Advice to Patients

[Arcan57]

Based on my last shift, I would humbly ask the citizenry of America to consider making better decisions.

Also, there are decisions that no level of intoxication excuse.

Come on America, don't be that guy.

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[RustedFox]

+1.

My favorite these days are the career smokers who say - "I'll smoke until I die." - They all think they're going to die peacefully and cutely tucked in their bed after saying goodnight... and just not wake up.
What they don't want to believe is the truth that they'll die either 1.) panicked and gasping for air, or 2.) of ventilator-associated pneumonia in a noisy ICU.

 

[WilcoWorld]

+1.

My favorite these days are the career smokers who say - "I'll smoke until I die." - They all think they're going to die peacefully and cutely tucked in their bed after saying goodnight... and just not wake up.
What they don't want to believe is the truth that they'll die either 1.) panicked and gasping for air, or 2.) of ventilator-associated pneumonia in a noisy ICU.

I never thought of that part of it. Imagine how terrible it would be for your last thoughts to be "will someone please stop that beeping so I can just sleep!"

 

[Birdstrike]

Let's make this thread sort of a handbook of do's and don'ts and of defining the threshold between "Those things almost excusable by intoxication" and those things "Totally not excusable by intoxication."

Getting wasted and posting a selfie on Twitter of your abs, captioned, "Dude, I love you man. I'm so wasted!" and ending up in the ED passed out = Potentially (almost) excusable by intoxication (exception: if you're anyone but a freshman in college, during Welcome Week.)

On the other hand...

Getting completely hammered and then pouring gasoline on your legs while playing air guitar, lighting it, to re-create the glory of Motley Crue's 1984 summer tour, sustaining 3rd degree burns on the kibbles and bits = not even remotely excusable by intoxication, even if you "swear on the Bible" it was the fault of a "bad batch of weed" mixed with only "one too many" PBRs.


Also, don't do this either. Really, don't. No. Really. Don't:

"Christ Bearer said he had been smoking marijuana and reading a book about monks and vasectomies...The musician...sliced off his manhood before he jumped off the second-floor balcony of his Los Angeles apartment on April 16. Johnson’s penis was reattached by plastic surgeons and it’s fully operational again, the rap artist said.
Asked about his future, Christ Bearer told TMZ: “I am the f***ing Wu Tang.”"

http://pagesix.com/2014/05/11/wu-ta...s-penis/?_ga=1.100847685.579929828.1399836491

 

[Arcan57]

Let's make this thread sort of a handbook of do's and don'ts and of defining the threshold between "Those things almost excusable by intoxication" and those things "Totally not excusable by intoxication."

Getting wasted and posting a selfie on Twitter of your abs, captioned, "Dude, I love you man. I'm so wasted!" and ending up in the ED passed out = Potentially (almost) excusable by intoxication (exception: if you're anyone but a freshman in college, during Welcome Week.)

On the other hand...

Getting completely hammered and then pouring gasoline on your legs while playing air guitar, lighting it, to re-create the glory of Motley Crue's 1984 summer tour, sustaining 3rd degree burns on the kibbles and bits = not even remotely excusable by intoxication, even if you "swear on the Bible" it was the fault of a "bad batch of weed" mixed with only "one too many" PBRs.


Also, don't do this either. Really, don't. No. Really. Don't:

"Christ Bearer said he had been smoking marijuana and reading a book about monks and vasectomies...The musician...sliced off his manhood before he jumped off the second-floor balcony of his Los Angeles apartment on April 16. Johnson’s penis was reattached by plastic surgeons and it’s fully operational again, the rap artist said.
Asked about his future, Christ Bearer told TMZ: “I am the f***ing Wu Tang.”"

http://pagesix.com/2014/05/11/wu-ta...s-penis/?_ga=1.100847685.579929828.1399836491

Unsure where this one falls:

Sitting in a circle passing a bong and a loaded gun, shooting yourself in the leg during a failed pass (to the left?).

 

[Birdstrike]

Unsure where this one falls:

Sitting in a circle passing a bong and a loaded gun, shooting yourself in the leg during a failed pass (to the left?).

File it in "Not excusable by intoxication."

It would only be excusable if it was a plastic toy gun from Walmart, or not loaded.

 

[docB]

Overheard a great conversation between a nurse and a patient waking up from a bender:
Patient: What happened?
Nurse: You got so drunk you passed out on the street and crapped your pants. You need to quit drinking. How much did you drink.
Patient: 2 beers (has any patient ever said anything else?)
Nurse: You crapped yourself after 2 beers? Wow! You really need to quit drinking.

Passing out quietly - excusable
Crapping self - not excusable

 

[Birdstrike]

Overheard a great conversation between a nurse and a patient waking up from a bender:
Patient: What happened?
Nurse: You got so drunk you passed out on the street and crapped your pants. You need to quit drinking. How much did you drink.
Patient: 2 beers (has any patient ever said anything else?)
Nurse: You crapped yourself after 2 beers? Wow! You really need to quit drinking.

Passing out quietly - excusable
Crapping self - not excusable

Agree. Anything that causes said individual to "crap thy self," including drinking super heavily, should be a non-starter for that activity, for that person. (Apparently, in certain circles this is somewhat controversial, as said craptastic incidents have continued without the slightest abatement throughout out the eons, as if a constitutional right.)

"Spent so much time reading the EM forum on SDN, you crapped yourself?"

Okay. It's just time to find a new hobby. Maybe knitting, or whittling birdhouses, just not that which causes "self-crapture."

 

[Spinach Dip]

Come on America, don't be that guy.

If the entire American public was required to read "things I learn from my patients", you guys would quickly be out of a job.

 

[Arcan57]

If the entire American public was required to read "things I learn from my patients", you guys would quickly be out of a job.

That's one of the great fallacies of public health policy. The idea that if people just knew the consequences of their actions they'd stop doing them. Motor vehicle operation, tobacco use, gun safety, obesity, etc... all seem like things that society should be able to figure out with a minimum of restrictions on personal freedom if they just were educated enough. The problem is that the part of the brain that stores that info is rarely involved in decision making.

 

[Spinach Dip]

That's one of the great fallacies of public health policy. The idea that if people just knew the consequences of their actions they'd stop doing them. Motor vehicle operation, tobacco use, gun safety, obesity, etc... all seem like things that society should be able to figure out with a minimum of restrictions on personal freedom if they just were educated enough. The problem is that the part of the brain that stores that info is rarely involved in decision making.

Maybe I should have said, "If the entire American public was required to read "things I learn from my patients" AND LEARN SOMETHING FROM IT, you guys would quickly be out of a job."

But yeah. I understand the whole "knowledge does not make people smart" concept. If they did, this country would not have a drug problem.

 

[Arcan57]

Maybe I should have said, "If the entire American public was required to read "things I learn from my patients" AND LEARN SOMETHING FROM IT, you guys would quickly be out of a job."

But yeah. I understand the whole "knowledge does not make people smart" concept. If they did, this country would not have a drug problem.

I've often wondered about setting aside a period a day in the middle school and high school curriculum for health/injury prevention. Make kids do graphs on what an extra Snickers bar a day does to your weight assuming no change in activity level, basics of disease prevention, how to do a fall break, etc.

 

[Birdstrike]

Reminded me of this thread:

"Forget being smarter than a fifth-grader. Most Americans think they're smarter than everyone else in the country.

Fifty-five percent of Americans think that they are smarter than the average American, according to a new survey by YouGov, a research organization that uses online polling. In other words, as YouGov cleverly points out, the average American thinks that he or she is smarter than the average American.

A humble 34 percent of citizens say they are about as smart as everyone else, while a dispirited 4 percent say they are less intelligent than most people."


http://www.nationaljournal.com/dome...re-smarter-than-the-average-american-20140512

 

[Arcan57]

Reminded me of this thread:

"Forget being smarter than a fifth-grader. Most Americans think they're smarter than everyone else in the country.

Fifty-five percent of Americans think that they are smarter than the average American, according to a new survey by YouGov, a research organization that uses online polling. In other words, as YouGov cleverly points out, the average American thinks that he or she is smarter than the average American.

A humble 34 percent of citizens say they are about as smart as everyone else, while a dispirited 4 percent say they are less intelligent than most people."


http://www.nationaljournal.com/dome...re-smarter-than-the-average-american-20140512

Of course it would be nice if only 6% of the "smarter than average" group was wrong, but my thought is that is wishful thinking.

 

[engineeredout]

Reminds me of George Carlin:

"think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of them are stupider than that"