Any financially independent premeds living away from home ? Advice please.

[anatomicaI]

Are there any premeds here who are financially independent and living away from family? I need some advice.

Firstly, I'm an undergrad senior (graduating next year. Only need 3 more credits to graduate) who is planning to take the MCAT in March apply for the 2018 cycle. I'm done with all my prereqs and I just have to take the MCAT and increase my extracurrics and medical experience.


I am 23 and financially dependent and still live with my parents.I'm having a mental difficulty because of the home environment I am in. It's very emotionally tiring living with them because they are emotionally abusive and controlling (sometimes they are physically hurtful). I didn't grow up in a peaceful family environment.

I had enough of it... I endured too long.

It's affecting me so much that I cannot study for the MCAT. Thought of how I have to live for another two years until medschool is making me feel so suffocated. Also, I don't feel positive about being accepted for the 2018 because MCAT is in four months and I have barely studied.

Should I prepare to be financially independent of my parents to leave home and just push my cycle? I'm only taking one course (8 hours/ week) and doing 10 hours/week of researching (total of about 20 hours), I think I should get a job, save up to leave. After I leave, then what?

Is there anybody here who went through the similar situation?
If you're a financially independent premed, would you please give me some advice? Is it possible to still be independent, living by yourself and be a premed. How are you balancing full time work and premed work?

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[AnotherLawyer]

I think at least 80% of people in the nontrad forum are financially independent. Many also have spouses and kids.

My advice is to suck it up until January and take advantage of having all the time in the world to study. After that, you can get a job and move out if you really can't take it.

 

[CastleG8]

Becoming financially independent will suck more energy out of you. Ever notice how many successful premeds didn't have to worry about keeping the water and electricity on? Once you have a responsibility to pay the bills, it takes priority in life whether you want it to or not.
Could you learn to better cope and give yourself a pep talk? Delay gratification, master your situation, and learn how to deal with negative people in a positive way. Sometimes the problem is with us and we never stop to consider that. Be grateful that they haven't kicked you out at 18 like so many parents did in the 90s.

I am not meaning to sound condescending.

If you don't have to worry about the bills, then use that to your advantage and power through that MCAT material like a champion. If it's really that bad, then try last for as long as you can.

 

[pretend M.D.]

I have been in your situation and because I left my parents house I have to leave college to start a career that I didn't want to pay bills. Don't stay at home go to the library or to a local coffee shop to study. Keep your mind on your future goal to get you through. I know it may be hard to listen to all the negativity coming your way, but you are going to having to deal with negative people throughout life. Save your money for the application process because you are going to need it!

 

[innercellmass]

It's a tough call--balancing studying with working to support yourself is often pretty difficult. On the other hand, this kind of abusive setting sounds like it's way past the point of it being a good idea to just suck it up. The key questions are going to be practical ones--what's the cost of living like in your area? What kind of work experience/connections do you have, and how likely is it that you'll be able to find a job that will pay enough for you to be independent? What kind of resources do you have at your disposal, monetary and otherwise?

I haven't been in your exact situation, but I've experienced similar elements--I've been in an unlivable and destructive environment and had to make an economically challenging decision to leave, and (years later) studied for the MCAT while working a demanding and stressful full-time job. Neither was easy, but they were doable. Both at the same time would be a lot, but you're the only one who knows whether you're up to it. There may be some middle ground options here--can you get a job that would allow you to put away some money and start seeing some light at the end of the tunnel, ideally maybe something where you could overlap some of your studying? Colleges often have student jobs like that, front-desk stuff and the like, where it's normal and okay for you to study when things are slow. Or could you tutor in basic sciences, which would make you some money and also help you shore up some MCAT content? A low-key job like that isn't likely to pay you enough to be independent, but every dollar you save can be a step towards that future independence. Or maybe that's not enough and you need to prioritize getting the heck out ASAP--you're the only one who knows for sure.

 

[cabinbuilder]

Why don't you just apply for an on campus dorm room? Get out of there and save your sanity especially if they are physically beating you. It may mean taking out a student loan, etc to survive but at least you will have peace. I left home at 18 and never went back. Sometimes you have to work part time while going to school. Sometimes it takes longer than expected to graduate. Sounds like you need to regroup, make a plan, and get out of there.

 

[atomi]

My advice is to get out of your parents house and become finacially independent asap. I've been in your shoes. You can't see it now, but you are seriously delaying your social development and entry into adulthood.

Even if it takes you a few extra years and is painful it's worth it. Staying in the child mindset past the age of 16 will hurt you for many many years to come.

Get out on your own and start dating if you have not already. The faster you can grow up now the less painful it will be for you later on. You are already a few years behind and have some catching up to do.

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

Becoming financially independent forced me to drop out of college. Ultimately it was a good thing, but it delayed things a lot for me. I don't regret it, because it gave me opportunities to really figure out who I am and want to be. It also led me to the military, which brought me to my wife and kids, which are the best ever.

That said, it is so much easier to study and go through an app cycle when you're not worrying about feeding yourself or keeping your water and electricity on. Having a job that keeps you afloat is different than having a job that gives you some spending money while you live off mom and dad.

But an abusive environment is not where you want to be. So you need to be smart about it. Keep a budget, pay your bills on time, live frugally, etc. If I could be financially independent on a freelance musician's salary, you can do it.

 

[futuremdforme]

Being done with your pre-reqs, that puts you in a pretty good place in terms of what you need to accomplish to get in. It is definitely possible to do the MCAT with a full-time job, as well as buff up your ECs. (Although I'd probably not try TOO many ECs while working and MCAT-ing.) It probably won't be a great paying job and you won't be living a lavish lifestyle, but you won't have to worry about being berated or physically hurt.

 

[OrdinaryDO]

I have been financially dependent since 14 years of age. Many people look at me like I am crazy, but believe me when I say it didn't take much convincing to get a job at a local sonic when they knew my parents left. I will say this - looking back, I really enjoy the life lessons and courage I have built up over the years from being independent. However, it sucks sometimes when you have no one to back you up. I went homeless for a little more than 3 months because of some crazy thing that happened that was COMPLETELY unpredictable. I did this while going to school full time and working nights at a hospital as a CNA. Furthermore, when I graduate medical school I have absolutely NO desire to make my kids work a full time job while in school - it's just not worth it. You sound like you're in a difficult environment, but please don't take this then wrong way when I say that I just don't understand how they are emotionally and sometimes physically abusive to you at the age of 23? You definitely have to be emotionally strong if you wanna make it alone in this world, especially when someone like you who haa sailed through school on your parents bill and you finally realize that once you graduate medical school you will have to deal with over $200k in debt...all by yourself. You have a few options the way I see it.

Option 1 - Take out a loan - enough to live somewhere (preferably with a roommate) for a year to a year and a half. Don't work, study for your MCAT in peace, and get into medical school.

Or,

Option 2 - suck it up and get a job. After a month of saving, go fina a cheap place with a roommate and work while you study and go to school. It's only a year.

Or, stay home, block our the B.S. And push through this last year or two. ADCOMs won't sympathize with someone who went through what you are going through, simply because you chose to endure rather than grow up and get out of it. I am sorry if that sounds harsh, but reality is what it is.

 

[ayjaystudent]

I'm 34 and own my condo, car, and a lot of nice things all free and clear.

The key is not to make dumb decisions. Dumb decisions mostly center around conspicuous consumption and not working (you can always find an excuse, and its always an inadequate one) and dating deadbeats.

You can scrounge up $400 for a medical cert in CNA or ER tech or what have you, get it done in a month, and work full time while doing a postbac. Not to brag - wait yes I'm bragging - I've maintained a full time professional job during my postbac, and set records for billing at my company in the winter while acing ochem and biology. Admittedly this has involved shelving most hobbies and most aspects of a social life and some weight gain due to no time for gym or cooking.

What cycle are you looking to apply? For some reason I thought you got in already this cycle.

 

[psu228]

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Personally, it seems wise to me to stay at home until you take the MCAT. After that you can work in any kind of entry level clinical setting and make enough to survive on your own.. notice how I say survive lol. You won't make much but you'll have the space you need.

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

You sound like you're in a difficult environment, but please don't take this then wrong way when I say that I just don't understand how they are emotionally and sometimes physically abusive to you at the age of 23? You definitely have to be emotionally strong if you wanna make it alone in this world, especially when someone like you who haa sailed through school on your parents bill and you finally realize that once you graduate medical school you will have to deal with over $200k in debt...all by yourself. You have a few options the way I see it.

This just shows a remarkable lack of understanding of abusive relationships. You might want to brush up on that for your patients.

 

[Mad Jack]

I was financially independent of my parents at 17 years of age. It wasn't always easy early on, since I was really struggling to make ends meet and sometimes couldn't even afford a roof over my head, but I survived. It wasn't exactly the best, but it was worth getting out of the situation I was in.

Advice I'd give you- find a roommate, as it can really help cut down the expenses. Have reliable transportation. Learn what a budget is and how to stick to one before you move out. Have a reliable job before you move out. Don't half ass your work. Don't count on your parents financially in any way, be able to rely only on yourself. I'll let you know if I think of anything else.

Oh, and make sure you know what a good budget works out like., and how to cook good, cheap good. Being hungry because you're broke and don't know how to work with cheap food is no fun at all.

 

[OrdinaryDO]

This just shows a remarkable lack of understanding of abusive relationships. You might want to brush up on that for your patients.

What's remarkable is I am speaking from experience coming from an abusive family...and because of it I know exactly how to not treat patients and I know exactly what to look for in abuse. However, if you are over the age of 18 and you are still living in those conditions then leave. There is plenty of help and to me it sounds like he was able to thrive enough to earn a bachelors, work, and do research. Believe me, from experience I can say that if the abuse is bad enough you will find a way out.

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

What's remarkable is I am speaking from experience coming from an abusive family...

Then that's even more depressing. Unless I misunderstood you (hoping I did).

 

[OrdinaryDO]

Then that's even more depressing. Unless I misunderstood you (hoping I did).

When I wrote my reply I kind of stepped into my old shoes and I just remember telling myself that if I ever had even a window of opportunity to get the hell out, I would run and never look back. I finally got my opportunity and I paid a little price for it with my unsteady living conditions and the extra 2-3 years it took my to finally graduate college. I moved from couch to couch, got a place to live and had to move out in a moments notice, then I went homeless for some time and found another place to live for another year or so before I finally caught a break which allowed me to go to college and get back on my feet. I had to work sometimes 60+ hours a week until my last year of college, then I was doing about 36 hours a week. I decided to take out a loan so I could study for my MCAT and I am glad I did because working and studying was wearing me down. Basically what I am saying is I may have been too harsh on him/her, but it angers me beyond belief to see someone go through that and just do nothing for so long. It's not his/her fault, per se, but no one deserves that.

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

When I wrote my reply I kind of stepped into my old shoes and I just remember telling myself that if I ever had even a window of opportunity to get the hell out, I would run and never look back. I finally got my opportunity and I paid a little price for it with my unsteady living conditions and the extra 2-3 years it took my to finally graduate college. I moved from couch to couch, got a place to live and had to move out in a moments notice, then I went homeless for some time and found another place to live for another year or so before I finally caught a break which allowed me to go to college and get back on my feet. I had to work sometimes 60+ hours a week until my last year of college, then I was doing about 36 hours a week. I decided to take out a loan so I could study for my MCAT and I am glad I did because working and studying was wearing me down. Basically what I am saying is I may have been too harsh on him/her, but it angers me beyond belief to see someone go through that and just do nothing for so long. It's not his/her fault, per se, but no one deserves that.

Sounds similar to me, though I was never abused. But yeah, it seemed like you were chastising him for allowing himself to be abused. Glad that was a misunderstanding.

 

[naivePremed]

I kind of am in your situation right now (except the physically abusive part). However, the mental abusive part can be so draining that may hinder your ability to study like you said. I chose to suck it, block it out, stay home save money and study outside of my house. I would suggest you do the same, but at the end of the day we are different people, so you should take all this advice on this forum with a grain of salt and ultimately do what you think is best for you.

 

[SupermommyMD]

Hey anatomical,

I congratulate you on being able to even make it this far in a hostile environment. I know this is tough decision but it sounds like if you made it this far in the environment you might just be better off there.

If you do really want to leave I just want to warn you that there will be an adjustment period. You have to learn to manage your time and money all by yourself. You also may have to sacrifice some other things such as some social events because you can't call out of work if you have bills that need to be paid. But needless to say it can be done just plan accordingly. If this is the route you decide to go I would be more than happy to give you some specific advice.

Best of luck,
Cristina

Blog: supermommd.org

 

[esob]

Honestly I couldn't imagine doing this if I had to worry about money, there's too much other stuff to stress over, lol.

 

[wholeheartedly]

after spending my life up until 17 living in a highly physically and emotionally abusive environmet, I say get the hell out as soon as possible. It's just not worth it, and while living on your own creates whole new sets of stressors, it's still an immense relief to be on your own and somewhat in control of your environment.

if you're a student you should be able to take out some loans to manage while you study for the mcat. Then get a job.

 

[anatomicaI]

My advice is to get out of your parents house and become finacially independent asap. I've been in your shoes. You can't see it now, but you are seriously delaying your social development and entry into adulthood.

Even if it takes you a few extra years and is painful it's worth it. Staying in the child mindset past the age of 16 will hurt you for many many years to come.

Get out on your own and start dating if you have not already. The faster you can grow up now the less painful it will be for you later on. You are already a few years behind and have some catching up to do.

Firstly, thanks everybody for all your advices. I actually ended up running away home. After a week of posting this question, my father choked me in the middle of the night. I knew that I couldn't endure it any longer, so I ran away for my safety. It's really comforting to know that someone understands because they experienced the similar horror. I think it is worth it, at this point. If it wasn't now, then it was never later. I am letting the cycle of abuse to repeat over and over again by tolerating that. I have been homeless, then home hopping for a week, but I am doing my best to seek help. Luckily, I received a grant I applied so, so now I have a place to stay for a while..!

 

[anatomicaI]

I have been financially dependent since 14 years of age. Many people look at me like I am crazy, but believe me when I say it didn't take much convincing to get a job at a local sonic when they knew my parents left. I will say this - looking back, I really enjoy the life lessons and courage I have built up over the years from being independent. However, it sucks sometimes when you have no one to back you up. I went homeless for a little more than 3 months because of some crazy thing that happened that was COMPLETELY unpredictable. I did this while going to school full time and working nights at a hospital as a CNA. Furthermore, when I graduate medical school I have absolutely NO desire to make my kids work a full time job while in school - it's just not worth it. You sound like you're in a difficult environment, but please don't take this then wrong way when I say that I just don't understand how they are emotionally and sometimes physically abusive to you at the age of 23? You definitely have to be emotionally strong if you wanna make it alone in this world, especially when someone like you who haa sailed through school on your parents bill and you finally realize that once you graduate medical school you will have to deal with over $200k in debt...all by yourself. You have a few options the way I see it.

Option 1 - Take out a loan - enough to live somewhere (preferably with a roommate) for a year to a year and a half. Don't work, study for your MCAT in peace, and get into medical school.

Or,

Option 2 - suck it up and get a job. After a month of saving, go fina a cheap place with a roommate and work while you study and go to school. It's only a year.

Or, stay home, block our the B.S. And push through this last year or two. ADCOMs won't sympathize with someone who went through what you are going through, simply because you chose to endure rather than grow up and get out of it. I am sorry if that sounds harsh, but reality is what it is.

Thanks for your advice. Answering your question, it has a lot to do with the messed up family dynamic, which I can't explain in detail. My father is an alcoholic, so I think that explains a lot. Culture has to do with it too, where I am encouraged to respect my parents and take care of them (no matter how much messed up they are). I ended up running away home two weeks ago, after my father physically hurt me again. Right now, I am going for Option 2. I decide to push my MCAT date because of so much stress right now and finding jobs. I spoke to my premed advisor about it and she also thinks I should just push my MCAT date because it is just too much to handle at this point. Luckily, I applied for a grant and recently got it, so I am using that money to stay in a place for a month.

 

[OrdinaryDO]

Thanks for your advice. Answering your question, it has a lot to do with the messed up family dynamic, which I can't explain in detail. My father is an alcoholic, so I think that explains a lot. Culture has to do with it too, where I am encouraged to respect my parents and take care of them (no matter how much messed up they are). I ended up running away home two weeks ago, after my father physically hurt me again. Right now, I am going for Option 2. I decide to push my MCAT date because of so much stress right now and finding jobs. I spoke to my premed advisor about it and she also thinks I should just push my MCAT date because it is just too much to handle at this point. Luckily, I applied for a grant and recently got it, so I am using that money to stay in a place for a month.

Hey bud, don't give up. I know how it feels to be down and believe me I didn't want to disclose some of the things I did on here, but once I realized how my view looked without any context I kind of had to let it out a little bit. It sucks..bad, but when you finally get into medical school and receive those loans, it might suck to pay them back, but you will have a career and a future you can depend on..far away from abuse. I especially feel for you - cultures are a double-edged sword. You have to respect them, but you may not always like how it works out. Keep moving forward, putting one foot in front of the other. Take as much time as YOU need to succeed. You can do it, buddy.

 

[anatomicaI]

Becoming financially independent forced me to drop out of college. Ultimately it was a good thing, but it delayed things a lot for me. I don't regret it, because it gave me opportunities to really figure out who I am and want to be. It also led me to the military, which brought me to my wife and kids, which are the best ever.

That said, it is so much easier to study and go through an app cycle when you're not worrying about feeding yourself or keeping your water and electricity on. Having a job that keeps you afloat is different than having a job that gives you some spending money while you live off mom and dad.

But an abusive environment is not where you want to be. So you need to be smart about it. Keep a budget, pay your bills on time, live frugally, etc. If I could be financially independent on a freelance musician's salary, you can do it.

Thanks for the encouragement! That's what I decided to do. I pushed back my cycle and I got a place in a dorm, when I received a grant I applied for. With a lot of emailing and seeking help from people, they gave me a place to stay for a while. I'm getting job interviews, so hopefully I get a job and earn enough money!

 

[anatomicaI]

Hey anatomical,

I congratulate you on being able to even make it this far in a hostile environment. I know this is tough decision but it sounds like if you made it this far in the environment you might just be better off there.

If you do really want to leave I just want to warn you that there will be an adjustment period. You have to learn to manage your time and money all by yourself. You also may have to sacrifice some other things such as some social events because you can't call out of work if you have bills that need to be paid. But needless to say it can be done just plan accordingly. If this is the route you decide to go I would be more than happy to give you some specific advice.

Best of luck,
Cristina

Blog: supermommd.org

Thank you! I also think I'm better off away from that environment. I was always in anxiety, afraid of what my parents would do to me almost every day, but also worried for them because they are not mentally and physically healthy.. My life is at risk living with my parents. I did end up leaving when I got physically hurt again. It's been over two weeks since I ran off. Sacrificing social events is not a big deal for me, luckily haha. I had to opt out on many social events, while living with my parents anyway. I know there are other things I have to sacrifice, one of them being my education, but I am willing to do it. By talking to counselors and friends about what I've experienced at home, they really think I should have left long time ago. Although I have the worry of bills and rents right now, I feel so much happier and calmer being away from home. I'd rather worry about those than worrying about what more crazy things my parents would do to me in the middle of the night.

 

[anatomicaI]

Hey bud, don't give up. I know how it feels to be down and believe me I didn't want to disclose some of the things I did on here, but once I realized how my view looked without any context I kind of had to let it out a little bit. It sucks..bad, but when you finally get into medical school and receive those loans, it might suck to pay them back, but you will have a career and a future you can depend on..far away from abuse. I especially feel for you - cultures are a double-edged sword. You have to respect them, but you may not always like how it works out. Keep moving forward, putting one foot in front of the other. Take as much time as YOU need to succeed. You can do it, buddy.

Thank you. Despite what some people think because I have been living in my parents home, I feel like I had to really raise myself and be the "parent" to my parents, like most children with addict parents had to go through. My father worked hard and financially supported me, but he really didn't know how to take care of himself but drink till he got drunk after work. I didn't stay home because I wanted to or it was easier, but because I had to always be there for them.
It's only recently learned that I need to stop trying to cover and take care of my parents' mess, and live my own life, despite what my culture tells me. I think it's a good idea for me to push back my cycle because I want to learn more about myself and explore before entering medschool. I feel slightly overwhelmed by my big change, but I am more excited and hopeful. Thanks for your encouragement.

 

[SupermommyMD]

Thank you! I also think I'm better off away from that environment. I was always in anxiety, afraid of what my parents would do to me almost every day, but also worried for them because they are not mentally and physically healthy.. My life is at risk living with my parents. I did end up leaving when I got physically hurt again. It's been over two weeks since I ran off. Sacrificing social events is not a big deal for me, luckily haha. I had to opt out on many social events, while living with my parents anyway. I know there are other things I have to sacrifice, one of them being my education, but I am willing to do it. By talking to counselors and friends about what I've experienced at home, they really think I should have left long time ago. Although I have the worry of bills and rents right now, I feel so much happier and calmer being away from home. I'd rather worry about those than worrying about what more crazy things my parents would do to me in the middle of the night.

Hey anatomical,

I am happy you have removed yourself from the toxic environment and are on a healthier path in life. Don't sacrifice your education. It really is never to late. While you may have to take a pause for now you can go back when things are settled. Don't give up on your dreams. We all have detours. Trust me I understand. I was in an abusive relationship for 7 years and when I finally got out I did have to take a break from school for a year just to catch myself after leaving. But I eventually went back and got my BS in Neuroscience. I graduated Cum Laude and with distinction within my Major. So you can do it!!! I am rooting for you.

BEST WISHES & HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
Cristina

Blog: www.supermommd.org