Etiquette when staying with a student host

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shemarty

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I'm making a list of tips for interviewees for when they stay with a student host. Here's what I thought of so far. Any additional suggestions? Just quote my post and keep adding to it.

This will eventually become a handout for the interviewees at UCSF who stay with a student host :)


Your host is not expected to pick you up or drop you off at the airport/train station/bus stop.

Your host is not expected to stay with you the entire time that you are here. Bring something to do, or plan on exploring the area on your own.

If your host has time to show you around or have a meal with you, they are not expected to pay for you.

Do not bring guests into the host's house without asking permission.

Do not help yourself to your host's food/drinks unless the host offers.

Do not play loud music or watch TV unless the host says it is okay.

If you set an alarm to wake up in the morning, do not let it ring excessively before turning it off.

Do not spend too much time getting ready in the bathroom unless you are sure that nobody is waiting, or there are multiple bathrooms in the house.

Do not use your host's toiletries unless the host offers.

Do not ask to borrow your host's clothes, make-up, hair gel, accessories, etc.

Your host is not expected to escort you to campus in the morning, so make sure you know where to go in the morning.

If your host has offers to escort you to campus, do not keep your host waiting or make them late.

If you need to return to the host's house to retrieve your luggage after your interview, tell your host the night before so you do not come back to a locked house.

Your host is not expected to give you a spare key, so if you plan on going out, communicate with your host about when you need to be let in.

It is a nice gesture, though certainly not required, to give your host a thank you/gift card or treat them to coffee/a meal since they volunteered to host you.
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This is great, thank you :thumbup:. I will keep these etiquette tips in mind.
 
Excellent. Thanks, shemarty. This should be stickied.:thumbup:
 
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I would add that one should not take advantage of the host's hospitality. If, for example, you have an interview scheduled three days later, that is not a golden opportunity to stay in your host's home for the next two days.
 
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Myuu said:
I would add that one should not take advantage of the host's hospitality. If, for example, you have an interview scheduled three days later, that is not a golden opportunity to stay in your host's home for the next two days.
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Heh, I kinda did that at a couple places. :oops: Stayed for an extra day just to check out the city, etc. Most of my hosts were people I peripherally knew from college, though, so I didn't impose on too many strangers...
 
Thanks. Does anybody else have any suggestions to add to the list?
 
are most hosts near the medical school? I was just wondering b/c i didn't want to travel far when i go to my interviews
 
Here are a couple of extra suggestions:

1) Make sure that your host knows exactly when to expect you. Send them your flight/travel info at least a week before you plan to arrive.

2) Unless they offer, do not pester your host with questions after your stay is over. They are not your personal question bank for the next several months, they are just doing you a favor for a few days.

I think you covered just about everything else :)
 
fastnfurious said:
are most hosts near the medical school? I was just wondering b/c i didn't want to travel far when i go to my interviews
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More often than not, student hosts will be within walking distance of the school. If the interviewee has a very specific request (e.g. someone from their undergrad, someone in a dual degree program, etc) the host may be farther away. Either way, the host should let the interviewee know how far they are from campus before anything is made official.
 
URHere said:
More often than not, student hosts will be within walking distance of the school. If the interviewee has a very specific request (e.g. someone from their undergrad, someone in a dual degree program, etc) the host may be farther away. Either way, the host should let the interviewee know how far they are from campus before anything is made official.
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I have a question on my student host request form that asks how far away from campus they'd be willing to be / if they prefer to walk or take a bus to get to campus. I also have a question on the host sign-up that asks the host how far away they live from campus and how the interviewee can get to campus in the morning. :)
 
URHere said:
Here are a couple of extra suggestions:

1) Make sure that your host knows exactly when to expect you. Send them your flight/travel info at least a week before you plan to arrive.
Click to expand...

Oooh, good one! :) In my guide for hosts, I wrote "Your hostee should tell you what time he/she expects to arrive, so try to be home at that time to greet them. If you cannot be home at that time, make sure that somebody is available to let them in" But I forgot to put it in my guide for hostees!

URHere said:
2) Unless they offer, do not pester your host with questions after your stay is over. They are not your personal question bank for the next several months, they are just doing you a favor for a few days.
Click to expand...

Also a good one! In my guide for hosts, I wrote "It is a nice gesture, though not required, to tell the hostee that they are free to e-mail in the future if they have questions, etc." I'll add your suggestion to my guide for hostees. This way if the host offers, then the hostee can feel free to ask them questions later
 
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So the article suggests buying your host a $10-$15 gift card. Is this more appropriate than say, buying dinner for your host?
 
Basically I would just think of it like this:

The student you are staying with GOES TO THE SCHOOL YOU ARE APPLYING TO. In other words, you should act how you would act in front of an interviewer. That and all of what shemarty said :)
 
BlueElmo said:
So the article suggests buying your host a $10-$15 gift card. Is this more appropriate than say, buying dinner for your host?
Click to expand...

I'd say to just do something that shows your appreciation. A dinner would be great, but some hosts might not have time to go out and eat dinner with you. They are, after all, busy medical students.
 
BlueElmo said:
So the article suggests buying your host a $10-$15 gift card. Is this more appropriate than say, buying dinner for your host?
Click to expand...


When I stayed with hosts, we ordered in or they made dinner, so I brought a thank you card and a box of see's candy as a small gift (didn't think of the gift card, that would probably be better). When I stayed with a host during a second look weekend, we were going out to dinner, so I told her I'd pay for her bill as a thank you for having me. So, I'd say it's appropriate, but only if they have the time to go out to dinner like Jolie South mentioned.
 
Go with a gift card. What if your host is a diabetic?

Anyway, quite a bit of decent advice up there, but I'm surprised people need some of it. Here is my own:

- Act like a responsible adult. To be too quiet and polite is always better than too loud or obnoxious.
 
yeah kind of surprised that people need this kind of advice. Can most pre-meds only hide the fact that they're completely socially incompetent for brief 45-minute interview periods?
 
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One of my passions is making chocolates. Many people told me to quit my quest for medical school and open up a chocolate shop. :) I was planning on bringing my hosts some treats that I have made. Is this good enough?
 
I'd ask. Like I said, what if the host is diabetic or struggling with a weight problem? In any case, they might not want anything to do with chocolates. A gift card is neutral, the host can get something special for themselves with it and I'm sure it will be appreciated.
 
Yea, most people won't need this advice, but I figure better safe than sorry. I want all the hostees to be on the same page about what's expected of them and what's expected of the hostee.

I can't really put "don't be loud and obnoxious" on the official handout that I email everybody, haha..."

I bought a stack of $10 starbucks giftcards last year and kept them in my suitcase. If we had a chance to go out to dinner, I paid for dinner. If not, I gave them the gift card when I left.

Acting as you would at an actual interview might be overkill. I should think that you could be a bit more candid in front of your student host, as long as you don't say anything negative about their school like "this is my safety school" :laugh:

Some considerations:
Where do you buy the gift card from? Not everybody goes to starbucks, etc.
A box of chocolates might seem inappropriate depending on the gender of the people involved.
Going out to dinner might be an inconvenience for the host, who may be busy.
While I think personal gifts are cooler than impersonal gift cards, not everybody appreciates the same things.
 
shemarty said:
Yea, most people won't need this advice, but I figure better safe than sorry. I want all the hostees to be on the same page about what's expected of them and what's expected of the hostee.

I can't really put "don't be loud and obnoxious" on the official handout that I email everybody, haha..."

I bought a stack of $10 starbucks giftcards last year and kept them in my suitcase. If we had a chance to go out to dinner, I paid for dinner. If not, I gave them the gift card when I left.

Acting as you would at an actual interview might be overkill. I should think that you could be a bit more candid in front of your student host, as long as you don't say anything negative about their school like "this is my safety school" :laugh:

Some considerations:
Where do you buy the gift card from? Not everybody goes to starbucks, etc.
A box of chocolates might seem inappropriate depending on the gender of the people involved.
Going out to dinner might be an inconvenience for the host, who may be busy.
While I think personal gifts are cooler than impersonal gift cards, not everybody appreciates the same things.
Click to expand...

I generally go for Visa or AmEx giftcards, as they can be used just about anywhere. Using them with amazon is kind of a hassle, though...
 
Myuu said:
I generally go for Visa or AmEx giftcards, as they can be used just about anywhere. Using them with amazon is kind of a hassle, though...
Click to expand...

I should've thought of that. A less tacky way to give cash!
 
Any suggestions for my "Guidelines for Hosts"?

You are not expected to pick you up or drop you off your hostee at the airport/train station/bus stop. They should be able to find their way to your door.

Your hostee should tell you what time he/she expects to arrive, so try to be home at that time to greet them. If you cannot be home at that time, make sure that somebody is available to let them in.

You are not expected to give your hostee a spare key.

During the entire duration of your hostee's stay, keep your phone on in case your hostee tries to call you. Put it on vibrate if you are in class, at a meeting, etc.

Help your hostee connect to the internet if they brought their laptop. If they did not bring their laptop, you may want to offer to let them check their email on yours, though this is not expected.

Tell the hostee if you have a TV/DVDs they can watch.

You are not expected to share your food with the hostee, and they should not help themselves unless you give them permission. If you don't mind sharing your food with your hostee, show them exactly what they are allowed to take and what's off limits.

You are not expected to accompany your hostee for the entire duration of their stay.

If you don't have time to show your hostee around…


It is okay to leave them alone at your house if you have somewhere you need to be. They will be given a handout of "things to do around the area" so they can explore on their own if they wish.


If you go out and leave your hostee alone, give them instructions on how to get in and out of the house so they are not locked out.

If you do have time to show your hostee around…


Ask them if there is anything in particular that they would like to do or see. They may have no idea, so having dinner together is a safe backup plan.

You are not expected to pay for your hostee's food, transportation, etc.

Most interviewees will not plan on bringing their own pillow/sheet/blanket since they may be traveling by plane. Let your hostee know in advance if you cannot supply a pillow, sheet, and blanket.

You are not expected to share your toiletries with the hostee. Most interviewees will likely plan on bringing their own shampoo/conditioner/bodywash. Let them know in advance if you will be able to supply yours so they do not have to bring their own. Let them know if you can supply a towel. If applicable, let them know if you have a hair-dryer available.

Don't be too noisy late into the night, since your hostee has to wake up early for interview day.

Your hostee should be able to wake themselves up and not spend excessive time in the bathroom getting ready. You are not expected to act as their alarm clock.

You are not expected to escort your hostee to campus in the morning.

If you do offer to escort your hostee to campus, make sure you leave on time so they are not late. Conversely, they should not keep you waiting or make you late for class.

If your hostee needs to return to the house after their interview to retrieve their luggage, they should tell you the night before so you can ensure they are not locked out.

It is a nice gesture, though not required, to tell the hostee that they are free to e-mail in the future if they have questions, etc.
 
I'm not to the point that I need to worry about this yet, but I had thought about offering to buy the stuff and prepare a large home-made meal for the hosts (like a large pot of chili or stew). I know I would appreciate it if someone made me a home-cooked meal so that I wouldn't have to worry about cooking for a couple of days.
 
Mayday said:
I'm not to the point that I need to worry about this yet, but I had thought about offering to buy the stuff and prepare a large home-made meal for the hosts (like a large pot of chili or stew). I know I would appreciate it if someone made me a home-cooked meal so that I wouldn't have to worry about cooking for a couple of days.
Click to expand...

I considered this too, but then thought better of it. Would you really want some random all up in your kitchen?
 
buffywannabe said:
I considered this too, but then thought better of it. Would you really want some random all up in your kitchen?
Click to expand...

Personally, I wouldn't mind :) but that's why I said "offer" I would of course, have to come up with a backup plan in case they said no.
 
Mayday said:
Personally, I wouldn't mind :) but that's why I said "offer" I would of course, have to come up with a backup plan in case they said no.
Click to expand...

You got me thinking. Maybe I will prep something and put it in a cooler bag for my drive there and then bake it there. Like a lasagna with real wisconsin cheese! That isn't too invasive and is super delicious, but i would have to ask first of course, maybe they are vegetarian or lactose intollerant...

Yeah maybe you can have backup gift cards like the others were suggesting
 
I would offer to serenade them with my rendition of tocatta and fugue on electric guitar.
 
To be honest, if I were an applicant I would find this list a bit off-putting. I don't disagree with any of the points, but it is mostly common sense and the listing of minutia is patronizing. Have there been issues with applicants in the past necessitating such a list? It is probably best to allow such applicants to declare their lack of civility before they are accepted.

I would leave it to say "Our volunteer student hosts are excited to meet you and introduce you to our medical school. Please bear in mind that our student hosts may not be able to offer accommodations beyond a place to sleep. As active medical students they may unfortunately not be available at all times during your visit to assist you. We recommend contacting your host in advance regarding transportation, food, or things which you may need to bring with you (towels, linens, etc.)."

The list of recommendations for hosts is great.
 
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sounds like common sense.. i don't see the need to make a list. could some people be that socially incompetent? simple communication and common sense is all it takes
 
I have to agree that this seems a little unwelcoming if given out with the host sign-up forms, and it would be a bad reflection on the friendliness of the student body since this all is common sense.

With that said, it is fine just here on SDN for generic guidelines if people really don't know not to raid their host's fridge
 
thinker said:
sounds like common sense.. i don't see the need to make a list. could some people be that socially incompetent? simple communication and common sense is all it takes
Click to expand...

Yeah, just imagine you are the student host. From there, I think you will know how to act.
 
Confused2626 said:
I have to agree that this seems a little unwelcoming if given out with the host sign-up forms, and it would be a bad reflection on the friendliness of the student body since this all is common sense.

With that said, it is fine just here on SDN for generic guidelines if people really don't know not to raid their host's fridge
Click to expand...

Yea...I really wouldn't recommend using this list for UCSF's student hosting hand outs...it doesn't really give the right message. You can say a lot more with a lot less.
 
Thanks for the input - you're right, it does sound patronizing to actually send this to the interviewees. It's much more appropriate as a FYI list on SDN. I'll follow Lord Jeebus's advice.
 
shemarty said:
I'm making a list of tips for interviewees for when they stay with a student host. Here's what I thought of so far. Any additional suggestions? Just quote my post and keep adding to it.

This will eventually become a handout for the interviewees at UCSF who stay with a student host :)


Your host is not expected to pick you up or drop you off at the airport/train station/bus stop.

Your host is not expected to stay with you the entire time that you are here. Bring something to do, or plan on exploring the area on your own.

If your host has time to show you around or have a meal with you, they are not expected to pay for you.

Do not bring guests into the host’s house without asking permission.

Do not help yourself to your host’s food/drinks unless the host offers.

Do not play loud music or watch TV unless the host says it is okay.

If you set an alarm to wake up in the morning, do not let it ring excessively before turning it off.

Do not spend too much time getting ready in the bathroom unless you are sure that nobody is waiting, or there are multiple bathrooms in the house.

Do not use your host’s toiletries unless the host offers.

Do not ask to borrow your host’s clothes, make-up, hair gel, accessories, etc.

Your host is not expected to escort you to campus in the morning, so make sure you know where to go in the morning.

If your host has offers to escort you to campus, do not keep your host waiting or make them late.

If you need to return to the host’s house to retrieve your luggage after your interview, tell your host the night before so you do not come back to a locked house.

Your host is not expected to give you a spare key, so if you plan on going out, communicate with your host about when you need to be let in.

It is a nice gesture, though certainly not required, to give your host a thank you/gift card or treat them to coffee/a meal since they volunteered to host you.
Click to expand...

Also, I would add that the host is not expected to feed you at all. Bring snacks and plan your meals. Remind the host via e-mail about 2 weeks before your interview that you are coming.
 
A couple from my own experiences interviewing (PhD) and then hosting (as an UG):

For interviewees/hostees:

Everything you do gets noticed. Student hosts have a lot of pull in admissions and scholarship decisions (even moreso in medical and professional schools, from what I hear) and, as a result, a rave review or negative comments could easily make or break your admissions decision if you are on or near the yes/waitlist/no line (which almost everyone is who gets interviewed). I would, therefore, suggest doing things that will make you valuable to the community. If your host sees things that floor him/her, whether in a negative or positive way, you can bet the adcom will hear about it.

For hosts:

If you're going to host prospective students, it is crucial that the place be kept nice, reasonably clean, etc. While it may not be a deal-breaker to a school decision if you stay in a messy or disgusting apartment, it does influence your thoughts about a school since that mess sets the tone in some ways.
 
apumic said:
A couple from my own experiences interviewing (PhD) and then hosting (as an UG):

For interviewees/hostees:

Everything you do gets noticed. Student hosts have a lot of pull in admissions and scholarship decisions (even moreso in medical and professional schools, from what I hear) and, as a result, a rave review or negative comments could easily make or break your admissions decision if you are on or near the yes/waitlist/no line (which almost everyone is who gets interviewed). I would, therefore, suggest doing things that will make you valuable to the community. If your host sees things that floor him/her, whether in a negative or positive way, you can bet the adcom will hear about it.
Click to expand...

This is a joke, right? Students hosts have a lot of pull in admissions and scholarship decisions?????? :laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh: Some schools may ask for and consider their input, but to say that student hosts have a lot of input on admissions and scholarship decisions is nonsense.
 
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apumic said:
Everything you do gets noticed. Student hosts have a lot of pull in admissions and scholarship decisions (even moreso in medical and professional schools, from what I hear) and, as a result, a rave review or negative comments could easily make or break your admissions decision if you are on or near the yes/waitlist/no line (which almost everyone is who gets interviewed). I would, therefore, suggest doing things that will make you valuable to the community. If your host sees things that floor him/her, whether in a negative or positive way, you can bet the adcom will hear about it.
Click to expand...

Yikes, where is this happening? Everywhere I've been, hosts were hosts and adcoms made admissions decisions based on things like application and interview; not sleeping habits, hygiene, or first impressions on a cranky and overworked medical student. It'd probably be easier to just avoid the host program at a school if they had actual sway over an applicant, in my opinion - though I doubt it's the case at most institutions.
 
hosts aren't part of the adcom.
 
apumic said:
Everything you do gets noticed. Student hosts have a lot of pull in admissions and scholarship decisions (even moreso in medical and professional schools, from what I hear)
Click to expand...

agree with the last few posters that what you hear is dead wrong. i've never been asked by our adcom, or felt the need to tell them, about any hostee. zero pull whatsoever. :cool:
 
I just want to say every host is different, even depending on the day and their mood. Sometimes they wanna chill, sometimes they wanna party, and when I host students, I definitely would not give them an official list of expectations.

Basically, it's just going to be like having a friend over/couch surfing.
 
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