Anybody else scared about telling people?

[LNA]

I've been trying to find some threads with tips on how to go about introducing this idea (the whole wanting to go to med school and be a doctor thing) to my family, because I'm pretty terrified about how they're going to react.

I'm finding tons of threads from pre-med students who DON'T want to go into medicine and their parents want them to, but nothing about announcing this pretty crazy/ambitious dream to friends and family. I'm thinking in the non-trad community there have got to be some other people who can relate to my fear.

Luckily my boyfriend has been really supportive and a great thought partner as I weigh pros/cons. I'm not living with my parents so it wasn't too difficult to keep things to myself while I figured out what I wanted to do. Now that I'm going to be a full time student though, I feel like I need to be honest with them.

I know the reaction is going to be along the lines of "What?? Why?? Your undergrad degree is perfectly fine, you can get a different job." They've seen me consider a variety of careers and I know this is going to be seen as just that... but only worse, because let's be honest, we're all a little crazy for wanting to do this. I've put a lot of time into shadowing and reading, and am going to do whatever it takes to follow through on this.

Obviously in time my family will see this, but how did you convince people you weren't crazy? I'd really like for them to be excited for me, because I've finally discovered what I am passionate about! Instead, I think they will be concerned.

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[Promethean]

Actions speak louder than words. Just start doing the things you need to do and moving along the path. Then, when you disclose that you are doing it, it won't be some crazy wild dream that you are just talking about.


Also, make sure that YOU know your reason for doing this. When you have clarity and excitement about your motivations, it will be much easier to convey your sincerity to others. If you can't articulate your reasons in a quick elevator speech, work on it until you can. You will have to do so when you write your personal statement, anyhow.

 

[dorothyntoto]

So you walk right on up and say, "so I'm thinking about going to medical school"... and then you're done...

 

[Lord Boko]

I totally understand the feeling of being afraid to tell people you are considering medical school.

I come from a very poor and very large family so going to undergrad is such a feat to them that they didn't really understand why I would want to put off having a career and making money for another four years. The biggest thing I did to help my family get used to the idea that it was something I was going to do whether or not they understood was to actually start making progress towards my end goal. I think my parents finally got on board after I had my first shadowing experience and I was able to talk about it with excitement.

Just be honest with people. They are your friends and family and they should be able to support you in what you want to do.

 

[NonTradJp]

Deleted.

 

[takeonme]

Actions speak louder than words. Just start doing the things you need to do and moving along the path. Then, when you disclose that you are doing it, it won't be some crazy wild dream that you are just talking about.


Also, make sure that YOU know your reason for doing this. When you have clarity and excitement about your motivations, it will be much easier to convey your sincerity to others. If you can't articulate your reasons in a quick elevator speech, work on it until you can. You will have to do so when you write your personal statement, anyhow.

Exactly this.

When I first told my family, they honestly didn't think I was serious. For one thing, I was pretty wild growing up and caused a lot of trouble so my grades didn't exactly scream I was destined to be a doctor. Also, I have a stable and comfortable 'career' with my undergrad degree. They weren't supportive until they saw I was getting the grades I needed, working hard, and DOING things rather than just saying I want to be a doctor.

Friends were/are have been great. Supportive and encouraging throughout the past few years of pre-reqs. There was one terrible professor who was negative towards me pursing a career in medicine.

After awhile, I realized... I don't really care what anyone thinks or whether they believe in me or not. I believe I'm going to be a damn good doctor and I can finally say I'm doing something for me.

 

[BlastedHeath]

I was really afraid about telling my family. I felt like there were so many preconceptions about medicine and about me that wouldn't agree and I didn't want to face their criticism. I started by telling my closest friends and expanded outward, cousins, grandparents, everyone was surprisingly supportive. I still didn't get up the nerve to tell my dad until a few days before I started my post bacc classes, and I live with him. When I did get up the nerve to tell him, I blurted it out and cried a bit. In retrospect, it was such a dumb thing to worry about, my dad was overjoyed that I found something I truly wanted to do and was willing to work hard at. I've tried a lot of different things in the past too, and I think I was scared that no one would take my efforts seriously this time, but this is really the first time I've been all-in and I think it shows to the people around me.

 

[jl lin]

Exactly this.

When I first told my family, they honestly didn't think I was serious. For one thing, I was pretty wild growing up and caused a lot of trouble so my grades didn't exactly scream I was destined to be a doctor. Also, I have a stable and comfortable 'career' with my undergrad degree. They weren't supportive until they saw I was getting the grades I needed, working hard, and DOING things rather than just saying I want to be a doctor.

Friends were/are have been great. Supportive and encouraging throughout the past few years of pre-reqs. There was one terrible professor who was negative towards me pursing a career in medicine.

After awhile, I realized... I don't really care what anyone thinks or whether they believe in me or not. I believe I'm going to be a damn good doctor and I can finally say I'm doing something for me.

Yup. At the end of people's lives, they are going to be focused on their own, not yours and your choices, right? Heck, mostly, people are primarily concerned with their own lives anyway. The only people that are going to give you a problem, for the most part, will be those that are insecure people with their own issues. You can't change them. You can only hope one day they get on board with their own plans and life and stop judging and condemning others. In the meantime, you move ahead with your own and give them no power over your life.

 

[Shjanzey]

I was raised with the creedo that "talk is cheap". When I made the decision to go I was working full time, just got married, and had no prerequisites. I told my close family what my plans were and I think I made a post on facebook about it. From that point on five years passed and I didn't say another word about. When I matriculated most people forgot I even made such a statement and the ones who thought I was full of feces were gobsmacked. The day I got accepted I felt like a thug. It feels good to be a gangsta'

 

[Dressagequeen 247]

Been there, I agree with the actions speak louder then words post, my parents pretty much rolled their eyes and told me to think about nursing instead and my brother actually sat me down and told me that my whole schooling (undergrad + post bac) was a waste and that I need to pretty much settle down, get married and look for "a real job". It stinks but you have to do what you need to do. Eventually my mom came around after speaking with our general physician who has been with me since birth and was over the moon to hear my plan. Everybody else still has that " meh" thing but oh well

 

[it'sabeautifullife]

*Don't know if this breaks any rules, but-- Go to @gonnif 's conference if you can swing it. It helped me anyway.

 

[jl lin]

Is it at the age of 30 you really get free with the "I don't give a damn about what others' think" motto? I mean when you say it and mean it, it feels great!

 

[KyleV]

I don't mean to sound cavalier in regards to family support because I'm sure it's very important for most but at the end of the day you're doing this for yourself so who cares. You've got a supportive boyfriend, you're in good shape.

 

[it'sabeautifullife]

Is it at the age of 30 you really get free with the "I don't give a damn about what others' think" motto? I mean when you say it and mean it, it feels great!

It does feel great, but thinking about it, there are a few whose opinion I still weigh heavily.

 

[Cellfie]

Yes! I waited to tell people until I made it through Organic Chemistry (didn't want to jump the gun). Most people question it, but some are supportive and my close friends weren't surprised at all. And living life not caring what people think is awesome!

 

[crazy87]

I think I waited to tell my parents until I was already in a semi-patient care job and taking my first pre-req. I also masqueraded with the idea that I wanted to do PA or nursing because I was scared I couldn't hack it. I didn't feel comfortable telling most people or talking about it much with friends (not supportive) until I got my MCAT back and could finally see that along with my classes and jobs, I made myself into a decent applicant. This process was like 3-4 years long so I kept my secret for a long time, at least to new friends, classmates, coworkers... Old friends even. Also, this is a bit off topic, but I don't think I made a single pre-med post on Facebook all those years until I actually got in. Because I didn't want people knowing in case I were to fail in my endeavor to get in. But now that I am starting med school in the summer, I am still nervous about people knowing in case I fail. Ug I guess I need some self confidence.... In my mind I'm like "I still haven't hacked it yet." Which is true.

 

[trev5150]

I really just want to make 'fetch' happen.

Stop trying to make fetch happen. It's never going to happen.

The roughest deal was telling the bosses that I was leaving $175K/yr to be a college student at the age of 40. I basically gave them 8 months notice to ensure a smooth transition with my staff and our customer. The hardest part of that was keeping the cat in the bag from April through October last year before telling the whole world.

 

[trev5150]

. In my mind I'm like "I still haven't hacked it yet." Which is true.

Stay humble. That's a good strategy.

 

[AM508]

I basically just said to my parents 4 years ago, "you know, I am 29 years old, after working in the medical field for 10 years, I am quite bored with where I currently am career-wise and would like to go back to school and take the pre-reqs for medical school, here is my plan...." My parents were quite happy actually and have been the epitome of supportive. My girlfriend at the time, well she was completely not thrilled with the idea and broke up with me about a week later (no great loss in retrospect ).

As someone who usually tells it like I see it, the direct approach worked best for me.

 

[beebreezy]

I was slow to tell people. Once I did, what I discovered was that most people just have a kind of, "Oh, cool!" response, which is actually kind of annoying because you quickly realize most people have no idea what getting into medical school entails at all. They would have had exactly the same stance on the matter if I told them I decided to take a sewing class or something.

 

[LNA]

Wow, this community really is incredible, thank you all so much for your insight. As always it's inspiring to hear from those of you who were once in similar shoes and are now a few, or many, steps ahead along the path. And it's nice to know this feeling isn't unique.

I like the idea of practicing my "elevator speech" explaining why I'm doing this, since that will definitely be the first question. And it's true that eventually, I will just need to come out and say it. I do really wish I had more of my prereqs done or an MCAT score to give me a little confidence, but I don't think I can keep this from my mom much longer.

Definitely not posting anything on facebook until I have an acceptance. I will check out oldpremeds.com, unfortunately I'll be in summer classes during the conference

 

[takeonme]

Good luck!

 

[it'sabeautifullife]

I will check out oldpremeds.com, unfortunately I'll be in summer classes during the conference

Yeah, as awesome as the conference is, definitely don't mess up summer classes. Best GPA and MCAT possible will make the whole ride much smoother. Good luck!

 

[darkeon]

Coming out of the closet as a premed! Interesting thread.

 

[typoncho]

Listen, smile, agree. Then do whatever the f-#@ you were gonna do anyway. -RDJ

 

[NonTrad16]

I found telling my family/friends early to be helpful. My mother supported the "if you're in, be all in" mentality. As a nontrad, being all-in has been necessary for me. Without the support from my family/girlfriend I don't think I would have survived the past 10 months of chaos. I've become a recluse and I can't explain it any other way... The conversation with students at the local U also is a lot easier if you can just be honest.

My only hangup was work, where I was reserved for 6 months or so while I volunteered and took one class. It became a bit too much to continue with MCAT prep, which was a bummer since I was in line for a promotion. Oh well -- better for one of my coworkers!

I'm lucky to have a supportive network, and being in a "good enough position" with an engineering degree never factored into their comments since I'm (barely) <30 without children.

Hopefully those around you will be supportive -- but if not, it's your life to live! Definitely find support, in any case.

 

[Mad Jack]

I dealt with similar. I didn't want to say I was trying for med school, and kind of repressed my own desires to go, because I was afraid that I'd bomb something along the way. So I said I was trying for PA, and in a way it was true- I didn't think I'd ever make the cut for med school. But when all of my grades rolled in and were looking good, I thought maybe... And then I flipped a coin just to be sure... And then I let a few people know. Once I was in, I let everyone else that mattered know.

 

[JW2020]

For me it was more about co-workers, friends, etc not understanding what I was doing, and the annoyance of trying to explain what a post-bacc was, etc. Close friends and family I told, but a lot didn't really understand what I was up to either. Friends started asking me medical questions and looking for diagnoses, for example. I didn't tell a lot of the people I worked with or friends I wasn't as close with because I was worried about looking like a fool if I didn't get in. Felt so good when I got accepted and didn't need to do any fancy explaining anymore. Started getting a lot more medical questions after that tho.

 

[typoncho]

I dealt with similar. I didn't want to say I was trying for med school, and kind of repressed my own desires to go, because I was afraid that I'd bomb something along the way. So I said I was trying for PA, and in a way it was true- I didn't think I'd ever make the cut for med school. But when all of my grades rolled in and were looking good, I thought maybe... And then I flipped a coin just to be sure... And then I let a few people know. Once I was in, I let everyone else that mattered know.

I actually did (somewhat) the same. Looking back on it, it was a defensive mechanism in case I failed. It's such a big undertaking. I just told everybody "Yea, I'm trying for med school. We'll see how it goes. I might do PA or something else."

 

[BorntobeDO?]

I completely understand this. I still hesitate to tell people who don't know. Especially at work. I feel like people will look at me differently. At the same time it is actually nice to have the whole family and my unit supporting me. I don't necessarily like being in the limelight, and I definitely still feel like telling someone I'm going to medical school puts this whole 'perception' on me. Its a whole lot easier to just say I am a nurse. And even now with an acceptance, I don't want to talk to every physician on the floor about it. I am still a nurse, a medical school acceptance didn't make me any smarter (yet).

Also you feel the pressure of 'what if I fail.' It was a huge huge deal to me to change jobs and do the stuff I needed to do in order to have 'a shot' at getting in. I didn't want to spend a ton of time and money to just 'get rejected.' And even worse is the thought of having to tell all the people that know that I failed. I mean I was really feeling it in February when I didn't have any acceptances.

I think you have to just own it in your mind. You have to say 'Yes, this is really what I want, and I don't care if I fail trying, or if my family knows that I took a swing and missed." Once you do that, then you have to tell people. If it makes you uncomfortable to talk about it because of whatever (for me fear of failure), then tell your parents/spouse/friend/whoever "Look, I have decided to pursue my dream of being a doctor. Its really scarey, and hard, but its what I want. I want you to know too because your my mom/dad/etc and I want your support. Please don't make a big deal out of this because I don't want people to change how they think of me." I would limit the group to those who need to know at first (employers to help with your schedule, immediate family, etc.).

Just understand that once things start really get going, it will get out, especially after your accepted. Just roll with it at that point, and take the compliment. The caution in telling people is normal, and I think a good characteristic.

 

[EsmeraldaJellyB]

I'm finding tons of threads from pre-med students who DON'T want to go into medicine and their parents want them to, but nothing about announcing this pretty crazy/ambitious dream to friends and family. I'm thinking in the non-trad community there have got to be some other people who can relate to my fear.

I can't speak for anyone else. I'm hella new to this forum and I don't know a single other soul irl insane enough to attempt what we're doing. Which is why when I needed to tell my friends and family I was going back to school to finish up my degree and take my pre-reqs for med school I was absolutely scared s**tless. So I don't think you're alone in that. It didn't help that most of my family is divided into two categories - f-ups and doctors and I don't yet have an M.D. behind my name. So yeah, I was waiting for the incredulous laughter and to be quietly pulled aside by the medical half and told in no uncertain terms that while my ambition was admirable, it was wholly unrealistic to expect to manage the pre-reqs, the MCAT, and medical school with a family and no STEM background at my advanced age.

What happened instead was I received an unbelievable outpouring of love and support, and I did something else that you should consider: I asked for help. I'm a grown ass woman and I'm very good at keeping myself to myself and I can handle quite a lot, thank you very much. But I also know enough about myself now, through my other failures to know that if I fail this time it won't because I wasn't smart enough or couldn't work hard enough. It will be because I attempted to do it all alone, and didn't ask for help when I needed it.

Asking for help is hard for me for a lot of reasons, but thankfully, my ambition now outweighs my fear of showing vulnerability by a strong measure, which is why I think so many non-trad students go on to be exceptional. Failure is a very valuable teacher and having a few knocks in life makes most people stronger and more empathetic.

So TL;DR - Yes it's scary, do it anyway and create the biggest support network you can.

 

[LNA]

What happened instead was I received an unbelievable outpouring of love and support, and I did something else that you should consider: I asked for help.

Easier said than done of course, but definitely great advice. And going along with that...

Also you feel the pressure of 'what if I fail.' It was a huge huge deal to me to change jobs and do the stuff I needed to do in order to have 'a shot' at getting in. I didn't want to spend a ton of time and money to just 'get rejected.' And even worse is the thought of having to tell all the people that know that I failed. I mean I was really feeling it in February when I didn't have any acceptances.

I think you have to just own it in your mind. You have to say 'Yes, this is really what I want, and I don't care if I fail trying, or if my family knows that I took a swing and missed." Once you do that, then you have to tell people. If it makes you uncomfortable to talk about it because of whatever (for me fear of failure), then tell your parents/spouse/friend/whoever "Look, I have decided to pursue my dream of being a doctor. Its really scarey, and hard, but its what I want. I want you to know too because your my mom/dad/etc and I want your support. Please don't make a big deal out of this because I don't want people to change how they think of me." I would limit the group to those who need to know at first (employers to help with your schedule, immediate family, etc.)

This is exactly how I'm feeling. I think that will be a good approach though, to just be honest with them about how scared I am. Gave this a practice run tonight by "coming out" to my younger sister (she has been sworn to secrecy). Her immediate response: "Hm... I think you would be better as an engineer." Well thanks for the vote of confidence lil' sis. I think it's just going to take time to get used to the idea, at least she's in favor of me pursuing a career change!

Thanks again all!

 

[pageantry]

There are a lot of underminers out there. Once you get far enough in, you may find quite a few friends lamenting that they didn't start their pre-reqs when you did, wishing they had a goal or a dream or something to care about like you do. But those may be the same friends who, in the early years, will very kindly encourage you to give up. Your effort indicts their own lack.

Pry them off your hull with a barnacle scraper if you have to. You're going places. Even if you don't make it to your goal, you're still in motion, seeing the world, which is more than most people ever manage.

 

[packersfans]

I know the reaction is going to be along the lines of "What?? Why?? Your undergrad degree is perfectly fine, you can get a different job." They've seen me consider a variety of careers and I know this is going to be seen as just that... but only worse, because let's be honest, we're all a little crazy for wanting to do this. I've put a lot of time into shadowing and reading, and am going to do whatever it takes to follow through on this.

I think you are over thinking this. I have a "great job" (I hate it but Im sure lots of people would love to have it) and most people see that Im willing to leave it to follow my dream as an immense positive. I've had a few people try to dissuade me but its often a lack of knowledge on what being a physician entails on their part and less of them thinking Im crazy. I personally would keep it to yourself until you're well along your way.

 

[packersfans]

the ones who thought I was full of feces were gobsmacked. The day I got accepted I felt like a thug. It feels good to be a gangsta'

Top 5 favorite SDN post ever!

 

[bp0420]

I've only told my mom. I'm the most scared about telling my husband...we JUST sold our house, bought a new one that he is working really hard to fix up, and we are having a baby in about 5 weeks. I feel very guilty about having come to the realization that I have to go for it now or regret it forever almost immediately after we made all these big financial/life-altering decisions because asking him to move in 2-3 years out of state feels like too much to ask and really selfish at this point. I wonder if I'm the most unreasonable, demanding wife ever? I sometimes think easing him into it by saying "oh yeah, maybe PA/nursing school" would seem less scary to him.

 

[bp0420]

I actually did (somewhat) the same. Looking back on it, it was a defensive mechanism in case I failed. It's such a big undertaking. I just told everybody "Yea, I'm trying for med school. We'll see how it goes. I might do PA or something else."

I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing--maybe you have to "protect" yourself from the naysayers for awhile.

 

[LNA]

I've only told my mom. I'm the most scared about telling my husband...we JUST sold our house, bought a new one that he is working really hard to fix up, and we are having a baby in about 5 weeks. I feel very guilty about having come to the realization that I have to go for it now or regret it forever almost immediately after we made all these big financial/life-altering decisions because asking him to move in 2-3 years out of state feels like too much to ask and really selfish at this point. I wonder if I'm the most unreasonable, demanding wife ever? I sometimes think easing him into it by saying "oh yeah, maybe PA/nursing school" would seem less scary to him.

Wow, that has the potential to be a really tough conversation, I'd be curious to hear how it goes. Hopefully he'll be supportive and excited that you're excited. Also, I don't think you're unreasonable and demanding for wanting to pursue something you would otherwise regret (I don't know you though, maybe you are for other reasons )

 

[adoctoralawyer]

I'm the most scared about telling my husband...we JUST sold our house, bought a new one that he is working really hard to fix up, and we are having a baby in about 5 weeks. I feel very guilty about having come to the realization that I have to go for it now or regret it forever almost immediately after we made all these big financial/life-altering decisions because asking him to move in 2-3 years out of state feels like too much to ask and really selfish at this point. I wonder if I'm the most unreasonable, demanding wife ever? I sometimes think easing him into it by saying "oh yeah, maybe PA/nursing school" would seem less scary to him.

The best thing to do is approach it together. It's something that's really meaningful to you and you want to discuss it with your spouse to see if it's something you can both work out in a way that makes both of you happy together. That's what marriages are for. You don't need to be "unreasonable" or "demanding", it's not your needs against his, and there's no need for guilt, you both just need to figure out what's the best for both of you together. And no need to lie about wanting "maybe PA/nursing school" if that's not what you really want. Just have an honest (though maybe hard) conversation with each other about what you both really want and what you're willing to do for the other even if it's not perfect for yourself.

 

[QofQuimica]

My parents had always hoped I'd go to medical school, so if anything, I had to get them to back off sometimes. My mom knew way, way too much about the app process herself by the time it was over. And we went through it all over again when I applied to residency. Anyone want advice on the Match, you just call Mama Q.

All kidding aside, you may just need to accept that people won't always react how you want them to, and that it's ok if people think you're a little crazy. I mean, look at it in a larger picture kind of way. No one is going to be hurt or killed by you doing some shadowing and taking some pre-req classes. You're looking to do something that is, generally speaking, a positive and productive use of your life. And what concerned parent wouldn't be happy about that?

Also, don't be too quick to pigeonhole other people. If your parents are like most, they really just want you to be happy. So, be excited for yourself, and give them a chance to be excited for you too before deciding pre-emptively that they won't be.

Best of luck to you.

 

[Dares Dareson]

Who care what people say? Haters will hate. But you should tell people early on (assuming they won't sabotage your plans) because it will give them more time to get used to it and, more importantly, they won't feel like they were kept out of the loop when you are finally accepted.

 

[blacchic856]

I've only told my gf of my plans to pursue med school. Everyone knows I'm taking prereqs and applying to PA school this cycle. But I haven't told them that I have no plans to attend. I find myself going back and forth about it. I could be a licensed, practicing PA by 30 instead of just starting med school at 30 and give myself nearly a decade of working income with much less debt and insurance costs.. I know this is what I'll hear. But my gf is 100% on board and super supportive of me pursuing med school and the timeline that would come with it; that makes me feel better.

 

[Code2Cabie]

I think I waited to tell my parents until I was already in a semi-patient care job and taking my first pre-req. I also masqueraded with the idea that I wanted to do PA or nursing because I was scared I couldn't hack it. I didn't feel comfortable telling most people or talking about it much with friends (not supportive) until I got my MCAT back and could finally see that along with my classes and jobs, I made myself into a decent applicant. This process was like 3-4 years long so I kept my secret for a long time, at least to new friends, classmates, coworkers... Old friends even. Also, this is a bit off topic, but I don't think I made a single pre-med post on Facebook all those years until I actually got in. Because I didn't want people knowing in case I were to fail in my endeavor to get in. But now that I am starting med school in the summer, I am still nervous about people knowing in case I fail. Ug I guess I need some self confidence.... In my mind I'm like "I still haven't hacked it yet." Which is true.

I am struggling with this. I'll be entering my junior year of undergrad doing a formal "pre-med" degree, started as an EMT doing field work for several years, now am in a hospital job and I still don't feel like I deserve to tell anyone I am pursuing a career as a physician. I have a fear of not succeeding in my goals and have kept them a secret. The consequences of course are lack of a support and loneliness. I don't even tell other pre-meds I know, I just say I am finishing my bachelors of science. I know that not talking with others about my aspirations cam be previewed as unhealthy or problematic, but it also helps avoid all the nay-sayers and de-motivational talks of hypercritical and uninformed people.

 

[maddeh87]

I separated from the Air Force after 8 years last year to start pre-med (still in the air national guard though). Before I separated, whenever someone would ask me what I was planning on doing when I was getting out and I said that I wanted to pursue medical school, reactions ranged from ignorance "oh so you're going to be a nurse" to misogynistic "oh but you'll be so old, why don't you just go PA/nurse? When are you going to have kids?!" (I'm an old maid at 27 apparently) and the oddly defensive "are you saying something's wrong with wanting to be a nurse?" Needless to say, very frustrating. It's a relief to come here and see that there are a lot more people like me pursuing med-school later in life and that it's actually quite normal.

 

[crazy87]

I am struggling with this. I'll be entering my junior year of undergrad doing a formal "pre-med" degree, started as an EMT doing field work for several years, now am in a hospital job and I still don't feel like I deserve to tell anyone I am pursuing a career as a physician. I have a fear of not succeeding in my goals and have kept them a secret. The consequences of course are lack of a support and loneliness. I don't even tell other pre-meds I know, I just say I am finishing my bachelors of science. I know that not talking with others about my aspirations cam be previewed as unhealthy or problematic, but it also helps avoid all the nay-sayers and de-motivational talks of hypercritical and uninformed people.

Recently I went back and saw my description for an abandoned MDapps account I had... I had written about myself and my goals for med school anonymously, and I couldn't even bear to read the self-depricating, confidence-lacking sentences. It was terrible. This was like 4 years ago at the start of the journey. I realized I had a lot more confidence now. The things that helped me gain confidence in myself was having solid letters of rec from doctors through my scribing job (I knew this was a golden opportunity) and having a good (good enough) MCAT... and all my experiences in health care over the years. The letter of rec thing really helped me because I knew that was what I would have otherwise procrastinated on and stressed over (got it done like a year before I even applied). Knowing that you have doctors "vouching" for you via the required letters seems like a small thing but in hindsight it probably did wonders for my confidence in this process. I realized I had a lot more hands on and patient care experience than the majority of applicants, and I knew that would work in my favor. I was honest with myself about my weaknesses in my apps but I also knew I had some great positives that I hoped would overcome these things. In my mind, I knew the positives outweighed the negatives so I think it helps to go in with that attitude. But convince yourself, and if it takes another year or so to build up your app, just do it. I am so glad I waited and did this in 4 years instead of trying to rush it, because I knew going into the app process that this was as good as it was going to get pretty much. I had done everything I could to make myself into a good applicant. Anyway, I'm rambling. Story of all my posts right now...

 

[FutureDrB]

Is it at the age of 30 you really get free with the "I don't give a damn about what others' think" motto? I mean when you say it and mean it, it feels great!

Agreed. I've always found it interesting how many people actually care what other people think about them or their choices.

This isn't meant to be snarky at all, but I think the point in life at which people become mature adults is when they realize that they're an individual, self-sufficient, decision-making human being. All that matters in this world is you. Before you read that wrong, I don't mean that in a conceded way, I mean that in a personal responsibility way.

Your choices and the rewards/punishments of those choices are yours and yours alone. Your parents, your siblings, your friends, your significant other... they're not going to class for you, they're not earning the degree for you, they're not working 80 hour weeks for you. Those are the things YOU are going to have to do....so who gives a flying fig what anyone else on this planet thinks about that.

 

[jl lin]

If I had listened to every negative thing people have said in general, to others, or even sometimes to me, I would have dug a grave and jumped in it long ago. At some point you have to say, "I want to live." Part of living is going for the life that you find has the most meaning for you, and hopefully that will impact others positively as well. Seriously, my transition into not caring so much about what other people think began near the end of my junior year of high school. By then I was pissed that I had let it have so much power over me. At age 30, I cared far, far less. At 90, I hope I piss people off by being alive. LOL

 

[jl lin]

It does feel great, but thinking about it, there are a few whose opinion I still weigh heavily.

Hopefully, those are people that have always mattered and will continue to matter, and will respect your choices as well. For those that don't meet those aforementioned things, with time, hopefully, you will get over it. I know I did.

 

[LNA]

Agreed. I've always found it interesting how many people actually care what other people think about them or their choices.

This isn't meant to be snarky at all, but I think the point in life at which people become mature adults is when they realize that they're an individual, self-sufficient, decision-making human being. All that matters in this world is you. Before you read that wrong, I don't mean that in a conceded way, I mean that in a personal responsibility way.

Your choices and the rewards/punishments of those choices are yours and yours alone. Your parents, your siblings, your friends, your significant other... they're not going to class for you, they're not earning the degree for you, they're not working 80 hour weeks for you. Those are the things YOU are going to have to do....so who gives a flying fig what anyone else on this planet thinks about that.

This is great notion, and I understand what you're getting at, but I think there is a difference between caring about what someone thinks enough to let it stop you from pursuing what you want to... and just not wanting to have the conversation because you know they're going to push back. Maybe I'm just not at that point of maturity yet, this is very possible.

Regardless, as the OP I wanted to update that I did tell my family. I was super weird about it - first mom somehow found out I was paying tuition (apparently my paper bank statements still go to my old address and she's a snoop?), but she didn't press it, and then finally dad asked what classes I was taking. I answered but didn't volunteer additional information. Finally he asked why, and I just told him. And it was fine. They definitely think I'm crazy, but they're also awesome parents so they haven't tried to talk me out of it. It will be interesting to see how the conversation goes when I see them in person.

Still keeping things to myself as much as possible, but definitely the best reaction was when an old friend came to visit. She asked why I was taking classes (she lives near my mom...a snoop and a gossip apparently) and when I told her she said "Finally!!! I've been waiting for you to realize this since about 6th grade." So, keeping in mind everyone's advice not to care what others think, this regardless felt really good to hear.

 

[it'sabeautifullife]

Hopefully, those are people that have always mattered and will continue to matter, and will respect your choices as well. For those that don't meet those aforementioned things, with time, hopefully, you will get over it. I know I did.

These are people whose opinion I respect in a particular context, i.e. when they are more informed than my own. A specific example may help clarify: One of the people I asked for a recommendation letter had been my professor for an entire year. 1) She had come to know me well as a student and as a person. 2) She was also a medical school faculty member, which made her intimately familiar with what it takes to be a med student. 3) Her inclination was to be generous and supportive of her students. If she thought it wasn't a great idea for me to pursue med school, I would have taken a step back and thoughtfully weighed her opinion. [Thankfully, she thought it was a tremendous idea ]