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Originally Posted by curious lately
How difficult is this especially for Black women? What do people do? Any stories or advice about being Black and dating during med school? I've heard that at some med schools, none of the Black students will date because it is like dating someone in your family which I don't get. Is that the general case? What about at HBCUs? I appreciate any opinion on this!
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One of the things that you quickly realize is that on orientation day, you acquire up wards of 100 sisters and brothers in terms of your class in medical school. As the years wear on, some of your classmates will pair off and marry each other but most will date people outside of class and outside of school. There is something about wanting to "recreate" away from your daily grind and people who are inside the process won't get you far enough away.
Many of my male classmates (regardless of race or ethnicity) just were not about dating a fellow classmate. Many people were already in serious relationships and were "off the market". In some cases since we had a dental school and law school, the mixers that were sponsored by our university were good places to meet other professional school students that were not part of our class.
Another consideration is that your "free" time is just limited. There is something about going through the process together and spending so much time together but many of us were so "ragged out" by the day in and day out schedule, any free time was spent sleeping and catching up on laundry. One can quickly become pretty "dull" in medical school.
Attending medical school in a small rural location, especially if your are a minority, can greatly limit potential dating. If you are in the middle of Iowa and you are not particularly into farmers, you might have to wait for holidays and vacations in order to get away and find some potential partners. In short, you can be physically and mentally isolated for the first three years of medical school. During fourth year, you can arrange to do electives in locations that are not as remote.
In graduate school, when I was single, I made a point of getting out of my comfort zone in terms of meeting people and doing activities. I went to political rallies of candidates who were far different from my political views because I wanted to hear the "other side" and appreciate their opinions. I also went to a sporting event at least twice a month so that I could enjoy something that was far different from academics even if it was a local baseball game or the local high school football game.
I also had a neighborhood "hang-out" where the bartenders knew my name and where I could enjoy some fellowship that didn't involve my classmates. It turned out that my "hang-out" was owned and frequented by Cuban folks who became great friends. I enjoyed the food and enjoyed their culture which was different from mine (Jamaican). I also enjoyed many mango margaritas too.
Dating in medical school is quite difficult and time-consuming. Like anything else, if you set aside time for it, you can accomplish some good dates. If you are consumed with finding your "soul mate" during medical school, you may end up frustrated. The only thing that ends up consuming you is study.