"Things I learn" & "Medicine Sucks" discussion thread

gutonc said:

It's called decanting.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=decanter

I have no idea how I learned this and I wish it was something I could unlearn.

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Sounds like a DAMHIK story gone wrong.... or right if you're in the right bar on a certain night....

gutonc said:

It's called decanting.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=decanter

I have no idea how I learned this and I wish it was something I could unlearn.

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You know, just when you think you can't be shocked any more by things people will do, well hello, totally shocked.

rose351 said:

Sounds like a DAMHIK story gone wrong.... or right if you're in the right bar on a certain night....

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OMFG. I just don't have any other words, mostly because I'm sitting here wondering who the HELL does that, but obviously, people do.

Rendar5 said:

If you're going to insert a nuva ring, please look where you're inserting it. Just because you're 2 months post-partum does not mean that it's normal to hurt like crazy. When you start painfully pissing bloody urine you will be mortified when you realize you will have to come to the ED to remove it from your bladder.

(I honestly felt so bad for this lady)

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OMG, that poor woman....I hope she's doing better!

Katydid said:

OMFG. I just don't have any other words, mostly because I'm sitting here wondering who the HELL does that, but obviously, people do.



OMG, that poor woman....I hope she's doing better!

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I just don't get it...who would really rather stuff that thing into their bodies than take a tiny pill everyday?

One word....

feltching

Please take the pain away.....please.....and I want to go into EM?

Hi all, love this thread, been lurking here for a few months now, and have enormous respect for all of you in emergency medicine.

There's something that occurred to me quite awhile ago, and I'm surprised no one else has mentioned it:

I suspect a large portion of socmobs actually were minding their own business. We should poll them and determine how many are involved in the business of drug trafficking and/or prostitution, which they were minding at the time 'some dude' knifed them.

la petite mort said:

I just don't get it...who would really rather stuff that thing into their bodies than take a tiny pill everyday?

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I don't want to do either one, but then again, I'm holding out for being spayed, errr, having a hysterectomy. Fibroids. Nasty, nasty fibroids.

And for the record, I'd rather take a pill than insert a damn Nuva Ring.

exi said:

Can I just be in the room when you ask "Ms. SOCMOB, do you sell crack? Are you a filthy *****?" Fun times for everyone.

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I wanna see it on YouTube.

INfinitemonkies said:

There's something that occurred to me quite awhile ago, and I'm surprised no one else has mentioned it:

I suspect a large portion of socmobs actually were minding their own business. We should poll them and determine how many are involved in the business of drug trafficking and/or prostitution, which they were minding at the time 'some dude' knifed them.

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We pretty much assume everyone who is attacked by some dude while SOCMOB was involved in the above activities.

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rmbsstock said:

If you are an E.D female physician, and you start your shift early in the morning, don't go looking for other young moms who are restfully sleeping. After suffering from Kidney stones attack, and not sleeping all night, you discharge us home for more work (have some mercy).
Thank God for the male doctors who give us pain meds, to ease the pain of the kidney stones, the pain of the significant other, the kids, school....

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So you want us to treat you like it's a hotel with percocet perks?

rmbsstock said:

If you are an E.D female physician, and you start your shift early in the morning, don't go looking for other young moms who are restfully sleeping. After suffering from Kidney stones attack, and not sleeping all night, you discharge us home for more work (have some mercy).
Thank God for the male doctors who give us pain meds, to ease the pain of the kidney stones, the pain of the significant other, the kids, school....

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umm..not sure what you're talking about? both male and female ED physicians treat kidney stones the same fairly standard way (which usually involves discharge from the ED and pain control). And pain meds affecting the pain of the significant other and kids? Just ask for a work note for one day and follow-up with your urologist.

rmbsstock said:

If you are an E.D female physician, and you start your shift early in the morning, don't go looking for other young moms who are restfully sleeping. After suffering from Kidney stones attack, and not sleeping all night, you discharge us home for more work (have some mercy).
Thank God for the male doctors who give us pain meds, to ease the pain of the kidney stones, the pain of the significant other, the kids, school....

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If after I discharge you, you want to go get a hotel room and sleep for another 8-12 hours and tell your family that you were in the ED for the whole time, that's fine by me... and it's probably a good deal cheaper.

But if all you are doing in the department is sleeping and I am doing nothing to further advance your care in a way that can not be accomplished as an outpatient, then you need to be discharged so I can free up the bed for someone else.

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rmbsstock said:

Won't that be great!!!
As for the rest Seville, Rendar5, Doctor Bob
, chill out, no need to get upset. I wanted some more time (one hour) to rest after 5 hours of excoriating pain (before I went to the ED), and I didn't get that extra hour. Can't I express my sadness.
Also, it seems that every thing these days is like McDonnell or Burger King drive through. You deliver a baby, the next day you are out and have no idea what is going on, most surgeries and stuff are drive through... (and that is my opinion and I an sticking to it )

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Sure, you can express those feelings. Elsewhere, in an appropriate forum (which this is not). The ED is not a hotel. You don't "check out" when it's convenient for you. Length of stay is a big metric in emergency medicine these days to the extent that I, as a resident, get a weekly email of our main emergency department's weekly report. Plus, if it's first thing in the morning they are making staffing decisions based on the number of patients in the department, so they might leave a nurse who is "on call" for the morning home for a few more hours and have them come in a few hours later if the nursing ratio will be appropriate.

There are lots of places you can go to complain about "those evil, moneygrubbing doctors" and emergency departments in general. This isn't one of them.

I especially liked how you drew comparisons between genders. It was a nice touch

rmbsstock said:

Won't that be great!!!
As for the rest Seville, Rendar5, Doctor Bob
, chill out, no need to get upset. I wanted some more time (one hour) to rest after 5 hours of excoriating pain (before I went to the ED), and I didn't get that extra hour. Can't I express my sadness.
Also, it seems that every thing these days is like McDonnell or Burger King drive through. You deliver a baby, the next day you are out and have no idea what is going on, most surgeries and stuff are drive through... (and that is my opinion and I an sticking to it )

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What's McDonnell?

rmbsstock said:

As for the rest Seville, Rendar5, Doctor Bob
, chill out, no need to get upset. I wanted some more time (one hour) to rest after 5 hours of excoriating pain (before I went to the ED), and I didn't get that extra hour. Can't I express my sadness.

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For that one hour of extra rest you get, the other person with kidney stones is having an extra hour of pain because you're in their future bed. 1 hour of pain > 1 hour of rest.

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rmbsstock said:

I wish I know what hospital you are practicing in, so I can take these hospitals off my map

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Burnett's Law, FTW!

Apollyon said:

Burnett's Law, FTW!

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:'( I thought that only applied to pre-allo.

Stumbled on this entertaining thread yesterday and wanted to add a little here.

I want to give a big thanks to all The Veterans Administration guys and gals.

A while back my alcoholism reached critical mass. I spent five years fighting it with all I had, which wasn't much. On my best days I was unbearable to be around. For that I am truly sorry. As bad as the noise coming out of my head was it was nothing compared to the noise inside. While the alcohol was killing me, the noise in my head was killing me faster.

Detox. Treatment. Nut ward. I made the rounds several times through each. (I honestly don't know how many times for each) No job. No friends. No family. No home. I was truly less than zero.

You guys kept me alive. You guys treated me like an adult forcing me to at least pretend I was one. You never gave up. You got in my face. You never backed down either.

Last August I celebrated 19 years of sobriety. I have been married to my lovely wife for 14 years. I have two step daughters that love me. I have seven step grand children that adore me. I own a home. I am a pharmacy tech.

To this day I am still very active in Alcoholics Anonymous. I have sponsored dozens of men, and even a few women, most of which are still sober today, (although they all seem to think my name is sonofabitch) I carry AA meetings to nut wards and speak regularly at a local treatment center.

Thank You,

Red.

exi said:

You had kidney stones (which sucks), you were treated (which doesn't suck), you were d/c'd in the interest of patients coming that way after you (which is par for the course), and you didn't like hearing the other side of why you were d/c'd. And, gee golly, everyone here is legalistic/judgmental/punitive for it. Come on now, play nice.

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I can't imagine someone not wanting to go home to recover in peace.

Seriously.

I have been to a couple of very busy ERs. They don't seem conducive to recovery, or getting any rest to recover. And, the one and only time I have had kidney stones (I'd rather give birth, it hurts less)? I wanted to go HOME once I had some painkillers in me, because I could actually SLEEP there, as opposed to the ER where there were people doing the things people do in ERs, like drunks yelling about something, homeless people who, once put in an exam room, wandered around and then yelled at YOU if you told them to GTFO of YOUR exam room, drug-seeking people faking the very symptoms I had, the usual. Who the hell can sleep through that?

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Hi! Despite my username, I am no longer a stupid teen. I am also not a doctor, or in health care at all, but having worked in customer service in some capacity my whole life, I am quite sure I have dealt with some of these people when they are trying (and usually failing) to navigate the world. I do, however, have two very good lessons I would like to share. Both of these are my own personal experience, and man am I glad I grew up! I am honestly shocked I managed it.

If you find yourself knocked up at 15, really the best thing to do as you give birth is accuse the doctor of switching your baby because, "That can't be my baby, what is he, Asian?" You gain bonus points if you manage to do it before he cuts the cord.

When you have decided to get your tongue pierced, and are dissatisfied with the job the person has done, it is quite a good idea to wait a couple of weeks and have it re-done. Needles through parts of your body is a good thing, right? When you are sitting in the chair, be sure to tell the 17 year old kid that it is no problem at all that he's never done a tongue before. Go ahead and let him stick a needle through you. Then, once his boss has determined it is a terrible job, by all means, you should of course let them immediately re-pierce your tongue. Don't worry about stupid things like hygiene, after all, these guys are professionals! Make note of the fact that they got a fresh needle, but don't you worry at all about the fact that they did not sterilize the jewelery, but just set it on the tray. Once the second hole is there, it shouldn't be any problem, after all, it's only your germs, right?

It would be a terrible idea if, after 6 days, the swelling hasn't gone down, to seek any sort of medical attention. In fact, you shouldn't worry at all until the pain is so bad you are crying in a ball on the floor. Even then, don't go to a doctor! Oh, no - a medical professional couldn't possibly know anything about how to help you! I know! Get your roommate to try to help you! It won't cause any damage if she sits on your chest and forces the balls off the barbell. Don't worry at all that your tongue is so swollen you can't even see the silver balls. Just swish with Listerine. Then, three or four hours later, when you notice green pus in your mouth, proceed to get violently ill, then finally beg a ride to the ER. When the doctor oh so gently suggests it would be a good idea to avoid piercing your tongue any more, agree with him, then go pierce it again a month later. It won't cause any lasting harm, or nerve damage, or anything!

I am sure of one thing - if that doctor posted here, this story would be here already. I was so stupid when I was younger - were it not for you hard-working men and women, I may not have lived to tell the tale. So thanks! I will remember to order pizza next time I am so stupid I need the help of the ED.

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rmbsstock said:

Well, this is an expressive picture that carries the idea that I am trying to express, and it is a decent picture. The issue is I am trying to say something, and you are NOT trying to listen but trying to find my faults. This is not how to have a conversation but this is how to have a fight.






PS. That rad head is not me, I am Brunette.

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Yes, pap smears are annoying.

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Today I learned that a nursing student is actually better than a doctor. The phone call went like this:

"Hiiiii-eeeeee! I know we haven't really talked since, like, high school but I saw on Facebook that you're in nursing now and I wanted to ask for help because I've got this itty-bitty problem with my foot! No, no, it's good that you're not a doctor! Nurses are just like doctors except they're women so they care! I know you're not a nurse yet, but that's good, because that means there's nothing to get in the way of your instincts! Education just formalizes instinct and boxes it up tight and kills it! Anyway, I kind of stepped on something like, two or three months ago, and it sort of got infected and it started out all red and I soaked it in these special Italian salts I got but it's gotten worse and worse and now it's sort of, I don't know, there's like snot coming out of it and it hurts a lot, and it's sort of greenish and the skin around it is red and lined. What kind of lines? Like.....lines. Liney lines. Up the side of my foot towards my ankle. Not big lines, though! And there's this smell! It's not bad, though, if it was bad I'd be worried, but this is like...sweetish. Like almonds! This is all so troublesome! I'm sick, too, I think it's going to be the swine flu - I've been getting these fevers and, like, spells of dizziness and fainting and throwing up. This all sucks so much! So, what should I do?"


Oh, yes. She speaks in italics. You can hear them.

I told her to go to the emergency room. I'm not a qualified medical professional, but I feel very secure in that advice. Red streaks are bad and the human body should never be producing anything that smells like almonds.

If you're the poor ER doc who had to deal with this bombed-out would-be hippy nutcase, I am really, really sorry. At least you only got her for a few hours. I had her for four years.

rmbsstock said:

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Apparently she checked out of the percocet hotel?

DarkFark said:

If you think you might be pregnant, coming to the emergency department to find out for sure is an efficient use of resources. When asked why you didn't just go to the drug store two blocks away for a $12 home pregnancy test, "Because this was closer" is an acceptable answer. It's not like an ED visit costs 50 times as much, or anything.

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What is really terrible are the ones who say they couldn't afford it. The ER is free, didn't you know. What is stupid is that there are tons of places that give free pregnancy tests (although I think some of them do it so they can talk people out of abortions)

emedpa said:

1 dollar and results in 5 min vs 600 dollars and results in 3 hrs....

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This logic will not kick in unless this quote is made into a huge sign and posted at the triage window upon entering the ED.

Still, the misconception that going to the ER is FREE, is the problem that leads many patients that do not need to be seen by an EP for their problem to crowd EDs all over the country and cause over-crowding.

I thought the ED only costs money if you care about your credit score...

exi said:

Minty chocolate-covered percs on the pillows? Sounds like quite a place.

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I don't like mint and chocolate together. Could I have just plain chocolate ones, please? Or even better, chocolate peanut butter ones? That would be awesome!

Not part of the medical system except as a patient or patients relative, but I've learned a few things this month anyways.

I learned from the nursing staff that
a) I'm the devil herself
and
b) that they'll eat basically anything I bring in.

I learned from my mother that as a chemotherapy patient on what the doctors tell us is the most brutal treatment plan around (agressive non-hodgkins large b-cell lymphoma), and with BOTH knees on the waiting list for reconstruction, and with ventricular a-fib (so she's also on blood thinners) which is for some reason aggrivated by Asprin, Tylenol, and Advil so she has to take large doses of codeine for her joint pain instead, it's perfectly acceptable to sneak out of the house and go play tennis. The homecare nurse just topped off her hydration by IV, so she MUST be well prepared for a few hours of sweaty exercise...

I give my mother full points for attitude and spunk, but a failing grade on "listening to the medical professionals".

MeowMix said:

if you`re a 14 yo girl and you are really really mad at your mom, the best way to get back at her is to get pregnant. A good way to do this is have sex with your 23 yo boyfriend. If he insists on using a condom, just stick in your finger and put some of the ejaculate up inside yourself. When your mom notices you are getting fatter, be sure to tell her you are constipated and haven`t pooped in a week. When the hapless PA falls for your story and orders an abdominal X-ray to rule out obstruction, look amazed when the tech finds a 20-week fetus.

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Ack. I just wanted to say that I love your username.

ETA: And your icon, too!

Kittenmommy said:

Ack. I just wanted to say that I love your username.

ETA: And your icon, too!

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That story just made me . And .

Ye gods and little fishes.

USCDiver said:

Something I DID actually learn recently from a patient (so take with a grain of salt). Medicaid apparently requires some sort of 'official' positive pregnancy test (ie from the ED or health dept) to get signed up for pregnancy benefits. That's why they all come in with vague complaints just to get that positive hcg they already know about from the home test they took half an hour ago.

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This is all nice and good... but why can't they just make an appoitment with their OB/GYN or GP for the same test instead of coming to the ED?

Oh... I forgot... the answer is: "Because it was closer" and/or "Because you don't need an appoitment and I don't want to wait (ironic as she'll still have to wait 3 hrs in the ED waiting room)". Oh how I love these pts.

RaspberryBlu said:

1) If you're a guy who has had periodic UTIs for the past decade (at least), there's no need to see a urologist. In fact, blueberries (I kid you not!) are the best treatment for your definitely-not-an-STD! Blueberry-Boy will live on forever in my and my dad's medical lingo

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I hope he was eating the blueberries.

dmitrinyr said:

This is all nice and good... but why can't they just make an appoitment with their OB/GYN or GP for the same test instead of coming to the ED?

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Wait, you think the people who come to the ED for a pregnancy test have an ob/gyn or a GP? Ah, youthful optimism!