So I went to the Morgue today...

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I was working at the hospital tonight, and a young girl died. They asked me to go to the morgue and grab a body cart. Also I took the body to the morgue later on. It was really freaky dealing with my first dead body...Any similar instances?

I was volunteering btw.

Originally Posted by sully677

I was working at the hospital tonight, and a young girl died. They asked me to go to the morgue and grab a body cart. Also I took the body to the morgue later on. It was really freaky dealing with my first dead body...Any similar instances?

I was volunteering btw.

Been there, done that. It's a really strange feeling the very first time, but gets somewhat easier the next time(s).

Going to the morgue, watching autopsy's and dissections never really bothered me because you never got to know the person or see them living. Watching a patient go from living, then code and die is an entirely different experience.

Originally Posted by sully677

I was working at the hospital tonight, and a young girl died. They asked me to go to the morgue and grab a body cart. Also I took the body to the morgue later on. It was really freaky dealing with my first dead body...Any similar instances?

I was volunteering btw.

That sucks.

The first few people I saw die in a hospital were from GSW wounds. The first guy's skull was misshappen because of the impact of the bullet as it attempted unsuccessfully to exit the his brain. I helped bodybag this guy, my first death. Another was an ~18 year old who was shot through the heart. They tore his chest open with little hope and little effect and 20 or so minutes later there was no one left in the trauma bay but me and the tech showing me how to find someones aorta. Having my arm elbow deep in someone chest was less bothersome to me than moving around his lifeless arm. It's strange the things that get to you. Another guy ~50 came in with a TBI from falling down the stairs inebriated celebrating his birthday. The alcohol had thinned his blood and the resulting hematoma caused brain death. Seeing his large family come in to the ED, devestated, was the saddest moment of my experience there.

Originally Posted by Drogba

That sucks.

The first few people I saw die in a hospital were from GSW wounds. The first guy's skull was misshappen because of the impact of the bullet as it attempted unsuccessfully to exit the his brain. I helped bodybag this guy, my first death. Another was an ~18 year old who was shot through the heart. They tore his chest open with little hope and little effect and 20 or so minutes later there was no one left in the trauma bay but me and the tech showing me how to find someones aorta. Having my arm elbow deep in someone chest was less bothersome to me than moving around his lifeless arm. It's strange the things that get to you. Another guy ~50 came in with a TBI from falling down the stairs inebriated celebrating his birthday. The alcohol had thinned his blood and the resulting hematoma caused brain death. Seeing his large family come in to the ED, devestated, was the saddest moment of my experience there.

Wow, those are quite the experiences. That last one sounds heart-breaking...it's going to be really hard when the families are there. Thanks for sharing.

Originally Posted by hereIcome

Wow, those are quite the experiences. That last one sounds heart-breaking...it's going to be really hard when the families are there. Thanks for sharing.

No problem.

It's funny when I mentioned some of these stories to one of my (only) pre-med friends she responded with "why are you telling me this are you trying to impress me with your experience" or something a long those lines. I do consider them valuable and unique experiences but in reality I was just talking about what any normal individual would view as relatively trying.

Yes the family was there today. And as they were leaving, they said, "she was the core of our life." Hard to swallow.

Originally Posted by sully677

Yes the family was there today. And as they were leaving, they said, "she was the core of our life." Hard to swallow.

I can't even imagine. Such a young death. I never had to deal with that. Don't get to down about things though. The culture of medicine is strange, it's almost like no one addresses these experiences directly and you are just kind of expected to adapt and acclimate. At least thats what I've been told it used to be like, maybe its different these days. Volunteers and such definitely don't often have the opportunity to discuss these things with any senior staff.

Yeah, the kids are the worst... I volunteered at a cancer center and you'd see really young kids with late stage really aggressive lymphomas and it's just hard to deal with. I can't imagine explaining to some 7 or 8 year old why they're going to die early That's probably why pediatric oncology is out for me heh

Originally Posted by drizzt3117

Yeah, the kids are the worst... I volunteered at a cancer center and you'd see really young kids with late stage really aggressive lymphomas and it's just hard to deal with. I can't imagine explaining to some 7 or 8 year old why they're going to die early That's probably why pediatric oncology is out for me heh

Always seemed the most depressing specialty to me.

Originally Posted by Drogba

Always seemed the most depressing specialty to me.

Absolutely. I really don't think I could handle that. call me a wimp or w/e, but to SEE a losing battle every day. G-d bless the people that can do it.

I knew a woman who worked as a nurse in a peds unit in Green Bay. Her hospital happened to be the favorite for the local Pediatric Oncologist, so, as she puts it, she "sent a lot of little angels up to Heaven." She can't talk about it without tearing up and she's been retired for many years.

Depressing, definitely. But someone has to do it. And why shouldn't it be the person who really cares about those kids enough to get depressed?

Been there, done that. It was creepy the first time but I had someone else with me.

Originally Posted by hereIcome

I knew a woman who worked as a nurse in a peds unit in Green Bay. Her hospital happened to be the favorite for the local Pediatric Oncologist, so, as she puts it, she "sent a lot of little angels up to Heaven." She can't talk about it without tearing up and she's been retired for many years.

Depressing, definitely. But someone has to do it. And why shouldn't it be the person who really cares about those kids enough to get depressed?

Agreed. I just don't think I'd want that kind of unending depression.

Originally Posted by NoUse4aName1286

Agreed. I just don't think I'd want that kind of unending depression.

Definitely. I'm toying with considering the possibility of maybe looking into pediatric oncology. But I will definitely have to think long and hard about the sadness...

Originally Posted by Drogba

No problem.

It's funny when I mentioned some of these stories to one of my (only) pre-med friends she responded with "why are you telling me this are you trying to impress me with your experience" or something a long those lines.

This is why you should never hang out with premeds.

Originally Posted by hereIcome

I knew a woman who worked as a nurse in a peds unit in Green Bay. Her hospital happened to be the favorite for the local Pediatric Oncologist, so, as she puts it, she "sent a lot of little angels up to Heaven." She can't talk about it without tearing up and she's been retired for many years.

Depressing, definitely. But someone has to do it. And why shouldn't it be the person who really cares about those kids enough to get depressed?

Because depression doesn't help anyone. Those emotional scars are going to remain with you your whole life. My developing philsophy is that you have to be engaged and compassionate but still maintain enough emotional distance to not want to go home and shoot yourself because you can't take all the misery. I like to think that I'm very engaging and sympathetic with the patients I interact with but already things that would have bothered me a year or two ago no longer do. I want to work in a specialty where I can save peoples' lives, which means I'll be in a specialty where I fail to save many lives. You have to develop an appropriate way of coping with that and being perpetually and terminalyl depressed is not an acceptable strategy. If any ped onc seems to not care it's probably because they've decided the only way to cope is to remain as dettached as possible. What a crazy specialty.

Originally Posted by Drogba

Because depression doesn't help anyone. Those emotional scars are going to remain with you your whole life. My developing philsophy is that you have to be engaged and compassionate but still maintain enough emotional distance to not want to go home and shoot yourself because you can't take all the misery. I like to think that I'm very engaging and sympathetic with the patients I interact with but already things that would have bothered me a year or two ago no longer do. I want to work in a specialty where I can save peoples' lives, which means I'll be in a specialty where I fail to save many lives. You have to develop an appropriate way of coping with that and being perpetually and terminalyl depressed is not an acceptable strategy. If any ped onc seems to not care it's probably because they've decided the only way to cope is to remain as dettached as possible. What a crazy specialty.

That's why I'm volunteering in hospice...trying to learn how to distance myself. It's definitely hard but very important if I want to be a good doctor. Not only do you want distance for your own benefit when you go home at night, but emotional attachments can cloud your judgment about the best treatment options. Sometimes doctors end up pushing treatments that aren't going to work because they really don't want to admit to themselves that the patients are going to die. This is what they told us in hospice training at least...I'm not pretending to be an expert at all. I just know that I believe in hospice- in admitting that the patient is terminal and letting him/her life his/her last days in peace and in as little pain as possible.

The worst is imagining friends or family going through what you see patients go through or being subjected to the traumas you see rolling into the bay. Life is crazy, and terrible things can happen to the people you care about. This becomes a much more vivid reality when you see those things happen to others, first hand. It also makes you start thinking that you've got to be lucky to escape life without having a piano crush your skull when in reality these things don't happen that frequently. Medicine skewers the hell out of a persons' perception of what is "normal."

The thing with pediatric oncology is that the survival rate is really high compared to regular oncology, something like 80-90% IIRC. That means most of your patients will end up living normal healthy lives, but it's the ones that don't that will inhabit your dreams

Most patients you'll see as a geriatric oncologist will be dead in a few years, but the flip side is most of them have lived long and presumably full lives, while the children haven't had the chance to experience much at all. I dunno...

I've had a number of friends die early deaths and it's not an experience i'd wish on anyone else. The actual event and even seeing the body and resulting carnage (these were automobile/motorcycle accidents and I was at most of the scenes) were much less troubling than seeing the effect it has on families that you know...

Originally Posted by drizzt3117

The thing with pediatric oncology is that the survival rate is really high compared to regular oncology, something like 80-90% IIRC. That means most of your patients will end up living normal healthy lives, but it's the ones that don't that will inhabit your dreams

Most patients you'll see as a geriatric oncologist will be dead in a few years, but the flip side is most of them have lived long and presumably full lives, while the children haven't had the chance to experience much at all. I dunno...

I've had a number of friends die early deaths and it's not an experience i'd wish on anyone else. The actual event and even seeing the body and resulting carnage (these were automobile/motorcycle accidents and I was at most of the scenes) were much less troubling than seeing the effect it has on families that you know...

Didn't know that

Originally Posted by NoUse4aName1286

Didn't know that

BTW this thread is fn depressing. I'm not sure I'm going to continue to patronize it.

Originally Posted by drizzt3117

The thing with pediatric oncology is that the survival rate is really high compared to regular oncology, something like 80-90% IIRC. That means most of your patients will end up living normal healthy lives, but it's the ones that don't that will inhabit your dreams

Most patients you'll see as a geriatric oncologist will be dead in a few years, but the flip side is most of them have lived long and presumably full lives, while the children haven't had the chance to experience much at all. I dunno...

I've had a number of friends die early deaths and it's not an experience i'd wish on anyone else. The actual event and even seeing the body and resulting carnage (these were automobile/motorcycle accidents and I was at most of the scenes) were much less troubling than seeing the effect it has on families that you know...

I'm so sorry to hear that drizzt. I'm so thankful that all my friends and immediate family are alive and (relatively) well. I know a lot of stories of devestating deaths that are once removed from me but I'm lucky that none of these have impacted me directly. I am not looking forward to the day where I can no longer say that, as inevitable as it is. My mother lost her father when she was 25 and my 20 year old college roommate's mom just died last semester. How crazy is that?

Originally Posted by drizzt3117

I've had a number of friends die early deaths and it's not an experience i'd wish on anyone else. The actual event and even seeing the body and resulting carnage (these were automobile/motorcycle accidents and I was at most of the scenes) were much less troubling than seeing the effect it has on families that you know...

Agreed. Even if someone describes the scene to you (or in my case, if you read it in the paper), it's enough to get images stuck in your head for life.

The thing for me about watching families grieve is that it brings back my experiences...and I've had way, way, way too many.

And you're right. This thread wins for the most depressing one EVER.

Originally Posted by hereIcome

Definitely. I'm toying with considering the possibility of maybe looking into pediatric oncology. But I will definitely have to think long and hard about the sadness...

My little sister had leukemia; my mom is a nurse and so became fairly close with our ped onc doctor. One time when my sister was being taken in for an office visit, the doctor just burst in to tears and said "I cant take it anymore." I don't blame her; I don't think I could take it either. But I'm grateful that some people are willing to put that burden upon themselves.

Sorry guys. I just didn't know if it was unusual or not for volunteers to transport bodies.

Originally Posted by hereIcome

Agreed. Even if someone describes the scene to you (or in my case, if you read it in the paper), it's enough to get images stuck in your head for life.

The thing for me about watching families grieve is that it brings back my experiences...and I've had way, way, way too many.

And you're right. This thread wins for the most depressing one EVER.

WRONG!

http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=154841

I used to read that when I'd get home from the ED to get my spirits up.

Originally Posted by Drogba

WRONG!

http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=154841

I used to read that when I'd get home from the ED to get my spirits up.

I'll have to save that one for another time. I have to go to bed and should really leave these sad thoughts behind me until tomorrow!!

Originally Posted by bones11

My little sister had leukemia; my mom is a nurse and so became fairly close with our ped onc doctor. One time when my sister was being taken in for an office visit, the doctor just burst in to tears and said "I cant take it anymore." I don't blame her; I don't think I could take it either. But I'm grateful that some people are willing to put that burden upon themselves.

I'm sorry to hear that. I hope everything is ok now.

Making the decision to go into peds onc has to be one of the toughest choices someone can make professionally. I hope anyone considering it spends significant time with ped onc physicians and patients before even thinking about it as a specialty.

Originally Posted by Drogba

I'm so sorry to hear that drizzt. I'm so thankful that all my friends and immediate family are alive and (relatively) well. I know a lot of stories of devestating deaths that are once removed from me but I'm lucky that none of these have impacted me directly. I am not looking forward to the day where I can no longer say that, as inevitable as it is. My mother lost her father when she was 25 and my 20 year old college roommate's mom just died last semester. How crazy is that?

Ugh. This just brings back bad memories. It's like a train wreck, and I can't stop watching (posting). Actually the worst one wasn't even one I was in town for or even knew the families or anything. I was friends with a girl that was a year behind me in undergrad but lived on my floor, and after I graduated, the school continued to send me a copy of the student newspaper each week for a year or so, anyways, one day I got my mail and saw the newspaper and flipped through the paper and the front page article was about how this girl had committed suicide by jumping off a building. I was like WTF????????? Somehow reading about it in a newspaper was worse than being there... I dunno why <shrug>

...

Originally Posted by drizzt3117

Ugh. This just brings back bad memories. It's like a train wreck, and I can't stop watching (posting). Actually the worst one wasn't even one I was in town for or even knew the families or anything. I was friends with a girl that was a year behind me in undergrad but lived on my floor, and after I graduated, the school continued to send me a copy of the student newspaper each week for a year or so, anyways, one day I got my mail and saw the newspaper and flipped through the paper and the front page article was about how this girl had committed suicide by jumping off a building. I was like WTF????????? Somehow reading about it in a newspaper was worse than being there... I dunno why <shrug>

...

I occasionally get updates about kids I went to middle school with. A girl that used to want to "date" me was killed in a car accident last year. I hadn't thought of her in years until someone told me, and I hadn't thought ofher since until tonight, lol.

Misery is a trainwreck. I've always been strangely attracted to it. Now I work with drug addicts which are some of the most miserable and out of it human beings I've ever encountered. Opiate users are lifeless and souless, or rather are transformed into these shells when they take their hits. The greatest part is that to get in a methadone program here you have to stay on a waitlist for 1 year+. How ridiculous is that?

Originally Posted by Drogba

I occasionally get updates about kids I went to middle school with. A girl that used to want to "date" me was killed in a car accident last year. I hadn't thought of her in years until someone told me, and I hadn't thought ofher since until tonight, lol.

Misery is a trainwreck. I've always been strangely attracted to it. Now I work with drug addicts which are some of the most miserable and out of it human beings I've ever encountered. Opiate users are lifeless and souless. The greatest part is that to get in a methadone program here you have to stay on a waitlist for 1 year+. How ridiculous is that?

Yeah, sometimes the world just sucks. I found out the owner of one of my favorite restaurants just got killed. Some dude went in and demanded the money from the cash register, and after he gave it to him, he capped him anyways. Guy was 38 and had three kids. Ugh, wtf.

One of my friends in May was finishing up his last exam at Alabama. He didn't get much sleep the night before he was supposed to come home. He was driving home on his birthday, and fell asleep on the freeway.

Death will happen to us too......not a matter of if, but when.

Originally Posted by Yourmother

Death will happen to us too......not a matter of if, but when.

lol, what a revelation...

Originally Posted by drizzt3117

Yeah, sometimes the world just sucks. I found out the owner of one of my favorite restaurants just got killed. Some dude went in and demanded the money from the cash register, and after he gave it to him, he capped him anyways. Guy was 38 and had three kids. Ugh, wtf.

Wtf is right who the hell does that. Rob him, whatever but cmon man why you gotta shoot him? I can't even imagine the thoughts someone must be having in his position. This thread is getting pretty morbid pretty fast.

Originally Posted by Drogba

lol, what a revelation...

nah, more intense and utterly profound insight.

Originally Posted by sully677

I was working at the hospital tonight, and a young girl died. They asked me to go to the morgue and grab a body cart. Also I took the body to the morgue later on. It was really freaky dealing with my first dead body...Any similar instances?

Seriously, people die, circle of life stuff.

I was a CNA at a nursing home, and I walked into my patients room and didn' see any family there (he was on hospice which meant he was going downhill, and the previous two days he had been surrounded by them.)
He looked pale so I felt his arm but it was still warm!! I was like wtf, is he really dead, so I tried to find a pulse, but couldn't, so I assumed he was dead. I was confused because his face wasn't covered, which is what I would do if someone close to me had just died.


Moral of story: people die every day, you will get used to it, and if you are a medical caregiver, you will move on in approximately 2 minutes.

wanabdoc...

Some people do have feelings. If you are a doctor, you do not have to be a morbid, noncaring jerk. People do have hearts. Do not act like dead people with their familes bawling is not a big deal.

Originally Posted by wanabdoc

Seriously, people die, circle of life stuff.

I was a CNA at a nursing home, and I walked into my patients room and didn' see any family there (he was on hospice which meant he was going downhill, and the previous two days he had been surrounded by them.)
He looked pale so I felt his arm but it was still warm!! I was like wtf, is he really dead, so I tried to find a pulse, but couldn't, so assumed he was dead. I was confused because his face wasn't covered, which is what I would do if someone close to me had just died.


Moral of story: people die every day, you will get used to it, and if you are a medical caregiver, you will move on in approximately 2 minutes.

What arrogance. You think because some old guy died in the hospice you were working in you know how every death in the future will affect you? Attendings who have been practicing medicine for years are still affected by these things. Obviously you get desensitized to it to a degree or develop coping mechanisms that often involve great dettachment but I bet every now and then even the most harden physician has a case that just pierces through all those defences right into their heart.

Originally Posted by hereIcome

Definitely. I'm toying with considering the possibility of maybe looking into pediatric oncology. But I will definitely have to think long and hard about the sadness...

That's a tough decision, man. With kids it's not just the loss of life, it's the loss of an innocent life... I couldn't do it, but I give major kudos to anyone who can. I guess you just have to focus on the ones you save.

We just lost a student over the weekend. That's the third student since I've been at my university. One person a year. Luckily, I haven't been attached to any of them. None-the-less, it is a horrible feeling, especially when your classmates, friends, administrators, and faculty are outright distraught about it. It may not be a person you know or just know in passing, but it will affect you directly. Ugh.

Originally Posted by 0Complications

That's a tough decision, man. With kids it's not just the loss of life, it's the loss of an innocent life... I couldn't do it, but I give major kudos to anyone who can. I guess you just have to focus on the ones you save.

When I was getting transport training for my volunteer work I had to go to the oncology floor at the hospital. Too sad. Decided then and there I would not become an oncologist because there is ultimately going to be a patient dying and you cannot do anything about it.

Originally Posted by Drogba

What arrogance. You think because some old guy died in the hospice you were working in you know how every death in the future will affect you? Attendings who have been practicing medicine for years are still affected by these things. Obviously you get desensitized to it to a degree or develop coping mechanisms that often involve great dettachment but I bet every now and then even the most harden physician has a case that just pierces through all those defences right into their heart.

Seriously, how many people that you have worked with have died. I can't even remember now, and to be perfectly honest, I don't even care. To be fair, I can still remember the details of the first person who died, but after that, it didn't matter.

Originally Posted by wanabdoc

Seriously, how many people that you have worked with have died. I can't even remember now, and to be perfectly honest, I don't even care. To be fair, I can still remember the details of the first person who died, but after that, it didn't matter.

Future surgeon in the making. And with that comment I'm off to bed! (I'll see the wrath in the morning)

Originally Posted by Drogba

Obviously you get desensitized to it to a degree or develop coping mechanisms that often involve great dettachment

As a care giver, if you cared about everyone who died under your supervision as much as you cared about your own children, you would discinigrate into an emotional wreck. Detachment allows you to move on and help others without worrying about things you can't change.

Doctors aren't Gods.

Originally Posted by ahaydt

We just lost a student over the weekend. That's the third student since I've been at my university. One person a year. Luckily, I haven't been attached to any of them. None-the-less, it is a horrible feeling, especially when your classmates, friends, administrators, and faculty are outright distraught about it. It may not be a person you know or just know in passing, but it will affect you directly. Ugh.

Yeah, that's tough, man. A girl I did a conference presentation with (she was part of our research group) was killed in a car crash a year or so ago. It was weird. I didn't really know her all that when, but well enough to know that it affected the whole department. We had a ceremony for her in the dept with the faculty.

Then get this sh!te! Some girl from my school (21 years old) was just shot today, then repeatedly stabbed in her apartment right down the street from my place. They said the Ex-Bf the alleged killer cut her up into pieces as well... Crazy stuff. I'm not sure who it is yet, so I don't know if I know her or not...

wow...thats crazy man. He cut her up?

My fiancee works at a plastination lab preparing bodies for med and dental students. If you guys have ever been to those human body exhibits, thats pretty much what she does. I have been with her to the lab and the faces, prior to being plastinated, really get to you. They have expressions and sometimes their eyes are open. I don't know how she does it honestly.

Originally Posted by Drogba

Always seemed the most depressing specialty to me.

that is the specialty I have wanted to go in for 10 years now... I will be doing some extensive shadowing in the field in 2 weeks so hopefully I will know more after that.

Originally Posted by ymnCheetos

wow...thats crazy man. He cut her up?

That's what the news made it sound like.

Originally Posted by ymnCheetos

My fiancee works at a plastination lab preparing bodies for med and dental students. If you guys have ever been to those human body exhibits, thats pretty much what she does. I have been with her to the lab and the faces, prior to being plastinated, really get to you. They have expressions and sometimes their eyes are open. I don't know how she does it honestly.

Yeah, I think that's something that can get easier with time, but I can definitely see how it could seem eerie.