All-Star Chief Complaints

[doctalaughs]

And the longer she stayed the more well thought out and persistent her thoughts were.

Doesn't sounds so well thought out or she wouldn't be asking the cops for heroin. Surprised they released her; if she wasn't impaired she would probably quietly cash in her life savings and go find a drug dealer- can't be that hard.




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[jaf208]

While comical, you seem to have missed the point of this thread. Those aren't chief complaints.

Well, they were listed as chief complaints in our physician progress notes..I guess sometimes psych patients come in with unusual ones

 

[RustedFox]

75 year old female, altered mental status; found to be throwing items from her home (kitchen, bathroom, etc) out into the center of her lawn. Neighbors state that she is normally the most polite, pleasant, calm, sane person - and a rather fastidious housekeeper.

Chief Complaint: "I'm being followed and bugged by ISIS."


You can't make this stuff up.

 

[SpacemanSpifff]

60yo male: "My penis is shrinking."

 

[styphon]

"Bugs are coming out of my eyes"

 

[KinesiologyNerd]

60yo male: "My penis is shrinking."

Asian descent?

 

[SpacemanSpifff]

Asian descent?

No...

 

[NoRagrets]

triage CC: "DRANK BLEACH; SORE THROAT"

yep, seems reasonable

 

[RustedFox]

Overheard another doc dictating his chart today:

"Patient states that he suspects that he inadvertently overdosed on a testosterone-containing creme. When asked why he would take such a large amount, he replied with 'to prepare my body for Mortal Kombat'."

Best chart of the year so far. Has to be.

 

[TooMuchResearch]

Overheard another doc dictating his chart today:

"Patient states that he suspects that he inadvertently overdosed on a testosterone-containing creme. When asked why he would take such a large amount, he replied with 'to prepare my body for Mortal Kombat'."

Best chart of the year so far. Has to be.

Oh, ****, didn't realize the tournament is coming up. I'll be afk for a while prepping for my match against Goro.

 

[RustedFox]

Oh, ****, didn't realize the tournament is coming up. I'll be afk for a while prepping for my match against Goro.

Hierarchy of fighting games (if I omit your favorite, add it where you think it should be)

1. Tekken
2. Street Fighter
3. King of Fighters
4. Soul Calibur
5. Mortal Kombat
6-and-on: Other niche games.

 

[GonnaBeADoc2222]

Hierarchy of fighting games (if I omit your favorite, add it where you think it should be)

1. Tekken
2. Street Fighter
3. King of Fighters
4. Soul Calibur
5. Mortal Kombat
6-and-on: Other niche games.

I suck at fighting games, but one of my favorite things ever is to freeze people with Sub Zero.

 

[CajunMedic]

I was on an off-service month, but saw this one on the board:

 

[bearstanley]

cc: foreign body
triage note: patient hid bag of heroin in mouth, now unable to find it, concerned he swallowed it

 

[TXEMC344]

Chief Complaint: "My dog ate my toes off".

I've actually had two of these. One was a middle aged man, bad DM & PVD. The other was a 20 something year old girl, paraplegic from a MVC.

 

[The Knife & Gun Club]

CC: “I called the ambulance because I’m having A flair of my malignant mitral valve prolapse”

*Pt arrives with therapy toy poodle in tow, which chews a hole in the stretcher mattress and poops on the floor.*

 

[RustedFox]

The "service/therapy animal" thing needs to stop. Its getting out of hand. If you have a dog that can tell when you're going to have a seizure, or acts as your eyes/ears... then that's a service animal. It performs a service. The "I want my doggie because I'm sad and he's soft" crowd needs to get a grip.

 

[TXEMC344]

I can't have pets at my apartment, although I see a neighbor come out of one with a dog. I ask if they are allowing pets now, I'm informed it's a service dog because "I sleep walk".

 

[WernickeDO]

Hierarchy of fighting games (if I omit your favorite, add it where you think it should be)

1. Tekken
2. Soul Caliber
3. Street Fighter
4. Virtua Fighter
5. Mortal Kombat
6-and-on: Other niche games.

Ah who am I kidding? DOA Beach Volleyball was the best.

 

[thegenius]

CC: My stomach hurts.
(we ask a few questions)
"When was the time you ate?"
"yesterday"
"Are you hungry?"
"Very hungry. That's why my stomach hurts!"

 

[theseeker4]

CC: My stomach hurts.
(we ask a few questions)
"When was the time you ate?"
"yesterday"
"Are you hungry?"
"Very hungry. That's why my stomach hurts!"

"I heard you have sandwiches.....made with turkey....."

 

[betamale]

Missing tampon, been 3 months, not sure if it's still in there.

I couldn't find it

 

[scummie]

Missing tampon, been 3 months, not sure if it's still in there.

I couldn't find it

You deserve a medal!

 

[The Knife & Gun Club]

“I took 100 packets of BC power, and I STILL have a headache!”

Ma’am your ASA level is 65 and you have so many acid base abnormalities to made the med student cry.

 

[BoardEligibleEventually]

The form that the patient fills out when they check in and register once just said "left ear f*** up". Please note, it said f*** up, not f***ed up.

 

[erdoc111]

"Pain in the gooch spot"

 

[erdoc111]

I had to look it up in the Urban Dictionary... defined as "the taint; area between the nuticles and the crack."

 

[Apollyon]

I had to look it up in the Urban Dictionary... defined as "the taint; area between the nuticles and the crack."

Gooch, grundle, taint, chode (choad).

 

[RustedFox]

Sandbar.

 

[BoardEligibleEventually]

Gooch, grundle, taint, chode (choad).

"The Fleshy Fun Bridge"

 

[RustedFox]

its only a "sandbar" in women...

I'm trying to be *sensitive* for teh (sic) LGBTQESPN crowd out there.

I included ESPN because that's all it is these days "LGTBQ".

Once upon a time... it was sports.

Its not that. At all. Anymore.

 

[appalachian_man]

its only a "sandbar" in women...

I'm trying to be *sensitive* for teh (sic) LGBTQESPN crowd out there.

I included ESPN because that's all it is these days "LGTBQ".

Once upon a time... it was sports.

Its not that. At all. Anymore.

What is this boomer gibberish? Are the gays making you a little uneasy, grandpa?

This comment belongs on /r/oldpeoplefacebook

 

[RustedFox]

What is this boomer gibberish? Are the gays making you a little uneasy, grandpa?

This comment belongs on /r/oldpeoplefacebook

#confusedbyamillennial

I'm certainly LGBT friendly. Was roomies with an alt-lifestyle guy all thru med school.
Let me clarify. Once upon a time, ESPN showed sports. Lots of sports. It was great.
Now, it's just talk shows and activists with a little sports now and again.
Keep sports channels about sports.
Leave activism to the activists.

Your comment belongs on /r/triggeredmillennial

 

[Apollyon]

What is this boomer gibberish? Are the gays making you a little uneasy, grandpa?

This comment belongs on /r/oldpeoplefacebook

Who are you?

 

[VA Hopeful Dr]

#confusedbyamillennial

I'm certainly LGBT friendly. Was roomies with an alt-lifestyle guy all thru med school.
Let me clarify. Once upon a time, ESPN showed sports. Lots of sports. It was great.
Now, it's just talk shows and activists with a little sports now and again.
Keep sports channels about sports.
Leave activism to the activists.

Your comment belongs on /r/triggeredmillennial

Yep. I remember when Sport center was on whenever a game wasn't and it was nothing but highlights and news.

Oh, and my little sister is trans. I went to her wedding last month. Apparently we have to establish our LGBT cred these days.

 

[RustedFox]

Yep. I remember when Sport center was on whenever a game wasn't and it was nothing but highlights and news.

Oh, and my little sister is trans. I went to her wedding last month. Apparently we have to establish our LGBT cred these days.

This came to light during a conversation with my best buddy (big NBA fan) a week or so back.

BB: "Its deep in the NBA playoff season and I work nights. I turn on ESPN to catch up on highlights/etc, and I seriously waited an hour and a half to see anything sports-related. Instead, it was a lecture on how LGBTQ atheletes raise awareness and awareness is raised and blah blah blah. 90 minutes. No current sportss were discussed."
RF: "Remember when you used to come over on weekend mornings in high school and we would watch ESPN for hours together to watch SPORTS?"
BB: "Yep. Its now ESPNLGBTQ. Sports have been moved to a ESPN5, which doesn't exist."

 

[Birdstrike]

One of my last few patients on paper charts before switching to EMRs, when the patients wrote down the chief complaint themselves, wrote down their chief complaint as:

“Pus$y in throat”

They had intended to covey they they had a lot of “puss” in their throat, ie, white tonsillar exudate, and what they were trying to do was something like when you convert a noun to an adjective by adding -ie or -ey at the end of a word. That’s what came out.

We got a good laugh out of it. And no, there wasn’t one in their throat, but they did have strep.

 

[VA Hopeful Dr]

One of my last few patients on paper charts before switching to EMRs, when the patients wrote down the chief complaint themselves, wrote down their chief complaint as:

“Pus$y in throat”

They had intended to covey they they had a lot of “puss” in their throat, ie, white tonsillar exudate, and what they were trying to do was something like when you convert a noun to an adjective by adding -ie or -ey at the end of a word. That’s what came out.

We got a good laugh out of it. And no, there wasn’t one in their throat, but they did have strep.

Group B?

 

[Birdstrike]

Group B?

Not Group B. It was Group P

 

[RustedFox]

Thought about this thread tonight on shift. No idea what jogged my memory about this complaint, but it belongs here:

85 year old male.
Chief complaint (in patient's own words): "My wife is out of town, and I don't know what to do."

 

[FiremedicMike]

From an ED Nurse

24ish healthy looking female, came in by squad
CC: Abdominal pain
Me: pregnant? (no) peeing and pooping ok? (yes) injuries? (no).. Ok, what do you think is going on?
Her: I think my pants are too tight
Me: When you loosen your pants, does the pain go away?
Her: Yes

Proceed to triage.. she left from lobby around 4 hours in..

 

[The Knife & Gun Club]

Not quite the same but I got woken up by an off service intern while on call in the ICU recently:

“Hey I think we need to call a stroke alert on bed 1, he has new left sided weakness”

- oh absolutely thanks for letting me know call the stroke alert right away I’ll be right there.

…brain starts to turn on from being asleep for the last 3 hours…

- wait, how does he have new weakness??? Bed 1 is horrific TBI with an Atlanto-occipital dislocation and complete transection of the spinal cord. He’s comatose, GCS3, and quadriplegic.

“Well he’s just like slumped to the left”

- does he have like, a pillow or anything behind him?

*hears russeling in the background*

“Oh yea man just a pillow under his butt he’s sitting normally now!”

🫠

 

[Postictal Raiden]

Hahahaha.... I love great chief complaints. This would be nothing new to anyone from my program, but we have a list hanging up in the dept. of 'best ever chief complaints'. If I really had a lot of spare time I would type them up for you guys, but there are like 4 pages worth.

From other people:
"Stepped on a rake and it hit me in the face"
"Vagina pain" (from a man)
"End stage fibromyalgia"

From this month in our ED:
"Hit by a flaming plane"
"Bear vs. motorcycle"
"Firecracker to genitals"

My personal additions to best ever CC list:
"I need some Vicodin - because I'm going to a party tonight"
"I ate purple"
"I have abdominal pain... I think it's because someone spit on me"

This one didn’t age well

 

[throway134]

Not quite the same but I got woken up by an off service intern while on call in the ICU recently:

“Hey I think we need to call a stroke alert on bed 1, he has new left sided weakness”

- oh absolutely thanks for letting me know call the stroke alert right away I’ll be right there.

…brain starts to turn on from being asleep for the last 3 hours…

- wait, how does he have new weakness??? Bed 1 is horrific TBI with an Atlanto-occipital dislocation and complete transection of the spinal cord. He’s comatose, GCS3, and quadriplegic.

“Well he’s just like slumped to the left”

- does he have like, a pillow or anything behind him?

*hears russeling in the background*

“Oh yea man just a pillow under his butt he’s sitting normally now!”

🫠

Sounds like a good tpa candidate
-dr. kevorkian

 

[thegenius]

Thought about this thread tonight on shift. No idea what jogged my memory about this complaint, but it belongs here:

85 year old male.
Chief complaint (in patient's own words): "My wife is out of town, and I don't know what to do."

I would have taken a 30 min break and played checkers with him.

 

[CajunMedic]

Sounds like a good tpa candidate
-dr. kevorkian

I had an ICU attending during residency that had strict orders if he ever came in with a stroke: Give TPA before the CT. His reasoning? "If it's ischemic, it might help. Hemorrhagic, it'll finish me off."

Here's one I had a while back.

 

[The Knife & Gun Club]

I had an ICU attending during residency that had strict orders if he ever came in with a stroke: Give TPA before the CT. His reasoning? "If it's ischemic, it might help. Hemorrhagic, it'll finish me off."

Here's one I had a while back.
View attachment 378188

Love the level of detail. I could see myself standing there at 3am mouth agape behind the mask wondering if the guys loony or I’m really the crazy one and this is all one big reality TV show that I’m living in.

 

[RustedFox]

I had an ICU attending during residency that had strict orders if he ever came in with a stroke: Give TPA before the CT. His reasoning? "If it's ischemic, it might help. Hemorrhagic, it'll finish me off."

Here's one I had a while back.
View attachment 378188

Bro, take my PHI off of this website. Lol.

 

[DocEspana]

right now just had someone here for "I couldn't find any underwear and just got so angry that I wanted to come here." I'm not even sure what exactly that means because I haven't gone to the room to find out yet.

 

[DocEspana]

right now just had someone here for "I couldn't find any underwear and just got so angry that I wanted to come here." I'm not even sure what exactly that means because I haven't gone to the room to find out yet.

update: turns out she couldn't find underwear and got angry. Then she decided she wanted to come here afterwards. I dont know what I was expecting, but it was all right there on the chief complaint.