So I am a 24 year old second year med student and I have been going though a lot of worry about my future. The thing is though it's not about classes or which residencies I want to go to, it is more about family. After making my rotations for 3rd and 4th year I almost got depressed about it. I like school and still dream to be a physician. The problem is its not worth it without a family. I am worried I will never actually be able to get into a solid relationship and get married and have kids. I am not a type of guy that can just go out and pick up a girl which means I am an average looking guy a little on the short side (5 foot 8) and usually takes me a lot of work to get a girl interested.. Has anyone felt like this? Is it just something I am going through or are they completely valid concerns?
Anxiety about future
- Thread starter Jondoetag
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i am with you on the same boat..my med school is at a location where it is not diverse at all. As an Asian male, I find it extremely hard to believe that I will be able to develop the relationship side of life...but FXXK it...always sad to think about.
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Maybe try online dating to meet girls? It sounds like your problem isn't with being in a relationship, it's meeting the person and getting into the relationship that is tough. You're not alone -- a lot of med students feel the same way. There's no shame in using a website and an increasing number of people are going to meet their spouses online in the coming years!
Hate to say it, but the only way to make this happen is to put yourself out there
Go out to everything you can, meet new people, things will happen from there
Sitting at home will do nothing but make you more depressed
Go out to everything you can, meet new people, things will happen from there
Sitting at home will do nothing but make you more depressed
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5'8'' isn't short......at least I hope not...
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This. Eliminates the posturing and alpha-ness of trying to pick up somebody in person. That's not to say you shouldn't go for it if you see someone you like, but this way you can skip right to date 1.5.
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A little bit of liquid courage, aka alcohol, can never hurt too when you're at a bar or party or the like
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A decent chunk of med/law/PhD students seem to use online dating, probably due to the general time crunch.
Failing that, put yourself out there. Find some activities to attend on weekends and be willing to approach people.
Failing that, put yourself out there. Find some activities to attend on weekends and be willing to approach people.
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I'm somewhat surprised that male medical students also worry about this. As a 31 y.o. female, I think about it all the time, and I do think it is more common for females to feel like time is running out especially if they started their medical careers late. I was thinking of starting a meetup group for single medical students!!! My advice would be to spend time studying with other health professionals. Students tend to find company with each other (duh), so your best bet is sparking a relationship with another medical student. Our area schools usually have functions that bring together med students from different schools at volunteer events, social clubs, etc. If you aren't feeling another med student, then yes, go for online dating although it's a ton of effort. If that doesn't float your boat either, then contact me, I will seriously consider starting a matchmaking service for single med students!
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Or it can make things muuuuuuuch much worse
.Seriously though OP, don't worry. You're not alone with these feelings. For some guys (myself included) it's really damn hard to just pick up girls or whatever when you go out, no matter how much you try (or how much alcohol you imbibe). Online dating as mentioned earlier is a reasonable option for sure.
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Bud, quitting med school is not the answer. Sounds like your doing pretty well actually. You probably meet plenty of women over the course of the year if you think about it. Make more of an effort to ask out a few of them every once in a while. Just to get food or spend time doing anything. Take a few risks. It'll happen... probably not tomorrow though. Plus, you're still incredibly young.
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And I'm not being mean or anything, but it sounds like you need a slap of confidence. For instance, "I'm only 5'8"...Well I'm 5'6" so if you think you're short imagine how giant the world must seem to me. Despite that, I put myself out there and I dated a bunch of different girls in college and eventually found a great girl that I hope will stay forever.
It's tough in med school because we are constantly concerned with new material, new patients, and the hovering STEP 1/2 tests that we all hold sacred. This can make it hard to loosen up, but to amp yourself up, know that you are fairly successful person. Not everyone gets to be a doctor, many would kill to be in your position, and you have worked hard to get this far. Just as you don't have the right to judge people, they don't have the right to do it to you.
Any girl you like just ask her out, the worst she's gonna say is no and you don't waste your time "getting her interested". Can your looks affect it, yeah but they are just the application, the interview is where you sell yourself and if you walk up to a girl you like while thinking "I'm only 5'8", don't mess up she might leave, this has never worked before, etc." Then that will get in the way of you being your awesome self. But always remember, confidence over cockiness. It's a fine line.
It's tough in med school because we are constantly concerned with new material, new patients, and the hovering STEP 1/2 tests that we all hold sacred. This can make it hard to loosen up, but to amp yourself up, know that you are fairly successful person. Not everyone gets to be a doctor, many would kill to be in your position, and you have worked hard to get this far. Just as you don't have the right to judge people, they don't have the right to do it to you.
Any girl you like just ask her out, the worst she's gonna say is no and you don't waste your time "getting her interested". Can your looks affect it, yeah but they are just the application, the interview is where you sell yourself and if you walk up to a girl you like while thinking "I'm only 5'8", don't mess up she might leave, this has never worked before, etc." Then that will get in the way of you being your awesome self. But always remember, confidence over cockiness. It's a fine line.
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Nurses?
Thanks guys for the input. I think this is a concern guys have. I'm not trying to hook up in this situation I really just want to find someone for a committed relationship. I guess the hardest part is when I go out its always med students and we seem to hang together. I also realize i need to have more confidence in these types of things but that doesn't always come easy. I also think that I feel more this way now because of step 1 pressure and maybe I will have a better outlook after that is done. Thanks for the replies so far.
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Sounds like you need a makeover, son! Read: The Game by Neil Strauss and learn how to dress to impress and charm the ladies you think are most attractive. Remember, your stock is only going up. No need to point your nose in the air, but you really DO have a lot of interesting things to talk about if you think about it.
Where do you live?
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My empathetic side feels for you. But, my realistic side wonders if you realize that you're going to be a doctor?
Even if you don't happen to meet someone that you work with, a friend of a friend, a casual acquaintance, a random stranger, or a person off the internet, you can always drop the doctor bomb. Even if it necessarily true yet, it will at least start a conversation. Truthfully, that's the first step. Before you can grow the garden, you need to sow your seeds.
You've likely been working hard at school and thus not putting as much energy into a relationship. Because of this, you may not know that it takes time before you find the person right for you. However, I believe that when you do find them, if you want it as badly as you say you do, then you'll find a way to balance your energy between both.
Stay positive. You are very young and still have years ahead of you to begin your family. If you continue to feel depressed you should look into therapeutic services offered by your school.
Even if you don't happen to meet someone that you work with, a friend of a friend, a casual acquaintance, a random stranger, or a person off the internet, you can always drop the doctor bomb. Even if it necessarily true yet, it will at least start a conversation. Truthfully, that's the first step. Before you can grow the garden, you need to sow your seeds.
You've likely been working hard at school and thus not putting as much energy into a relationship. Because of this, you may not know that it takes time before you find the person right for you. However, I believe that when you do find them, if you want it as badly as you say you do, then you'll find a way to balance your energy between both.
Stay positive. You are very young and still have years ahead of you to begin your family. If you continue to feel depressed you should look into therapeutic services offered by your school.
You may want to read an easy read called "In Stitches"..... written by a Korean - American plastic surgeon. I believe he spent all of med school with no chance for social life. They often say you find love when you are not looking...do the hobbies you enjoy for instance. I like the idea of the dating site for medical people and working with others to study. Please don't assume height is everything...smart women will know that compassion, loving-kindness, and your obvious desire for family means so much more. Be kind to yourself! Take care
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I know it sucks waiting; I felt EXACTLY like you when I first started. But don't worry, the relationships find you when you aren't even looking (at least from my experience). I wasn't trying at all and somehow I was suddenly dating this gorgeous brunette nurse from the hospital. I swear, she came out of nowhere! Stuff like this is possible and it happens when you aren't expecting it! I'm pretty goofy looking too
I'm asking her to marry me this weekend...
I'm asking her to marry me this weekend...
I know it sucks waiting; I felt EXACTLY like you when I first started. But don't worry, the relationships find you when you aren't even looking (at least from my experience). I wasn't trying at all and somehow I was suddenly dating this gorgeous brunette nurse from the hospital. I swear, she came out of nowhere! Stuff like this is possible and it happens when you aren't expecting it! I'm pretty goofy looking too
I'm asking her to marry me this weekend...
Congrats man. I guess I just need to focus on what I have right now and have faith it all comes together.
