don't even want to go to graduation

[musm2008]

Has anyone ever thought this before?
I feel so crapped on after the first two years- so humiliated in so many ways that I have no desire to see the people who made me feel that way. The faculty don't like me. They don't think I should be there. I have no desire to see how some people are graduating with honors while I struggled like crazy to barely make it.
And my family- they have no concept of what I went though. It would just be stress to balance what all these out-of-towners are going to expect of me as far as spending time with me since they traveled so far. They don't know each other. Half of my family are weirdos who embarrass me. My mom farted at my wedding!
Is there some rule that says that I have to go to take an oath or something?

[Winged Scapula]

There are no medical establishment rules which say you have to attend your graduation. Check with your medical school, but I"ll bet they don't require it either.

Your frustration is not unique. I felt the same way after residency and almost didn't attend my own Chief dinner. It didn't help that my family really didn't acknowlege either my medical school graduation or completion of a surgical residency (although they behave themselves in public and private so I would have felt safe inviting them if they had actually cared about the accomplishments) - but then again, I'm still waiting for the trip to Hawaii I was promised for high school graduation in the early 80s. Guess hope springs eternal!

Anyway, think this through long and hard and make sure you really don't want to go. You don't want to regret it years later (my brother still regrets not going to his college ceremonies). But you are not required by AMCAS, ACGME, or any other governing body to attend your medical school graduation.

[Tired]

Originally Posted by musm2008

Has anyone ever thought this before?
I feel so crapped on after the first two years- so humiliated in so many ways that I have no desire to see the people who made me feel that way. The faculty don't like me. They don't think I should be there. I have no desire to see how some people are graduating with honors while I struggled like crazy to barely make it.
And my family- they have no concept of what I went though. It would just be stress to balance what all these out-of-towners are going to expect of me as far as spending time with me since they traveled so far. They don't know each other. Half of my family are weirdos who embarrass me. My mom farted at my wedding!
Is there some rule that says that I have to go to take an oath or something?

Wow, thought I was the only person who felt this way.

I have no desire to attend my graduation either, although for slightly different reasons. I feel burned by my faculty, and I see most of them as more of an impediment to my education than facilitators. The thought of having to hear their pompous speeches makes me feel physically ill.

Turns out that no, we don't have to attend, but my mother told me she would drop dead if I didn't. I'm in the process of negotiating . . .

[oompaloompa]

I recently got an email about sending in a check for "graduation costs" which was particular bad timing since I had just been royally raped for the Step 2 CS. I was all about ditching it, but my mom almost had a seizure when I said I wasn't going. Oh well, I've been going through the motions for years, why stop now?

As for me, I feel no ill will toward faculty or students, I just simply loathe these formal ceremonial events where I'm made to rent clothes and listen to some pompous old man I've never met use phrases like "noble calling" and "back in my day." But maybe it's more for the parents anyway, maybe I'll think its important if I have a kid., who knows?

[BigNavyPedsGuy]

My school says you have to go or you don't get a diploma. I don't want to go just because it's going to be wicked boring. At my school all of the colleges (nursing, dental hygiene, lab tech, etc) all graduate together. That makes for a REALLY long ceremony when I'd rather be spending time with that family that came all that way to see me.

[BeatrixKiddo]

Originally Posted by musm2008

Has anyone ever thought this before?
I feel so crapped on after the first two years- so humiliated in so many ways that I have no desire to see the people who made me feel that way. The faculty don't like me. They don't think I should be there. I have no desire to see how some people are graduating with honors while I struggled like crazy to barely make it.
And my family- they have no concept of what I went though. It would just be stress to balance what all these out-of-towners are going to expect of me as far as spending time with me since they traveled so far. They don't know each other. Half of my family are weirdos who embarrass me. My mom farted at my wedding!
Is there some rule that says that I have to go to take an oath or something?

Come on, who heard that?

[musm2008]

Everybody.
It was actually before the wedding when I was with all the bridesmaids taking pictures.
At least I can laugh about it now.

[BigNavyPedsGuy]

Originally Posted by musm2008

Everybody.
It was actually before the wedding when I was with all the bridesmaids taking pictures.
At least I can laugh about it now.

So, my wife's a photographer and I've assisted her behind the scenes at a ton of weddings. And a mom letting one rip before the wedding during pictures DOES NOT qualify as a big deal. The way you say it you'd think she let on rip during the silence after the "any objections?" part.

[babyruth]

Our school requires it as well and I also didn't feel like going. I loved the school and the faculty, but will be so broke by that time that I don't think I will be able to afford all of the costs of traveling back there that will accrue
(i.e. hotel for four days, 10 hour drive one-way, pet boarding, food, etc.). Everything is supposed to be built into this illusionary budget that we have, but the costs of taking step II and the PE, as well as travel expenses for interviews etc. has left me so short I"m thinking about applying for food stamps.

[Hard24Get]

Originally Posted by BigNavyPedsGuy

So, my wife's a photographer and I've assisted her behind the scenes at a ton of weddings. And a mom letting one rip before the wedding during pictures DOES NOT qualify as a big deal. The way you say it you'd think she let on rip during the silence after the "any objections?" part.

Yeah, seriously - stop spazing out! Who cares if your mom farted? I'm sure other people besides her farted and your wedding and you didn't even know. Better her than you dropping some stinkbomb during the ceremony and disgusting the pastor and your groom/bride.

Your example makes me think you are awfulizing in general. If you start taking SSRIs now, it will kick in by graduation (not kidding or being mean - seriously!)

[Chinnychin]

I totally feel this way-just something about those formal BS ceremonies that are supposed to make you feel special or something-if you have gotten this far and are not pushing on because you have an inner sense of acomplishment and need a ceremony to solidify this "monumental time" than you need priorities straightened.

I would not go in a second but it is my mother who is the one pushing me to go saying it is for her as well-She was pisssed when I skipped my undergrad graduation-even more worthless in my eyes since everyone and their great grandmother have an undergrad degree-big deal-but yes I am trying to get out of it we will see.

[merlin17]

I'm so glad to hear that that there are other people that aren't so excited about graduation. This may sound terrible, but I just don't feel like it is an accomplishment worth celebrating. I made it through...good for me...

[musm2008]

Originally Posted by BigNavyPedsGuy

So, my wife's a photographer and I've assisted her behind the scenes at a ton of weddings. And a mom letting one rip before the wedding during pictures DOES NOT qualify as a big deal. The way you say it you'd think she let on rip during the silence after the "any objections?" part.

be that as it may, I was embarrassed

[MathisGreen]

Originally Posted by musm2008

My mom farted at my wedding!

You mention you are married... have you taken into account how your spouse will feel? I know that as a spouse of an MS3, it almost feels as if I have gone through everything just as much as my dh has. I would be greatly disappointed if he didn't let me share in such a joyous occasion as graduation of such a long journey that I have traveled with him. IMO, graduation is just as much for you as the loved ones that have helped you through. To me, it will be as if, we have conquered med school and now onto residency!

[quagmire223]

i was doing an ER rotation and there was this lady who came in with intense diffuse abdo pain and tumultous frank bleeding into the toilet (I saw it in the portopotty thing). Most likely diverticulitis but this was the 2nd time she had to be hospitalized for it. Apparently the first time it was exacerbated by her embarrassment at having to pass gas. So she'd just hold it and hold it until her colon became distended. Although that is some admirable self-restraint, I bet now she wishes she'd have let them all out.

[novado]

I do not want to go either. We have to go because we do not get our diploma otherwise, according to our school policy. I do not even think that my family is going. They are ashamed that I am a DO and not an MD like my other relatives. It does not matter that I have done well in medical school. At least my spouse's family will be there. You think yours is bad. We have to sit for 5-7 hours through the dental, optometry, PT, etc graduations in the same ceremony. Ours is the last one and we all are sitting on the cold stadium floor waiting through all the other graduation program speeches. Our wonderful school combines all the graduations in one, I guess to save money.

[Discobolus]

My school requires graduation attendance as well. I'm actually looking forward to it, so afterwards I can walk around and say "Doctor, Doctor" Spys Like Us style to all my friends. I have no regrets about missing my college graduation, even though John Grisham was speaking at it, because I was competing in a track meet in Miami.

[musm2008]

Originally Posted by MathisGreen

You mention you are married... have you taken into account how your spouse will feel? I know that as a spouse of an MS3, it almost feels as if I have gone through everything just as much as my dh has. I would be greatly disappointed if he didn't let me share in such a joyous occasion as graduation of such a long journey that I have traveled with him. IMO, graduation is just as much for you as the loved ones that have helped you through. To me, it will be as if, we have conquered med school and now onto residency!

You are right. He did go through it with me. If it weren't for my husband, I probably would not go. Isn't it pitiful and ridiculous of me to think of going to my graduation as a sacrifice? That's just not right. I guess that's the point I've been struggling with mostly. It means a lot to my in-law parents too. Other people that I'm not close to-like sister-in-laws, etc....I kind of feel like I'm showing off. And I feel like med school sucked so much joy out of my life for so long that I know that I really don't have anything that it's not anything that I'm "proud" of anymore. I want to cry just thinking about it. I have friends that tried to get into med school but never did. How will they feel?

[musm2008]

Originally Posted by quagmire223

i was doing an ER rotation and there was this lady who came in with intense diffuse abdo pain and tumultous frank bleeding into the toilet (I saw it in the portopotty thing). Most likely diverticulitis but this was the 2nd time she had to be hospitalized for it. Apparently the first time it was exacerbated by her embarrassment at having to pass gas. So she'd just hold it and hold it until her colon became distended. Although that is some admirable self-restraint, I bet now she wishes she'd have let them all out.

I know- I really do sympathize with GI complaints since I'm lactose intolerant.

It's just one of those things that a BRIDE is mortified by. It's such a stressful day- all these people you don't know, sister-in-laws in the wedding party, trying to make a quality impression on the future family, trying to be pretty and bride-like when you are really not ...yadda yadda yadda.
She didn't have a bowel obstruction, she is just extremely efficient at doing things to embarrass me. I'll get over it tough.

[Doctor Bagel]

Originally Posted by musm2008

You are right. He did go through it with me. If it weren't for my husband, I probably would not go. Isn't it pitiful and ridiculous of me to think of going to my graduation as a sacrifice? That's just not right. I guess that's the point I've been struggling with mostly. It means a lot to my in-law parents too. Other people that I'm not close to-like sister-in-laws, etc....I kind of feel like I'm showing off. And I feel like med school sucked so much joy out of my life for so long that I know that I really don't have anything that it's not anything that I'm "proud" of anymore. I want to cry just thinking about it. I have friends that tried to get into med school but never did. How will they feel?

Goodness, I so felt the same way about my law school graduation. About going or not, I don't know -- I went because of family guilt. In retrospect, that was the right thing to do, but I honestly didn't get anything out of the ceremony. If it wouldn't have made other people happy, I could have easily have skipped it without regrets down the line.

[Winged Scapula]

I can;t believe all these schools require you to attend graduation. Why, are they afraid no one will come if they don't require it? Its not state or federal law and to deny you your diploma after 4+ years of hard work simply because you didn't come to the ceremony seems a bit harsh to me and dare I say it, likely not enforceable.

[MBK2003]

I skipped my medical school graduation, with the blessing of my spouse, in part because of ill feelings towards the school and in part because I was 8 1/2 months pregnant and unwilling to sit in the football stadium on folding chairs for 3 hours. My family and the school administration attempted to make me feel guilty for not going, but I did not relent. Now 4 years later, I don't hear things from my family about not having gone to my medical school graduation (the attempts at guilt clearly pass), and I am actually looking forward to my residency graduation ceremony in June. My more positive feelings about the upcoming ceremony are due to the fact that I really feel wanted and appreciated by my residency program and training director, in stark contrast to my medical school experience. I would say to anyone considering skipping medical school graduation that there will be other graduation ceremonies (residency, fellowship) that may actually be more meaningful to them personally, which they will look forward to attending.

MBK2003

[musm2008]

That was good to hear. I don't have an excuse like being 8 and half months pregnant. I doubt I will get a blessing from my husband, but that wold be nice.
It's very good to hear that there is hope for something to look forward to. It's just disappointing that when I got into medical school that I thought that graduation would be the happiest event of my life.

[mdphd2b]

Originally Posted by musm2008

You are right. He did go through it with me. If it weren't for my husband, I probably would not go. Isn't it pitiful and ridiculous of me to think of going to my graduation as a sacrifice? That's just not right. I guess that's the point I've been struggling with mostly. It means a lot to my in-law parents too. Other people that I'm not close to-like sister-in-laws, etc....I kind of feel like I'm showing off. And I feel like med school sucked so much joy out of my life for so long that I know that I really don't have anything that it's not anything that I'm "proud" of anymore. I want to cry just thinking about it. I have friends that tried to get into med school but never did. How will they feel?

Definitely go. Graduation means so many things to different people! I guess I'm in the minority here, but every graduation has been a big deal for me & my family, since my parents have only 6th grade educations and so I was the first one to graduate passed that! It makes me proud of all my family's hard work to get me through an education. Plus, all my husband's support and faith in me during this time--we've been married 12.5 years!!! Basically he's been through all of my pre-med and MD/PhD years of sacrifice without going crazy It definitley means more than a piece of paper to many. Your friends should be proud of your accomplishments. Congrats, don't take it for granted, and don't give it a 2nd thought!

Just my $.02...

[musm2008]

I appreciate that. You're probably not actually in the minority. I know it's kind of selfish of me to not want to go. I just cringe when I think about sitting though a long, boring ceremony listening to old men with southern accents ramble on about whatever pompous things they want.

[Afrikyn]

Graduation is definately not for us any more than a funeral is for the person who died. I personally am more excited about Match day than anything. I am actually finding graduation to be quite inconvenient. I would much rather be moving to wherever I match.

I do have a suggestion for you if your family drives you crazy. You could always minimize the number of people you invite and just send the other people announcements after the fact. You can blame "limited space" on why you didn't invite them to the actual ceremony.

[greenbean]

Originally Posted by Discobolus

My school requires graduation attendance as well. I'm actually looking forward to it, so afterwards I can walk around and say "Doctor, Doctor" Spys Like Us style to all my friends. I have no regrets about missing my college graduation, even though John Grisham was speaking at it, because I was competing in a track meet in Miami.

you're school makes attending graduation a "requirement"?!? thats some big bs they are pulling on you, and i dont think they could even enforce it.like if you were to get run over by a mack truck on that day, would they say "sorry, no can do"? and besides 4th years all over the world on vacation, nowhere near their school. this squeezing of med students really needs to stop at some point.geez

[BeatrixKiddo]

Originally Posted by musm2008

I appreciate that. You're probably not actually in the minority. I know it's kind of selfish of me to not want to go. I just cringe when I think about sitting though a long, boring ceremony listening to old men with southern accents ramble on about whatever pompous things they want.

What med school is that?

[Adcadet]

John Carter and Peter Benton both missed their medical school graduations. Just saw the tail end of that ER episode while getting ready to go to dinner while on the interview trail.

[NY Musicologist]

Originally Posted by musm2008

Has anyone ever thought this before?
I feel so crapped on after the first two years- so humiliated in so many ways that I have no desire to see the people who made me feel that way. The faculty don't like me. They don't think I should be there. I have no desire to see how some people are graduating with honors while I struggled like crazy to barely make it.

Consider: unless faculty are required to be at commencement, you may not have to face some of those individuals after all--and you might get a chance to reconnect with some acquaintances from MS1/2 that you lost touch with in years 3 and 4.

If you do end up deciding to go for the sake of spouse/parents/whatever, keep your chin up and try to take satisfaction in the occasion--Dean So-and-so may have given you a hard time in the past, but s/he still has to hand you that diploma! Honors or not, you HAVE prevailed, and hopefully you'll feel more positive about the accomplishment when you've gotten some distance.

[CalNative]

I'm also debating whether or not to attend graduation and I have about 2 weeks to decide.

Cons: I don't know if I want to use the little money I have left to rent a cap and gown. Ceremonies have become quite cliched. There will be a lot of rush hour traffic at the time of my ceremony.

Pros: Compared to the population of the world, it is a privilege to graduate from medical school. A ceremony often brings closure.

Alternative: Spend the time, money, and energy and have a nice dinner with close family and friends on any designated date.

What do you think?

[BeatrixKiddo]

Originally Posted by CalNative

I'm also debating whether or not to attend graduation and I have about 2 weeks to decide.

Cons: I don't know if I want to use the little money I have left to rent a cap and gown. Ceremonies have become quite cliched. There will be a lot of rush hour traffic at the time of my ceremony.

Pros: Compared to the population of the world, it is a privilege to graduate from medical school. A ceremony often brings closure.

Alternative: Spend the time, money, and energy and have a nice dinner with close family and friends on any designated date.

What do you think?

A nice dinner with friends seems a lot more fun. Ceremonies are for freemasons anyway.

[musm2008]

Originally Posted by CalNative

Alternative: Spend the time, money, and energy and have a nice dinner with close family and friends on any designated date.

What do you think?

If you can get away with it and not piss off your loved ones, I'd go with the alternative.
On the other hand using reasons like traffic and money might make it easy to regret later on.

[Mayhem]

At the start I swore I wouldn't go to mine and I knew my parents didn't care but over the last 3 years I've been warming to the idea. I think it's because I like my classmates much more than at previous graduations. Of course, I'll probably change my mind again cause the whole ceremony is tiring (we graduate with 2 other campus faculties and the law school) plus the fun starts at the after party.

The only real reason to go these things is because some places won't give you the diploma and that may matter to you. My high school never coughed up my diploma but I didn't really care. It's only a piece of paper and by then I was accepted to University so it wasn't like I'd have to prove I went to high school to anyone. My medical degree is a little more important to me so if they hold it ransom I might go...or lie and say I had food posioning and couldn't come.

[fang]

I also don't want to go, but for lots of different reasons--

1. I'm 32, and it feels weird to be inviting my parents to this "coming of age" type of ceremony.

2. My parents, despite their good intentions now, were not the best role models growing up (nothing horrible, just a lot of drinking, not taking much responsibility for being parents). I love them, but in some ways I'm here despite of them rather than really because of them, and its incredibly frustrating when I take them to these kinds of things and hear "the apple doesn't fall far from the branch" comments all night.

3. I don't really care so much about seeing my med school classmates graduate-- my best friends are outside of the medical school and I'm definitely not dragging them to a 4 hr ceremony.

I don't know if I'll go...my parents definitely want to and they won't be here forever, but maybe I'll tell them to wait for the residency graduation instead, which may be equally annoying but should be shorter at least.