A Familiar "Sinking" Feeling
Posted 11-01-2009 at 02:29 PM by 2000 Man
August 19, 2009
This week started optimistically enough; I have been keeping up with my studying in biochem and really enjoying and understanding it. The last lectures to be included on Wednesday's exam were on Monday morning and by that night I felt fairly confident about the material. Tuesday I reviewed a bit more but realized that I had "maxed"out meaning that I was not gaining anything new from my time looking over the notes. I had absorbed all that I was going to but that was alright as I really felt like I had a handle on it.
Tuesday we had a late afternoon OMM lab in which we learned how to "touch". We located where a coin was in a thick phonebook, tried to identify by touch alone a bone that was underneath a pillow of foam rubber as well as various other exercises including palpating each other. This is the first time many of these students ever placed their hands on another person in this type of diagnostic/therapeutic manner and it takes awhile for the nerves to ease up and the palms to dry off a bit. But by the end people were more comfortable and the atmosphere lighter.
So Tuesday night I just did a light review of my notes and went to bed. Then at 8:30 sharp this morning the test began. I picked up my #2 pencil and earnestly began to fill in the bubbles on the scan-tron answer sheet. Then I started. Question 1 no problem. Question 2, got it. Question 3, 4, 5, 6 I knew em right away! "Hey this is great, all the studying paid off. Question 7 no problem. And then came question 8. I wasn't so sure about that one so I moved on. I answered the next 2 without too much difficulty but #11 and then #12 I left blank. And suddenly my optimism deflated and left me feeling as though I had just jumped out of a plane without a parachute. I swear just an hour before and I could tell you all about the various steps and specific enzymes involved in various pathways. What controlled them, what inhibited them, why they did what they did. But now it all seemed to have been in vain.
As I finished the test I counted up the answers that I was sure that I had gotten right and my score was about a 72%. Alright, so I probably passed, but I wanted to do so much better than that. I felt my preparation would allow me to get an 80-85% without too much problem. Now that all seemed to be gone. I was flooded with the emotions of what it was like the first time I went through this in 2005. You work so hard, harder than anything you did in undergrad. You put it all out there and then, whack! You get beat down and realize your effort wasn't good enough. And the thing is, I could have spent another 16 hours studying and would not have picked up the data that would have allowed me to confidently answer the 14 questions that I had skipped over. It just that simple.
So I began the task of going back over the test and attempting to come up with an answer for those 14 questions hoping that I would be lucky enough to answer just 5 of them correctly and bring my score up over 80%. The struggle I am having here is that when I did this the first time in 2005, not studying anywhere near as hard as I did this time (and drinking), I scored a 72% on the first test. I had really hoped to "knock this one out of the park!". But here I am praying to pass and maybe get out of the 70's. And I did pray. I prayed all week. I prayed last night and this morning and right before and during the test. I hope I get the answer I prayed for.
So we all are waiting for the results to be posted online. They usually have them up by that afternoon. But at close of business today they had not been posted. So maybe I'll find out tomorrow. No matter what I need to keep moving forward and working hard. This is just one test and one course. There are 4-5 more tests in biochemistry that I can still do well on and anatomy starts next week which will definitely amp up the tension and stress the time management skills.
The Navy application is just about finished and I will hand carry the last 2 letter of recommendation to my recruiter tomorrow. This weekend my parents will be in town for my "white coat ceremony" where our class will be "cloaked" with the traditional symbol of the medical profession and recognition of entry into medicine. It's a bit of a break from studying on Saturday morning and then its right back into the grind that afternoon.
This week started optimistically enough; I have been keeping up with my studying in biochem and really enjoying and understanding it. The last lectures to be included on Wednesday's exam were on Monday morning and by that night I felt fairly confident about the material. Tuesday I reviewed a bit more but realized that I had "maxed"out meaning that I was not gaining anything new from my time looking over the notes. I had absorbed all that I was going to but that was alright as I really felt like I had a handle on it.
Tuesday we had a late afternoon OMM lab in which we learned how to "touch". We located where a coin was in a thick phonebook, tried to identify by touch alone a bone that was underneath a pillow of foam rubber as well as various other exercises including palpating each other. This is the first time many of these students ever placed their hands on another person in this type of diagnostic/therapeutic manner and it takes awhile for the nerves to ease up and the palms to dry off a bit. But by the end people were more comfortable and the atmosphere lighter.
So Tuesday night I just did a light review of my notes and went to bed. Then at 8:30 sharp this morning the test began. I picked up my #2 pencil and earnestly began to fill in the bubbles on the scan-tron answer sheet. Then I started. Question 1 no problem. Question 2, got it. Question 3, 4, 5, 6 I knew em right away! "Hey this is great, all the studying paid off. Question 7 no problem. And then came question 8. I wasn't so sure about that one so I moved on. I answered the next 2 without too much difficulty but #11 and then #12 I left blank. And suddenly my optimism deflated and left me feeling as though I had just jumped out of a plane without a parachute. I swear just an hour before and I could tell you all about the various steps and specific enzymes involved in various pathways. What controlled them, what inhibited them, why they did what they did. But now it all seemed to have been in vain.
As I finished the test I counted up the answers that I was sure that I had gotten right and my score was about a 72%. Alright, so I probably passed, but I wanted to do so much better than that. I felt my preparation would allow me to get an 80-85% without too much problem. Now that all seemed to be gone. I was flooded with the emotions of what it was like the first time I went through this in 2005. You work so hard, harder than anything you did in undergrad. You put it all out there and then, whack! You get beat down and realize your effort wasn't good enough. And the thing is, I could have spent another 16 hours studying and would not have picked up the data that would have allowed me to confidently answer the 14 questions that I had skipped over. It just that simple.
So I began the task of going back over the test and attempting to come up with an answer for those 14 questions hoping that I would be lucky enough to answer just 5 of them correctly and bring my score up over 80%. The struggle I am having here is that when I did this the first time in 2005, not studying anywhere near as hard as I did this time (and drinking), I scored a 72% on the first test. I had really hoped to "knock this one out of the park!". But here I am praying to pass and maybe get out of the 70's. And I did pray. I prayed all week. I prayed last night and this morning and right before and during the test. I hope I get the answer I prayed for.
So we all are waiting for the results to be posted online. They usually have them up by that afternoon. But at close of business today they had not been posted. So maybe I'll find out tomorrow. No matter what I need to keep moving forward and working hard. This is just one test and one course. There are 4-5 more tests in biochemistry that I can still do well on and anatomy starts next week which will definitely amp up the tension and stress the time management skills.
The Navy application is just about finished and I will hand carry the last 2 letter of recommendation to my recruiter tomorrow. This weekend my parents will be in town for my "white coat ceremony" where our class will be "cloaked" with the traditional symbol of the medical profession and recognition of entry into medicine. It's a bit of a break from studying on Saturday morning and then its right back into the grind that afternoon.
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