"Things I learn" & "Medicine Sucks" discussion thread

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Originally Posted by ISR
4. When your husband has just gotten back from Iraq, having been blown up by an IED and suffering > 80% TBSA burns, it is not benefical to wait until he has woken up from his pharmacologically induced coma, been extubated, and come to grips with his injuries to tell him that he's too ugly to deserve her, and that he should never have bothered crawling out of the building that was shelled. Do this when your husband's CSM is visiting to personally present the soldier with a Purple Heart for his injuries, and Silver Star for going back in THREE TIMES to pull out his battle-buddies.
You know, it's the day after Memorial day, and I just finished this, and the associated thread, which I was linked to by a friend still in emergency services, but THIS post, in particular made my blood boil.

I started out as a Ranger, and switched to medivac medic, upon re-upping, so I saw both Desert Storm AND Bosnia, but from differing perspectives. Army marriages are tough, to begin with, and it takes a lot of work to make ANY serious relationship work, for a serviceman (or woman), and a spouse willing to put in the same work (my mother once told me that a perfect relationship is one where both partners feel they're doing 75% of the work, and don't mind it...it's worked for me and mine for 16 years now). To have someone blow a genuine hero off for "being too ugly" as a result of him being so intensely caring as to completely ignore his own safety, to get others to safety and succor...Yeah, I'd say he actually won on that one, he's got WAY more to give his partner than a woman like that could give him.

However, had I been the CSM, I might just have done enough damage to her to end that "too pretty" self-image, despite the paperwork it would have caused (no court-martial panel with half a brain would convict, under the circumstances, and at the level it would take to string a CSM up, the officers are usually pretty bright).


Now, obviously, as an Army medic, I saw some ridiculous ones (not usually the "Darwin Award" type idiocy usually on the docs' thread, but man, Army folks can get into some weird pickles while in the field, and odd injuries abound), and here's one that stands out in my mind, even now:

Picture if you will, being called in on a "hurryup" (fast evac, rather than the normal "guy's hurt in the field, should be seen in hospital, but area is unaccessible by ground, or ground evac is inadvisable, due to probability of exacerbating injury via ground transport), busting you butt to get up and out at 3 in the morning, to make a dark flight, and a touchdown in Mech Infantry country. Not much of a clearing to land in, and illuminated by the headlights (such as they are) of 12 Bradley IFVs and three Humvees.

OK, so everyone is working fairly well together, and it's pretty much like a small anthill when we start bailing to pick up our victim...what we find is a multiple injury case...and all of the injuries were self-inflicted, though accidental....

guy dropped the trim vane (a platform stretched out at an angle, while side canvas is raised, to make a Bradley "amphibious", though they float like rocks, even thus configured, usually) to full horizontal, and used knots in his field blanket, and spare cord, to create a hammock to sleep in.

Pretty good idea, actually, BUT. They run the engines in those things, at night, at intervals, to keep the electrical systems charged up so the optics and weapons systems work when needed. Poor dude is dead asleep, one of the Brads backfired when starting up.

Kid sits bolt upright, slamming his head into a heavy steel plate that he was suspended from, to begin with. Grabs head, leans to the side.

Hammock rolls, dumps him, face-first, onto the ground, breaking his nose on the (in)conveniently placed tree root, now holding nose AND forehead, stands back up...

And nails the BACK of his head against the EDGE of the trim vane HARD, goes down again, on top of the arm that's holding his hand to his nose, creating a greenstick fracture of the radius.

Huge bruise and bump on forehead already raised, BADLY bleeding rear skull, with 3" bone deep lac, and blood pouring through his fingers, down his face, and covering his shirt, from the nose...yeah, I can see why the CO's assessment was "I've a dying soldier on my hands!"...

WE
weren't too sure how bad off he was, as we lifted, but got a better and better idea, as we approached base hospital, and learned the details we'd missed later from one of the PAs who took possession, upon arrival (arm fracture, HOW it happened, that there was no subcrainial, that sort of thing).

Poor guy had Murphy aiming right at him, that night. Kid was nice enough that he came by the pads, a few days later (my crew and I weren't on duty), and dropped off a case of beer, a fifth of Jack, and a fifth of Josè. Gifts like that are akin to giving someone a fist sized jewel, when you're active-duty. Also left a note telling us it was the most painful thing he'd ever done to get a 3 day bed-rest, two week's light duty.

My parents always gave me Gatorade when I was a kid, likely because Pedialyte hadn't been invented yet (yes, old poster is old). The only flavor options back then were Green and Orange. The Green was only slightly less revolting, IMO. :p

Does anyone else remember Gator Gum? It also came in Green and Orange, and yes, it was just as awful as it sounds. :barf:

Yup. And I wouldn't drink either, or chew either, under any circumstances.

You never see a woman say, "Hey, hold my beer and watch this!"

You don't know my family. I swear, hand to the heavens, that most of us watch the old Jeff Foxworthy routines, and perk up, and go "remember when you did that!?". Ask me about my sister, the homemade trebuchet, and the Tolt river, sometime....

Originally Posted by rmbsstock
You know, it would have been much better for everyone if she got help way before this happened. I don't blame her if she was that sick but I blame the people around her that should have done something and/ or admitted her to a psych ward. As for now, trust me its easier for her to stay psychotic and in prison rather than have to live with what she has done to her baby.


Actually, a history of MI that appears under control is something that friends and family see as a good thing. Apparently, this poor lady had appeared to be mentally stable, at the time, despite her history, until this break occurred. For a NCMH, most states require that either law enforcement, medical practicioners, or a judge declare the person an active and immediate danger to self or others. In the case of law enforcement, usually they can only cause a three day hold, then the "case" is reviewed by a judge, taking into account the information provided by providers during the "3 day stay". As for "easier to stay psychotic, and in prison"...don't bet on it. Psychosis bows in on itself, making it worse and worse for the sufferer, and it's absolutely terrifying to "be in there".

Quote:
Originally Posted by kungfufishing
Put your penis in the half full gallon of ice cream. Continue masturbating when your family arrives home.

Hey, he took "American Pie" to another level and isn´t just a copycat. Mmmmh, is it a prequel or sequel? Or parallel? Because isn´t apple pie normally served with ice cream? :rolleyes:
Going for a'la mode?

I am older than dirt. ;)
Yup...when "let there be light" was said, he was telling me to flip the switch, so he didn't trip on the dog.


Also, my currently 12 year old son was on the neighbor's trampoline (against our direct orders), being double-bounced, when he was 10. The friend double bouncing him was of significant size...like 140 pounds in 5th grade. B (my son) fell face first into the trampoline off an awkward bounce, and the friend landed right on it with both feet. *CRACK*. Snap was loud enough the neighbors heard it INSIDE THE HOUSE (they hadn't been supervising at all, and they knew our kids weren't allowed on the trampoline). Very good nurse's reaction upon entering the ER, great hustle by the doctor, in a room immediately upon arrival, into X-ray no more than 10 minutes later, being briefed on surgery 30 minutes after that. They'd hooked up the "do it yourself" morphine button for the kid immediately after getting him out of imaging (they'd pushed some before sending him in, even...like I said, they were on the ball), which he immediately pushed a half-dozen times (good thing they have a monitored cutoff), ran him through surgery, quick as a whistle. I mean we went in the doors at about 4 in the afternoon, and were bringing home a dopey, sleepy kid in a fresh cast, with newly set radius and ulna, a plate, and some pins (BAD brake of the ulna, radius was fractured close to the growth plates, but fortunately only close).
The amazing thing? Kid yelled out when it happened. That's it. From then on, he was calm (flat voiced, no expression at all), collected, co-operative. He rolled off the trampoline, cradled the arm (by the time I was outside, he was walking towards us, gray-faced, cradling one forearm VERY well with the other, but every step had to jar it, and HURT, I've had similar injuries), walked towards the house until I got to him, and picked him up baby-style, so he could hold the injured arm both with the good arm, and across his belly, hissed one short, sharp time, as I put him in the car and belted him (we're so close to the hospital that I could get him there at least 15 minutes before aid cars could arrive, go through their routine, and get him to ER), and no winces, noises, NOTHING on the drive there, despite me making fairly fast (not violent) turns.

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Hahahahahahahahaha :laugh: Sad, but funny at the same time. Couldn't help but laugh.
 
Drink plenty of gin to dull the pain before you attempt to circumcise yourself with a pizza cutter. :scared:

Do not attempt surgical procedures as you’ve seen on ER, House, ect. especially when you might have the diagnosis wrong. A concussion does not require a tracheotomy nor should you attempt to put in a chest tube when your roommate passes out after a night of drinking. :nono:

It is possible to remove your own tonsils with an exacto knife and soldering iron. :eek:

If you have no medical training and suspect appendicitis, do not go to the hospital four blocks away, make an incision yourself and rummage around four two hours before calling 911, the hospital staff will be happy to close for you “doctor." :thumbup:

I'd ask where these idiots come from, but they're everywhere.

That's just messed up.....
 
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I suspect that there was alcohol involved. ;)

Yeah, with those, for sure, lol....it's right there in the story!

But you know, some people do that stuff without the aid of adult beverages.....they're the REALLY scary ones.....
 
Yeah, with those, for sure, lol....it's right there in the story!

I somehow managed to miss that. I actually can read, I promise! :p

But you know, some people do that stuff without the aid of adult beverages.....they're the REALLY scary ones.....

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Oh joy, got a fun one regarding lack of common sense at triage, now.

My eldest (14) and youngest (12) and a couple friends were playing "backyard football" when my 14 year old went a little TOO long for a pass, and fell against our fire pit.

Nice head lac, open, upper forehead, plainly visible, bleeding like a fountain, as facial/head cuts do...

We're sitting at triage, with a cold towel folded thick, bloody as all get out, pressed to his forehead. Right in front of the nurse, he takes pressure off to flip the towel to the cooler side, clearly exposing the gash, and allowing a nice fresh trail of blood to run to his brow.

"What is the nature of your injury?" she asks.

Thank God for teenage humor...instead of getting pissed off at her, he looked her straight in the face and said "I have a boo-boo on my finger." [hold up perfectly fine left index finger]. Took her a second (probably to appreciate it, not to get it...triage is a tough job, especially in a middlin' town with only one hospital), then grinned, and snickered...and riposted "Well we'll fix that right up, and the bump on your head, and if you're a good boy, we'll make sure and give you a lollipop on your way out."

Pizzas incoming. Arrived before sutures complete. Kid was very popular in obs, being the possessor of multiple large Italian Pies, freely handing out slices. Habit we picked up due to this site...someone goes into ER, pizzas ordered.
 
Pizzas incoming. Arrived before sutures complete. Kid was very popular in obs, being the possessor of multiple large Italian Pies, freely handing out slices. Habit we picked up due to this site...someone goes into ER, pizzas ordered.

Make more people like you. :thumbup:
 
Make more people like you. :thumbup:

I had to take a dude to the ER recently (after a surreal incident in which his tenant went out back and intentionally bbq'd his butt (no, really) after losing a poker hand, then started trying to break the grill; landlord comes out to stop whatever is going on, guy jumps him, and in the ensuing fistfight his thumb was dislocated at 1am with all the urgent care places closed. Oh, and his head got pushed through a window too. Alcohol was possibly a factor... :rolleyes:). I feel bad, taking this fellow to the hospital for this urgent but not emergent injury (no lacerations, thankfully, on his head).

Remembering this thread I offer to go get the late-night ER staff some food while I wait for this guy to get his hand xeroxed to make sure it's not broken, and they decline!

Not a health care provider of any sort (I'm a physicist), but that night I learned that the appropriate response to going all-in for ten bucks and losing is to turn on a bbq grill and sit on it, then punch your landlord when he goes out to see what the commotion is.

(grill marks on ass = interesting cc...)
 
Remembering this thread I offer to go get the late-night ER staff some food while I wait for this guy to get his hand xeroxed to make sure it's not broken, and they decline!

It's obvious that the ER staff was taken over by pod person aliens. Real medical personnel wouldn't have Xeroxed his hand! :p
 
And that was with another pt with a blown off nose decided he wanted to pull his IVs out to go to the bathroom.......

That guy was likely not thinking rationally. Shock and/or pain can do that.
 
That guy was likely not thinking rationally. Shock and/or pain can do that.

I hate to stereotype, but he didn't look like a person who is normally "rational". But this was also my first time at seeing a person with no nose IRL
 
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Lesson learned by son's friend: Don't lean in to python's cage too far, to get a close-up of the action, while trying to feed it a rat. It will mistake your nose for the target, and cause quite a bit of (fortunately superficial) damage, before realizing that it can't wrap around it properly.

Teenage boys, and their friends, can teach you the MOST interesting things about medicine and first aid...
 
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Well, as long as I've registered, please allow me to praise and thank the staff at Baltimore/Washington Medical Center who helped me when I recently had a heart attack.

Everybody, and I mean EVERYBODY, from the lady at triage to the girl who wheeled me down to the lobby at discharge, was pleasant, friendly, and professional. Thank you all.


This also applies to the staff at University of Maryland Hospital, where I was taken two weeks later when I had an episode of syncope.


But I suppose that none of them read this forum, since none of them knew what SOCMOB meant.
 
But I suppose that none of them read this forum, since none of them knew what SOCMOB meant.

yay for the great experiences! i hope you told them about sdn! they shouldn't live in ignorance any longer.
 
4TH of July weekend, folks, I better see more posts up here Monday/Tuesday <grin>
 
Had to recalibrate my threshold for stupidity yesterday. Guy with prior CVA, wheelchair bound. Decides that he needs to clean his electric wheelchair for the 4th of July. So does what anyone would do, which is drive it through an automatic carwash. Beater bar smacks him in the back of the head, knocks him forward, and the wheel chair runs him over.

:roflcopter: I'm sorry, but I just got a mental image of this being dramatically reenacted in one of those "Life in the E.R." TLC shows... and then I thought of this happening to Chevy Chase. :laugh:
 
Had to recalibrate my threshold for stupidity yesterday. Guy with prior CVA, wheelchair bound. Decides that he needs to clean his electric wheelchair for the 4th of July. So does what anyone would do, which is drive it through an automatic carwash. Beater bar smacks him in the back of the head, knocks him forward, and the wheel chair runs him over.

uhhhh, it is really cute that he is trying to look good for the forth. Maybe he forgot how things work. So sweet. I hope he is doing well.:)
 
uhhhh, it is really cute that he is trying to look good for the forth. Maybe he forgot how things work. So sweet. I hope he is doing well.:)

Anytime your trip through the car wash involves a broken pelvis, things went poorly.
 
Anytime your trip through the car wash involves a broken pelvis, things went poorly.
Not if you're doing it right at the car wash of love :D
 
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Had to recalibrate my threshold for stupidity yesterday. Guy with prior CVA, wheelchair bound. Decides that he needs to clean his electric wheelchair for the 4th of July. So does what anyone would do, which is drive it through an automatic carwash. Beater bar smacks him in the back of the head, knocks him forward, and the wheel chair runs him over.

:laugh: That's impressive
 
Big sigh - If you "float" in around 1am asking for benzos while wearing necklace comprised of valiums... YOU WON'T GET ANYMORE!

And no, there will be no "tradesies" swapping two of your X and a Tic Tac for alprazolam. However I do need to congratulate the young lady on her candy necklace. Kudos on that novel idea.

Of course the proper response to your refusal is to take off the necklace and swallow the whole thing.
 
No patient experiences on my end, but I have a few personal ones. I got a pencil eraser stuck in my ear as a child. Was itching in class when the thing came off. No problem, I just (carefully) picked it out. Then I think that this would be a good way to remove earwax (my thinking at the time equating soft eraser to soft q-tip XD) and put it back in. I can't pick it out this time so I wait until I get home and use some tweezers to get it out (also washed the tweezers).

Fast forward a few days to the weekend and I have a seriously itchy ear once again. I then remember the eraser and decide to try it again, reasoning that I can always use tweezers again. Can't get it out this time, and I get really embarrassed--so embarrassed, in fact, that I keep it a secret for three months. Mom takes me to a walk in clinic and they get it out. I'm told that I'm lucky to only have a swimmer's ear infection as a result.

On a different note, my family has a weird thing with small cuts making big bleeds. When my brother and I were kids he got a cut on his foot that he didn't notice and ended up leaving a huge bloodtrail around the house that freaked Mom out as she followed it. Mom, in turn, once cut her ankle on a bath fixture and it started to bleed non-stop (I'm told it filled two pairs of boots). I, most recently at around three years ago, picked out a wart and had to deal with the bleeding hole in my thumb.

Not much in comparison with the other stuff here, but I felt like I couldn't read so much without contributing.
 
No patient experiences on my end, but I have a few personal ones. I got a pencil eraser stuck in my ear as a child. Was itching in class when the thing came off. No problem, I just (carefully) picked it out. Then I think that this would be a good way to remove earwax (my thinking at the time equating soft eraser to soft q-tip XD) and put it back in. I can't pick it out this time so I wait until I get home and use some tweezers to get it out (also washed the tweezers).

Fast forward a few days to the weekend and I have a seriously itchy ear once again. I then remember the eraser and decide to try it again, reasoning that I can always use tweezers again. Can't get it out this time, and I get really embarrassed--so embarrassed, in fact, that I keep it a secret for three months. Mom takes me to a walk in clinic and they get it out. I'm told that I'm lucky to only have a swimmer's ear infection as a result.

On a different note, my family has a weird thing with small cuts making big bleeds. When my brother and I were kids he got a cut on his foot that he didn't notice and ended up leaving a huge bloodtrail around the house that freaked Mom out as she followed it. Mom, in turn, once cut her ankle on a bath fixture and it started to bleed non-stop (I'm told it filled two pairs of boots). I, most recently at around three years ago, picked out a wart and had to deal with the bleeding hole in my thumb.

Not much in comparison with the other stuff here, but I felt like I couldn't read so much without contributing.

i'm no doctor [yet]... but maybe your family has a bleeding disorder that ought to be checked out?
 
Don't come to the ED at 0100 having not passed a bowel movement in two weeks. What made you wait this long before seeing a doctor in the first place? And second, are you sure that you can't wait another 7 hours until the walk-in clinic opens?

Not a doctor/student (son of one though!) but I have experience with this so I can say that depending on what the condition is/was, the wait may be understandable. During my childhood I had severe constipation issues and averaged around one movement every 3-4 weeks. It actually wasn't until a year or two ago that I started having more regular movements but have still gone up to a week or two without one. I think I was told it was a hemerroid that was causing/obstructing.

Using my own experience as a basis, the guy probably didn't think too much of it at the time since he didn't feel anything until the imense pain kicked in, usually signally that you should find a toilet very quickly.
 
When I was doing a peds surgery rotation, we had a 13-year-old boy with a very distended abdomen. Turned out he had an imperforate anus. On the KUB, the rectum filled his entire abdominal cavity. I can't understand how that went unnoticed for 13 years. :(

Children sometimes don't report problems because they don't know that it's different from what other people experience. An example would be how children don't mention having trouble seeing things (i.e-- they need glasses) because they assume everyone else sees like that.
 
Well let me give you the following caveat before i proceed, i am not a doctor, but am an attorney and was referred to this website by a friend and must say that i throughly enjoy it and have a tremendous amount of respect for doctors, especially ED's, because of all the stress, difficultly, etc...

Anyway, i went to a ghetto medical clinic once because i got home from work and felt really realluy sick and an approx. 103-104 fever. I did not have insurance at the time bc i started a new job and was on the waiting period. I told the attending physician my symptoms and she was not sure what it was so she ran a bunch of tests on me and determined that my white blood cell count was slightly elevated. I also told her that my back, by my kidneys, felt a bit achey. Ok so here is where it gets weird, at this point i tell her that i am an attorney and explain a bit about my work. the attending goes into panic mode, with my gf right there, and starts telling me that i need to rush to the ER right now because my appendix are going to burst any second, then she tells me that she needs to tell me this and she will write it in my record because she does not want to "get sued." My gf asked the attending why her demanor changed so quick and she replied bc i am a lawyer she does not wanna get sued. Then she proceeds to tell me that she hopes i get to the ER bc if i do not then i will die in my sleep and she wont care at all, not will she feel bad.

Really weird, so i am FREAKING the F out at this point and i go to the ER where they tell me that the previous attending was crazy and that i had a mild cold and had kidnet stones (they had to do an ultrasound to rule out appendix). The ER doc, who was a good doc and a cool dude, told me that the woman was a "crazy paranoid b****":smuggrin:

I had a law professor tell me once that you should never tell a doc who is treating you that you are a lawyer bc you might be treated differently! Well guys n gals keep up the good work, but go easy on us lawyers!

hehehe... reminds me of what my parents told me when I asked about when me and my brother were born. Apparently at the top of Mom's chart someone had written in big, red letters, "BOTH PARENTS ARE LAWYERS!".

According to her, this was very funny.
 
hehehe... reminds me of what my parents told me when I asked about when me and my brother were born. Apparently at the top of Mom's chart someone had written in big, red letters, "BOTH PARENTS ARE LAWYERS!".

According to her, this was very funny.

I guess she didn't realize what was intended, then. It wasn't meant to be funny.
 
Things my patients learn from their nurses:

If you have a kid with some sort of colon issue who is nice and backed up, and the doctor orders an enema....

Do NOT microwave the enema to near-boiling before administration!!!

:eek: :confused: :scared:

Upshot was that a peds GI specialist gained a patient, and the state unemployment rolls gained a statistic.
 
3. Always remember to remove the zucchini you have taped to your inner thigh :)confused:) before winding up unconscious in the ER. Otherwise, the medical professionals will be quite surprised when they have to cut off your pants.

I've been reading weird news stories and such for several years now, so I'm fairly desensitized and it takes a fair bit to make be do more than crack a smile. This story, however, has caused me to laugh extremely hard.

He probably had the zucchini to try and make his penis bulge look bigger, completely ignoring the fact that such things are simply not believable.
 
If you're going to have a heart attack, it's a pretty good idea to have it in front of a full group of EMS students leaving training. Guy caught a lucky break, there.

hehe, I once read an article about a guy who had a heart attack in the middle of a cardiology conference ^^.
 
Things my patients learn from their nurses:

If you have a kid with some sort of colon issue who is nice and backed up, and the doctor orders an enema....

Do NOT microwave the enema to near-boiling before administration!!!

:eek: :confused: :scared:

Upshot was that a peds GI specialist gained a patient, and the state unemployment rolls gained a statistic.

What?

Who on earth thought THAT was a good idea?

I'm speechless. Really.
 
After seeing yet another reference to "the drug that starts with a D" in the "Things I Learned..." thread, I wonder:

Can you get some pharma company to discover a new NSAID and name it something that starts with D? :smuggrin:
 
After seeing yet another reference to "the drug that starts with a D" in the "Things I Learned..." thread, I wonder:

Can you get some pharma company to discover a new NSAID and name it something that starts with D? :smuggrin:

There is a very old NSAID called Dolobid that some have mentioned as a good answer to the "D" issue.
 
After seeing yet another reference to "the drug that starts with a D" in the "Things I Learned..." thread, I wonder:

Can you get some pharma company to discover a new NSAID and name it something that starts with D? :smuggrin:

Except for the expert drug seekers, when the patient hears "Toradol" they think its a narcotic because it kind of sounds like demerol.

I know this is terrible, but years ago there was a nurse who was diverting pain meds. She was giving the patients Toradol and Benadryl instead of the morphine/dilauded ordered. Very few patients ever complained that their pain wasn't relieved, and the ones that did were people who were sickle cell exacerb. or otherwise seriously tolerant to narcotics.

Too bad its unethical to do a swap like this and study whether pain relief was better by just telling the patient they recieved morphine even though they actually got something else than if they actually got morphine and were told they got toradol.
 
Too bad its unethical to do a swap like this and study whether pain relief was better by just telling the patient they recieved morphine even though they actually got something else than if they actually got morphine and were told they got toradol.

I had a guy fall asleep in the middle of telling us the ativan and morphine we gave him as pre-medication for a bone marrow biopsy weren't working. This was right after he asked if we'd started yet (we'd actually just finished).
 
Irritated 40-something female patient, as reported by an emergency department radiographer:

"If I'm pregnant, it's a miracle second only to the virgin birth."
 
Definite WTF moment today.

So, apparently, when you doctor-shop? It's perfectly normal to come into our pharmacy, hand my boss a scrip for "that pain med that starts with a D", and then ask how long it takes to get a good buzz off them.

*blinkblink*

And THEN, oh yes, there is an AND THEN, turn to ME, and say, "Remember me? I'm B's mom. We met at my daughter's party, when you picked up your daughter."

Yeah, thanks for that.

And THEN? Oh yes, there's ANOTHER AND THEN, it's perfectly acceptable to start the 3 credit card monte. And claim you left your money at home in your other purse. And upon being told that no, we will not let you take the pills home and pay us later, appeal to ME. Um, I'm the delivery chick. I'm not the boss. Won't work.

She paid. And thankfully, didn't fling a hissy fit. After she left? C asked me, "You actually know her?" I replied, "No, I don't know her. Her daughter is friends with my daughter, and I've met her once. She's also told me her life story, and I know her husband's been in jail." I pointed out that I talked to her long enough to know she was bat-guano insane.

Sometimes, there are no perks to living in a small town where everybody knows everybody else.
 
I figured I'd post this here before the people involved beat me to it. ;)

I'd been having some really awful pain in my left hip for the past few days, and finally it was bad enough for me to go to the ER.

They sat me down and asked all the usual questions, got my BP, etc. etc. and then put me in a room. As the nurse left, I asked if I could use the rest room. She said sure, and mentioned that there was a cup in there that I should fill up in case the doctor wanted a sample. She pointed me down the hall and said, "It's down there, Urine Room Two." Wow. Urine Room Two! That sounded like SRS BSNS to me, you know?

So I went down the hall and I saw a bathroom, but no Urine Room Two. I asked a nurse, "Where's Urine Room Two? I asked the nurse where the restroom was, and she said, 'Down this hall, Urine Room Two.'." The nurse thought for a second, and burst out laughing.

Turns out that the first nurse had put me in Exam Room Two. The restroom was "down there, you're in Room Two". OMG, did I feel dumb!:p

And my hip pain? Bursitis! How the heck did I get that, anyway? I am pretty young to be getting bursitis! They told me to take Motrin, gave me some exercises to do and a prescription for Percocet and a CD ROM with my x-rays on it for my regular doctor. The pain is much better today, because I was finally able to get a good night's sleep last night thanks to the Percocet.

But yeah... Urine Room Two. I bet she's told that story to a hundred people by now! :D
 
First line of my presentation to attending:

"60 year old blind man was up on a ladder installing an window AC unit...."


needless to say a subsequent fall was involved
 
First, I have to apologize because I am not a doctor or med student. I do work for a PCP, though :D.

I have learned that when a patient comes into the ED via helicopter with a compound tib-fib fracture, splinting is an entirely painless process. And if the patient asks for pain medication before splinting begins, explain that their current pain level (while laying motionless on the bed) does not justify any meds. Because obviously having two doctors yanking and splinting a broken leg is unlikely to cause any further pain. :rolleyes: And when the patient is laying there screaming and begging you to stop, blithely go about your business like nothing is happening. Broken legs are typically quite painless, after all.

Also, when a patient has had an accident bad enough to cause a compound tib-fib fracture (a grand total of 5 fractures, actually), the chances of them having any other injuries are zero. Even if they complain of knee pain and instability in the non-broken leg and you verify that it is swollen, it's fine. And it's not like they let you know about it while they were on the x-ray table! Taking a couple of x-rays just to check is simply out of the question. Insist that even though it is swollen and painful, it's fine. Other doctors will agree that there's nothing wrong with it. Don't worry, the patient will not be remotely annoyed when they're sent home non-weight bearing on one leg and the other leg starts collapsing. Because knees that are fine typically buckle with normal use, right?

And when the MRI comes back showing--surprise!--a torn ACL and the patient undergoes surgery to reconstruct the ACL and the surgeon finds meniscal tearing that was most likely the result of the knee collapsing because the ACL was destroyed, the patient won't be annoyed at all. Not at ALL.


Please, a note to all ED doctors... if a horseback rider comes in and says there's something wrong, there's something wrong. Trust me. We're insane. We're used to pain. If we say we think we have a problem, you can be 99% positive that we really do have a problem. But to be fair, I got stuck going to the county hospital where a lot of the patients are nasty scumbags who complain of 10/10 pain because of their stubbed toe, so maybe they just weren't used to people who aren't whiners or drug seekers.

Oh, and this experience has made me understand why patients fake pain to get dilaudid. It's good stuff! I never knew something could just completely stop pain like that. Morphine, however, is a complete waste of time.
 
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First, I have to apologize because I am not a doctor or med student. I do work for a PCP, though :D.

I have learned that when a patient comes into the ED via helicopter with a compound tib-fib fracture, splinting is an entirely painless process. And if the patient asks for pain medication before splinting begins, explain that their current pain level (while laying motionless on the bed) does not justify any meds. Because obviously having two doctors yanking and splinting a broken leg is unlikely to cause any further pain. :rolleyes: And when the patient is laying there screaming and begging you to stop, blithely go about your business like nothing is happening. Broken legs are typically quite painless, after all.

Also, when a patient has had an accident bad enough to cause a compound tib-fib fracture (a grand total of 5 fractures, actually), the chances of them having any other injuries are zero. Even if they complain of knee pain and instability in the non-broken leg and you verify that it is swollen, it's fine. And it's not like they let you know about it while they were on the x-ray table! Taking a couple of x-rays just to check is simply out of the question. Insist that even though it is swollen and painful, it's fine. Other doctors will agree that there's nothing wrong with it. Don't worry, the patient will not be remotely annoyed when they're sent home non-weight bearing on one leg and the other leg starts collapsing. Because knees that are fine typically buckle with normal use, right?

And when the MRI comes back showing--surprise!--a torn ACL and the patient undergoes surgery to reconstruct the ACL and the surgeon finds meniscal tearing that was most likely the result of the knee collapsing because the ACL was destroyed, the patient won't be annoyed at all. Not at ALL.


Please, a note to all ED doctors... if a horseback rider comes in and says there's something wrong, there's something wrong. Trust me. We're insane. We're used to pain. If we say we think we have a problem, you can be 99% positive that we really do have a problem. But to be fair, I got stuck going to the county hospital where a lot of the patients are nasty scumbags who complain of 10/10 pain because of their stubbed toe, so maybe they just weren't used to people who aren't whiners or drug seekers.

Oh, and this experience has made me understand why patients fake pain to get dilaudid. It's good stuff! I never knew something could just completely stop pain like that. Morphine, however, is a complete waste of time.

feel better now?
 
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