Lost my mojo...help me find it!

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Choose to not sabotage this. Choose to not let your internal drama distract you from working.

Stay out of the pre-allo forum.

Putting the word "panic" in your user name is sort of a dead giveaway that you're going to have to manage your own internal drama. Note: I'm not saying don't have internal drama. I'm saying accept that it's there, and manage it. When you start having a freakout, stop what you're doing, have the freakout, limit it to maybe 15 minutes, and then go back to work. (If you don't have enough to do before school starts, go volunteer at the shelter some more. Dogs don't judge.)

You're 26, based on your other posts, so I'm rolling my eyes at your "older" vibe. Pick higher quality worry content.

You need a freaking boatload of A's in a freaking boatload of hard classes. Every grade you get that isn't an A is a step away from med school. That's Cold Hard Fact A. Cold Hard Fact A needs to have a lot of power over your internal drama. If Cold Hard Fact A can't keep your internal drama in check, then don't take classes, because you won't get A's. That's Cold Hard Fact B: if you can't get A's, don't take classes.

Also keep in mind that you don't have to do med school. Any time you choose to stop banging your head against a Low GPA Comeback, you can stop. You just have to find the imaginary helmets that protect you while you bang your head against that imaginary wall.

Best of luck to you.

Originally Posted by PanicMoon

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

You are scared. It's perfectly natural. You are leaving your comfort area and venturing into the great unknown. Nothing is certain. You may not succeed. But if you don't try, you definitely won't.

Originally Posted by PanicMoon

Is this what going premed does to a person?

Yes. Welcome to the club!

Originally Posted by PanicMoon

Why am I all of the sudden so effing petrified of failure?

Most people are afraid of failure. "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear." - Ambrose Redmoon

Originally Posted by DrMidlife

Choose to not sabotage this. Choose to not let your internal drama distract you from working.

Stay out of the pre-allo forum.

Putting the word "panic" in your user name is sort of a dead giveaway that you're going to have to manage your own internal drama. Note: I'm not saying don't have internal drama. I'm saying accept that it's there, and manage it. When you start having a freakout, stop what you're doing, have the freakout, limit it to maybe 15 minutes, and then go back to work. (If you don't have enough to do before school starts, go volunteer at the shelter some more. Dogs don't judge.)

You're 26, based on your other posts, so I'm rolling my eyes at your "older" vibe. Pick higher quality worry content.

You need a freaking boatload of A's in a freaking boatload of hard classes. Every grade you get that isn't an A is a step away from med school. That's Cold Hard Fact A. Cold Hard Fact A needs to have a lot of power over your internal drama. If Cold Hard Fact A can't keep your internal drama in check, then don't take classes, because you won't get A's. That's Cold Hard Fact B: if you can't get A's, don't take classes.

Also keep in mind that you don't have to do med school. Any time you choose to stop banging your head against a Low GPA Comeback, you can stop. You just have to find the imaginary helmets that protect you while you bang your head against that imaginary wall.

Best of luck to you.

Truth.

Seconded: 26 is NOT old, I'm soon to be as well. Comparing yourself to people is a surefire way of letting yourself get psyched out. If I let myself scroll through my friends' walls and see how they're racking up the big bucks on Wall Street or already in their residency while I'm taking gen chem at COMMUNITY COLLEGE, of course I'm going to feel ****ty. So I don't do it.

This is what you want. Put your blinders on. Go for it.

PS-- You sound anxious. I'm anxious too. Running helps.

Originally Posted by realmeaning

PS-- You sound anxious. I'm anxious too. Running helps.

Probably better advice than drinking...

Originally Posted by DrMidlife

Stay out of the pre-allo forum.

This. Get the hell out of here, this place will make you neurotic as hell in a heartbeat. It's summer. Go outside. Go to local festivals/events (my small city is having a wine/jazz festival this weekend-only reason I'm at home right now is I'm waiting for all my friends to get ready to go). Assume that you've only got a little over one year left until you're buried in med school studying and go have some fun.

Originally Posted by PanicMoon

Seriously...never felt this lost or desperate or scared or vulnerable before. Please tell me this is somewhat normal & I'm not totally losing it. Yes, DEFINITELY, normal!
Up until about the past week, I've always felt like an independent, intelligent, capable, confident person. Ever since I got my acceptance to Northwestern to complete my prereqs & finish my Bachelor's, I feel like a TOTAL LOSER & an IDIOT for ever thinking I could get into medical school at my age with my history. It gets easier as you get back into a rhythm. You're not a loser or an idiot. You doing what you have to do to get where you want to be. One of my girlfriend's classmates is a non-trad. He was 29 in MS1 and I had a chance to have a few conversations with him about his road to med school. Basically in the end he said something like "I'm exactly where I want to be and that's all that matters."

The worst part is...no matter how hard I try, I cannot imagine any other future for myself other than becoming a physician. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? Again, totally normal imo. Is this what going premed does to a person? Why am I all of the sudden so effing petrified of failure?Being scared to fail means you care about your goals. Use it as motivation.

Originally Posted by DrMidlife

Choose to not sabotage this. Choose to not let your internal drama distract you from working.

Stay out of the pre-allo forum.

Putting the word "panic" in your user name is sort of a dead giveaway that you're going to have to manage your own internal drama. Note: I'm not saying don't have internal drama. I'm saying accept that it's there, and manage it. When you start having a freakout, stop what you're doing, have the freakout, limit it to maybe 15 minutes, and then go back to work. (If you don't have enough to do before school starts, go volunteer at the shelter some more. Dogs don't judge.)

You're 26, based on your other posts, so I'm rolling my eyes at your "older" vibe. Pick higher quality worry content.

You need a freaking boatload of A's in a freaking boatload of hard classes. Every grade you get that isn't an A is a step away from med school. That's Cold Hard Fact A. Cold Hard Fact A needs to have a lot of power over your internal drama. If Cold Hard Fact A can't keep your internal drama in check, then don't take classes, because you won't get A's. That's Cold Hard Fact B: if you can't get A's, don't take classes.

Also keep in mind that you don't have to do med school. Any time you choose to stop banging your head against a Low GPA Comeback, you can stop. You just have to find the imaginary helmets that protect you while you bang your head against that imaginary wall.

Best of luck to you.

+1

Originally Posted by ShoTyme

Probably better advice than drinking...

Bourbon neat does the trick for me sometimes too

Originally Posted by NightGod

This. Get the hell out of here, this place will make you neurotic as hell in a heartbeat. It's summer. Go outside. Go to local festivals/events (my small city is having a wine/jazz festival this weekend-only reason I'm at home right now is I'm waiting for all my friends to get ready to go). Assume that you've only got a little over one year left until you're buried in med school studying and go have some fun.

Agreed. Take time to relax when you have it. GPA repair and non-trad MCAT pursuit is not an easy task and you won't have a lot of free time. Take advantage of the time that you do have to unwind and relax.

Originally Posted by DrMidlife

Stay out of the pre-allo forum.

This is generally good advice for everyone who is applying, accepted, attending, or graduated from medical school. Also people not interested in medical school, too.

X

I can immediately relate your anxiety, as I am preparing to play the raise-the-GPA game this fall. I have been having seesawing emotions. Often I think of what a worthless, low-sGPA, poor-EC-exhbiting, never-going-to-be-able-to-express-my-sincere-assuredness-at-my-decision-in-interview, hopeless case I am. Reading the pre-allo forum with all its GPA/MCAT-obsessed pissing-contestness definitely encourages such self-views.

I then realize what a subjective, relativistic, and past-based self-evaluation my fear-based emotions lend. I can just as easily focus on what an awesome, standout, non-trad story and experience I have on top of intellectual, organizational, and straight-up zombie-killing potential!!! This, however, is fighting fire with fire, and does not promise lasting or valid results.

Ultimately, as seems to be the gist of the more concise and en pointe responses above, the emotions are fear-based and resultant from the unfamiliar environment and apparent dog-eat-dog world that is getting into med school. Either 1) evaluating the source of fear and validity of the cruel environment should either bring you to a calmer place of realization that you are in ultimate control of what you do, regardless of what others do, or 2) realizing, besides that, that emotions are anything but a source of objective representation of your world, and that it is possible to let them pass over you without gripping you, should help allay the death-grip of anxious-depressive spectral thoughts currently storming in your mind. Works for me.

Also, some concrete sources that have worked for me emotional guidance/alleviation:

The Sun My Heart by Thich Nhat Hanh
Socializing/scotch indeed!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3JPa2mvSQ4


Peripherally, just how into Dr. Who are you? Dune is my sci-fi addictive substance of choice, but one of my closest friends is so into DW (I'm talking watched all the incarnations), that I vicariously feel I know the universe even though I've never watched the show.

Originally Posted by SrootsWwings

and that it is possible to let them pass over you without gripping you


Peripherally, just how into Dr. Who are you? Dune is my sci-fi addictive substance of choice, but one of my closest friends is so into DW (I'm talking watched all the incarnations), that I vicariously feel I know the universe even though I've never watched the show.

Never would have guessed the Dune fan part

Everyone before me already said it best.

I just want to chime in that you can do this.

Originally Posted by ShoTyme

Probably better advice than drinking...

Haha. From experience, I agree.

Originally Posted by PanicMoon

Seriously...never felt this lost or desperate or scared or vulnerable before. Please tell me this is somewhat normal & I'm not totally losing it.

Up until about the past week, I've always felt like an independent, intelligent, capable, confident person. Ever since I got my acceptance to Northwestern to complete my prereqs & finish my Bachelor's, I feel like a TOTAL LOSER & an IDIOT for ever thinking I could get into medical school at my age with my history.

The worst part is...no matter how hard I try, I cannot imagine any other future for myself other than becoming a physician. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? Is this what going premed does to a person? Why am I all of the sudden so effing petrified of failure?

What's the worst anyone can take from you. Not the fear of failure. But the willingness to go forward despite that fear.

It never goes away. I celebrate my ability to be average here. And I'd like to see anyone nearly 40 who's paid the dues I've had and still willing to keep paying them.

So what if my punches are slower. My feet less quick and precise. I'm here. And I'm gonna be here. Long after the lights go down. And they stop giving out prizes to the prettiest.

Give your best, but fight you own fight. This place is crawling with mind pimps. That'll have you fighting hard to win at stuff that isn't real. Focus on you getting yourself where you need to be. F@ck the romance and the pageantry.

I'm inarticulate at present. Mind numb from the details of pathology I'm piling in that I will never know again. But what I mean is that.... I know this dude in my class. He struggles, I think. Studying doesn't come as easy as for many. He's from the border area of Texas and Mexico. Has family on both sides. His whole dream is to go back there and take care of the people in his little community. They don't have many doctors.

Nobody will give him an award for this. Nobody will bankroll the premise of his educational purposes. Like me, he just got in, to our lower tiered medical school--whatever that means. He will make it. But with tons of effort just to do so.

But what will be the measure of his success. Will it be the scores next to his name. Will it be the accolades of our superiors. No.

You have to decide for yourself why your doing this. Let that steady you. Otherwise you let those with ill intent do the deciding for you. And you might never unlearn how to stop turning tricks. Which starts with allowing your mind to be convinced that anyone but you can dictate your own terms of satisfaction.

And if you thought about it. You are satisfied. Or you wouldn't have made the choice. As soon as the semester starts and the work begins you'll be so focused on the next thing coming you won't think about it. Then the fight within the fight begins. But worry about that later.

Originally Posted by Abider

What's the worst anyone can take from you. Not the fear of failure. But the willingness to go forward despite that fear.

It never goes away. I celebrate my ability to be average here. And I'd like to see anyone nearly 40 who's paid the dues I've had and still willing to keep paying them.

So what if my punches are slower. My feet less quick and precise. I'm here. And I'm gonna be here. Long after the lights go down. And they stop giving out prizes to the prettiest.

Give your best, but fight you own fight. This place is crawling with mind pimps. That'll have you fighting hard to win at stuff that isn't real. Focus on you getting yourself where you need to be. F@ck the romance and the pageantry.

I'm inarticulate at present. Mind numb from the details of pathology I'm piling in that I will never know again. But what I mean is that.... I know this dude in my class. He struggles, I think. Studying doesn't come as easy as for many. He's from the border area of Texas and Mexico. Has family on both sides. His whole dream is to go back there and take care of the people in his little community. They don't have many doctors.

Nobody will give him an award for this. Nobody will bankroll the premise of his educational purposes. Like me, he just got in, to our lower tiered medical school--whatever that means. He will make it. But with tons of effort just to do so.

But what will be the measure of his success. Will it be the scores next to his name. Will it be the accolades of our superiors. No.

You have to decide for yourself why your doing this. Let that steady you. Otherwise you let those with ill intent do the deciding for you. And you might never unlearn how to stop turning tricks. Which starts with allowing your mind to be convinced that anyone but you can dictate your own terms of satisfaction.

And if you thought about it. You are satisfied. Or you wouldn't have made the choice. As soon as the semester starts and the work begins you'll be so focused on the next thing coming you won't think about it. Then the fight within the fight begins. But worry about that later.

You are a writer.

Always stay out of Pre-allo... Ugh... they make me shudder...

Stick to Non-trad and Pre-Osteo for support and advice, even if you're not considering DO, the advice is MUCH better...

I am 35 and will be 36 one week after school starts...

Originally Posted by vc7777

This is generally good advice for everyone who is applying, accepted, attending, or graduated from medical school. Also people not interested in medical school, too.

Makes me lol!

X

So...we are supposed to stay away from drinking? hehe I LIVE IN GERMANY! You can't tell someone not to drink when they live in Germany lol. Now that I sound like a drunk I will clarify that I don't actually get drunk or even tipsy for that matter, but I enjoy a glass of dry white wine when I am relaxing.

You should stand up right now and do this ...do it...come on, don't be shy...just try to do that and put on some good music before hand or you will look weird heheh

On a serious note, premeds are masochistic in a way. We take on things that we know will stress us, we aim for high goals that make "normal" people think we are anal retentive and keep competing against each other as we continually raise the bar on standards and work way too many hours. This is a recipe for anxiety and we have all felt it at some point, but that only means you are human. Some of the people in pre-allo seem to be machines, but I don't buy it.

Make sure to set small goals for yourself, not just the big fat long term goal of being a doctor. The small goals along the way provide encouragement and motivation when you reach them. Think of them as metaphorical pats on the back. You can do this, you will do this.

When I was in the military we had to memorize a lot of stuff, but some of the warrior ethos became motivating little statements for me and I would say them in my head whenever something about the military pushed me or got difficult. This may or may not do anything for you, but those ethos were "I will never accept defeat. I will never give in." That is really simple and not all of the warrior ethos, but I would repeat those two silently to myself and it helped.