Married/dating in dental school?

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I'm an undergrad right now, and I'm in a 2 year relationship with my girlfriend..it just occurred to me that I should figure this out.

This is going to sound really sappy..but one of my many reasons I want to pursue a career in dentistry is because I want to be able to provide for my family some day. I want to live in a a really high, affluent, upscale area(as my parents have done for me) and raise my kids and just have a good life. This is how I was raised. My parents are not health professionals and have worked very hard to get to where they are now..so I have to ask:

Do dental students get in long term relationships during dental school? Is it hard to find someone once you're on the "outside"? How do you avoid gold-diggers? lol

Sorry if these are stupid questions..I'm just really wondering. I want a career I will love and I won't love my career if it won't enable me to do what I need to do.

All I know is that my interviewer said to NOT get married in dental school...according to her"is a bad idea"...and I agree

IMO when it's time to get married - get married. Only you know your relationship - I wouldn't rely on an adcoms POV to make that large of a decision.

Is dental school a marriage stressor? Most likely, but that's life. Try being deployed to another country, residency, demanding job (>50hrs/wk), getting an illness, having a kid with a disease or death etc. etc. etc.

I like your intentions OP. GL

Well, maybe married AFTER we get out of D-school. I agree, relationships can be a huge distraction unless you two are on the exact same page.

Is there even time for that? I always thought pharm/dent/med school was all work no play

Originally Posted by dentalprodigy

All I know is that my interviewer said to NOT get married in dental school...according to her"is a bad idea"...and I agree

I know a few couples who have gotten married or planning on getting married while in DS. It does happen and is not necessarily a bad thing.

Yea, friend of mine got married right before dental school and 5 years and a dds later, he is a year out of school and still (from all appearances) very happily married. They knew each other quite awhile before, obviously, so you would be similar with that current interest of yours it seems.

I get the impression that you are confused what exactly is your main priority here. From your post, it appears to me that your number 1 priority is to find a nice, stable girlfriend/wife, and ultimately settle down and have a fulfilling family life.

And yet then, I see this thrown in:

Originally Posted by Parklife

I want to live in a a really high, affluent, upscale area(as my parents have done for me) and raise my kids and just have a good life. This is how I was raised.

When you say you want to "just have a good life," what does that have to do with "high, affluent, and upscale"? It is perfectly fine to seek a luxurious lifestyle, but realize that "having a good life" on an emotional level has very little (if anything) to do with the career of the spouse you have, or the degree you possess.

Just some food for thought. There is a reason divorce is so high among health professionals.

Best of luck.

I can only speak for myself...
Dental school killed the relationship I had with my college sweetheart. I simply did not have time for her.

I bet you are a lot smarter then me though and can pull it off.

I took it as he wants to provide very well for his family. Good neighborhood = good school district = safe = opportunties etc. etc.

It's a good thing! Being poor sucks lol.


[QUOTE=Memorex;12428120
When you say you want to "just have a good life," what does that have to do with "high, affluent, and upscale"? It is perfectly fine to seek a luxurious lifestyle, but realize that "having a good life" on an emotional level has very little (if anything) to do with the career of the spouse you have, or the degree you possess.

Just some food for thought. There is a reason divorce is so high among health professionals.

Best of luck.[/QUOTE]

There is always time for a significant other, but how much depends on your priorities and ability to balance life. Dental school does kill a lot of relationships, but any 4-year period will demonstrate that. There are plenty of marriages, engagements, new relationships, children born, etc. that will go on in your four years. I could not agree more with yappy - you get married when the time is right for you. School shouldn't interfere with that too much.

If dental school kills your relationship, then you weren't meant to end up with that person. Sounds rough but honestly, you should be thankful that you found that out now instead of later when the stakes are higher.

Also-- there is never a perfect time for anything. After dental school, there's a residency. Or a job. Or a move. Whatever it is, life happens, and if you postpone everything until it's the perfect time, you'll never get anything done.

Originally Posted by Memorex

I get the impression that you are confused what exactly is your main priority here. From your post, it appears to me that your number 1 priority is to find a nice, stable girlfriend/wife, and ultimately settle down and have a fulfilling family life.

And yet then, I see this thrown in:



When you say you want to "just have a good life," what does that have to do with "high, affluent, and upscale"? It is perfectly fine to seek a luxurious lifestyle, but realize that "having a good life" on an emotional level has very little (if anything) to do with the career of the spouse you have, or the degree you possess.

Just some food for thought. There is a reason divorce is so high among health professionals.

Best of luck.

The other poster had it right. Obviously money does not equal happiness. My goal is hollistic, as always. Basically, I want my kids to grow up in the same environment I did. Call it socioeconomic stratification, being financially provocative, or a spoiled brat. It's the truth.

Originally Posted by wwdaffodils

If dental school kills your relationship, then you weren't meant to end up with that person. Sounds rough but honestly, you should be thankful that you found that out now instead of later when the stakes are higher.

Also-- there is never a perfect time for anything. After dental school, there's a residency. Or a job. Or a move. Whatever it is, life happens, and if you postpone everything until it's the perfect time, you'll never get anything done.

I concur with the bold statement.

I would not get married right before dental school. If you can make it through the first two years without dental school ruining the relationship or the relationship interfering with dental school then getting married is not a bad idea.

yup

I am not in Dental School yet, but I to am in a 2 year long relationship and I know for a fact once im in it will cause serious problems between us. I will be spending almost all of my time away from her at the school everyday which will make her angry for sure.. Imagine if you were married and only saw your wife MAYBE 2-3 hours a day! Your wife would probably not enjoy that, especially being a newly wed.

I've seen much more breakups, myself included with my undergrad sweetheart, of couples during dental school than not. You should not worry as a man really cause you can hook up easily after dental school and get marry anytime up to any age. It's better to breakup early in dental school than later in life. I hope you the best anyhow.

I assume ur not ready to get married yet. So, what do u do, u bring her with u. If she is willing to move for u and like the previous poster says, u can stay together for the first 2 years of dental school w/o u failing, then by golly she is probably a winner. I don't believe in long distance, that why I brought my girlfriend with me, I wasn't going to dump 3 years of going out down the drain with the women I love, just because I started school, nor was I going to do 4 years of long distance, can't leave a soldier in the battlefield for too long. And if she is willing to sacrifice and go the distance with you, you know she is a keeper. Most of the relationships that I have witnessed that failed, have either been long distance or short term in class hook-ups.

Looking for love? Try going on the bachelor or bachelorette! It worked for one of your colleagues!

I'm starting dental school in the fall and will be getting married in June. Yeah, it's going to be rough sometimes, but I've been with this girl for almost 6 years.

You have to remember that no marriage, or relationship without that matter is without stress. Like someone mentioned earlier.... spouses are deployed, death, sickness, etc can all be huge stressors. However, you work through it.

Being able to see your spouse 2-3 hours a day isn't actually that bad. I've spent the last 4 years at a different undergrad campus (40 minutes away). This entire semester, I've seen her at most one day a week for several hours. But we make it work.

Only you know the maturity and strength of your relationship. If you are with a supportive person, they will understand and help you make it through dental school. If you have doubts, they are probably there for a reason.

Anyone have advice for a pre-emptive strike (possibly not the best choice of vernacular)? ie. attempting to end a relationship amicably before entering dental school where the damage is done? I value my girlfriend's friendship far more than I value any selfish desire to keep the relationship going. I feel like this would be the best way to maintain ties (albeit they're likely to be somewhat superficial ties), but am having trouble seeing her thinking the same way.

Originally Posted by GobBluth

Anyone have advice for a pre-emptive strike (possibly not the best choice of vernacular)? ie. attempting to end a relationship amicably before entering dental school where the damage is done? I value my girlfriend's friendship far more than I value any selfish desire to keep the relationship going. I feel like this would be the best way to maintain ties (albeit they're likely to be somewhat superficial ties), but am having trouble seeing her thinking the same way.

I would say talk to her and give her the facts. If your planning on ending the relationship you have to tell her the real reasons.

Originally Posted by duriel

i would say talk to her and give her the facts. If your planning on ending the relationship you have to tell her the real reasons.

1+

As a student doctor completing D1, with a wife of 6 years, a 4 year old, one in the oven, and no desire to specialize....

Easy as pie. My family IS my support group. Sure there are nights I get home after my boy has gone to bed and mornings I leave before he gets up, but we still play hard. And I obviously spend some time with my wife....

I think this is a result of sitcoms like "Friends" and the shows that followed... the truth is (from my experience) once a relationship ends it's best to cut ties. One party is almost always hurt and lets face it; most likely you were not friends, you were partners. That is a totally different relationship dynamic and someone usuelly feels burned no matter how gently you put them down. In my experience real life is not like TV - and even if it were - I like to limit the amount of drama and relationship messes in my life.

As a result - I've always lived by that after I broke up with someone they were pretty much gone in my life. I dont call, text, meet, talk or hang out with them. It has worked faily well & I avoid alot of the problems I see my friends falling into (rubber band relationships etc.).

Just be straight with them and know you most likely wont be life long friends lol. Get out of their quickly after you break up too... because they might cry and get extremely emotional... and no it's not your place to comfort them either (trust me on that one, heh).

Originally Posted by GobBluth

Anyone have advice for a pre-emptive strike (possibly not the best choice of vernacular)? ie. attempting to end a relationship amicably before entering dental school where the damage is done? I value my girlfriend's friendship far more than I value any selfish desire to keep the relationship going. I feel like this would be the best way to maintain ties (albeit they're likely to be somewhat superficial ties), but am having trouble seeing her thinking the same way.

Originally Posted by yappy

I think this is a result of sitcoms like "Friends" and the shows that followed... the truth is (from my experience) once a relationship ends it's best to cut ties. One party is almost always hurt and lets face it; most likely you were not friends, you were partners. That is a totally different relationship dynamic and someone usuelly feels burned no matter how gently you put them down. In my experience real life is not like TV - and even if it were - I like to limit the amount of drama and relationship messes in my life.

As a result - I've always lived by that after I broke up with someone they were pretty much gone in my life. I dont call, text, meet, talk or hang out with them. It has worked faily well & I avoid alot of the problems I see my friends falling into (rubber band relationships etc.).

Just be straight with them and know you most likely wont be life long friends lol. Get out of their quickly after you break up too... because they might cry and get extremely emotional... and no it's not your place to comfort them either (trust me on that one, heh).

I'm not saying my life is like a sitcom, but I've managed to maintain ties (certainly not super close ones) with exes. It's not like we're hanging out on a regular basis, but we speak occasionally and there are no hard feelings. It's exceptionally context-dependent; I try to only date people who are mature, honest and can manage their feelings and expectations.

Besides that, I tend to date OUTSIDE my circle of friends (this is critical) to avoid collateral damage if things go south. I'm not going out of my way to see my exes regularly after we split up.

+1 to Gob.

I have learned more from my breakups than I have my relationships. I'm still friends with all my exes and my current girlfriend is perfectly ok with that.

But good to hear that dental school isn't the end of your romantic life.

Was my bachelorette reference lost on everyone...?

I am married with kids, and I am applying to dental school this summer. They are sacrificing a lot for me to be in school and will continue to if I get into dental school. I wouldn't get married unless you know she's totally onboard with what you need to do and if you guys are able to wait to have children that would be ideal.

Originally Posted by MaxillofacialMN

Was my bachelorette reference lost on everyone...?

No.

If you two went a week without seeing each other or had minimal communication, would you be okay?

If no, then you should seriously reconsider if you want to take that relationship to dental school. Because dental school will suck up ALL your time. Being single and in dental school is pretty fun though

I am married and so are many of my classmates. It is going perfectly fine for me and I think for them as well. You simply need to make time for each other and you'll be fine. Honestly, I think it makes dental school easier because I have my personal life in order and I'm not trying to look for somebody nor am I upset that I don't have somebody to spend time with.

From my experience, the classmates of mine that struggle the most are the ones who are in relationships (not marriages) and the significant other does not understand the demands of dental school. They have a constant struggle between school responsibilities and spending time with their girlfriend/boyfriend. The commitment you make to each other through marriage helps to overcome those problems because you know you are both heading in the same direction together.

I can identify with this. What wife doesn't want her husband to succeed? What husband doesnt want to be able to give his wife everything (Hey, we can try, right)?

I think in some ways a marriage can give you grit for those tough exams because it lends itself to motivation and service.

Originally Posted by UBDent19

The commitment you make to each other through marriage helps to overcome those problems because you know you are both heading in the same direction together.

Plus, you probably won't go out with the other students and get sloshed after each test. This will increase studying efficiency!

I have been married all four years of dental school (also, I am female, so this is coming from my perspective). We also had a baby during dental school (third year, fall semester). I am starting in residency in July. Basically, if it's meant to be, it will be. You can have everything you want if you prioritize correctly.

Originally Posted by Parklife

I'm an undergrad right now, and I'm in a 2 year relationship with my girlfriend..it just occurred to me that I should figure this out.

This is going to sound really sappy..but one of my many reasons I want to pursue a career in dentistry is because I want to be able to provide for my family some day. I want to live in a a really high, affluent, upscale area(as my parents have done for me) and raise my kids and just have a good life. This is how I was raised. My parents are not health professionals and have worked very hard to get to where they are now..so I have to ask:

Do dental students get in long term relationships during dental school? Is it hard to find someone once you're on the "outside"? How do you avoid gold-diggers? lol

Sorry if these are stupid questions..I'm just really wondering. I want a career I will love and I won't love my career if it won't enable me to do what I need to do.

Not sure if the second bolded part needs to be asked given the relationship status indicated by the first bolded part.

Originally Posted by yappy

I think this is a result of sitcoms like "Friends" and the shows that followed... the truth is (from my experience) once a relationship ends it's best to cut ties. One party is almost always hurt and lets face it; most likely you were not friends, you were partners. That is a totally different relationship dynamic and someone usuelly feels burned no matter how gently you put them down. In my experience real life is not like TV - and even if it were - I like to limit the amount of drama and relationship messes in my life.

As a result - I've always lived by that after I broke up with someone they were pretty much gone in my life. I dont call, text, meet, talk or hang out with them. It has worked faily well & I avoid alot of the problems I see my friends falling into (rubber band relationships etc.).

Just be straight with them and know you most likely wont be life long friends lol. Get out of their quickly after you break up too... because they might cry and get extremely emotional... and no it's not your place to comfort them either (trust me on that one, heh).

I like the way you're thinking yappy. My friend broke up with her boyfriend, which is also my friend. She said she doesn't text, call, or even recognize he's alive in her presence. He calls yet a b**** and misses her, but he got over it and moved on. One persons always going to be hanging, but then again it depends on the person. If you know the person is understanding then I think gobs technique works, but if he/she isn't very understanding and is a drama queen I'd just end it and let her/him get over it like my friend did.

I did 4 years of long distance with my now husband. We were together 2.5 years before I started school. Wasn't easy, but totally worth it. Had the time to myself for long hours of studying/pre-clinic work and I went out with my friends after exams. Went to see him every other week to every month and could totally forget about everything for a while. It really worked out because he was low-matienence and very understanding.

I agree with a lot of what's been said. I think that of there is true commitment and understanding on both ends, you can make time for each other while being patient at the fact that things may be rough and you may not be able to spend as much time with each other as you'd like. Also, dental school isn't the only factor. You also need to consider when you and her are in the point of your relationship where there is no doubt in your mind that you want to spend the rest of your lives together and also have a source of income(financially stable) etc. if that all applies, I'd think getting married after second year would be preferable if that's what you want and I would hold off on kids till after school. That's just me, but it depends on you really. I don't think it's impossible to get/be married in any professional school and I know people doing it, it just needs a strong love that will bear it and be a support for you.

1. talk to her and stay as friends till you are done. keep in touch with her throughout d-school
2. ask her to move with you
3. long distance is too risky

for anyone single, don't try to find the significant other in a dental school. we've worked so hard to get to where we are now. once u're making money, enjoy a little bit as a single.
you could always find your "health care" or "dentist" wify/hubby at local dental association/book club or through colleagues.

but to OP, best of luck

I always find it odd when people say they are just looking to "find someone" and trying to find their future spouse. For me, if the right guy comes along at the right time and I'm interested in dating him, then thats fine. But I always think its weird when my friends want to start a serious relationship with any random stranger they meet just to say they're dating and have someone to come home to at night. I feel like that has something to do with the over 50% divorce rate in this country, lol.

It seems like most dental students are very focused, career oriented people who want to succeed. If a relationship happens to fit into that, then cool, go for it. If not, than wait until there the right person and the right time comes along.

^thats a good point as well that I didnt mention because it wasn't the case for the OP. my former post assumes you've met the love of your life, your other half who you cannot live without. I wasn't talking about trying to find any random person in school. I wouldn't recommend that in school. But at the same time if you have already found the one, I wouldn't let that go. You'll probably be too busy in school to happen to find them without looking, but if you do and you can make it work, by all means but don't let it take away from your studies.

Honestly... Try to date someone who is also in professional school of some sort and close by. Me and my gf go to medical/dental school about an hour apart and see eachother on weekends(which mostly consists of studying). Its nice to be with someone who is in pretty much the same page as you.
In your case if your very serious and she has no greater prospects school wise tell her to move there with you and just get a job in the meantime.

on one hand
I don't know if I specifically want to wait until im 30 to get married;
Id like a nice guy to hold & be cantankerous with though my 20's.
Frankly, I do not comprehend how male dental students Ive spoken to can live nearly a decade without an adorable little thing to curl up with 3/4 nights a week. lol.

on the other hand
who wants to date someone who's never around?

I've been dating a lawyer long distance while away at school &
we've made it pretty relaxed for 6 months. I would in theory marry him on spot (hes a lovable guy) but probably logical to end things at this point. I need more time together than he does. Time I know we will have to a degree but not to a sufficient degree considering the distance & individual responsibilities we toggle. Our schedules will inevitably get harder once dental school starts.

so it goes both ways.
It's not always the dental students boyfriend or girlfriend that is the needy one.

But yes, OP, in general I believe marriage is always an option if lives sync-up right.

Hello ,

Good thing that every single girl I asked out during DS turned me down flat or else I would not become who I am today! I would have been too busy romancing to study so thank you for giving me all the free time in the world to peruse over my dental anatomy and occlusion handouts. Such a tragedy then but a blessing in disguise! DP

I am...

I am amazed from some of the posts on this thread! I am a female out of school for 2 years. My now husband of 4 years proposed to me before I went to dental school and we got married between 2nd and 3rd year of dental school. He moved in with me when I went away to school. I know every relationship is different, but to say "dont get married while in dental school" or "dont date anyone- focus on school" is ridiculous. When I started school there were only 3 girls in my class that were engaged. When I graduated, over half the girls in my class were either engaged or married. I found that my husband was the greatest support system for me through school. He helped out around the house, made me dinner, helped me study, and understood when I had a busy week and the only time I could see him was to say goodbye in the morning and kiss him goodnight before bed. A GOOD significant other will love and support you during school. If they wont support you, then they are not worth it- plain and simple. Most dental students are in their 20s... when most people get married. Don't shut off dating and marriage during school- I PROMISE you a well balanced life is much more meaningful... and when you are out of school with a great marriage and great job, you won't care at all that you got a B and not an A on that oral path exam....