that you get this brand.

When you get home, lock your doors, draw the drapes, and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed during your therapy. Change to very comfortable clothing, such as a sweat suit and lie down on your bed.
Open the package containing the thermometer and remove the thermometer
and
carefully place it on the bedside table. Take the written material that accompanies the thermometer and as you read it you will notice in small print the statement that *every rectal thermometer made by Q-Tip is
PERSONALLY tested.

Now close your eyes and say out loud five times, "I am so glad that I work where I do and that I do NOT work in quality control at the Q-Tip Company."
> >

Medical Insurance Explained. . .

Q. What does HMO stand for?
A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "HEY MOE." Its roots go
back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges, who discovered that
a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked
hard enough in the eyes.

Q. I just signed up for Medical Insurance. How difficult will it be to
choose the doctor I want?
A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your
insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the plan.
These doctors basically fall into two categories - those who are no longer
accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer
participating in the plan. But don't worry; the remaining doctor who is
still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half-day's
drive away, and a diploma from a Third World country.

Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
A. No. Only those you need.

Q. Can I get coverage for my pre-existing conditions?
A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.

Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?
A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.

Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, ! but I need the name brand. I
tried the Generic Medication, but it gave me a stomach ache. What should I
do?
A. Poke yourself in the eye.

Q. What if I'm away from home and I get sick?
A. You really shouldn't do that.

Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle
my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant
right in his office?
A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $20
co-payment, there's no harm in giving him a shot at it.

Q. Will health care be different in the next century?
A. No. But if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.

Oh the things you can fill
For the folks who are ill.
With your bright shiny spatula
Oh, what a thrill.

Besmocked and bedecked out
In Pharmacist clothes
Knowing all of the things
That a Pharmacist knows.

You're quick and efficient,
You're sharp and inventive.
It also just happens
You're anal retentive.

You read slips of paper
To get the specifics
>>From doctors who scribble out
Strange hieroglyphics.

Could it be Celebrex?
Or maybe Celexa
It might be a Z-Pack
Then it might be Zyprexa

And you bill by computer
AWP
Minus 15 percent
Plus a buck twenty-three.

You fill and you bill
And you feel so dejected
'Cause half of your claims
Are being rejected.

So you pick up the phone
While computerized voices
Keep you waiting forever
Explaining the choices.

Press 1 for directions.
Or maybe it's 2.
Push 'pound' for a message
It sucks to be you.

Then you pour out the pills
On your pill counting tray
And you count, and you count
And you count pills all day.

You count them by fives
To the rhythm and beat
Of the songs that you learned
On Sesame Street

And the customers gripe
And complain while you're fillin'
Could it be the whole world
Is on 'Grouchacillin?'

My pills are too big
And my co-pay's too high!
Take it four times a day?
I cannot comply!

Then you scarf down your sandwich
In one single bite
Which if done in a restaurant
Would be impolite

But a Doc's on line one
Mrs. Jones on line two
She has 500 pills
Will you cut them in two?

And the drug reps, they tap
On your counter, tap, tap.
To give you their spiel
Plus a load of free crap!

There's pens and there's post-its
There's free stuff galore
But the really cool clock's
For the doc who's next door

Then ol' Mrs. Snifflemore
Gives you that smile
And you know once again
That it's almost worthwhile

So you hang up your smock
And put down your free pen.
Tomorrow you'll do it
All over again.

Oh the things you will fill
For the folks who are ill.
With your bright shiny spatula
Oh, what a thrill!

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of Tampax and proceeded to the checkout counter. The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?" "Eight," the boy replied. The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?" The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. He can't do either one."

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing
wife.
Tearfully she explained, "It's the pharmacist. He insulted me
terribly this morning on the phone."

Immediately, the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and
> demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist
told him, "Now, just a minute, listen to my side of the story.

This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I
went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, only to realize that I
locked the house with both house and car keys inside."

"I had to break a window to get my keys. Then, driving a little too
fast, I got a speeding ticket. When I was about three blocks from the store,
I got a flat tire. When I finally got here, there was a bunch of people
waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these
people and, all the time, the damn phone was ringing off the hook."

He continued, "Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash
register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor.
I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels. The phone was
still ringing. When I came up, I cracked my head on the open cash drawer
which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume
bottles on it. . . . all of them hit the floor and broke."

"Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally
got to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal
thermometer. . . . and believe me, mister, as God is my witness, all
I did was tell her."

At a pharmacy, a blonde asked to use the infant scale to weigh the baby she held in her arms. The clerk explained that the device was out for repairs, but said that she would figure the infant's weight by weighing the woman and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first.

"That won't work," countered the woman. "I'm not the mother, I'm the aunt. "

an oldie, but classic.
-------------------------------
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HhbK9qA-jU8&feature=Responses&parent_video=wx1tNdSQUrA&index=0&playnext=1&playnext_from=RL

A man sees a sign for "Prescriptions While You Wait". Happy that he doesn't have to wait long, he goes up to the counter and drops off his prescription.
"Great" says the tech "This will be ready by 10 am tomorrow."
The man is outraged. "Tomorrow?! Your sign says prescriptions while you wait!"
"Are you going to stop waiting after tomorrow?"

knock knock

who's there?

Pharmacy

Pharmacy Who?








Unemployment, welcome to 2010 pharmacy school graduates

knock knock

who's there?

Pharmacy

Pharmacy Who?








Unemployment, welcome to 2010 pharmacy school graduates

just curious what do you do?

Someone is like a broken record up in here...

knock knock

who's there?

Pharmacy

Pharmacy Who?








Unemployment, welcome to 2010 pharmacy school graduates

This was in poor taste. This is a thread for jokes. Besides being in bad form it didn't even work as a knock-knock joke! Here's a knock knock joke:

<knock knock>
Who's there?
Amish
Amish who?
Funny you don't look like a shoe

knock knock

who's there?

Pharmacy

Pharmacy Who?








Unemployment, welcome to 2010 pharmacy school graduates

Nice joke, Carrot Top.

http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1804540

3 pregnant women are sitting in the OB-GYN's waiting room. Each is knitting an outfit for her baby-to-be.

Lady #1's watch alarm goes off. She puts down her knitting, opens a pill bottle and takes a pill. The other ladies look at her curiously, and she says, "Pre-natal vitamin. Helps mommy and baby be nice and healthy."

Lady #2 reaches into her bag and takes out a pill bottle. After taking her pill, she looks at the other ladies and says, "Mmm, Folic Acid. Helps prevent birth defects."

Lady #3 pulls a pill bottle out of her purse and takes a pill. The other ladies look at her curiously, and she says, "Oh, that was just some Thalidomide."

The other ladies gasp and chastise her: "You monster! Don't you know what that will do to your baby?!"

Lady #3 hangs her head in shame and says, "I know ... I just ... don't know how to knit sleeves."

3 pregnant women are sitting in the OB-GYN's waiting room. Each is knitting an outfit for her baby-to-be.

Lady #1's watch alarm goes off. She puts down her knitting, opens a pill bottle and takes a pill. The other ladies look at her curiously, and she says, "Pre-natal vitamin. Helps mommy and baby be nice and healthy."

Lady #2 reaches into her bag and takes out a pill bottle. After taking her pill, she looks at the other ladies and says, "Mmm, Folic Acid. Helps prevent birth defects."

Lady #3 pulls a pill bottle out of her purse and takes a pill. The other ladies look at her curiously, and she says, "Oh, that was just some Thalidomide."

The other ladies gasp and chastise her: "You monster! Don't you know what that will do to your baby?!"

Lady #3 hangs her head in shame and says, "I know ... I just ... don't know how to knit sleeves."


That one appealed to my darker sense of humor while the conscience on my shoulder is chastising me for laughing my *** off :laugh:

What's even better... the 2 other people I showed this to didn't even get it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tfUK5owf7Xc&p=860F8F546B19EF78&playnext=1&index=72

a man walks into a pharmacy and asks for condoms and insecticide. the pharmacist says "you mean condoms and spermicide, don't you?". the man says "no i mean insecticide. my wife has a bug up her butt and i'm going in after it"

Another Thalidomide joke:

A guy who was born as a Thalidomide baby wound up having a very successful career in the adult film industry. It's rather competitive, as you know, so he needed a "shtick."

He billed himself as "The guy whose arm is like a baby's [unit].





*** This is only funny if you're familiar with the expression referring to a guy with a large penis as saying it's like a "baby's arm holding an apple."

Another Thalidomide joke:

A guy who was born as a Thalidomide baby wound up having a very successful career in the adult film industry. It's rather competitive, as you know, so he needed a "shtick."

He billed himself as "The guy whose arm is like a baby's [unit].





*** This is only funny if you're familiar with the expression referring to a guy with a large penis as saying it's like a "baby's arm holding an apple."



:confused:

Another Thalidomide joke:

A guy who was born as a Thalidomide baby wound up having a very successful career in the adult film industry. It's rather competitive, as you know, so he needed a "shtick."

He billed himself as "The guy whose arm is like a baby's [unit].





*** This is only funny if you're familiar with the expression referring to a guy with a large penis as saying it's like a "baby's arm holding an apple."

http://i785.photobucket.com/albums/yy131/Sparda29/Forum%20Response%20Pics/awyeahbro-1.gif

Fair notice, Sparda: I'm stealing that gif to use on fark.com.

A girl was working in a pharmacy ''this was her first day working'' ...
& this pharmacy had four girls and one man working there.....anyway ,, in here first day there were many customers so she had to work although he didn't know many information about working in pharmacy.....
there was a line for women customers & she found also a line for men customers so she decided to give help....
1-the first man asked for some aspirin and went...:)
2-the second come close to her ears and said '' i want that red pill ,, i didn't know the name but i got it from here once.,,,this red pill ''.....she shouted at one girl working there ''what red pill does he want ??'' :idea:

All women in the pharmacy looked at him in a strange look ,,the man runs out of the pharmacy and regrets asking her for that.....then suddenly all the line of men gets out of pharmacy so they wouldn't be exposed to such emparessing....

am sure he have learned not to ask a girl again for a viagra pill ....:)

A girl was working in a pharmacy ''this was her first day working'' ...
& this pharmacy had four girls and one man working there.....anyway ,, in here first day there were many customers so she had to work although he didn't know many information about working in pharmacy.....
there was a line for women customers & she found also a line for men customers so she decided to give help....
1-the first man asked for some aspirin and went...:)
2-the second come close to her ears and said '' i want that red pill ,, i didn't know the name but i got it from here once.,,,this red pill ''.....she shouted at one girl working there ''what red pill does he want ??'' :idea:

All women in the pharmacy looked at him in a strange look ,,the man runs out of the pharmacy and regrets asking her for that.....then suddenly all the line of men gets out of pharmacy so they wouldn't be exposed to such emparessing....

am sure he have learned not to ask a girl again for a viagra pill ....:)



http://i56.tinypic.com/e5kxaf.jpg

I think somebody picked the wrong pill, should've really gone for the blue in this case. Also, what kinda crazy pharmacy segregates its patients?

From our commencement...skip to 3:45 unless you want to watch a fairly long introduction.

is7JxlOhfAY

http://geektyrant.com/storage/post-images-2011/poohcornermedas.png?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=131 2329925010

Take one table spoonful every eight hours" the pharmacist dispense fever syrip for patient.
After two hours the patient back to the pharmacy complaining " spoon can not get in the bottle

3 pregnant women are sitting in the OB-GYN's waiting room. Each is knitting an outfit for her baby-to-be.

Lady #1's watch alarm goes off. She puts down her knitting, opens a pill bottle and takes a pill. The other ladies look at her curiously, and she says, "Pre-natal vitamin. Helps mommy and baby be nice and healthy."

Lady #2 reaches into her bag and takes out a pill bottle. After taking her pill, she looks at the other ladies and says, "Mmm, Folic Acid. Helps prevent birth defects."

Lady #3 pulls a pill bottle out of her purse and takes a pill. The other ladies look at her curiously, and she says, "Oh, that was just some Thalidomide."

The other ladies gasp and chastise her: "You monster! Don't you know what that will do to your baby?!"

Lady #3 hangs her head in shame and says, "I know ... I just ... don't know how to knit sleeves."

Our place in hell is secure, your's for the Joke, mine for laughing my @ss off!!!!!

A girl was working in a pharmacy ''this was her first day working'' ...
& this pharmacy had four girls and one man working there.....anyway ,, in here first day there were many customers so she had to work although he didn't know many information about working in pharmacy.....
there was a line for women customers & she found also a line for men customers so she decided to give help....
1-the first man asked for some aspirin and went...:)
2-the second come close to her ears and said '' i want that red pill ,, i didn't know the name but i got it from here once.,,,this red pill ''.....she shouted at one girl working there ''what red pill does he want ??'' :idea:

All women in the pharmacy looked at him in a strange look ,,the man runs out of the pharmacy and regrets asking her for that.....then suddenly all the line of men gets out of pharmacy so they wouldn't be exposed to such emparessing....

am sure he have learned not to ask a girl again for a viagra pill ....:)

Wha...........?

What drug do you give to treat communist china?

MAO Inhibitors

Man 1: Do you have any sodium jokes?
Man 2: Na

Man 1: Can you tell me a potassium joke instead then?
Man 2: K