waiting for MD acceptance before finding someone serious

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This is not a thread about the appeal of the MD degree but I will present an interesting scenario.

I have a friend who shunned away from dating, almost entirely, even during his PhD. He had always been set on finding an MD as his wife. He comes from a culture where MDs are the highest on the social status ladder. To my surprise, once his MD classes started, he was easily getting dates and family/friends were eager to hook him up with others. He is now adamant that I should not start anything serious until starting medicine.. While I don't listen to dating advice based on his opinion, I am curious.

How true this is? For those who had been in serious relationships, was there any sense of being held back? ...

Originally Posted by onelastpuff23

This is not a thread about the appeal of the MD degree but I will present an interesting scenario.

I have a friend who shunned away from dating, almost entirely, even during his PhD. He had always been set on finding an MD as his wife. He comes from a culture where MDs are the highest on the social status ladder. To my surprise, once his MD classes started, he was easily getting dates and family/friends were eager to hook him up with others. He is now adamant that I should not start anything serious until starting medicine.. While I don't listen to dating advice based on his advice, I am curious.

How true this is? For those who had been in serious relationships, was there any sense of being held back? ...

Well, I'm not in medical school, but I have a strong opinion about this. To keep it short, if you really care about someone, and they care about you, you will make it through the stresses ahead. And if you don't, oh well. There's no reason not to try dating!

You can always start dating now and after you become a physician drop who ever you are with for someone better

In all seriousness starting medical school will not drastically alter your dating life towards the positive, if anything it makes it worse. Not only will you not have time to date, once you do your social skills have been so severely stunted by spending too much time with books, syllabi, and sick people you tend to have problems, so I wouldn't entirely say waiting would be better. Women aren't magically attracted to you either just because you are a medical student (sorry to burst any bubbles). I met my girlfriend in college and don't feel held back, though she's in medical school too so probably not the best example. To be fair I have plenty of friends not in medical school and they feel constantly held back by their significant other, so maybe it's just how life is for a lot of people

my best advice would be to date someone NOT from medical school....you def get the most bang for your buck this way. Female med students aren't very attractive on the whole, while the few ones that are tend to have long-term boyfriends and are generally of the type A "I demand a hyphenated last name when we get married" variety

I'm just saying, there's a lot cooler graduate/undergrad students to be found while in med school, and once you become an attending, hospital personnel (nurses, techs etc.) will be all over you, although as a med student most hot nurses/hospital personnel want nothing to do with you

real talk

Originally Posted by patel2

my best advice would be to date someone NOT from medical school....you def get the most bang for your buck this way. Female med students aren't very attractive on the whole, while the few ones that are tend to have long-term boyfriends and are generally of the type A "I demand a hyphenated last name when we get married" variety

I'm just saying, there's a lot cooler graduate/undergrad students to be found while in med school, and once you become an attending, hospital personnel (nurses, techs etc.) will be all over you, although as a med student most hot nurses/hospital personnel want nothing to do with you

real talk

Can I get a hallelujah

Well, I don't think it's about dating MDs per se, but it's more about finding someone "better" after having established a professional career. While I admit it's a narrow-minded, I am just curious to know more about the reality of the matter.

Take it from me, the love doctor, that you will not have that much time to do anything or find anyone when you are in med school. The MD status definitely helps, but the lack of time hurts more.

If you're out of practice when med school starts, good luck trying to close the deal with the more limited time you have out.

Originally Posted by patel2

my best advice would be to date someone NOT from medical school....you def get the most bang for your buck this way. Female med students aren't very attractive on the whole, while the few ones that are tend to have long-term boyfriends and are generally of the type A "I demand a hyphenated last name when we get married" variety

I'm just saying, there's a lot cooler graduate/undergrad students to be found while in med school, and once you become an attending, hospital personnel (nurses, techs etc.) will be all over you, although as a med student most hot nurses/hospital personnel want nothing to do with you

real talk

qft

Originally Posted by patel2

my best advice would be to date someone NOT from medical school....you def get the most bang for your buck this way. Female med students aren't very attractive on the whole, while the few ones that are tend to have long-term boyfriends and are generally of the type A "I demand a hyphenated last name when we get married" variety

I'm just saying, there's a lot cooler graduate/undergrad students to be found while in med school, and once you become an attending, hospital personnel (nurses, techs etc.) will be all over you, although as a med student most hot nurses/hospital personnel want nothing to do with you

real talk

Or...they don't want to date people like you (a.k.a. "OMG not changing your name to your husband's makes you a man-hating feminist and terrible person"). Seriously, there are people who are physically and intellectually attractive everywhere, and I wouldn't rule out some group of people to date because someone else told you something like "they're hideous." Find out for yourself.

Originally Posted by redpanda

Or...they don't want to date people like you (a.k.a. "OMG not changing your name to your husband's makes you a man-hating feminist and terrible person"). Seriously, there are people who are physically and intellectually attractive everywhere, and I wouldn't rule out some group of people to date because someone else told you something like "they're hideous." Find out for yourself.

Good point about the time. My friend is at a Canadian medical school where the workload is lighter. Did anyone notice the quality of the women increase after getting into medical school?

LOL@ attending vs med student. It shows the money is an important factor

Originally Posted by patel2

my best advice would be to date someone NOT from medical school....you def get the most bang for your buck this way. Female med students aren't very attractive on the whole, while the few ones that are tend to have long-term boyfriends and are generally of the type A "I demand a hyphenated last name when we get married" variety

I'm just saying, there's a lot cooler graduate/undergrad students to be found while in med school, and once you become an attending, hospital personnel (nurses, techs etc.) will be all over you, although as a med student most hot nurses/hospital personnel want nothing to do with you

Any "hot nurse" that wants nothing to do with you as a med student, but will be all over you once you become a physician, is someone you should NOT marry until you get a pre-nup.

Originally Posted by smq123

Any "hot nurse" that wants nothing to do with you as a med student, but will be all over you once you become a physician, is someone you should NOT marry until you get a pre-nup.

Originally Posted by redpanda

Or...they don't want to date people like you (a.k.a. "OMG not changing your name to your husband's makes you a man-hating feminist and terrible person"). Seriously, there are people who are physically and intellectually attractive everywhere, and I wouldn't rule out some group of people to date because someone else told you something like "they're hideous." Find out for yourself.

Says the girl who's mad about being described as "not attractive on the whole"

Originally Posted by calvnandhobbs68

Says the girl who's mad about being described as "not attractive on the whole"

I thought having an MD wife/gf would be great since they are intelligent, low maintenance, and make good money

I agree that you can make the assumption that they are intelligent and will probably make good money however the low maintenance thing I have to somewhat disagree with. As a female that will enter medical school in the fall with a long-term serious boyfriend I will openly and freely admit that I am not the lowest maintenance. And I would have to say a lot of my female pre-med friends arent either. I dont say it in any way proudly, but I dont think thats a fair assumption to make across the female medical school population. They may be more understanding about what you are going through, having gone through it themselves/are going through it however...

Originally Posted by GetThePointe77

I agree that you can make the assumption that they are intelligent and will probably make good money however the low maintenance thing I have to somewhat disagree with. As a female that will enter medical school in the fall with a long-term serious boyfriend I will openly and freely admit that I am not the lowest maintenance. And I would have to say a lot of my female pre-med friends arent either. I dont say it in any way proudly, but I dont think thats a fair assumption to make across the female medical school population. They may be more understanding about what you are going through, having gone through it themselves/are going through it however...

@ OP: be good to your future gf/wife, because they know you're rolling in the monies, you better be prepared to keep them happy. Prenup may be needed too.

Originally Posted by onelastpuff23

I thought having an MD wife/gf would be great since they are intelligent, low maintenance, and make good money

I'd rather have a wife with a DDS... flexible hours for her, good money, smart enough. It's perfect really...

Originally Posted by smq123

Any "hot nurse" that wants nothing to do with you as a med student, but will be all over you once you become a physician, is someone you should NOT marry until you get a pre-nup.

As a rule, no one should get married without a properly constructed pre-nup anyway.

This entire post seems dominated by people who have never had a serious relationship. Look, you meet the right person when you meet the right person. You don't decide when and where you'll find them. Life just doesn't work like that. If you find an awesome person that you love you better just hold on to them no matter where you meet them.

Originally Posted by jessiemsy

This entire post seems dominated by people who have never had a serious relationship. Look, you meet the right person when you meet the right person. You don't decide when and where you'll find them. Life just doesn't work like that. If you find an awesome person that you love you better just hold on to them no matter where you meet them.

+1. people blame gay marriage or not sitting down for dinner or bad economy or irreconcilable differences, name your excuse, but the divorce rate is high because people are no longer entering into marriage with the "lifelong" mentality. Putting a date on when you start looking precisely is foolish as it sets you up for long term failure. As cliche as it sounds, it isn't about finding the person that you can live with. It's about finding the person you can't live without. And it will never happen if you have your mind made up on the exact woman before you meet her. Same goes for girls.

Originally Posted by FrkyBgStok

+1. people blame gay marriage or not sitting down for dinner or bad economy or irreconcilable differences, name your excuse, but the divorce rate is high because people are no longer entering into marriage with the "lifelong" mentality. Putting a date on when you start looking precisely is foolish as it sets you up for long term failure. As cliche as it sounds, it isn't about finding the person that you can live with. It's about finding the person you can't live without. And it will never happen if you have your mind made up on the exact woman before you meet her. Same goes for girls.

I'm convinced that the instability of straight marriage is going to ruin my future gay one.

Originally Posted by jessiemsy

This entire post seems dominated by people who have never had a serious relationship. Look, you meet the right person when you meet the right person. You don't decide when and where you'll find them. Life just doesn't work like that. If you find an awesome person that you love you better just hold on to them no matter where you meet them.

Originally Posted by FrkyBgStok

+1. people blame gay marriage or not sitting down for dinner or bad economy or irreconcilable differences, name your excuse, but the divorce rate is high because people are no longer entering into marriage with the "lifelong" mentality. Putting a date on when you start looking precisely is foolish as it sets you up for long term failure. As cliche as it sounds, it isn't about finding the person that you can live with. It's about finding the person you can't live without. And it will never happen if you have your mind made up on the exact woman before you meet her. Same goes for girls.

+2. While I think lifestyle/occupation/etc MAY play into finding someone right for you, it should NEVER be a precluding factor into finding a relationship. Be with someone for who they are and their personality. If you genuinely enjoy their company, what else matters? I also hate it when people stereotype the "female medical student". The med student population is diverse, just as any field. Good luck finding a relationship if you continue with such close-minded thoughts.

Originally Posted by tantacles

I'm convinced that the instability of straight marriage is going to ruin my future gay one.

brilliant

Originally Posted by onelastpuff23

This is not a thread about the appeal of the MD degree but I will present an interesting scenario.

I have a friend who shunned away from dating, almost entirely, even during his PhD. He had always been set on finding an MD as his wife. He comes from a culture where MDs are the highest on the social status ladder. To my surprise, once his MD classes started, he was easily getting dates and family/friends were eager to hook him up with others. He is now adamant that I should not start anything serious until starting medicine.. While I don't listen to dating advice based on his opinion, I am curious.

How true this is? For those who had been in serious relationships, was there any sense of being held back? ...

For me, it's the exact opposite. I don't want a girlfriend/wife who is obsessed with signing our X-Mas cards with "Dr. and Mrs. Dreamweaver1988." I want someone who would stay with me no matter what, even if I dropped out of medical school and decided to teach kindergarten. Right now, I'm working hard to get into medical school. I'm working almost as hard to find "the one" before having to announce I (hopefully) will be a doctor someday. Just to reiterate, I'm not taking an acceptance for granted, I'm just saying I want to find someone BEFORE medical school, not during/after.

Originally Posted by onelastpuff23

This is not a thread about the appeal of the MD degree but I will present an interesting scenario.

I have a friend who shunned away from dating, almost entirely, even during his PhD. He had always been set on finding an MD as his wife. He comes from a culture where MDs are the highest on the social status ladder. To my surprise, once his MD classes started, he was easily getting dates and family/friends were eager to hook him up with others. He is now adamant that I should not start anything serious until starting medicine.. While I don't listen to dating advice based on his opinion, I am curious.

How true this is? For those who had been in serious relationships, was there any sense of being held back? ...

I would prefer to find someone before or during medical school rather than afterward or else I'm afraid the first thing they notice is your title.

I personally contemplated about giving up a US degree and apply for UK med schools where my S.O. lives... but I (I think selfishly) decided my career is more important. Two years later, I'm going to start med school and my S.O. is moving his whole life to the States (!!), spending $120k on school to get re-licensed, leaving his friends and family behind... so to answer your question, whether or not you're held back is really up to you and your significant other's willingness to sacrifice.

Just curious. Is your friend Southeast Asian/Asian? In that case, his point of view might be very different simply due to cultural differences.

Originally Posted by dreamweaver1988

For me, it's the exact opposite. I don't want a girlfriend/wife who is obsessed with signing our X-Mas cards with "Dr. and Mrs. Dreamweaver1988."...

I really don't understand the name changing convention. I have a perfectly good name and I will keep it for the duration. Should he desire, my future husband could always use MY name.
Dr. and Mr. Plumazul

Originally Posted by plumazul

I really don't understand the name changing convention. I have a perfectly good name and I will keep it for the duration. Should he desire, my future husband could always use MY name.
Dr. and Mr. Plumazul

If only all men were that secure, we'd all be in much cooler social climates.

OP, your friend doesn't sound like a go-to person for dating advice. Date whoever you want - medical student, Starbucks barista, whoever - and see where it takes you. Stay thirsty, my friend.

Originally Posted by plumazul

I really don't understand the name changing convention. I have a perfectly good name and I will keep it for the duration. Should he desire, my future husband could always use MY name.
Dr. and Mr. Plumazul

Deal breaker...

Originally Posted by EBTrailRunner

Deal breaker...

From my POV, it's non-negotiable. Where I live, it's also become very common. Several of my middle/high school friends moms did not change their names. In all cases, it was a mom with an MD, PhD or JD.

Originally Posted by smq123

Any "hot nurse" that wants nothing to do with you as a med student, but will be all over you once you become a physician, is someone you should NOT marry until you get a pre-nup.

Seriously. A friend of mine who's in nursing school tells me that some of his female classmates refuse to date medical students because they are too busy. However, they're always trying hook up with residents and attendings. I'm sure those guys aren't busy at all.

Originally Posted by plumazul

From my POV, it's non-negotiable. Where I live, it's also become very common. Several of my middle/high school friends moms did not change their names. In all cases, it was a mom with an MD, PhD or JD.

Interesting. I thought this would be important to me. When I began seriously dating my spouse, that mindset began to fade. After 4 years of marriage, this is not important.

Originally Posted by tantacles

As a rule, no one should get married without a properly constructed pre-nup anyway.

really a pre-nup doesn't do anything nowadays anyways. A judge can just decide to completely invalidate the whole agreement if he doesn't think it's fair. The reality is that the divorce system is incredibly biased in favor of females in this country (too many WK judges)

Originally Posted by ronaldo23

really a pre-nup doesn't do anything nowadays anyways. A judge can just decide to completely invalidate the whole agreement if he doesn't think it's fair. The reality is that the divorce system is incredibly biased in favor of females in this country (too many WK judges)

It's true. They can be invalidated. But a good one, a well-constructed one that has both parties' interests in mind and not just the person who makes more money, can really decrease the cost of a divorce and ultimately improve the quality of life of both spouses.

And a spouse may choose to go to court, but the more fair that pre-nup is, the more likely you can save your lawyer dollars and move on with your life.

We're in agreement on the judges, though, especially in cases of custody.

I'd rather date someone before med school, fully knowing I could drop out at any time and pursue something entirely different. It's not that people are dating you necessarily for money, it's more of the security and social status that comes with it. Date beforehand, and if your lucky enough, you might find someone who will truly love you and be with you no matter what..instead of "til the wealth runs out.."

yeah, once you get here you're going to realize you'd never date your classmates in a million bajillion years because you start to notice all these little character flaws/neuroses that would just grate on you, and plus, it's exactly like high school in terms of gossip, cliques, and drama, and that's the last thing you want.

And as my gf (and apparently, the poster above me) is fond of saying, she's the last person who will love me genuinely, so that's also something to keep in mind.

Last thing I'd ever want would be to ever date/marry another doctor.

Originally Posted by phnerd1105

+2. While I think lifestyle/occupation/etc MAY play into finding someone right for you, it should NEVER be a precluding factor into finding a relationship. Be with someone for who they are and their personality. If you genuinely enjoy their company, what else matters? I also hate it when people stereotype the "female medical student". The med student population is diverse, just as any field. Good luck finding a relationship if you continue with such close-minded thoughts.

+3

Phnerd will make a totally hot female med student, FYI. I hope one of you deserving guys around here is lucky enough to end up with her.

Originally Posted by octupus

Just curious. Is your friend Southeast Asian/Asian? In that case, his point of view might be very different simply due to cultural differences.

Wow.. how did you know. In fact, i don't know if love is part of the picture. He brings the term "power couple" often.

Oh dear better half, please come into my life anytime you want!!! I'm ready for you!!!

Srsly though, I have like no set timeline for love. It's just one of those thing that you honestly can't help. What? you're gonna turn a great guy who has everything you've ever dreamed of down because you met him in undergrad and you wanted love after med school instead? That's ridonkulous!!

Originally Posted by TheMightySmiter

+3

Phnerd will make a totally hot female med student, FYI. I hope one of you deserving guys around here is lucky enough to end up with her.

Grats' on Creighton today, btw

Originally Posted by onelastpuff23

Wow.. how did you know. In fact, i don't know if love is part of the picture. He brings the term "power couple" often.

look at the post above where I bolded the words you wrote, that's why. I lived with an Indian roommate and heard it all before.

the reason I asked is because their culture is so vastly different; his advice should be taken with a grain of salt. not to mention, regardless of culture, if something good comes your way, hold on to it because most of the good ones are taken, broken or jaded.

Do not marry someone who is into you because of your MD. They are likely bringing with them expectations that you may not be able to live up to, especially since medicine is likely to be a significantly less financially rewarding career for our generation.

Marrying a fellow MD or other healthcare professional seems like a reasonable choice, I remember in "Hot Lights Cold Steel" the author mentioned that only another HCP will understand when you get paged away during your anniversary dinner. However, I'm old fashioned and hyphenation would probably be a deal-breaker.

Originally Posted by DCBFan

However, I'm old fashioned and hyphenation would probably be a deal-breaker.

Really?

I admit that I'm more than happy to change my last name (it's an extremely common one so I don't worry about it "dying out"), but I'm surprised it would be a deal breaker, too.

Originally Posted by smq123

Any "hot nurse" that wants nothing to do with you as a med student, but will be all over you once you become a physician, is someone you should NOT marry until you get a pre-nup.

You got the right idea, except pre nups won't save your future income at all and likely won't save much except for... your house/cars ?

A pre nup is what you have BEFORE getting married, everything you make after is up for a 50/50 split after you find your wife banging 3 dudes in the bed you sleep in.

Originally Posted by duress

yeah, once you get here you're going to realize you'd never date your classmates in a million bajillion years because you start to notice all these little character flaws/neuroses that would just grate on you, and plus, it's exactly like high school in terms of gossip, cliques, and drama, and that's the last thing you want.

And as my gf (and apparently, the poster above me) is fond of saying, she's the last person who will love me genuinely, so that's also something to keep in mind.

what if you just want to bang the ones who are >7/10s ?

Originally Posted by smq123

Really?

I admit that I'm more than happy to change my last name (it's an extremely common one so I don't worry about it "dying out"), but I'm surprised it would be a deal breaker, too.

OK maybe deal breaker is the wrong term, but I'd definitely have a problem with it. To me, marriage is a serious lifelong commitment, not something you fit in around your other interests with as little personal inconvenience as possible.

Originally Posted by DCBFan

OK maybe deal breaker is the wrong term, but I'd definitely have a problem with it. To me, marriage is a serious lifelong commitment, not something you fit in around your other interests with as little personal inconvenience as possible.

Show her how committed you are...change your name.

This can be as big an issue as you make it, but it truly matters little when considering what makes a healthy, lasting marriage.

Originally Posted by wsaedalney

Show her how committed you are...change your name.

This can be as big an issue as you make it, but it truly matters little when considering what makes a healthy, lasting marriage.

I agree, it's a very minor issue. More symbolic than anything.