Dating in Grad School

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Originally Posted by Therapist4Chnge

Bumped for Valentine's Day....

HAHAHA do you have a link for this??

Originally Posted by cara susanna

I definitely don't have the time or energy right now. I mean, maybe if some amazing guy came along, but at the moment... no.

So a few months after I posted that I am eating my words because apparently time and energy were not an issue. I haven't run into any major conflicts with schoolwork yet, but do be prepared to survive on even less sleep than you got before.

Originally Posted by cara susanna

So a few months after I posted that I am eating my words because apparently time and energy were not an issue. I haven't run into any major conflicts with schoolwork yet, but do be prepared to survive on even less sleep than you got before.

Isn't that always how it happens--when you're not looking for it? : )

But, are you really eating your words--or was he an amazing guy?

Originally Posted by Psyclops

Gradcest? Generally allowed. Utterly inevitable.

<--- Gradcester

I met my current girlfriend in my grad program. Like Psyclops said, inevitable.

Originally Posted by ILGirl

Isn't that always how it happens--when you're not looking for it? : )

But, are you really eating your words--or was he an amazing guy?

More the latter

Originally Posted by cara susanna

More the latter

Awww! Congrats! : )

Originally Posted by PsychPhDStudent

HAHAHA do you have a link for this??

I can't believe all the nerds on this forum have never heard of xkcd!!

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/science_valentine.png

You'd think dating in grad school would not be such a bummer. I just guessed it would be a whole lot easier to find viable companionship with the prospect of all the possible free therapy you could get

Originally Posted by cara susanna

More the latter

Congrats.

OK, I'm coming into this thread late because I just found it, but I'm glad this topic was started because it's especially important to me! I'm a 34-yr-old single female and I'm looking to go back to graduate school for the 2nd time. I'm interviewing at Nova in Ft. Lauderdale and Baylor University, so assuming I get into both of those programs, I'll have a very important decision to make. I already get the feeling that both programs are excellent, but even though there will be slight differences between the two and I may be leaning towards one program over another, the LOCATION will definitely come into play (and will likely be the largest factor) in my decision-making. Let's be honest here... by the time I graduate with my PsyD, I'll be 40!!! (That hurt me on the inside to type that.)

If I get accepted to Baylor, it'll be hard to pass up the financial aid package (assuming they still have that kind of funding this year), but I don't know if I can see myself living in/near Waco, and I've heard that Austin is too far to commute.

I'm wondering if anyone has any info on a few things: (1) the social scene around Nova and/or Baylor (esp. for single 30-somethings; i.e. is it completely non-existent in Waco?), (2) for those of you in grad programs now (or have already finished), in YOUR experience, what is/was the on-campus time requirement for the 1st 4 years (I'm wondering if it might be possible for me to do practica in Austin and maybe only have to commute to Waco once/twice a week for class?), or (3) whether anyone knows of any good-looking, intelligent, single, 30-something men who are looking for a relationship. Hahaha!

Thanks!

*

Originally Posted by krisrox

I can't believe all the nerds on this forum have never heard of xkcd!!

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/science_valentine.png

Of course I've heard of it -- I just didn't know what it'd be called and didn't feel like pouring through the pages!

I think dating in grad school is fun because you can let the guy buy you dinner and save some cash.

I have no desire to date a fellow psychology student. I like it when I can converse about other things with my significant other. Or when we can teach each other things about our respective fields. I've always had a thing for med students and have thought it would be nice to date a physics or another type of science PhD students. Gotta keep it in the intellectual science family.

Originally Posted by manko7

Just go ahead and date your professors.

Is this ever an option, in a case where the professor is in your department but isn't your adviser or in a direct supervisory position over you? I'm not in school right now, but I've heard of this happening, and I always thought it was a little iffy. OTOH, by the time you're working toward a doctorate, you're both presumably responsible adults, so... who knows.

Originally Posted by dr squared

I'm wondering if anyone has any info on a few things: (1) the social scene around Nova and/or Baylor (esp. for single 30-somethings; i.e. is it completely non-existent in Waco?), (2) for those of you in grad programs now (or have already finished), in YOUR experience, what is/was the on-campus time requirement for the 1st 4 years (I'm wondering if it might be possible for me to do practica in Austin and maybe only have to commute to Waco once/twice a week for class?), or (3) whether anyone knows of any good-looking, intelligent, single, 30-something men who are looking for a relationship. Hahaha!

I did my undergraduate at Baylor and (for some crazy reason) lived in Waco for a year afterward, and although I loved my undergrad experience at Baylor, I would definitely not recommend Waco as a great place to live or date! I worked pretty closely with two first-year graduate students in the PsyD program who were single (one was 23 and one was 28) during my last year in Waco and I know they were frustrated about the lack of a dating scene if you're above 22 and not an undergrad. I also became friends with one of my professors (she was also an adviser for my sorority) who was in her early 30s and she pretty much had the same sentiments. If you're looking to date a fellow student (there are some who are in their 30s), there aren't too many male students in the psychology department or at the university in general. That was a common woe of many of my fellow female undergrads, at least

Unfortunately, the way the program works I think you have pretty heavy on-campus commitments for at least the first year or two, so you are pretty much stuck living in Waco for a while. I think there is something of a dating scene though, albiet small, and Waco has been growing in size and popularity in recent years. Basically, it's not ideal by any means if you're looking to date or have an active social life, but it's not completely void of romantic opportunities either.

The good news about Baylor is that they have a great law school, and I can personally attest that there are some very good looking men in that program! I really shouldn't rag on Waco so much though, seeing as how I met my future husband during my last semester and he was single and post-grad at the time. Occasionally Baylor grads will end up staying in Waco after they graduate, so you might get lucky and find one of them. If not...there's always weekend trips to Austin or Dallas, right?

Feel free to PM me if you have any Waco-specific questions. Fortunately or unfortunately, I have experienced living there from more than one perspective.

Originally Posted by psycathy

Is this ever an option, in a case where the professor is in your department but isn't your adviser or in a direct supervisory position over you? I'm not in school right now, but I've heard of this happening, and I always thought it was a little iffy. OTOH, by the time you're working toward a doctorate, you're both presumably responsible adults, so... who knows.

no. just no.

Huh, interesting. Can you elaborate? I'm really curious... and it's not because I'm contemplating doing it myself. I'm just not clear on whether you mean it's unethical or just generally inadvisable.

For those of you who do find time to date in grad school, how many of you have been in long-distance relationships with another grad student (at another school)? How have you been able to make this work? Obviously, both partners are going to be busy, so I can foresee that being an obstacle in addition to the distance...

Originally Posted by psycathy

Huh, interesting. Can you elaborate? I'm really curious... and it's not because I'm contemplating doing it myself. I'm just not clear on whether you mean it's unethical or just generally inadvisable.

It's not just inadvisable. It IS unethical. Even if the professor isn't your advisor, there is a power differential. The individual could end up teaching one of your classes, or end up being your practicum supervisor, or may end up on your dissertation committee. But, even if none of those situations were possible for you, the professor is being paid to teach students. You are in a subordinate position--not equal to the professor. Thus, it is considered unethical for so many reasons. . . .

And, you certainly wouldn't want your credentials challenged by other professors and students who might believe that you are being favored for something because of your "special" relationship with a professor.

Originally Posted by psycathy

Huh, interesting. Can you elaborate? I'm really curious... and it's not because I'm contemplating doing it myself. I'm just not clear on whether you mean it's unethical or just generally inadvisable.

both. i think Jezebel sums it up quite nicely.

Just the thought ecks me out.

I've done the long distance thing and as long as we could see each other about once a month, I actually preferred it in some ways. We both had time to do our own things.

Originally Posted by PsychPhDStudent

I've done the long distance thing and as long as we could see each other about once a month, I actually preferred it in some ways. We both had time to do our own things.

I'm dreading having to do this with my current boyfriend. I know we'll make it work, but I'm not looking forward to the added agony of missing him on top of all the stress of grad school.

Originally Posted by krisrox

I'm dreading having to do this with my current boyfriend. I know we'll make it work, but I'm not looking forward to the added agony of missing him on top of all the stress of grad school.

One word: Skype.

My SO is currently in med school, and so far, long-distance dating has worked for us (I'm sure it will be harder if/when I go to grad school), but what has REALLY helped ease the heart-ache of missing each other is Skype. Of course, if both partners are stressed out from school it could be harder to maintain the relationship, but I'm hoping good communications skills will help.

Originally Posted by Sunshine3710

One word: Skype.

We've definitely entertained this idea. I'm glad there's someone out there making it work : )

Originally Posted by cara susanna

Just the thought ecks me out.

Ditto. And if you broke up and then had a class, supervision, etc., with them that would be REALLY awkward.

Originally Posted by psycathy

Huh, interesting. Can you elaborate? I'm really curious... and it's not because I'm contemplating doing it myself. I'm just not clear on whether you mean it's unethical or just generally inadvisable.

Naïve, party of one. Your table is ready...

Mark

Well, maybe I am naive, but as I said, I'm not a graduate student right now ("Status: Pre-psychology"), so it should be understandable. I just asked for clarification---which, having been received, surely goes toward reducing my naiveté.

Originally Posted by Therapist4Chnge

Bumped for Valentine's Day....

at first i thought that was so cute, and was going to send it to my boy... then i read the end... that was a rough surprise... lol

Okay, decided on a new dating rule: Any guy who asks if I'm "analyzing" him automatically dumped. Immediately. NEXT!

Originally Posted by dr squared

OK, I'm coming into this thread late because I just found it, but I'm glad this topic was started because it's especially important to me! I'm a 34-yr-old single female and I'm looking to go back to graduate school for the 2nd time. I'm interviewing at Nova in Ft. Lauderdale and Baylor University, so assuming I get into both of those programs, I'll have a very important decision to make. I already get the feeling that both programs are excellent, but even though there will be slight differences between the two and I may be leaning towards one program over another, the LOCATION will definitely come into play (and will likely be the largest factor) in my decision-making. Let's be honest here... by the time I graduate with my PsyD, I'll be 40!!! (That hurt me on the inside to type that.)

If I get accepted to Baylor, it'll be hard to pass up the financial aid package (assuming they still have that kind of funding this year), but I don't know if I can see myself living in/near Waco, and I've heard that Austin is too far to commute.

I'm wondering if anyone has any info on a few things: (1) the social scene around Nova and/or Baylor (esp. for single 30-somethings; i.e. is it completely non-existent in Waco?), (2) for those of you in grad programs now (or have already finished), in YOUR experience, what is/was the on-campus time requirement for the 1st 4 years (I'm wondering if it might be possible for me to do practica in Austin and maybe only have to commute to Waco once/twice a week for class?), or (3) whether anyone knows of any good-looking, intelligent, single, 30-something men who are looking for a relationship. Hahaha!

Thanks!

My hometown is Ft. Lauderdale, and I did my undergrad in Miami. There is definitely a dating scene for 30 somethings in Ft. Lauderdale and Miami (about a 30-45 minute drive from Nova). Specifically, I'm thinking Las Olas (street of bars, shops, and restaurants) in Ft. Laudy caters to more of a 30s and 40s crowd. Also, Brickell in Miami = swanky businessmen, most 30+.

x

Originally Posted by eka2009

What do people think about dating political opposites?? Can a marriage work with this difference?? (Sorry for the lengthy post, I commend anyone who got to the bottom!)

MOD NOTE: It is against SDN policy to solicit medical/psychological opinion about an individual's situation.

The Lounge is a more appropriate place for a general discussion of dating and political differences.

I'm not in grad school yet (fingers crossed*), but clinical psych people I know personally often credit their spouses for keeping them sane while writing their dissertations. I'll be checking out cute science grads the day I step my foot on campus officially

But, no one that asks me to hypnotize him.

Originally Posted by PsychPhDStudent

Okay, decided on a new dating rule: Any guy who asks if I'm "analyzing" him automatically dumped. Immediately. NEXT!

Originally Posted by PsychPhDStudent

Okay, decided on a new dating rule: Any guy who asks if I'm "analyzing" him automatically dumped. Immediately. NEXT!

Well, if I followed your rule, I'd only be able to date other psychology graduate students.

My SO is a PhD student in engineering; we met while we were both undergrads and have since both gotten masters degrees in engineering and psych respectively. I'm not currently in school (hoping that will change come september!!), but I live in graduate family housing on campus with him, so everyone in the entire apartment building is grad student either married or in a serious long term relationship (or someone in a relationship with a grad student), and a few of them (*gasp*) have small children. Most people seem to be doing okay.

I think being in a relationship definitely can and does in many cases work while in grad school. I actually think it works better if you're both grad students or have been through grad school, because then both sides are a little more understanding about the time and effort involved. At the same time, it kind of forces you to have some 'self-care' and engage in other activities besides school.

And about putting dating off...if you want a research career, you'll always be busy. If you dont, you'll probably always be busy anyway. you might as well learn to balance work and your personal life now.

The Graduate Student Association at my school hosts speed dating every year for grad students only.

Originally Posted by Jezebel09

It's not just inadvisable. It IS unethical. Even if the professor isn't your advisor, there is a power differential. The individual could end up teaching one of your classes, or end up being your practicum supervisor, or may end up on your dissertation committee. But, even if none of those situations were possible for you, the professor is being paid to teach students. You are in a subordinate position--not equal to the professor. Thus, it is considered unethical for so many reasons. . . .

And, you certainly wouldn't want your credentials challenged by other professors and students who might believe that you are being favored for something because of your "special" relationship with a professor.

Totally Agree. I am a happily married woman (met my husband in undergrad - he has absolutely NO interest in academia) but I do know someone, can't say too much, but she did get 'busted' for sleeping with one of her professors and let me just say - imagine the worst case scenario and that is pretty much what happened. She ended up transferring to a different department because she said that she had decided she wanted a slightly different degree. It was not a pretty picture. DO NOT DATE YOUR PROFESSORS.

Originally Posted by kapinkkidowski

and a few of them (*gasp*) have small children. Most people seem to be doing okay.


And about putting dating off...if you want a research career, you'll always be busy. If you dont, you'll probably always be busy anyway. you might as well learn to balance work and your personal life now.

Totally agree, You'll never have enough time - you will always to be busy so if it finds you I say embrace it. Personally, I can't even fathom getting through graduate school without my husband, he has been my rock.

And I (*gasp*) have a small child too (*gasp*)!!

Sorry, I loved reading that. I mean, we talked at length prior to having her (mostly about money) and you can always plan on more time, more money, more whatever but at the end of the day you have to live your life. I mean, there I was, 8 months pregnant defending my comps - who'da thunk.

All of this talk of dating, and the word "sex" has hardly come up.

I moved last summer to my new city for the first year of my PhD, and I was so into the idea of dating around. Then, the reality of my work load hit. My dating motivations changed to "Oh god, if I could just find someone who wants to shag now and then."

Am I the only one who, due to a crushing workload, would rather skip the dating right now and just have a FWB?

In the city where I used to live, which was rather cosmopolitan, there were plenty such options. Plus, I'd lived there for many years, so my social networks were well established. My new city is much smaller, and the prospects of this seem very limited.

Originally Posted by irish80122

I am a single male so I am one of the lucky ones! I know there are people in other departments, and you never know what will happen, but I just seem to get along with fellow psycho nerds . The main problem I have found in my undergrad days is that a lot of my female friends are in relationships, but ehh, what can you do? I am going to be open to other fields, but I just think the chances are best with someone I come into contact with pretty much every day because that is how it has always worked for me in the past. I will just have to be careful if it does happen, and I will be!

HA me too buddy me too... I was at one interview, the school had 1 male and like 40 female students, and I was one of 3 males interviewing for the program (rest female).

Either way, I too am recently singled, and its a lonely feeling knowing you will be moving on with your life (one of the more important steps in life for sure) alone. It makes me wonder how accepting women in psych programs are to having straight male friends.

Also, anyone else think that the lack of heterosexual male psych grad students sets up an eerily similar situation to the bar/closing time effect? women settle for whats best of a limited pool?

disclaimer: I am not saying any of what I just wrote is true, just conjecturing is all

Originally Posted by Wildcat06

Ha! Maybe during interview season...?

i admittedly met someone, who was on my same flight going to interview at the same program.... no names or places, problem with this is that it all rides on actually going to the same program... statistically unfavorable

Oh man do I have a great X-rated interview hook-up story from back in the day.... Prob not appopriate to share though. I think she's a post-doc now actually. Not sure where though.....

Originally Posted by erg923

Oh man do I have a great X-rated interview hook-up story from back in the day.... Prob not appopriate to share though. I think she's a post-doc now actually. Not sure where though.....

It's a professional forum, so that probably wouldn't be the best thing to post.

Originally Posted by erg923

Oh man do I have a great X-rated interview hook-up story from back in the day.... Prob not appopriate to share though. I think she's a post-doc now actually. Not sure where though.....

PM me ; )

Kidding!!

Originally Posted by Therapist4Chnge

It's a professional forum, so that probably wouldn't be the best thing to post.

dude.... stop policing the forums like someone's mother...

Originally Posted by Wapote84

dude.... stop policing the forums like someone's mother...

Well......he is the moderator.......

haha..I was exaggerating some and no, i wasn't gonna tell a dirty story. T4C is the moderator and has the right (and responsibility) to ensure/maintain professional decorum on this forum.

Originally Posted by Jezebel09

It's not just inadvisable. It IS unethical. Even if the professor isn't your advisor, there is a power differential. The individual could end up teaching one of your classes, or end up being your practicum supervisor, or may end up on your dissertation committee.

I actually knew of one case of someone who did have a relationship with a professor who DID end up being on his dissertation committee.

And then they broke up rather messily. He did end up graduating with his degree, but really, climbing Everest sounded easier.

Originally Posted by psychanon

...if you're a straight male, you shouldn't have any trouble finding available women.

I don't know about this one. Although I'm no Johnny Depp, I'm a pretty decent looking guy, regarded as very smart, more involved in the school community than most in my program, and I am really friendly (albeit my pretentious nature in class, but I blame studying psychoanalysis and the GRE's on that!). Yet I am spending more and more time in isolation while all the youngsters (I am late 20's, they are mostly early-mid 20's) get obliterated with each other at the local pub. There are many attractive women in my program, and I've had my eye on a couple of them, but none seem to be too interested in me. To me, my school (a private institution with lower expectations than a university program) seems to be more like a continuation of the undergraduate lifestyle while I sit on the sidelines trying to make a name for myself. I don't want to get sidetracked here and launch into a woe-is-me tangent, but I am lonely as hell and wish I had a little companionship. I think I have a lot to offer to the right woman, but am not so hopeful I'll find her in time before my looks wear out.