Arguing with Family Members/Friends

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Hi, I'm an incoming veterinary student....I have wanted to be a vet for as long as I can remember....I grew up around a lot of animals....horses, barn cats, dogs etc...I had a wonderful childhood and two loving parents....but I find myself getting very stressed out about how old school they are on taking care of some of the animals, and how unreceptive they are to advice on how to help the animals be safer (mostly my animals, I wouldn't dare criticize what they do with theirs).

Our horses get excellent care....my father would brush his horse's teeth if he could...but when it comes to my barn cats, he refuses to care whether they are closed in the barn at night, or if raccoons or other predators can get in the barn. He insists on feeding our beloved family dog anything he wants...bones, whatever. It was like pulling teeth to get him to agree to have the dog spayed at 9 years old...when she had a pyometra and cysts...and again when I wanted to have her teeth cleaned...so much resistance... I have talked about splintering bones causing problems and barn cats getting mauled until I am blue in the face and it is hurting our relationship. IF it were up to him, the dog would never get HW preventative, or flea preventative, or pain management for her arthritis....I would just like to think at some point...he will actually care what I think about any of this stuff....Im moving several states away from home for vet school and some of my animals are staying behind to be dealt with as he sees fit.....and it is just really getting to me! Any words of wisdom?

I would like to add that he tells everyone he knows that I am going to vet school, and seems to be super proud, but when I try to impart any wisdom I have picked up after working in a clinic for 6 years....I'm being ridiculous....Like hello, if you didn't want me to be worried about animal safety....don't encourage me to be a vet then shut me down when me being knowledgeable on something is inconvenient!

In my experience I would say leave it alone..for now. My dad is the same way, old school. He will get a dog spayed just because he doesn't want a bunch of puppies to "get rid of", but has never had a male neutered or even take them for their yearly shots or HW. The only time his animals go to the vet is when they have something wrong. It's not that he doesn't care about the animals, he just doesn't see the point of the "useless cost" of shots and prevetatives. What he sees is that his last 2 dogs lived to be nearly 15 y/o, so why does he need to spend the money, so words can't change his experiences. I got tired of explaining it and just decided that when I get out of school I can treat his animals at my cost. So if it is straining your relationship, then definately drop it. Worry about your own animals and bring it up again once you are out of school. As long as there is no abuse taking place there is no need to cause friction between you and your parents.

It's pretty common in vet med that family can be the worst of clients and pet owners. Sucks... but it's true. Maybe as you start school and start learning things, you can start saying things like "omg I didn't know this until now but apparently ----- is really bad for dogs! Maybe we should ------- for fluffy" or something like that so they don't see you as imposing on their 'parenting' methods.

Just like how family wouldn't appreciate you telling them how their raising their kids right, pet ownership skills can be a bit touchy.

You are definitely not alone. My in laws both grew up in the country, and it wasn't until one one of their outdoor cats tangled fatally with a truck that I was finally able to convince them that cats at least belong in the house. Do your best to impart knowledge if it's asked for, but be willing to let it go if they don't ask. There will always be people out there who do not see the need for pet care, and it just sucks extra when they are related to you.

That being said, if you are leaving your pets with them, and you are the one paying for your pets, there is nothing wrong with asking them to take your pets in for care. It gives you the chance to explain that you've learned what should be done for your pet and you're going to do it. Eventually, the info might sink in just through you leading by example.

Originally Posted by Minnerbelle

Maybe as you start school and start learning things, you can start saying things like "omg I didn't know this until now but apparently ----- is really bad for dogs! Maybe we should ------- for fluffy" or something like that so they don't see you as imposing on their 'parenting' methods.

Agreed. Maybe you can try just mentioning things every now and then that you've learned in school or at the clinic. Sometimes patience is key, and you never know what will end up sticking in their mind. I've met a lot of people who are pretty stuck in their ways and think "well, my dog have never had problems before, so why should I worry?" Sometimes preventive care can be a tough sell.

Hate to say it, but my own family didn't use HW prevention until they came to the vet school open house and saw the preserved dog's heart full of worms. Seeing that finally opened their eyes and now both dogs are on monthly HW prevention and visit the vet at least once a year!

Thanks for the advice guys!....Its just rough when dealing with someone who feels they are an expert at everything. He actually tries to make me feel bad for wanting to confine cats when he thinks they are so much better off doing what they want and going out. He actually mentioned the circle of life last night....in reference to my domesticated barn cats.....I walked away to avoid a fight.....He didn't want to get the dog spayed because he didn't want to "put her through it" and thought I was like mean or something for demanding she get cut open....and he wants to give her bones..."because she wants them and she deserves bones". I am starting to learn that walking away is the best idea when he makes no sense...He is actually a very intelligent man, I swear lol
I guess the real stress with me moving away is that with me gone, I know that no one will go through the trouble of making sure the barn cats get closed in the barn at night, and I am worried something will happen to them. I am already taking two cats with me or I would bring them along.....but again, I mention taking them away and it will be an explosive argument, and suddenly I am trying to insult them, and I am ungrateful and terrible.....I agree with the above post that it is a touchy subject...and I think I am going to try and leave it alone for now....I do cover the veterinary costs for my animals....so another item on my to do list is to work hard at my summer jobs so I have some extra money to use on their care when I need to...

Originally Posted by katryn

You are definitely not alone. My in laws both grew up in the country, and it wasn't until one one of their outdoor cats tangled fatally with a truck that I was finally able to convince them that cats at least belong in the house.

I disagree with this. I think cats that are indoor/outdoor have a much better quality of life than those that live indoors all the time. Sure, there is a higher risk of injury outside, but this is more than compensated for by the decreased incidence of obesity, diabetes, FLUTD, behavioral issues etc etc etc....

Sounds like a sucky situation
Regarding the bones, there are bones that are much safer than others to give. How would he react if you gave him a big stash of safe(r) bones before you left? There are cheap ones at the pet store with tasty fillings in the marrow cavity that stand up to the pit bull teeth around my house. Maybe if he could still show the dog he cares (by giving her bones) but he had a safe alternative, he would stop giving cooked bones?

Regarding your own animals, I think you should take them with you. If they belong to you, they are your responsibility, and barring extreme circumstances they will adjust to living at a new place. I don't think it's fair to complain about how your parents are caring for your own dog, if you're an adult and not living with them - because if they belong to you, you should be caring for them. I realize my opinions on family are a little different than most people's, but I would never ever leave my animals with my parents no matter how much they wanted them (my dad is similar to your dad in that respect).

Originally Posted by frozen_canadian

I disagree with this. I think cats that are indoor/outdoor have a much better quality of life than those that live indoors all the time. Sure, there is a higher risk of injury outside, but this is more than compensated for by the decreased incidence of obesity, diabetes, FLUTD, behavioral issues etc etc etc....

Outdoor cats have, on average, less than half the lifespan of indoor cats. It isn't just a higher risk of injury outside, it is pretty much a ticking death sentence. Not to mention the impact on wildlife outdoor cats have...

I like bunnity's suggestions. Try and redirect behaviors instead of just telling him how bad he's being.

Originally Posted by Trilt

Outdoor cats have, on average, less than half the lifespan of indoor cats.

Source?

Originally Posted by frozen_canadian

I disagree with this. I think cats that are indoor/outdoor have a much better quality of life than those that live indoors all the time. Sure, there is a higher risk of injury outside, but this is more than compensated for by the decreased incidence of obesity, diabetes, FLUTD, behavioral issues etc etc etc....

I think it depends on location. When your house backs up to railroad tracks and a busy main road, they are probably better off inside.

Originally Posted by frozen_canadian

I disagree with this. I think cats that are indoor/outdoor have a much better quality of life than those that live indoors all the time. Sure, there is a higher risk of injury outside, but this is more than compensated for by the decreased incidence of obesity, diabetes, FLUTD, behavioral issues etc etc etc....

But the difference is that the indoor-only risks are things that can be more or less ameliorated by good cat ownership practices. Outdoor risks (assuming by outdoors, you mean the type of outdoors that most do, which is letting the cat roam at large), by and large, cannot be.

Don't overfeed your cat, feed your cat a proper diet with plenty of water (if the cat doesn't drink a lot of water, at least supplement with wet food), provide an enriching environment with opportunities for play and exercise, do clicker-training with your cat...and poof, those issues are no longer associated with being an indoor cat.

Not a cat owner here, but I think people get really stuck along the lines of "indoor" and "outdoor" to the point where I have a friend who was horrified by someone taking their cat outdoors on a leash because the outdoors is "bad" for cats.

The problem with most cats that go outdoors is that they are completely unsupervised outdoors. So of course they get hit by cars, eaten by predators, and contract diseases from other cats.

The problem with most cats that are indoors is that their owners don't think they need any kind of mental or physical stimulation. So of course they get fat and develop behavior problems.

With better ownership both those scenarios are completely avoidable.

If you or your cat feels like they absolutely need outdoor time, build them a secure enclosure or train them to the leash.

Originally Posted by frozen_canadian

Source?

Upper level (undergraduate) companion animal management course. It was cited, but I'd have to dig through lots of powerpoint slides to find it.

I think it depends on location. When your house backs up to railroad tracks and a busy main road, they are probably better off inside.

I used to think this too, and didn't put up a fight with my parents letting our family cat outside during the day because we lived in a very quiet, suburban area at the very very end of a cul-de-sac with almost no traffic. Cat went missing last May and never showed up again.

My parents still have lots of outdoor cats. They randomly disappear, they get run over... they (my parents) are devastated, but these are cats that just show up as strays from wherever. They aren't really suitable for indoor life. It's still sad. But they're strays. the only cat there that was brought home on purpose is 'mine' and she was to be indoor only... hah! That didn't stick.

Alternately, they were never 'dogs in the house' people, but somehow the (75lb!!) dog is coming inside quite a lot. Hmm. And going on car rides.

Vet school helps some. Free advantix for the dog, free food (no more Ol Roy for the dog), and the ability to vaccinate the lot myself in 3 years or so... it's an improvement, anyway. And maybe someday the new random cats will stop showing up.