Help me!!!!

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Nm

I think you ticked every single box for DSM-IV-TR criteria of a major depressive episode. Go see a counselor and get help. There are people available to help you get out of your position, and you want to get a handle on this now before things get out of hand.

I am going to sound like a total troll

Mission accomplished.

see a psychiatrist

preferably one that honored psych by believing in depression

Nm

The brilliant medical student you make yourself out to be, you should appropriately correct your pops. You may not "believe" in depression, but I should damn well hope you "believe" in its PROVEN pathophysiology. Educate the ignorant masses, even your own father. It's what we do.

Sounds like Type A personality burnout. Finish third year, take a year off. Go backpacking or something. Get out of your current situation. I also dislike where I live but I'm doing it because I won't be up the butt with loans. Some days I wake up just like you not giving a crap about going to class for example but I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Honestly, I can't wait for vacation time. I'm more type B personally. I'd rather be laying in some grass in the sun next to a lake.

Seriously, go to counseling services before you make any radical decisions. Depression is something on the inside, so dropping out is unlikely to make it go away and will only take you away from potential resources.

Depression is a real illness (I think you know this) and good shrink should be able to help you process what that means as well as treat your condition. For now, remind yourself of the biochemistry involved in mood, if it helps you to think about it in the terms of physical illness (I readily admit that biochemistry doesn't fully explain depression on an actual scientific level and, as a woefully ignorant MS1, I don't know what does. I just know that this can be helpful).

Nm

Originally Posted by AMH0505

I readily admit that biochemistry doesn't fully explain depression on an actual scientific level

WHAT?

Originally Posted by AMH0505

as a woefully ignorant MS1

Oh, never mind.

Originally Posted by always tired

Did I piss you off or something? Look I posted that crap just to pre-empt the: "oh you're prolly just having a hard time and school response, don't worry it'll get better." and to fully explain the ludicrousness of my situation. Not to make other's with slightly lower grades feel crappy about them selves.

Your passive aggressiveness is adorable. You highlighted your GPA, Step 1 score, and AOA status in your initial post and then follow that YOU have a problem believing in depression as a result of your father's warped view on the topic. I was merely emphasizing how ridiculous you sound.

Originally Posted by always tired

There is nothing to be depressed about except missing out on being able to just lounge around with friends instead of making crappy power point presentations for my attendings who already know the intricacies of Enterochromaffin like gastric carcinoids and their three types. I am sick of having my time wasted standing around w/ my thumb in my ass holding a retractor while watching the back of a surgeon's hand and answering questions about why surgical tape is white and weather Hirschsprung was a surgeon or pediatrician?

I already finished surgery and medicine and am on an easy rotation yet can't garner the energy to do anything useful for the last 2 weeks.

That's not how depression works. Are you sure you honored all your rotations?

Originally Posted by always tired

I am going to sound like a total troll but I don't care . . . I am so tired I can't even get out of bed.

2.5 weeks are left in 3rd year. I am dead tired . . . I can't even get out of bed. I am not sick. Everything is perfect all around me. I have a full ride to school and have only $22,500 dollars in loans that I had taken out for my family to use. My dad and mom have a bunch (8) of kids of which I am the oldest and they are very poor (less than $30,000 a year).

I was elected to alpha omega alpha, have a 3.9 GPA and have honored every single rotation in 3rd year thus far and will probably get an honors in this rotation as well. My guess is grade inflation has to be rampant. I have 258 on my step 1 and will probably do well on step 2. Yet with all this, I can't seem to give a crap anymore. I look at my residents and see how tired and unhappy they are. I look around and all I see is people treating each other rudely. I don't ever care to make any money and if I can get over this slump, I will apply for any residency program in pediatrics. No one has treated me rudely in school, but I have seen my fellow students treated terribly by residents. I have seen my residents treated terribly by their attendings. I don't sleep much, and I feel tired all the time. I don't know what is wrong with me. I don't want to hurt myself but if I died it would be ok. I never worked extra hard, in fact, I bet most of my classmates worked a 100 times harder than me. I only feel alive when I am doing something outside of school.

If these feelings go on till Friday, I will go to the deans office and officially sign my drop out letter or however you do it. I used to be a mechanic in another life and feel confident that I can pay off my loans and take care of my family. How did this happen to me. I am not depressed yet I find no pleasure in anything anymore. Pure anhedonia. Pick up basketball was my favorite thing. Volunteering to feed the homeless would make me sleep at night. Yet now all I care about is laying down in bed and reading wikipedia all day.

What is going on? Am I ill? I don't believe in depression, but this could be it.

I didn't post this to make others feel bad about themselves or to boast about my grades. I posted this as a cry for help . . .

Hence the new account with only one post.

How do I stop this?

starting lithium and depakote drip

Nm

Nm

There are several evolving models/theories of depression. I'm sure you know that since you delved into one of them nicely. It's true we still have much to learn about the brain, but to say that biochemistry doesn't fully explain depression on an actual scientific level (whatever the heck that means) is silly. It does. Other models may round out certain unknowns, but the amine hypothesis you dedicated an entire post to does the job rather well.

I didn't mean to come across as antagonistic. Sorry if I did.

You gave yourself a fairly accurate Axis I diagnosis. Now seek a health professional and act on it.

Originally Posted by jcu

There are several evolving models/theories of depression. I'm sure you know that since you delved into one of them nicely. It's true we still have much to learn about the brain, but to say that biochemistry doesn't fully explain depression on an actual scientific level (whatever the heck that means) is silly. It does. Other models may round out certain unknowns, but the amine hypothesis you dedicated an entire post to does the job rather well.

Just to clarify: I didn't word that well (it's late)--brain chemistry does explain depression. I was referring to the treatment of depression on a practical level. What I meant to say is that, at this point biochemistry alone doesn't give us a fool-proof method for treating depression . My point was to emphasize that, even though depression is physiological, meds aren't necessarily a magic bullet and some aspects of the condition may be better treated by other therapies.

.

Originally Posted by always tired

Thanks to the guys/gals that said get help.

So here is my thoughts. How many of you people out there that have been in this kind of crap have started SSRI's and found that it put a pep back in their step. How long did it take and how much messing around till you found the right one. Did they have terrible side effects like not being able to get it up even around your wife?

I've taken Paxil in the past primarily for anxiety but as we all know, depression often comes along with that. It worked amazingly well for me and I noticed a difference as did all of the people around me. I was absolutely a happier person. And boy did I notice a different when I stopped taking it. They downside to this particular SSRI is the withdraw which is completely miserable. From what I've read, they aren't all like that or at least have a lesser extent of withdrawl symptoms. I avoided this by not missing doses while I was taking it. Otherwise, while I was on it I didn't notice any terrible side effects. I'm not a male so I can't speak to "not getting it up" but I didn't have any problems in that department.

Nm

Originally Posted by always tired

The next idea I have on my mind is just going to OCS and joining the Army. Not as a doctor but just an officer. We'll see. I don't like the idea of killing Afghan's or dealing w/ *******s on power trips which from what my brothers tell me is abundant in the army. It's only saving grace is that you are serving your country and not having to use your brain (if I enlist instead of OCS). The bad is another time commitment (4 years sucks).

I hope no one takes this the wrong way, but I can tell just from reading a few of your posts that you are way too smart and, more importantly, too independent to enjoy the Army. I'm going to go ahead and be the voice in the back of your head that won't go away if/when you decide to sign up: This is a mistake. Turn around. Do anything else but this. You can't just drop out if it gets old, you're really stuck. At least with med school you can walk away at any point. I honestly think you'd be happier and better off jumping from random job to random job if necessary than stuck in one military position for 4+ years.

By the way, I still don't get how the mechanism I went through explains depression. There are no details on which exact part of it connects to depression and what happens in those three weeks on ssri's? Oh, and rereading my post, I realized I said locus coerulus, not Raphe nucleus. The LC is the NorEpi one, the Raphe is the 5ht.

Doesn't matter, get some help and fix it. I don't know the exact mechanism behind the Big Bang or precisely how the atoms forming my body coalesced in various stars before forming me, but I still live my life and take things day by day, even when it sucks. Seriously, get some help and you'll wonder why you waited so long. I wish you all my best.

it's alright, bud. we all go manic and talk a little fast and have racing thoughts every now and then. just close your eyes and try to go to sleep.

do you work out? maybe you should go run or pump some iron

Originally Posted by grayscaleart

it's alright, bud. we all go manic and talk a little fast and have racing thoughts every now and then. just close your eyes and try to go to sleep.

I laughed out sooo loud to this hahaha

Dude, why don't you just start working out. Start running or lifting weights.

Or go get a hobby. Or better, a girlfriend.

PS--locus coeruleus is norepinephrine. Sertonin is raphe nucleus.

nm

Originally Posted by always tired

Thanks to the guys/gals that said get help.

So here is my thoughts. How many of you people out there that have been in this kind of crap have started SSRI's and found that it put a pep back in their step. How long did it take and how much messing around till you found the right one. Did they have terrible side effects like not being able to get it up even around your wife?

i felt similarly a month ago (not as severe it sounds like), i sought help and got it.
The thing with depression is, right now, you cannot possibly image how you would feel when you are out of it. However, 1 month after my moderate depression episode, I can only remember how i felt one month ago rationally, but viscerally, I cannot feel it anymore.
My circumstances remain the same. My study habits still suck, but I just go "meh~ oh well". Rather than lie in bed 16 hours a day and cannot get out.

Also, I only used antidepressant briefly (a week), I'm not sure if it did anything for me, but the behavioral stuff definitely helped the most.

If you absolutely do not believe depression as a real thing, I don't know what to tell you.
However, most of the problems with an individual are not solved via medication alone. Biomedicine really only occupies a very small sphere in the health of a person.
If you wanna do something, else, maybe just do that for awhile?
Stay at home dad? hmm. wait you are only 24.. Never mind

Originally Posted by Rothbard

lol, another MS3 who thinks he understands depression

guess what amigo, top researchers acknowledge that we really don't understand WTF is going on the brain of a depressed patient

uh, actually that is indeed how many cases of depression work

are you sure you passed step 1?

Haha, I won't dignify a response to a disgruntled MS3 who not too long ago created a thread about wanting to drop out.

nm

nm

Originally Posted by Rothbard

I don't understand what that has to do with anything.

You're absolutely right. Best of luck with your depression, debt, and imminent kidling.

nm

OP, if you're serious, I feel for you. Church/faith help me out a lot, but I know little about depression at this point.

Mission accomplished...Your passive aggressiveness is adorable

Dude, there is no reason to be a d*ck.

OP, I am not a medical student, so I am not sure how helpful my advice is, but I think you should take more than a week or two to decide if dropping out is the right answer for you. You must have had some interest in medicine to apply, do so well, and make it to third year. If you drop out completely, I'm pretty sure you can kiss any chance at a medical career goodbye. You can always decide, after switching career paths, to go back to being a mechanic or electrician. But if you drop out now, no one is ever going to give you another shot at being a physician, and you'll certainly never get another full ride to med school. Adcoms will see you as a quitter, who threw away a full scholarship, and whose passion for medicine wasn't enough to push you forward.

You've also got to understand what, exactly, you'll be throwing away if you give this up. You seem to be primarily upset by the fact that the residents are mean to the medical students, and that you are stuck doing grunt work all day. So, all in all, you don't feel productive and the environment seems hostile. But you can't get anywhere in life without pushing through some grunt work. You may not feel productive now, but if you can push through another year of medical school and then residency, you could open up your own practice, start your own research project, or get an upper level position at a hospital. The sacrifice now means that, one day, you will have the authority, the education, and the finances to pursue virtually any interests or career pursuits you want. You've already invested a solid three years in this, and if you duck out and join the army, you'll still be following orders, and doing grunt work for higher ups, but with less opportunities to advance. If you drop out and become a mechanic, you'll be doing grunt work all day, and though you can still be your own boss, I can't imagine that dealing with whiny customers counts as a "non threatening environment." You can't escape grunt work and *ssholes, but if you have to deal with them, might as well do so in the pursuit of being a doctor.

Get help and ask for some time off if you need it, but this "dropping out" shouldn't be taken lightly. Don't do, in the heat of the moment, what you may end up regretting forever.

Originally Posted by jcu

Mission accomplished.

I agree.

Unless the OP is a female.

JCU . . . Why the Douche like attitude man? Also, calling someone (the other poster) out about having a depression/dropping out post is really low . . .

Second of all, the OP and other posters who said we have no grip on how depression really works in the brain were right. Look if your satisfied with the baby answer and not having true nitty gritty mechanisms, then so be it. But to say the monoamine theory explains it . . . impressive!!!