Write your own rejection letter

[pharmy614]

Dear Applicant,

In some extraordinary circumstances which occur every decade or so, we encounter an applicant so worthy that we accept them upfront with no interview required. But that isn't the case for you, because you're rejected.

Sincerely,

Admissions Office at SYD (school of your dreams)

[matricASAP]

I got a bunch to add, unfortunately I may kill some with the clarifications....


#1:

Waa wa weee wa,

Dis suit... is NOT black!
Your Application is accepted....NOT!

Respect.


#2:

Dear matric,

Congratulations!!! We are pleased to inform you that the Committee on Admissions at our University has reached a decision on your application.

Please call (212) 479-7990 for more information.

Sincerely yours,

ADCOM Dean


[NYC rejection hotline, try it]


#3:

Dear Mr. ASAP,

Go SCREW!

[any O & A fans?]

#4:

Dear matric,

Enclosed with this letter you will find 4 items which you will need to use in the correct order as a final step for admission to our Medical School:
1. The anatomy book you will use only once to find the best locations for IV drug injection and gun barrel placement
2. A pamphlet on suicide
3. A syringe with enough heroin to kill a horse
4. A 9mm gun loaded with 1 bullet

I guess we gave it away by numbering them....oh well....

Enjoy the good drugs!
-Dean of Admissions.

#5:

dear you,

yikes.

-us

#6: for those of us w. e-rejects:

Dear matric,
We are pleased to inform you that the Committee on Admissions has reached a decision on your application.

Please go here for our decision: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBGIQ7ZuuiU&fmt=7

Sincerely,
Dean Rick

[Handy388]

Dear Applicant

Remember when she said NO to your prom invitation and you cry for days after? You may have to cry for weeks now.

Cry us a river.

[matricASAP]

Dear Sir,

Really?

Sincerely,

Committee

[matricASAP]

Dear Sir,

We regret to inform you we are no longer accepting white males until 2035 (at which point the medical field subsequently collapses when we have reached equality in the world of medicine).

Sincerely,

COMMITTEE

[matricASAP]

Dear Sir,

After receiving complaints that our last 42 classes of matriculating medical students all had last names beginning with Aat to Aug, we are in the preliminary stages of revising our acceptance process. However, this does not affect next year's class. You are rejected.

SIncerely,

School of your Dreams

[olemissbabydoc]

dear gradu8,

no.

[pride4jc727]

Dear Pride,

Thanks but wtf?

Sincerely,

Dean of Admissions

[Lawliet2008]

Dear Lawliet,

We just thought you should know that the man who was incharge of reviewing your application last week was found dead sitting at his desk this morning. According to the coroner, he has not stopped laughing for seven days straight and his heart finally gave out sometime last night. We tried to assign your case to another man, but he is threatening us with resignation. No one here is willing to touch your application, because apparantly, it is quite deadly.

Sincerely,

A school you will never go to.

P.S. If you would like a job at our admissions office, a spot has just opened up, as long as you promise never to bring that application in this building again.

[MilkmanAl]

Dear Al,

We have reviewed your application, and I regret to inform you that we are unable...Wait, what the hell am I saying? I don't regret anything. This sh*t is awesome. Your application was so pitifully bad that it actually burned my retinas. No, seriously. I can't see. Good thing I learned how to touch type before I could walk. Your laughable MCAT score of 45T was hardly even worth us taking the time to send you our automatic secondary application, though we do thank you for your $1500 application fee. You took care of my greens fees for a couple days. And that GPA? 4.0 from MIT? The bonus questions were too tough for you? How sad. There's simply no excuse for sucking that much when you only have 4 majors.

Your extracurricular activities were similarly lacking. Working full-time to support a family is no excuse for only having 7 first-authorships published in Nature. They're all hacks over there anyway. Hundreds of volunteer hours? Ho hum. Delivered Sudan from genocide? Who hasn't? Saving Africa is so last decade.

If you'll excuse me, I have to vomit. My time is far too precious to waste on rejecting insignificant peons like yourself, and doing so literally makes me physically ill. However, it was very satisfying for me to let you know how terribly unprepared for medical school you are. I hear White Castle is hiring. Anyway, once I've relieved this gut-wrenching nausea brought on by your application, I'm going to use your application to light one of my new Cuban cigars - thanks again for the application fee! - while my secretary services me.

Kiss my ***,
WashU

[Maxprime]

Dear Dr. AdmissionsDean,

Thank you for your letter of 4/6/08. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your denial of my application to your medical school.

This year I have received an extremely large number of such cease and desist requests. While I try to give every school an opportunity to reject me, I am unable to properly consider all the highly qualified schools that I applied to.

Despite your low average board scores, I am unable to accept your rejection at this time. I wish you the best of luck rejecting the other candidates in this application cycle.

Sincerely,
Maxprime
(insert photocopied signature)

[TheRealMD]

Dear TheRealMD,

You are too young for our school. Go away.

Sincerely,

Director of Admissions, University of Texas Health Science Center at San Antonio


I didn't like them anyway!!!

[Lawliet2008]

Originally Posted by Maxprime

Dear Dr. AdmissionsDean,

Thank you for your letter of 4/6/08. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your denial of my application to your medical school.

This year I have received an extremely large number of such cease and desist requests. While I try to give every school an opportunity to reject me, I am unable to properly consider all the highly qualified schools that I applied to.

Despite your low average board scores, I am unable to accept your rejection at this time. I wish you the best of luck rejecting the other candidates in this application cycle.

Sincerely,
Maxprime
(insert photocopied signature)

lol! They'll be waiting for you come September with a team of security gaurds.

[DisgruntledAppl]

Online Application site.

Our interview season is over.

Duke (we're too good to send you a rejection email/letter)

[lisichka]

dear applicant,
we are returning your application fee, because the entertainment we got out of reading your file was PRICELESS. please feel free to apply next year. we are waiting for the sequel.
sincerely,
Dean McDickTracey.

[ilikefudge]

Originally Posted by 3 little birds

personal favorite: no letter, no email, no notification. I just checked on a school one day and saw one word in place of my normal "secondary complete" status: DENIED. That's it.

yep same thing happened to me. next to interview they put DENIED... and they just happen to be my alma mater. how rude!!

[cubssox2000]

This thread is awesome.

When my cousin applied to med school (he's a resident now), he sent in the secondary payment to one school and received a rejetion letter within three days. They hadn't even cashed the check yet!

[EpiPEN]

Can't wait to read what bitterness this cycle will bring

[MilkmanAl]

When my cousin applied to med school (he's a resident now), he sent in the secondary payment to one school and received a rejetion letter within three days. They hadn't even cashed the check yet!

That's hilarious. I think that If I were him, I'd get a copy my my account statement after the check cleared, scan the rejection letter, and make some sort of photoshop collage with them, making the dates very clear, print it, and mail it back to the school with the relevant portions highlighted. I'm not one to burn bridges, but that's just classic and way too good of an opportunity to pass up.

[gabem480]

Dear gabem480,

We are ecstatic to inform you that you have not been accpted into our medical school but we are pleased to offer you a position on our website to be an example to the applicants that SHOULD NOT APPLY TO OUR MEDICAL SCHOOL. If you consent to this in return we will promise to not spam your email with bogus offers and we promise not to solicit your personal information to provide a scholarship to someone who is not you. Below you will find a place to sign giving us permission to do so. Do not frown upon this after all you may not attend our school but you will forever be part of its history.

Sincerely
Dean of Admissions

P.S. By signing here you give us permission to place you on our wesite as the perfect example of a rejected student.

X____________________

[cubssox2000]

Dear ____________

We are pleased to inform you that we have decided not to accept you to XXXXXXXXXXX School of Medicine. Why are we pleased? Because now that we have thrown out your application, there is so much more space in our file cabinets. Please do not respond to this in any way, shape or form because we will not look at it. In fact, if we see your name on anything, we will just burn it on site. Please make a note of this.

Best of wishes in Dental School.

Dean xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


P.S. I mean no disrespect to anyone looking into a career in dentistry. Good luck to everyone on the pursuit of professional school.

[^=^]

What if Ad-Coms were to view this thread, they'd be like wtf? LooL.
But seriously, this is the best thread ever. Ok, my turn.

Dear ^=^,

You have been rejected from our School of Medicine. Although your MCAT scores improved, will still cannot accept you because it was your third time re-taking the exam. This goes to show that by the time you get to the USMLE, you'll get screwed completely.
Thanks for applying and best of luck.

[pianola]

Dear [Applicant],

We regret to inform you that, although we had an enormous number of qualified applicants this year, you, clearly, were not one of them. Your fourth entry from the bottom in the Work/Activities section of AMCAS contained two typos and one misplaced comma. In future, we suggest remedial courses in elementary school grammar. We are, therefore, unable to consider your request for admission at this time (or any other time).


Nitpick School of Medicine.

[snoogiedroogsMD]

.

[TamarMD]

Dear TamarMD,

We can tell that you've tried very hard to bring your gpa up to something even remotely acceptable. We commend you on that. However we have decided that we are no longer caring about upward trends. Why should we show you love when others who've had their $**t together, pardon our french f--k it don't pardon it, since day one are also applying. So yea thanks for sending us that nice 100 dollar secondary fee, we're using that money and adding it to a scholarship for one of our many applicants who've known exactly what they needed to do and haven't allowed "family problems" to get in the way.

Sincerly,

We're not even signing this crap

PS if some medical school is desperate enough to accept you don't bother applying for our residency program. We've sent your horrible records in a mass e-mail to everyone who has ever attended or worked at this institution.

PPS Oh and you'll notice that this letter is addressed to your SDN handle name...yea we know all about you. BTW we told XXXXXX School of Medicine what you said about their interviewer. They've decided not to even send you a letter. So they told us to tell you "not a chance in hell". Is it lonely in rejectionville? Don't worry we're sending a couple more of your SDN buddies there to join you.

[dmbjeff41jmu]

Dearest Applicant,

You are a terrific candidate on paper for our medical school. Obvious from your AMCAS application were a tremendous commitment to education, leadership, and service. Your personal statement touched all of us deeply and profoundly. Many members of the committee now have your letter hanging by their desk for spiritual guidance. The decision to allow you to access our secondary application was delightfully easy. We all looked forward to hearing from you again.

Upon receiving your secondary, however, our hearts dropped. The medical profession has its roots in science but interpersonal skills are just as important. Due to the amount of contact a physician has with others, we believe your physical appearance will not allow you to attend our medical school. The hideous picture you have included with your application has drove half of the admissions committee to illness. We are sorry, but a doctor must do no harm...and quite frankly, your appearance harms everyone in its path. The picture has been forwarded to all medical schools that do not request a picture. We wish you the best of luck and have included names and numbers of the best plastic surgeons in the country.

Thank you,
ADCOM

[Gobblox]

Originally Posted by Zargos

Dear Zargos,

We're sorry but your princess is in another castle.


Love,
Dean Toad

Best....Rejection......Ever.

I cant stop laughing.

[Gobblox]

Dear Gobblox,


You are the biggest nerd we have ever seen in 999999999999 years of applicants. We at XXXXXX Medical School believe that if you aren't a Prep/Greek student, then you aren't cool enough to go to our medical school. We are happy to take your hard earned 75 dollars because you will only use it to go see the Dark Knight seven more times or pay for 6 more months of World of Warcraft!

We would also like to take this opportunity to extend a congratulations to all of the people we accepted who were your peers that spent their Undergraduate years drunk and/or high.

We give our final parting word to you as advice on how to become a physician.....

Level your First Aid Skill in World of Warcraft as that is the closest to doctoring you will ever come to.

Wishing we could give you a Swirly,

Dean XXXXXXXXX

[Amaranthinemoxi]

Dear A/M:

Thank you for sending us money. We just gave ourselves raises, which we so desperately need.

Oh, and btw, we are not interested in you as an applicant. Please accept this stationary as a substitute to a medical education.

Sincerely,

Dean Rolling in the dough

[pianola]

Oh. NO. Just no. I think this wins some kind of special award for horrible.

Originally Posted by dmbjeff41jmu

Dearest Applicant,

You are a terrific candidate on paper for our medical school. Obvious from your AMCAS application were a tremendous commitment to education, leadership, and service. Your personal statement touched all of us deeply and profoundly. Many members of the committee now have your letter hanging by their desk for spiritual guidance. The decision to allow you to access our secondary application was delightfully easy. We all looked forward to hearing from you again.

Upon receiving your secondary, however, our hearts dropped. The medical profession has its roots in science but interpersonal skills are just as important. Due to the amount of contact a physician has with others, we believe your physical appearance will not allow you to attend our medical school. The hideous picture you have included with your application has drove half of the admissions committee to illness. We are sorry, but a doctor must do no harm...and quite frankly, your appearance harms everyone in its path. The picture has been forwarded to all medical schools that do not request a picture. We wish you the best of luck and have included names and numbers of the best plastic surgeons in the country.

Thank you,
ADCOM

[MooseKing]

Dear Mooseking,

Congratulations on your accomplishments!!! You would make a great addition to our school. You have a very competitive gpa, mcat score, and your letter writers have very good things to say about you. We would love to have you at our school and add to the diversity here. Unfortunately, we reject you.

Cheers,
Ms. Leading
Dean of Admissions

[redrumi]

Dear redrumi,

Are you serious? No one likes you and you smell. Buzz off.

Yours truly,
Dean McDeanie MPH, MD, PhD

[engineeredout]

Dear engineeredout,

It came down to a vote between you and coco the monkey.

Better luck next time.

--Dean Kong.

[Narmerguy]

Originally Posted by zahque

Dear Zahque:

***** please.

Love,
The Admissions Committee

Best ever.

Originally Posted by dmbjeff41jmu

Dearest Applicant,

You are a terrific candidate on paper for our medical school. Obvious from your AMCAS application were a tremendous commitment to education, leadership, and service. Your personal statement touched all of us deeply and profoundly. Many members of the committee now have your letter hanging by their desk for spiritual guidance. The decision to allow you to access our secondary application was delightfully easy. We all looked forward to hearing from you again.

Upon receiving your secondary, however, our hearts dropped. The medical profession has its roots in science but interpersonal skills are just as important. Due to the amount of contact a physician has with others, we believe your physical appearance will not allow you to attend our medical school. The hideous picture you have included with your application has drove half of the admissions committee to illness. We are sorry, but a doctor must do no harm...and quite frankly, your appearance harms everyone in its path. The picture has been forwarded to all medical schools that do not request a picture. We wish you the best of luck and have included names and numbers of the best plastic surgeons in the country.

Thank you,
ADCOM

Oh God this is good

[Tourterm]

(this would be funnier is schools didn't actually do this)

Dear Tourterm,

We know you received an e-mail from our office stating that, unfortunately, we could not offer you acceptance into this year's class. We like to wait a few weeks, let it sink in, give you time to cope, then mail an actual paper letter like this one here, to remind you that, yes, we still don't want you. You know, in case you forgot or something.

[EpiPEN]

Dear EpiPEN,

CONGRADULATIONS!!!

At least, that's what we would have said if you got in. Please send us a check next year too.

Yours,
Dean XXXX

Note: the rest of the pages are just random ads we've collected over the past year that's being used to artificially increase the bulk of your envelope. Please recycle them.

[MadEvans]

Dear Mr. MadEvans:

This little piggy went to the market, this little piggy went home, this little piggy had roast beef, and you - little piggy - will never be attending our medical school.

Sincerely,

Your Dream Medical School

PS - We hope that you understand that this is a REJECTION LETTER. We have attempted to put it into terms we feel you will be able to understand, as in reading your application we could tell that you have a hard time understanding the real world and obvisously received significant coddling, fairy-telling, and misplaced encouragement from your family and peers.

[MadEvans]

Originally Posted by engineeredout

Dear engineeredout,

It came down to a vote between you and coco the monkey.

Better luck next time.

--Dean Kong.

Heh heh, I like this one.

[utjsm08]

Dear UTJSM,

Please download the attachment to find out your application status. Thank you for applying and we wish you the best.

Dean of Admissions




You Are SOOO Rejected ! (and you paid us $100 for this letter) hahahahahaha.doc

[MichiganEMTInt]

MichiganEMTInt,

Thank you for letting us lead you on by sending you nice little updates by email and snail mail (on letterhead stationary!). Seriously, that stuff takes little time for us and keeps you happy for a while, so it's win win. Unfortunately, in your case, its LOSER LOSER.

Your application is stellar. Better than most doorknobs (MOST, not all). However, we noticed you got #27 wrong on the verbal reasoning section of the MCAT. We regret to inform you that we cannot accept an applicant who cannot correctly describe the tone of the author in that insanely abstract passage. Since dissecting the arguments of art critics is CRUCIAL to the practice of medicine, we cannot accept you to our medical school. You're a freaking idiot.

Jump off a bridge,

Admissions Committee

[ButImLETired]

Dear LET,

Aww, how cute are you for applying to our school?! We at the admissions office really enjoyed reading your essays and LOR's. You tried really hard, didn't you? You genuinely thought it would all make up for your less-than-stellar gpa!
It's adorable, really. You made our week.

The AdCom of your dream school

- PS: Oh by the way, you're rejected, in case you were wondering.

[Nemethyst]

Hahaha, this is great. I don't know why I didn't find this earlier.

---------------------------------

Dear Nemethyst,

In our diverse and competitive pool of applicants, you are the 24 year old with shoulder-floaters and nose plugs.

Get the hell out of the pool.

Sincerely,
My Hopes and Dreams.

[kavorca]

Dear kavorca, While we know you have not applied to our school, we regret to inform you that there is no room for you at George Washington. Due to your average MCAT, we realize there is an 88% chance you will apply to our school, $125 has been deducted from your bank account in an attempt to conserve paper and time. Thank you for your time, GW Admissions P.S. an additional $125 has been deducted for next year's rejection.

[DrDiva06]

Originally Posted by LET

Dear LET,

Aww, how cute are you for applying to our school?! We at the admissions office really enjoyed reading your essays and LOR's. You tried really hard, didn't you? You genuinely thought it would all make up for your less-than-stellar gpa!
It's adorable, really. You made our week.

The AdCom of your dream school

- PS: Oh by the way, you're rejected, in case you were wondering.

LMAO! I LOVE this thread SOOO much!

My turn.. I've got 2

#1:

Dear DrDiva06

We know we got your $75 fee and you turned your secondary around in 30 mins, but we are sorry to inform you.. wait.. we just want you to know that you pretty much suck at life & should reconsider another field.

You want to help people, huh? Well, strippers make decent $. That should help the next guy cope with this letter we're about to send him when we're done wasting our letterhead on you.

Later (sike!),
Adcom

#2:

DrDiva06,

As much as we REALLY need diversity at our medical school, we just can't take yo' black a**. Sorry.

Try Howard.

Sincerely,
Admission Committee

[waterlilly]

Dear AMCAS #1262631,

Your fast turn-around time on our secondary application raised eyebrows. Your essays sounded rehearsed and generic. Overall, we believe you have nothing better to do with your life then apply to medical schools. Thus, we are rejecting your application. Below is your payment receipt. Have a nice day.

Sincerely,
Admin 123

[Lacheln]

Dear breeak,

We have been pouring over our website and our brochures in order to try to discern what on earth made you decide to flush your money down the toilet we call our admissions process? I mean, can you read? Can you do basic math? Do you have a basic grasp of statistical concepts? Apparently not. Maybe that's why you aren't getting in?

Due to the extreme distress your stupidity has caused our committee members, we will be suing you for pain and suffering. You should expect the damages to equal approximately $200000, payable via check, money order or certified cashier's check. We will be using the funds to give a full-tuition scholarship to one of the many, many, many, many applicants we have that doesn't make us want to take a hot shower. So, in a way, you will be contributing to the success of medicine after all.

Consider yourself served,
Better Than You AdCom

[Nanon]

Dear Applicant:

Seriously, lady. Does your husband know how much money of his you just wasted? Because based on your "extracurriculars," we know you couldn't afford this nonsense on your own doing HIV testing on homeless people and running a research department in an inner city hospital.

You're old. You have a kid, for cristsake. Your letters of recommendation hint that you might be mentally unstable. But the clincher is that you're stupid. We estimate, based on your grades and MCAT scores, that your IQ ranges in the 40 - 50 range. In fact, we here at (insert medical school name) are kind of surprised that you remember to breathe over and over again.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

Insert Medical School Name

[Decicco]

Dear Decicco:

Thank you very much for the fee associated with your secondary application. Although we encourage you to send more in more fees (check or credit card only), we are unable to further review your application. We wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors; please do not contact us further.

Sincerely,
[A pixilated signature]
John S. Smith

[UVAbme2009]

Dear uvabme,

We see that you like to watch TV and have spent hundreds of hours waiting in line for sporting events. Unfortunately, we prefer those hours to be spent playing a classical musical instrument, and we will have to deny you admission to our school.

Sincerely,
Evil Adcom

[^=^]

Dear ^=^,

You are too tight for our school.
Please apply somewhere else.

Thanks