About to start residency and dreading it

[hotsoup]

I am starting residency soon and dreading it. I've had the last 5 months pretty much off, and I feel great. Finally feel balanced and happy again. I don't feel recharged and motivated to start working non-stop, feeling stressed and tired all the time, heading into the ED at midnight and staying up all night.

I love getting to see my spouse, hang out at home, work out, sleep, see friends, have time for my own interests. I hate working 60 hour weeks and being too tired to even open the mail. I am thinking about calling the PD and quitting before I even start.

Anyone feel anything similar?

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[BoardingDoc]

I'm also about to start residency (tomorrow actually) and I'm definitely nervous about some things. I've finally gotten into a rhythm of what to do with my days since I've had all this time off, I'm getting to see my wife and my dog every day without feeling like I need "me time" and I know that's about to change very rapidly. That said, I've reminded myself that while the time commitment aspect is going to be rough, the work itself is going to be interesting. I don't know if this is your first career or if you've worked previously, but I can tell you from experience that working 60 hours a week at a job you love is infinitely better than working 40 hours a week at a job you hate. Does that make the 60 hrs in the ED suddenly easy? Of course not. But you need to remember two things.

1: This is only the beginning, and in 3-4 years your schedule, for the rest of your life, is going to be comparatively easy.
2: Even if you still feel like you really, really, don't want to do this... what're you going to do instead? If you managed to succeed in medical school and land an EM residency spot, you probably have decent motivation to work in the ED. Is there really something else you'd prefer to do for 40 hrs a week for the rest of your life? I certainly wouldn't.

 

[gman33]

If you already have an unlimited amount of money and don't need to work, go ahead and quit.

If that is not the case, then you need a job. Residency will provide you with training and a good career.
Parts of it will really suck, other parts will be better.

It's only a few years.

 

[DreamingTheLive]

Really?

EM has it SOOOOO good compared to other specialties as far as residency training goes it's not even funny. Perhaps a couple off-service months will lend some perspective to just how good you're going to have it moving forward. Sure, there are a couple slightly rough patches mixed in there, but on the whole I know that myself and most of our intern class thought that intern year was a complete blast.

 

[TooMuchResearch]

I get it. The time off has been great. But since I need a job, I am now an MD, and I enjoy EM, I'm going to work, and I intend to have fun doing it.

 

[ccfccp]

Let me guess... you've never had a "real job." Sorry if this sounds harsh, but that's life. Normal people don't get five months off to spend with their families... ever. If they do, they call it unemployment. No matter what career you go into, there will be stretches where you won't be able to see you family as much as you like, and you won't have as much "me time" as you like, and you won't get your fill of "balance." I'd much rather be doing it in medicine than as a plumber or a construction worker.

This reminds me of all of those "millennial generation angst" articles that came out a while back (and I doubt I'm much older than you are.) My favorite was here: http://waitbutwhy.com/2013/09/why-generation-y-yuppies-are-unhappy.html

If you're really that unhappy, perhaps you should give up your spot to someone who would make use of it.

 

[BoardingDoc]

Let me guess... you've never had a "real job." Sorry if this sounds harsh, but that's life. Normal people don't get five months off to spend with their families... ever. If they do, they call it unemployment. No matter what career you go into, there will be stretches where you won't be able to see you family as much as you like, and you won't have as much "me time" as you like, and you won't get your fill of "balance." I'd much rather be doing it in medicine than as a plumber or a construction worker.

This reminds me of all of those "millennial generation angst" articles that came out a while back (and I doubt I'm much older than you are.) My favorite was here: http://waitbutwhy.com/2013/09/why-generation-y-yuppies-are-unhappy.html

If you're really that unhappy, perhaps you should give up your spot to someone who would make use of it.

I really enjoyed that article. It gave me a bit of insight into the logic behind the increasingly pervasive thought process of "if this doesn't make me happy, then why should I have to do it?" It also quite eloquently describes the exact reason why I deleted my facebook account years ago.

 

[pianoman511]

It's great to have time off and just relax and EM makes it easier to do that than other specialties. The flip side of that is when you are working it is usually 8-12 hours (depending on schedule) of hard work. If you don't enjoy it then it will be a recipe for burnout, but it doesn't mean you won't get stressed. I love my time off and every time I have a few days off in a row I wish for more but its a means to an end. Your schedule gets better as an attending and as one of the above posters notes you'll see when you are off service how other people's schedule is (and appreciate yours more).

 

[Modafinil]

What state are you in? If you're coastal go to the beach, have a beer, and enjoy the day.

 

[namethatsmell]

This may just be some jitters before starting residency. It's normal, and here's a preview of what's to come:

For the first week or two the novelty of being "Dr. __"will carry you through. Then that will fade.

The next couple months will seem like a crash course in how little you know. This part will suck.

Then you'll get over it, realize that eventually you'll learn what you need to learn, and get your arse in gear. You'll realize that residency isn't actually that long, and that "life" as an attending you've been waiting for isn't so far away.

Provided you have a decent attitude, you'll have fun along the way.

Of course if you don't want to do residency because of sheer laziness/apathy/pre-existing wealth that's a different story.

 

[Modafinil]

This may just be some jitters before starting residency. It's normal, and here's a preview of what's to come:

For the first week or two the novelty of being "Dr. __"will carry you through. Then that will fade.

The next couple months will seem like a crash course in how little you know. This part will suck.

Then you'll get over it, realize that eventually you'll learn what you need to learn, and get your arse in gear. You'll realize that residency isn't actually that long, and that "life" as an attending you've been waiting for isn't so far away.

Provided you have a decent attitude, you'll have fun along the way.

Of course if you don't want to do residency because of sheer laziness/apathy/pre-existing wealth that's a different story.

Bring it on

 

[@JackShephard]

I am starting residency soon and dreading it. I've had the last 5 months pretty much off, and I feel great. Finally feel balanced and happy again. I don't feel recharged and motivated to start working non-stop, feeling stressed and tired all the time, heading into the ED at midnight and staying up all night.

I love getting to see my spouse, hang out at home, work out, sleep, see friends, have time for my own interests. I hate working 60 hour weeks and being too tired to even open the mail. I am thinking about calling the PD and quitting before I even start.

Anyone feel anything similar?

60 hrs weeks???

That's not a lot. That could leave 2 full days off a week.

Honestly, you're going to have to work hard to be good at medicine - everyone loves free time but medicine does require 60 hrs of hard work a week - and that's not even the worst in medicine. WhiteCoatInvestor said the other day he was working 120 hrs a week in medical school for example.

 

[@JackShephard]

Really?

EM has it SOOOOO good compared to other specialties as far as residency training goes it's not even funny. Perhaps a couple off-service months will lend some perspective to just how good you're going to have it moving forward. Sure, there are a couple slightly rough patches mixed in there, but on the whole I know that myself and most of our intern class thought that intern year was a complete blast.

Exactly!

24 hr call? Post call working days?

 

[da8s0859q]

Jack, where are you in education/training again?

OP, it's a common feeling. Fourth year was awesome, then I was exhausted in the day or two preceding my first day of orientation for no reason other than being apprehensive. It gets better. Intern year is a hell of a thing. Then it ends. And as others said, EM sometimes has predictably awful hours, but all in all, it's a pretty great gig.

 

[dotcb]

You've been on the equivalent of vacation for 5 months and you want sympathy? From an audience of physicians? I'm sorry if you lack insight into how that sounds. You might have the order wrong, but retirement usually comes after the career…

All emergency physicians did what you're about to do, which is the ticket to a multi-million dollar career. No one except your family is going to feel sorry for you. And correction - it's going to be more like 80 hours than 60.

As someone who teaches residents and puts a lot of effort into it, if you're going to get out, please do so quickly. There are many people who'd love to take your spot.

 

[Fiddlergirl]

Some harsh replies in this thread. Yes, it's quite intimidating staring at the rapidly oncoming train of intern year. I think a lot of people feel this way, although I was more just bored by the end of fourth year. I think once you get back into the swing of things you'll remember all of the things that you love about medicine and the specialty you chose. While you're waiting, try to think of what you wrote in your residency personal statement, it might help you to be more excited about next year.

 

[Birdstrike]

I am starting residency soon and dreading it. I've had the last 5 months pretty much off, and I feel great. Finally feel balanced and happy again. I don't feel recharged and motivated to start working non-stop, feeling stressed and tired all the time, heading into the ED at midnight and staying up all night.

I love getting to see my spouse, hang out at home, work out, sleep, see friends, have time for my own interests. I hate working 60 hour weeks and being too tired to even open the mail. I am thinking about calling the PD and quitting before I even start.

Anyone feel anything similar?

Nothing is going to look good after 5 months off, with family, friends and getting "rebalanced." Nothing. Not going back to Medical School, not residency, not going back to that accounting career you gave up, or even jumping back into a career as hedge fund manager or rock star (actually those last two absolutely would; if those are options, absolutely, quit yesterday!)

It comes down to this: do you need to go to residency to support yourself, to fulfill a dream, or pay off your student loans? If the answer to any of these is yes, then start residency.

More importantly, if the answer to all of those three question is "no," how does your next best option compare?

Residency can be tough. There are things that suck about it (check the definition of "job"). But there's things that are pretty cool about it, too. New friends, challenges,and getting your head out of a book and actually doing some of the things you've spent 4 years pontificating about, make it worth while. Plus, there will be more vacations. They may not be 20 weeks long, but this won't be your last.

I can understand the way you're feeling. It seems normal to me after an awesome layoff and some quality time (how I feel on the last day of every vacation). If you have the option financially to continue relaxing, free time and hanging out indefinitely, then you (or I) would be a fool to jump into a career in Medicine. But assuming you don't (because that's the equivalent of hitting all 5 numbers in the Mega Millions lottery) then choose between 1-residency, or 2- best second option. If it happens to be residency, then hey, welcome to the club. I got through it, and I have a pretty darn good career going as a doc (though yes, I do complain about in in epic rants from time to time, like anyone else). It beats the hell out of scrubbing toilets.

 

[namethatsmell]

Bring it on

Thatta boy.

The keys to getting the most out of intern year: be kind, be humble, let go of your ego (but don't be a pushover), be hungry to learn and do...then shower, toss a few back, repeat.

Best of luck to everybody about to start up!

 

[TooMuchResearch]

Thatta boy.

The keys to getting the most out of intern year: be kind, be humble, let go of your ego (but don't be a pushover), be hungry to learn and do...then shower, toss a few back, repeat.

Best of luck to everybody about to start up!

Should be a good time. Looking forward to getting started, as much as I like sleeping in and pursuing leisurely activities.

 

[littlejuan]

Let me guess... you've never had a "real job." Sorry if this sounds harsh, but that's life. Normal people don't get five months off to spend with their families... ever. If they do, they call it unemployment. No matter what career you go into, there will be stretches where you won't be able to see you family as much as you like, and you won't have as much "me time" as you like, and you won't get your fill of "balance." I'd much rather be doing it in medicine than as a plumber or a construction worker.

This reminds me of all of those "millennial generation angst" articles that came out a while back (and I doubt I'm much older than you are.) My favorite was here: http://waitbutwhy.com/2013/09/why-generation-y-yuppies-are-unhappy.html

If you're really that unhappy, perhaps you should give up your spot to someone who would make use of it.

I am a little older than most about to be interns, with a previous career and I am in a similar boat. It has been nice to relax, have tons of free time, low stress, etc. I am incredibly excited, but will admit that I am a bit nervous as well, not for working crazy hours, but the fact that peoples lives will be in my hands (yeah, I know there will always be someone watching over my shoulder) and at the moment I feel like I don't remember a thing about medicine. Just cracked open the ATLS book they sent me this week, I don't think I remember how to read past 1 year old level (I have a small child)

 

[Birdstrike]

I am a little older than most about to be interns, with a previous career and I am in a similar boat. It has been nice to relax, have tons of free time, low stress, etc. I am incredibly excited, but will admit that I am a bit nervous as well, not for working crazy hours, but the fact that peoples lives will be in my hands (yeah, I know there will always be someone watching over my shoulder) and at the moment I feel like I don't remember a thing about medicine. Just cracked open the ATLS book they sent me this week, I don't think I remember how to read past 1 year old level (I have a small child)

But I know you can recite the lyrics to "Let It Go" by memory.

"Let the storm, rage, ONNNNN!......"

 

[Fiddlergirl]

ATLS... Just when you think it can't get any more boring, outdated, or irrelevant, it finds a way.

 

[da8s0859q]

ATLS... Just when you think it can't get any more boring, outdated, or irrelevant, it finds a way.

Awful written test.

 

[iish]

To the OP, I wouldn't go into it with that attitude. Just roll with it and realize that it's just a finite period of training. 3 or 4 years and your DONE. You're an attending. In what other world can you work 32-40 hours a week and make 300k+. For the rest of your life you will be able to see your family as much as you want and have the resources to enjoy life experiences with them. Residency is busy and tiring, but it's just a finite phase, and it's actually not all that bad. EM especially is nothing compared to other fields. 3/4 years to attendinghood is nothing compared to the 7+3 that gen surg has to do or the 3+3 that IM specialties have to do. We have it pretty sweet so chill out and go see some patients.