Unsure if my Personal Statement is going in the right direction

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See the below post for my new idea:

P1: Compare a pt. I saw with a bladder that was about to explode and compare it to a reactor in a chemical plant. Say how the engineer and doctor both proceeded to fix the problem in similiar ways.

P2: Talk a bit more about how i see the body as a chemical plant. Bring in some of the classes and how they are analogous to medicine.

P3: Talk about problem solving. How when I shadowed the doctor was presented a problem and fixed it, similiar to how an engineer would. Give an example of a product I design where we had a problem and fixed it.

P4: Talk about my reasons for entering medicine is to help people on a more direct basis, but talioring my engineering skills to medicine. And how the social and communication aspect of medicine is neccessary for good treatment.

P5: Show how I tested my "hypothesis" that I want to become a physician. Give some examples what I saw and enjoyed. How i strive to be a life long learner.

P6: Talk about my broad exposure. I've tutored, done research, worked in a chemical plant, volunteered, created a product and LLC, powerlifting competitions and how it makes me dynamic and thatI have to adapt often. Talk some about how my broad experiences helped prepare me and end it with something along the lines of saying medicine is a blend of science and helping people.






Here is my old idea thats scraped.


So I understand the idea is the answer the question "why medicine". However I've been using my writing center and here is the general "outline" we came up with.

P1 : Start off with nice little intro saying even though my major is chemical engineering, I value more human interaction and medicine is a good blend of science/helping people

P2: Talk a bit about my shadowing experience and what I learned from it, also how I enjoyed the humanity part of it.

P3: Talk about my Alzheimer's research and show that I'm interested in the helping people aspect.

P4: Talk about my volunteering, even though I wasn't curing people it brought me great satisfaction doing minor tasks.

P5: Wrap it up and somehow conclude and justify more my reasoning for Engineering -> Medicine.

However from what I read online this is exactly what I SHOULDN'T be doing. Any of you guys have any input on this? Or can lead me into the right direction? I read the stickies but I feel perhaps the writing center is confusing me a bit.

I was told very specifically by an adcom at Loyola NOT to repeat anything, at least not extensively, that was mentioned elsewhere in my amcas. this was one school of course. but I'd be wary of just regurgitating your whole activities section.

Sounds incredibly unique brah. Good luck.

Originally Posted by diagonal

Sounds incredibly unique brah. Good luck.

thanks for the help brah. U misc btw?

And I guess engineering -> medicine is different just cant spin it right.

Originally Posted by Lafakads

So I understand the idea is the answer the question "why medicine". However I've been using my writing center and here is the general "outline" we came up with.

P1 : Start off with nice little intro saying even though my major is chemical engineering, I value more human interaction and medicine is a good blend of science/helping people

P2: Talk a bit about my shadowing experience and what I learned from it, also how I enjoyed the humanity part of it.

P3: Talk about my Alzheimer's research and show that I'm interested in the helping people aspect.

P4: Talk about my volunteering, even though I wasn't curing people it brought me great satisfaction doing minor tasks.

P5: Wrap it up and somehow conclude and justify more my reasoning for Engineering -> Medicine.

However from what I read online this is exactly what I SHOULDN'T be doing. Any of you guys have any input on this? Or can lead me into the right direction? I read the stickies but I feel perhaps the writing center is confusing me a bit.

You are going to talk about P2, 3 and 4 in your Activities section. I wouldn't do that. Talk specifically about why you want to become a doctor, and only refer to what you did volunteering, in research, and shadowing as it directly led you to medicine. As already mentioned, don't repeat your activities section in your PS.

Originally Posted by theseeker4

You are going to talk about P2, 3 and 4 in your Activities section. I wouldn't do that. Talk specifically about why you want to become a doctor, and only refer to what you did volunteering, in research, and shadowing as it directly led you to medicine. As already mentioned, don't repeat your activities section in your PS.

Gotcha, I feel that those 3 experiences reaffirmed why I want to be a doctor. So talk a bit about the traits I have and how I saw them used in the health care field in those 3 experiences. And keep the "main" theme to I want enjoy the helping people aspect of medicine that isn't possible in engineering?

Originally Posted by Lafakads

thanks for the help brah. U misc btw?

And I guess engineering -> medicine is different just cant spin it right.

zyzz

just tell them in a real voice that engineering was soul sucking. **** bridges and computers. you needed a career that dealt with people in a very real way, face-to-face. you wanted to be the point man for suffering and use your skills and effort to help.

Originally Posted by diagonal

zyzz

just tell them in a real voice that engineering was soul sucking. **** bridges and computers. you needed a career that dealt with people in a very real way, face-to-face. you wanted to be the point man for suffering and use your skills and effort to help.

Will rep srs (6k)

prime minister account name.

Originally Posted by Lafakads

Gotcha, I feel that those 3 experiences reaffirmed why I want to be a doctor. So talk a bit about the traits I have and how I saw them used in the health care field in those 3 experiences. And keep the "main" theme to I want enjoy the helping people aspect of medicine that isn't possible in engineering?

Hello,

I'm kind of in the same boat. I switched to pre-medicine without having a really good reason. Then I did a bunch of things that validated/verified that decision. Now, I'm also struggling with my personal statement, largely because those formative experiences are already in the work/activities section. Plus, it's hard to say that something you did/saw at a clinic made you want to be a doctor ... since you were already pre-med at the time and you were in the clinic for that very reason.

Help?

Originally Posted by nancy mcgunter

Hello,

I'm kind of in the same boat. I switched to pre-medicine without having a really good reason. Then I did a bunch of things that validated/verified that decision. Now, I'm also struggling with my personal statement, largely because those formative experiences are already in the work/activities section. Plus, it's hard to say that something you did/saw at a clinic made you want to be a doctor ... since you were already pre-med at the time and you were in the clinic for that very reason.

Help?

yea I never really had an excellent reason why. Saying I'm a good person that likes the helping people aspect doesn't really cut it imo. Plus chemical engineering is all about just getting a degree, there was never any EC's so most of mine came after that.

P1: I wouldn't start off saying "even though"... sounds like you're making an excuse. I also wouldn't use the term "human interaction"...as opposed to what? "animal interaction" and many jobs involve working with people.

P2: I wouldn't say what you learned from it, try to make your essay more active, "show" rather than "tell"

P4: While I'm sure you received great satisfaction making beds or whatever please don't glamorize your experience, it'll sound like a bunch of BS

P5: I wouldn't "justify" my reasons for switching. Try to use your engineering background to your advantage.

Originally Posted by Lafakads

So I understand the idea is the answer the question "why medicine". However I've been using my writing center and here is the general "outline" we came up with.

P1 : Start off with nice little intro saying even though my major is chemical engineering, I value more human interaction and medicine is a good blend of science/helping people

P2: Talk a bit about my shadowing experience and what I learned from it, also how I enjoyed the humanity part of it.

P3: Talk about my Alzheimer's research and show that I'm interested in the helping people aspect.

P4: Talk about my volunteering, even though I wasn't curing people it brought me great satisfaction doing minor tasks.

P5: Wrap it up and somehow conclude and justify more my reasoning for Engineering -> Medicine.

However from what I read online this is exactly what I SHOULDN'T be doing. Any of you guys have any input on this? Or can lead me into the right direction? I read the stickies but I feel perhaps the writing center is confusing me a bit.

Originally Posted by diagonal

zyzz

just tell them in a real voice that engineering was soul sucking. **** bridges and computers. you needed a career that dealt with people in a very real way, face-to-face. you wanted to be the point man for suffering and use your skills and effort to help.

RIP Father of Aesthetics

Originally Posted by Lafakads

So I understand the idea is the answer the question "why medicine". However I've been using my writing center and here is the general "outline" we came up with.

P1 : Start off with nice little intro saying even though my major is chemical engineering, I value more human interaction and medicine is a good blend of science/helping people

P2: Talk a bit about my shadowing experience and what I learned from it, also how I enjoyed the humanity part of it.

P3: Talk about my Alzheimer's research and show that I'm interested in the helping people aspect.

P4: Talk about my volunteering, even though I wasn't curing people it brought me great satisfaction doing minor tasks.

P5: Wrap it up and somehow conclude and justify more my reasoning for Engineering -> Medicine.

However from what I read online this is exactly what I SHOULDN'T be doing. Any of you guys have any input on this? Or can lead me into the right direction? I read the stickies but I feel perhaps the writing center is confusing me a bit.

Seems too "formulaic" and not "personal" enough. You're not writing an academic essay OR a biography OR a resume. If your writing center consultants don't understand that find someone else to look at/work on your PS with you.




My own PS looked something like this:

P1) Intro story about a case with a patient that parallels my life journey
P2) Commentary about parallel of life journey to patient case (incl. brief mention of evolving research interests)/Introduction of primary theme of application
P3) Second clinical vignette providing evidence for the direction of my interests
P4) Commentary/Introduction of secondary theme of application
P5) Clinical vignette demonstrating secondary theme
P6) Wrap-up/conclusion/integration of themes from my application

That all said, I by no means "outlined" my PS before writing it. That's a poor approach, IMO. The outline will form on its own. It has to. There is no sense in trying to outline your PS ahead of time. Begin by writing stories. What makes you a "pre-physician"? What makes you someone who wants to sacrifice your life to this cause we call "medicine"? What makes you so sure you're right for that cause? What have you seen/done/heard/observed that convinced you? (And I don't mean the cr*p in your activities section.) An example that I could have used (but didn't) might be:

One night as I was leaving the hospital after a shift scribing in the ED, I encountered a man who appeared to be seizing. Being a certified EMT, I immediately cleared the area and called the proper code. For what seemed like an eternity, I continued to treat him but the seizure kept going. Other staff arrived and we transported him back to the ED, where the ED physicians determined he was not having a seizure at all. It was determined that he was actually diabetic and that he could have died within a few minutes had it not been for my having found him. Afterward, I was relieved that I was able to help, but my incorrect assessment of this patient's condition and what I needed to do both scared and inspired me to learn more. My inability to appropriately assess and treat that patient with my EMT-B level of training and my experience as a scribe has inspired me to seek a greater depth of knowledge so that I can better treat patients in the future.

I agree that it's too much of a formula.
The way I first briefed mine was by literally rambling off about myself and medicine and how I connected the two in my head. I, of course, went back and made it look more like an essay less like a blog. But because it started off coming "Straight from the heart" it still had the personal element that they're looking for.
PS. I've been told I have a good PS that's why I'm giving the advice (:

Originally Posted by saveourpens

P1: I wouldn't start off saying "even though"... sounds like you're making an excuse. I also wouldn't use the term "human interaction"...as opposed to what? "animal interaction" and many jobs involve working with people.

P2: I wouldn't say what you learned from it, try to make your essay more active, "show" rather than "tell"

P4: While I'm sure you received great satisfaction making beds or whatever please don't glamorize your experience, it'll sound like a bunch of BS

P5: I wouldn't "justify" my reasons for switching. Try to use your engineering background to your advantage.

how would I use my engineering background to my advantage? Basically I don't want to come across as arrogant that I'm a good problem solver and hard worker, since that shows in my stats. Was hoping to make myself more personable.

So I've been reading around and it seems that I should stay away from my writing centers "list".

I got an idea that I need to effectively link engineering --> medicine. Going to go with something along the lines of when I was shadowing, I've seen lots of this before, but as a chemical plant instead of a person. Then relate my interests from there and how I want to directly benefit.

Originally Posted by Lafakads

how would I use my engineering background to my advantage? Basically I don't want to come across as arrogant that I'm a good problem solver and hard worker, since that shows in my stats. Was hoping to make myself more personable.

I think you've got the right idea in above post. You can link pretty much anything to medicine. I'd also take everyones opinion with a grain of salt. Some will say your personal statement is the best they've read while others will think it needs to be completely revised. I'd stay closer to those familiar with this process.

Originally Posted by Lafakads

So I've been reading around and it seems that I should stay away from my writing centers "list".

I got an idea that I need to effectively link engineering --> medicine. Going to go with something along the lines of when I was shadowing, I've seen lots of this before, but as a chemical plant instead of a person. Then relate my interests from there and how I want to directly benefit.

Linking engineering to medicine would be good. Have you done any actual engineering? Did you do an engineering internship? Can you relate any of your specialty interests to engineering? I would open with the connection and then build your "case" for medicine from there. An admissions consultant I have worked with states that the PS is expected to make your entire life point naturally to medicine. That is, she wants to read a PS that makes it seem as though medicine is the inevitable next step in your journey. While there may be an apparent "choice" for medicine, the correct decision should seem obvious.

Originally Posted by saveourpens

I think you've got the right idea in above post. You can link pretty much anything to medicine. I'd also take everyones opinion with a grain of salt. Some will say your personal statement is the best they've read while others will think it needs to be completely revised. I'd stay closer to those familiar with this process.

This is true. I would suggest speaking with people who have been on adcoms. That said, I found that most people I respected tended to have opinions similar to those of the former adcom member I utilized as a mentor throughout the process. I think you should stick to current/former adcom members, admissions staff members (non-adcom), current/former med school faculty, current med students (esp. those on their schools' adcoms), and current physicians (esp. those involved with a med school). These are the people most likely to have a good feel for what the schools are looking for.

Op

Originally Posted by music2doc

Linking engineering to medicine would be good. Have you done any actual engineering? Did you do an engineering internship? Can you relate any of your specialty interests to engineering? I would open with the connection and then build your "case" for medicine from there. An admissions consultant I have worked with states that the PS is expected to make your entire life point naturally to medicine. That is, she wants to read a PS that makes it seem as though medicine is the inevitable next step in your journey. While there may be an apparent "choice" for medicine, the correct decision should seem obvious.



This is true. I would suggest speaking with people who have been on adcoms. That said, I found that most people I respected tended to have opinions similar to those of the former adcom member I utilized as a mentor throughout the process. I think you should stick to current/former adcom members, admissions staff members (non-adcom), current/former med school faculty, current med students (esp. those on their schools' adcoms), and current physicians (esp. those involved with a med school). These are the people most likely to have a good feel for what the schools are looking for.

For the first paragraph, I did an internship for a semester with my citys water department. Worked in the lab and assisted with some filtration project (aided in pilot plant study).

And to be honest, I was a poor student in high school so I never really thought I could be a doctor (assumed I was too dumb), then I got my **** together in college and junior year im like hold on a minute I got a 3.7 in engineering... I can maybe do something else.

It took me a little while to find, but I found the final copy of my personal statement, dated 2007. I didn't have an eureka moment or a direct connection/reason to apply to medical school. I had a lower GPA but the PS + the rest of my application was good enough to get me interviews at HMS, Hopkins, Wash U etc.

P1: Shameless brag about doing Physics and giving 'pre-med' the finger
P2: Philosophical discussion of learning vs. education + emphasis on problem solving as being a key focus of learning
P3: Big picture, self reliance, production - research (solving science problems)
P4: Passion, communication skills, compassion - teaching (solving people problems)
P5: Brief personal story about seeing medical problem solving in life/death situation and admiration for a particular physician
P6: Overview of the multitude of current medical problems (science, social, political) with subtle self-sell about me being the one you want on your team taking them on.

You can not come off as arrogant in your personal statement. That is a kiss of death. But at the same time, you have every right to sell yourself. If you accomplish things or have something that medical schools should want, you have to tell them. Yes, your letter writers will do this, but unless your personal statement is YOUR voice. Confidence in who you are as an individual and your abilities is not cockiness (or at least doesn't have to come off as such.

I hate outlines for personal statements. I think they muddle purpose and flow. The best prompt that I got for writing a personal statement was, "So why should I accept you into my medical school?" Or for residency, "Why should I hire you?" When I started pondering that question, I quickly got away from listing accomplishments and did more soul searching about why I should go to medical school or why I'd be a good fit for medical school. As a writing tool, I also recommend an application wide theme. The primary links being between the personal statement, LOR and listed ECs. I wasted little time in my PS describing what I did in my ECs as it was already in different sections. I provided each of my letter writers with my personal statement and discussed with them why I asked them to write a letter. I specifically highlighted the parts of my story I thought that they had a good view of and asked if they felt comfortable writing about it.

I wrote about personal statement themes here: http://forums.studentdoctor.net/show...5&postcount=19

Originally Posted by Lafakads

So I've been reading around and it seems that I should stay away from my writing centers "list".

I got an idea that I need to effectively link engineering --> medicine. Going to go with something along the lines of when I was shadowing, I've seen lots of this before, but as a chemical plant instead of a person. Then relate my interests from there and how I want to directly benefit.

I'm a little too lazy to read through all of the other posts, so sorry if I repeat anything.

As a fellow engineering --> med, I had the same problems coming up with how to frame that transition. My breakthrough came when I realized I didn't need to! The question is "Why medicine?", not "Why not engineering?" If you didn't come about it with some epiphany or specific experience, then focus on a recent experience that has confirmed medicine for you, rather than something that made you choose medicine. You don't have to do the chronological "how I got here" thing. Obviously, you should mention your background, but focus on how it has prepared you for a career as a physician, not why it wasn't fulfilling enough for you. A lot of career changers feel the need to justify why they left their previous field, but then you spend a lot of time talking about things not medicine, and it's not helping your case. Try to make everything including your previous career work toward your medicine-focused advantage.

I think your new course of action is great. Just make sure you focus on making everything positive and use concrete experiences that are not elsewhere in your application.

I wonder if anyone cares about personal statements as much as SDN thinks.

Originally Posted by circulus vitios

I wonder of anyone cares about personal statements as much as SDN thinks.

It is only a part of an application. By itself, its probably not that important. But, it is the only part of the application that you can control acutely and if it supports the other parts of your application I think most would say it can act synergistically (dunno if that is a word). Broad stroke I don't think it makes much of a difference, but without much effort you can give yourself another edge. Why would you not take it seriously?

Thanks for the help guys. I've essentially tossed out 95% of the old personal statement and came up with a new one. I know you guys aren't a fan of outlines, but here are my general topics of the paragraphs. I should have a better draft of this in the coming days.

P1: Compare a pt. I saw with a bladder that was about to explode and compare it to a reactor in a chemical plant. Say how the engineer and doctor both proceeded to fix the problem in similiar ways.

P2: Talk a bit more about how i see the body as a chemical plant. Bring in some of the classes and how they are analogous to medicine.

P3: Talk about problem solving. How when I shadowed the doctor was presented a problem and fixed it, similiar to how an engineer would. Give an example of a product I design where we had a problem and fixed it.

P4: Talk about my reasons for entering medicine is to help people on a more direct basis, but talioring my engineering skills to medicine. And how the social and communication aspect of medicine is neccessary for good treatment.

P5: Show how I tested my "hypothesis" that I want to become a physician. Give some examples what I saw and enjoyed. How i strive to be a life long learner.

P6: Talk about my broad exposure. I've tutored, done research, worked in a chemical plant, volunteered, created a product and LLC, powerlifting competitions and how it makes me dynamic and thatI have to adapt often. Talk some about how my broad experiences helped prepare me and end it with something along the lines of saying medicine is a blend of science and helping people.

thoughts or ideas?

reposted the idea in the original post. Any opinions?

Hey im an engineer to medicine too. PM me

Originally Posted by boomshark

Hey im an engineer to medicine too. PM me

y u no respond??

I don't why, but reading your outline just made me cringe.

OP, are you aware that there are people in this world that have a severe medical condition which causes them to be that way?

Originally Posted by Fivo

OP, are you aware that there are people in life with a severe medical condition that causes them to be that way?

This isn't the misc. Plz go.

Originally Posted by sliceofbread136

I don't why, but reading your outline just made me cringe.

why did reading my outline make you cringe?

Originally Posted by Lafakads

why did reading my outline make you cringe?

Like I said, I dont rly know. Maybe it just sounds gimmicky and too focused on engineering to me? I'm just one person though.

Originally Posted by Lafakads

why did reading my outline make you cringe?

Originally Posted by sliceofbread136

Like I said, I dont rly know. Maybe it just sounds gimmicky and too focused on engineering to me? I'm just one person though.

He's right OP and I thought the same thing.The problem is you're focusing on the things in life that don't really matter. When I was a kid I had hopes and dreams. We all did. But over time, the daily grind gets in the way and you miss the things that really matter, even though they are right in front of you, staring you in the face. I think the next time you're about to write your personal statement, you should ask yourself "Am I on the right track here?".

Don't make the entire thing related to engineering in some way. Maybe use a paragraph or 2 at most and then use the other bits to talk about where you were at right before college, how you feel now, and what you hope to accomplish!

If you have to ask, then it's not going in the right direction....

Originally Posted by Fivo

He's right OP and I thought the same thing.The problem is you're focusing on the things in life that don't really matter. When I was a kid I had hopes and dreams. We all did. But over time, the daily grind gets in the way and you miss the things that really matter, even though they are right in front of you, staring you in the face. I think the next time you're about to write your personal statement, you should ask yourself "Am I on the right track here?".

Don't make the entire thing related to engineering in some way. Maybe use a paragraph or 2 at most and then use the other bits to talk about where you were at right before college, how you feel now, and what you hope to accomplish!

Fuu maybe

Originally Posted by Fivo

He's right OP and I thought the same thing.The problem is you're focusing on the things in life that don't really matter. When I was a kid I had hopes and dreams. We all did. But over time, the daily grind gets in the way and you miss the things that really matter, even though they are right in front of you, staring you in the face. I think the next time you're about to write your personal statement, you should ask yourself "Am I on the right track here?".

Don't make the entire thing related to engineering in some way. Maybe use a paragraph or 2 at most and then use the other bits to talk about where you were at right before college, how you feel now, and what you hope to accomplish!

Some of the best essays have a theme binding everything together. If engineering is really important to the op then I don't see why they can't make a great essay with an engineering theme.

Originally Posted by saveourpens

Some of the best essays have a theme binding everything together. If engineering is really important to the op then I don't see why they can't make a great essay with an engineering theme.

I think it could work if it was written well, but the way op wrote his outline gave me a childish/gimmicky impression.

Originally Posted by mirimonster

I'm a little too lazy to read through all of the other posts, so sorry if I repeat anything.

As a fellow engineering --> med, I had the same problems coming up with how to frame that transition. My breakthrough came when I realized I didn't need to! The question is "Why medicine?", not "Why not engineering?" If you didn't come about it with some epiphany or specific experience, then focus on a recent experience that has confirmed medicine for you, rather than something that made you choose medicine. You don't have to do the chronological "how I got here" thing. Obviously, you should mention your background, but focus on how it has prepared you for a career as a physician, not why it wasn't fulfilling enough for you. A lot of career changers feel the need to justify why they left their previous field, but then you spend a lot of time talking about things not medicine, and it's not helping your case. Try to make everything including your previous career work toward your medicine-focused advantage.

I think your new course of action is great. Just make sure you focus on making everything positive and use concrete experiences that are not elsewhere in your application.

I agree with mirimonster. Also, by making the point that you see the body like a chemical plant, I think you have a good chance of coming across an adcom that when they read that analogy thinks, "No it's not".

At best, that analogy makes it seem like you are trying a little too hard to explain your decision to go from chemical engineering to medicine--and that maybe you don't really know why. At worst, it makes it seem like you are completely out of touch with what medicine is really about.

Definitely go with mirimonster's advice. Ask "why medicine?" not "why not engineering?"

I think a lot of people write about their experiences to the extent of rehashing what they have done, almost just trying to validate themselves as a premed. Remember why you have the activities boxes...I think applicants would be better served talking about experiences that allowed them to grow as individuals, and/or increase ones enthusiasm for medicine.

The other thing I'd look at is perhaps bringing a clinical experience you had into the picture. I wouldnt go with the "I put a bandaid on my sisters bleeding finger and I wanted to become a doctor right then," but perhaps talk about the dialogue you might have had with a patient, and how that has caused you to ask questions, and gain more knowledge. I think it gives insight on how a person thinks, and what they prioritize when they interact with people.

Originally Posted by sliceofbread136

I think it could work if it was written well, but the way op wrote his outline gave me a childish/gimmicky impression.

I'm not a fan of his outline either. It does seem like it'll require a lot of writing skill to do well.. If the OP has this level of writing talent, then sure, it might pay off. If not though, he's probably better off writing a more traditional PS where he just talks sincerely about his journey/desires thus far (instead of forcing all of those analogies).

IMO, it's better to play it safe and have the reader getting a genuine feel for who you are (even if it isn't super unique) vs. trying too hard to be unique and instead coming off as being insincere (due to all of the gimmicks and focus on irrelevant topics, etc.). It's not a deal-breaker if your PS doesn't stand out from everyone else's. Afterall, they are judging you based on many other factors. I actually think that the importance of "uniqueness" is overestimated on here. Many (most?) people get in with relatively common themes. Just portray them in a way that's personal to you.

Your engineering experience does sound interesting though, maybe you can use it as your hook? Just my thoughts, good luck!

Originally Posted by saveourpens

Some of the best essays have a theme binding everything together. If engineering is really important to the op then I don't see why they can't make a great essay with an engineering theme.

The reason im using Engineering as a theme is because I feel it has "shaped" me and taught me how to think. If that makes sense.

My original PS was the standard I want to go into medicine to help people. Thats the main goal and thats why im leaving engineering to go to medicine since I want a more direct effect on helping people. I wanted to somehow tie my engineering into it and talk some about HOW my experiences lead me to choose medicine.

I think the theme is pretty cool; it's different from themes like personal illness/family illness/clinical vignettes. But I agree with what some of the posters said previously ... it's going to be a hard one to pull off. Again, interesting theme!

Originally Posted by Alejandro

I think a lot of people write about their experiences to the extent of rehashing what they have done, almost just trying to validate themselves as a premed. Remember why you have the activities boxes...I think applicants would be better served talking about experiences that allowed them to grow as individuals, and/or increase ones enthusiasm for medicine.

The other thing I'd look at is perhaps bringing a clinical experience you had into the picture. I wouldnt go with the "I put a bandaid on my sisters bleeding finger and I wanted to become a doctor right then," but perhaps talk about the dialogue you might have had with a patient, and how that has caused you to ask questions, and gain more knowledge. I think it gives insight on how a person thinks, and what they prioritize when they interact with people.

Not trying to hijack the thread but I was wondering if someone could tell me if my PS content it ok.

-I start off with my involvement with illness (MVA accident) with a new interest in medicine
-I go on to talk about how I was under-prepared for college academics so I take some time off after graduation
-Talk about 3 different clinical experiences which then reaffirmed my decision to pursue medicine (EMT, clinical volunteering, Scribe)

I was wondering if this is considered re-hashing...because the truth is that these experiences really pushed me to medicine as I had no clinical exp beforehand.

Thanks in advance

Originally Posted by kfsa1

Not trying to hijack the thread but I was wondering if someone could tell me if my PS content it ok.

-I start off with my involvement with illness (MVA accident) with a new interest in medicine
-I go on to talk about how I was under-prepared for college academics so I take some time off after graduation
-Talk about 3 different clinical experiences which then reaffirmed my decision to pursue medicine (EMT, clinical volunteering, Scribe)

I was wondering if this is considered re-hashing...because the truth is that these experiences really pushed me to medicine as I had no clinical exp beforehand.

Thanks in advance

Why #2? What does it matter? So you weren't ready for college.... Why point that out?

The other two are fine. Most of your focus should be on #3.

I wouldn't make those points into paragraphs, at least to go along the lines with music2doc. It is ok to mention that you recognized flaws in your own preparation and you felt that you would personally benefit from taking some time to gather yourself, but to elaborate it to the extent of a paragraph, I feel that you're digging your own grave because nobody wants to read a paragraph worth of "I suck."

But, mentioning it in a sentence and writing extensively of how you GREW UP over such experiences, and how these experiences have given you a better understanding of healthcare, society, life in general, can be helpful. I think people write about volunteering for example, in a weird way because they write about how it "qualifies them," rather than writing about "what you got out of the experience."

For me, I wrote about how a volunteer can impact the lives of others, how striking up a conversation with patients can be therapeutic in a way, and the fascination of each patient's story. I was also a hospital ER tech, and I wrote about what it meant to "save a life," and how getting an MD isn't a requisite to save a life. I dunno, I tried to write about truths that I learned through my experiences-the bigger picture, so to speak.

Originally Posted by Lafakads

See the below post for my new idea:

P1: Compare a pt. I saw with a bladder that was about to explode and compare it to a reactor in a chemical plant. Say how the engineer and doctor both proceeded to fix the problem in similiar ways.

P2: Talk a bit more about how i see the body as a chemical plant. Bring in some of the classes and how they are analogous to medicine.

P3: Talk about problem solving. How when I shadowed the doctor was presented a problem and fixed it, similiar to how an engineer would. Give an example of a product I design where we had a problem and fixed it.

P4: Talk about my reasons for entering medicine is to help people on a more direct basis, but talioring my engineering skills to medicine. And how the social and communication aspect of medicine is neccessary for good treatment.

P5: Show how I tested my "hypothesis" that I want to become a physician. Give some examples what I saw and enjoyed. How i strive to be a life long learner.

P6: Talk about my broad exposure. I've tutored, done research, worked in a chemical plant, volunteered, created a product and LLC, powerlifting competitions and how it makes me dynamic and thatI have to adapt often. Talk some about how my broad experiences helped prepare me and end it with something along the lines of saying medicine is a blend of science and helping people.

Give it a go...while pretty much everything has been done/written about before, not a lot of applicants likely compare a patient's exploding bladder to a chemical plant reactor.

Just don't go overboard and things sound corny.

For example, "While watching the physician's white coat flow gracefully in the wind behind him, everything suddenly began to speed up. As he heard the news over the paging system, a pen fell from his hand. At that moment, time stood still and you could hear a pin drop (that is, if it wasn't for the pen bouncing around on the floor). Without thinking twice he took off like he bore the shoes of Mercury. He had to relieve the pressure within a patient's bladder and do it quickly. With that sight, I had a sudden flashback. It was 1998, and I was working in the Acme Chemical Plant. While the day started normal, all that changed when I saw the lead chemical engineer's white coat sail past me at exactly 13 fps. The chemical reactor was under too much pressure and was about to blow, much like the aforementioned patient's bladder..."

Originally Posted by Blais

Give it a go...while pretty much everything has been done/written about before, not a lot of applicants likely compare a patient's exploding bladder to a chemical plant reactor.

Just don't go overboard and things sound corny.

For example, "While watching the physician's white coat flow gracefully in the wind behind him, everything suddenly began to speed up. As he heard the news over the paging system, a pen fell from his hand. At that moment, time stood still and you could hear a pin drop (that is, if it wasn't for the pen bouncing around on the floor). Without thinking twice he runs to relieve the pressure within a patient's bladder, I had a sudden flashback. It was 1998, and I was working in the Acme Chemical Plant. While the day started normal, all that changed when I saw the lead chemical engineer's while coat sail past me at exactly 13 fps. The chemical reactor was under too much pressure and was about to blow, much like the aforementioned patient's bladder..."

Damn I should have worked at a dangerous chemical plant that would have near explosions so I could use it in my personal statement. I seen some things similar but nothing massive. Selfish chemical plants not exploding so I could have things to talk about.

Originally Posted by Alejandro

I wouldn't make those points into paragraphs, at least to go along the lines with music2doc. It is ok to mention that you recognized flaws in your own preparation and you felt that you would personally benefit from taking some time to gather yourself, but to elaborate it to the extent of a paragraph, I feel that you're digging your own grave because nobody wants to read a paragraph worth of "I suck."

But, mentioning it in a sentence and writing extensively of how you GREW UP over such experiences, and how these experiences have given you a better understanding of healthcare, society, life in general, can be helpful. I think people write about volunteering for example, in a weird way because they write about how it "qualifies them," rather than writing about "what you got out of the experience."

For me, I wrote about how a volunteer can impact the lives of others, how striking up a conversation with patients can be therapeutic in a way, and the fascination of each patient's story. I was also a hospital ER tech, and I wrote about what it meant to "save a life," and how getting an MD isn't a requisite to save a life. I dunno, I tried to write about truths that I learned through my experiences-the bigger picture, so to speak.

I agree with what everyone has pointed out....in terms of the "I suck paragraph" it's actually about 3-4 sentences and the shortest paragraph in the PS. But in general, is it ill advised to mention anything about the reasons for why your grades sucked?

I just labeled it as, something like "college was a time to try out many new things and pursue interests but I also found some academic challenges. I ended up starting to doubt myself due to unsatisfactory performance and upon graduation, I realized I still had much to learn about myself/healthcare". That's pretty much the paragraph.

In the immediate following paragraph, I do a 180 and talk about how a few years later I am a 4.0 post bacc, first scribe for a pilot program etc etc and attribute the "success" to my 3 clinical exp

Originally Posted by music2doc

Why #2? What does it matter? So you weren't ready for college.... Why point that out?

The other two are fine. Most of your focus should be on #3.

I pointed this out very briefly to show the chronological events which led me to pursuing med school. I wouldn't have sought out new clinical exp/taken time off if it wasn't for the self doubt caused by my less than satisfactory grades.

But I guess I do see the point you are making...my PS can technically do w/o that paragraph. I just wanted to show the completely changed mentality/achievements since my graduation....once again though, maybe med schools don't need me to spell it out per se?

Thanks for all the help guys. Sorry for the mini thread hijack