Living a double life

SDN Members don't see this ad. (About Ads)

I am tired of living a double life! I haven't told work that I am applying for medical school and it is really draining. Particularly because I go to work tired from having stayed up late studying for the MCAT. I don't do as well at work as I would if I weren't cramming my outside of work time full of pre-med activities (study and volunteer). Then I think, maybe I will take a day off from work to recoup and realize I will be almost wiping out my PTO for a week of shadowing (told them I gonna visit my family which is also true, I am staying at their house) and the PTO I have used for volunteering.

If I get in this cycle I have to keep this up another 1.25 years. If I don't get accepted then only until Jan 2013.

How do other people deal with this? I am even running out of ways to talk about my weekends...I can't very well say, "I spent all weekend studying so no, I didn't actually do anything fun". I have settled into things like, "Well, I took my dog for a walk". How do you talk to your boss and explain why you are so tired?

Why are you hiding that you are applying to medical school? I work 40 hours per week, 9 credits in school, volunteering, research, and just took my MCAT on 4/5.

Why don't you just tell them you're applying to medical school?

I might as well just quite if I tell them. The company has a history of getting their feelings hurt if you are planning on leaving.

Also, if you get in this cycle you will only have to "keep this up" another 9-10 months because once you get accepted you can go ahead and stop volunteering if you want.

You should try and find a job in a hospital or somewhere health care related. It will look better on your app and those places are typically pretty open to people pursuing a better career than an entry level health care position.

While some fields don't care, certain fields aren't as open to people having future plans that don't involve staying with the company. Especially in this economy, disclosing that could be a liability. I know a coworker gave 60 days noticed and was told he could be done that day. He wound up talking to HR and getting paid for the 60 days, but that would've sucked otherwise.

OP, I do think it would have some idea why you feel like you can't disclose your plans. The other thing might just be the need to reassess your priorities and time mgmt stuff.

Can you cut back somewhere.

I hear you on the double life, although mine isn't secret. I'm a grad student by day in one town and an allied health professional by night in another. It does get tricky. Since my employer is funding some of tuition, then out of respect for that privilege and since I deal with patient diagnostics, I don't let my school interfere with my job. That's despite the fact that I'd much rather have school be my number one priority.

If your work is suffering to the point you need to explain yourself, you need to make some adjustments somewhere. You might put your job at risk with that as well.

It's where focus and motivation comes in. You just have to grind through it. The MCAT period is definitely the tough crunch time, but hopefully you can make through it.

My suggestion is that if you're tired all the time, you should look at cutting down stuff like volunteering, at least temporarily. Being tired is certainly not conductive for studying or working. The rest is all in acting not tired when you're tired. When someone asks, just say you've been with issues, and a normal person/boss isn't going to press.

I also agree that you don't tell your boss about your path on medical school. It's pretty damn common sense.

Originally Posted by MedPR

You should try and find a job in a hospital or somewhere health care related. It will look better on your app and those places are typically pretty open to people pursuing a better career than an entry level health care position.

I appreciate that, and if I don't get in, I will do that which means I won't have to give up volunteering. I really enjoy volunteering. I don't like having to hide such an important part of me at work.

The thing with my job is that it is already a career job. I am the bread-winner right now but at the end of the summer my husband will graduate and then hopefully get a job. That will free me up to look for another, lower paying but more relevant job than my current. If I get in, it really doesn't make since to pass up on the money I could save up with both of us working good jobs.

Originally Posted by excitedtoapply

I might as well just quite if I tell them. The company has a history of getting their feelings hurt if you are planning on leaving.

I know what you are talking about. In that case, there is no reason to let them know or feel quilty about working towards your personal goal.

You might want to save some PTO/vacation not only for shadowing/volunteering but also for interviews. I remember coming up with some BS to attend my interviews and I had to schedule them back to back. Do whatever it's necessary to get around.

The good news is, if you do get accepted, keeping it up another 1.25 years will be no problem at all. Time will fly and you will enjoy your life regardless.

Good luck with your application this cycle.

You can do anything for a year. Yes it sucks. No I didn't really have to do it, my employer fully supported my decision, even knowing I was miserable. I easily could have been fired at another company...

Keep at it, you can do it...

Originally Posted by excitedtoapply

I appreciate that, and if I don't get in, I will do that which means I won't have to give up volunteering. I really enjoy volunteering. I don't like having to hide such an important part of me at work.

That is not really a good idea. You already stated why it is.

Not sure why you are hiding volunteering. Voluteering is something that corporate people do all the time in their spare time. You're overthinking this.

Changing careers midstream doesn't make any sense from a long term perspective. Instead of choosing a job based on your qualifications, benefits package, and location (the right reasons), you would be looking for a suboptimal temporary job. That means worse benefits and much more difficult time finding the job. You say you don't have time now, try adding a job search and job interviews in the mix.

And if something happens. If you don't get in or you change your mind, if unexpected expenses comes up, if revenue dries up (husband) gets fired, you're in a subprime entry level job. Try switching back to a career with either a gap year or a year at a completely unrelated/unqualified entry level. It would be basically backing you into a corner.

For marginal benefits (being generous here), it's just not worth it.

On my yearly appraisal I put down my volunteering, that I ran a marathon for charity, and classes saying I was expanding my education and being a good corporate citizen. Result: I looked like a saint and got a raise. Yeah work sucks but stick with it and delay telling them as long as possible.

I feel ya. I had to lead the kind of "double life" you're talking about for 3 years. It's very very draining. It's not easy trying to get into medical school as a nontraditional student, especially if you're working full time and feel like it's necessary to keep your future plans to yourself in order to preserve job stability. But that's just what some of us have to go through. I just consider it good practice for the kind of hard work, time management, and schedule balancing that will come in handy during medical school.

Thank you all for the feedback. I only have two more weeks until the MCAT and then will do some damage repair at work. I was doing okay until the last couple of weeks and I realized ", I need to finish my MCAT study". All down hill from there...but I guess better to get my freak out down now so come May 19th, everything will be groovy. Long story short, after the test, things will calm down and I will be able to handle it for another ~1. It just sucks.

The best part about the MCAT coming up is that it will be over soon and I will have a better idea of my chances for a interview!

I was in a similar situation and ultimately decided to 'come out with it' to my supervisor. Much to my surprise, I ended up getting a raise because they don't want me to leave the firm. I've been told that if/when I decide to leave, they will support my decision 100%. I don't know the politics at your company, but often managers 'get their feelings hurt' when people leave to join a competitor. Since that's not the case, I wonder if they will be more receptive to your alternate career aspirations. Perhaps you could pose it as more "I'm looking into this and keeping it open as an option". Just a thought. But, be careful not to burn any bridges at work, since you might want to get a letter of recommendation from your manager when it comes time to apply. If you are as burnt out as you mentioned in your original post, then your coworkers have probably noticed that you are always tired (and that your work is potentially suffering), so by not telling your company what's going on, they may just assume that you are disinterested/slacking. If you decide not to tell your company about your intentions, then I totally agree with the others that volunteering should not be a red flag to anyone at work. Good luck!

Be careful not to let stress distract you from MCAT. Sometimes what seems like a big deal isn't, it's just general anxiety and fatigue making a molehill seem like a mountain, which sometimes leads to not seeing the real mountain, in this case, MCAT. Meditate or exercise or whatever to get your brain in a place where you can focus.

I've been going to school for about 3 years now. The first two years I just simply told people I want to finish my degree. I didn't want to be the guy that says he's pre-med and then bails out later and have the perception in my professional life floating around that I'm not able to handle difficult tasks. I was always able to deflect questions about intentions by just saying I'm knocking out gen-eds. My plan back then was that even if I gave up on medical school, I would still finish my bachelor's.

Now, I'm open and honest with those that ask, including my boss. It was awkward when I first told him what my final goals are. There was a silence there and then the answer "I was not expecting that." But even since that moment, he has been nothing BUT supportive. He's been super flexible with my school and work hours. He hasn't given me crap when stress wore down my immune system and I called out a lot last semester.

The main thing is, when I'm here at work, I endeavor to excel. And I succeed. I also update him on how far out until I graduate and intend to notify him when it's possible I might leave. He's even left the door open for me continuing to work on an "as I have time" basis if I do leave for medical school. I guess my situation is as close to ideal as I can get. But I'm in a department of people wear the average tenure is around 8 years. So I know they don't quite understand why I want to change my career and leave this.

But sincerely, the honesty has been liberating. I didn't like feeling like I was hiding my intentions. And I do have those days/weeks/months where I feel like I'm not giving this place my all like I used to. I attribute this to the idea that my heart is elsewhere and I'm getting closer to graduation. You have to deal with this. What you do on your own time is your business. But while you're on the clock, do everything you can to succeed where you are. Make the necessary attitude/life adjustments now. Short-timer syndrome only gets worse if not dealt with.

Originally Posted by excitedtoapply

I might as well just quite if I tell them. The company has a history of getting their feelings hurt if you are planning on leaving.

This is a real concern. I mentioned to my boss as a heads up that I am moving to further my goal of going to med school and now it seems like I'm becoming an easy scapegoat for things because I'm no longer pursuing a "career" in the company. Telling them hasn't made my life any easier. Only you can judge how your boss will react but in my situation I wish I would have kept it to myself.

There is also the matter of resentment; I'm going to go to med school and they will be here doing the same job they don't like.

I feel with you. I was 26 when I was admitted to med school in Switzerland. I decided to work with my previous degree for at least a year to earn some money.

Of course I hated my job, hated what I was doing all day long. From day 1 I already knew when I was going to quit, and that didn't really make it easier. I had to pretend to be interested in what I was doing even though I wasn't. My boss wasn't the nicest person around to make matters worse...

Anyway, once I was gone it didn't really matter anymore and I started to feel relieved pretty soon after I had left. So take a chill pill, Med School is gonna be fun

Oh, and of course you should NOT tell them about your plans. Never EVER do that at work.