white coat fantasies
Posted 11-04-2009 at 02:32 PM by Simran1031
White coat fanstasies..
That’s what I like to call them..
Some where in between here and now..
Caught between the crevices of what could be and what is…
I cant help but ask myself when will it happen
When will I actually step into the doors of a medical school..
As the rejection letters are piling up
I cant help but a feel jaded
Like in some way this whole process was all in vain..
All in a desperate attempt to find meaning..
To find purpose..
But I think everything has a time and place
And if I am really meant to be a doctor that time and place will come
But when..
And why not now..
And it is not even the internal doubts..
Its my mothers voice echoing inside me
“you should have sat for the mcat again”
“you are fighting a losing battle”
“are you sure you know what you are doing”
As if I have not questioned myself enough
As if I don’t ask myself those same questions everyday
Maybe I don’t know what I am doing
But I do know that when I took the mcat in may
I gave it my all..
My blood sweat tears my soul
I was living breathing sleeping that exam
And if that wasn’t enough I don’t know what will be..
I have decided that I must go to medcial school 2010..
I cant take this waiting and uncertainty any longer
There are manyt people that say yes why not do a post bac
Or yes why not take the mcats over again
But I cant.
I must go to medical school now
It is what is in my heart
And I fear that if I wait any longer..
I will become so resentful that all I will have for medicine is resentment and I do not want that
Everyone lied
Med school admission are all scores..
With a good score and gpa anyone can get in
But if u don’t have that stellar score package..
There is nothing you can do it seems
I know its still early in the cycle..
But I feel like I am suffocating for a fresh breath
To find myself..
To find my path my career
I have yearned for medicine for so long now..
And wanted it for so long now..
But sometimes I wonder..maybe it is me that I am not good neouygh
Maybe tht why despite my efforts and hard work..nothing worked out for me..
So I sit here wondering..compelled to wonder..where life will take me
What is written in my destiny
Emotionally drained by this process and by life in general..wonderding whether I will have that white coat ceremony
Wordersing whether some day I will be able to contribute to someone’s life in a positive way..
Wondering forever wondering…I don’t know anymore..i just don’t know..
I just follow the guiding light in my heart that tells me to go on and continue
Continue in this path forver..forever..
So I am here..
Bruised..battered..tormented and trained..
But I have not given up
And as the storms get worse..i will resist and I shall stand up tall..
Alas what else is there left to do than to stand by myself..stand up for myself..
So I stand here..shaking..
But still standing..
Mnaybe one day will be my day
Maybe there is a god out there looking out for me..
And if there isnt..amybe there is some juscitce in the world..
Regardless I stand here..trying to be patient..for my dreams to begun..
Ah dear white coat..how much you mean to me..how much you mean to me..
That’s what I like to call them..
Some where in between here and now..
Caught between the crevices of what could be and what is…
I cant help but ask myself when will it happen
When will I actually step into the doors of a medical school..
As the rejection letters are piling up
I cant help but a feel jaded
Like in some way this whole process was all in vain..
All in a desperate attempt to find meaning..
To find purpose..
But I think everything has a time and place
And if I am really meant to be a doctor that time and place will come
But when..
And why not now..
And it is not even the internal doubts..
Its my mothers voice echoing inside me
“you should have sat for the mcat again”
“you are fighting a losing battle”
“are you sure you know what you are doing”
As if I have not questioned myself enough
As if I don’t ask myself those same questions everyday
Maybe I don’t know what I am doing
But I do know that when I took the mcat in may
I gave it my all..
My blood sweat tears my soul
I was living breathing sleeping that exam
And if that wasn’t enough I don’t know what will be..
I have decided that I must go to medcial school 2010..
I cant take this waiting and uncertainty any longer
There are manyt people that say yes why not do a post bac
Or yes why not take the mcats over again
But I cant.
I must go to medical school now
It is what is in my heart
And I fear that if I wait any longer..
I will become so resentful that all I will have for medicine is resentment and I do not want that
Everyone lied
Med school admission are all scores..
With a good score and gpa anyone can get in
But if u don’t have that stellar score package..
There is nothing you can do it seems
I know its still early in the cycle..
But I feel like I am suffocating for a fresh breath
To find myself..
To find my path my career
I have yearned for medicine for so long now..
And wanted it for so long now..
But sometimes I wonder..maybe it is me that I am not good neouygh
Maybe tht why despite my efforts and hard work..nothing worked out for me..
So I sit here wondering..compelled to wonder..where life will take me
What is written in my destiny
Emotionally drained by this process and by life in general..wonderding whether I will have that white coat ceremony
Wordersing whether some day I will be able to contribute to someone’s life in a positive way..
Wondering forever wondering…I don’t know anymore..i just don’t know..
I just follow the guiding light in my heart that tells me to go on and continue
Continue in this path forver..forever..
So I am here..
Bruised..battered..tormented and trained..
But I have not given up
And as the storms get worse..i will resist and I shall stand up tall..
Alas what else is there left to do than to stand by myself..stand up for myself..
So I stand here..shaking..
But still standing..
Mnaybe one day will be my day
Maybe there is a god out there looking out for me..
And if there isnt..amybe there is some juscitce in the world..
Regardless I stand here..trying to be patient..for my dreams to begun..
Ah dear white coat..how much you mean to me..how much you mean to me..
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