Anyone else doubt their ability to actually be a doctor?

[surfguy84]

I'm not talking about the books/boards stuff. I'm talking about the reality of being a doctor, being in charge of lives, making decisions, etc.

I did some shadowing with an IM resident recently and got to see what being a doctor is really like. Now that I have some sort of frame of reference (as opposed to pre-med shadowing), things just seem so incredibly difficult. I'm having an impossible time imagining myself being able to do a lot of the things I saw.

Making quick diagnoses on the spot, dealing with patients and their families so smoothly, knowing how to interpret everything, working under pressure..... it was awesome to see and motivating for sure, but it's just left with me a huge feeling of self-doubt.

Anyone else feel this way as a M1/M2 (or beyond)? Is this normal?

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[Drrrrrr. Celty]

Not really, but that's because first year has taught me very little about being a doctor or how to doctor. I mean most importantly I still think like a med student, not a doctor.

 

[hallowmann]

I'm not talking about the books/boards stuff. I'm talking about the reality of being a doctor, being in charge of lives, making decisions, etc.

I did some shadowing with an IM resident recently and got to see what being a doctor is really like. Now that I have some sort of frame of reference (as opposed to pre-med shadowing), things just seem so incredibly difficult. I'm having an impossible time imagining myself being able to do a lot of the things I saw.

Making quick diagnoses on the spot, dealing with patients and their families so smoothly, knowing how to interpret everything, working under pressure..... it was awesome to see and motivating for sure, but it's just left with me a huge feeling of self-doubt.

Anyone else feel this way as a M1/M2 (or beyond)? Is this normal?

Were you shadowing a senior or an intern? You rarely have to make split-second decisions in IM, unless you're in a rapid or a code (or in a situation that looks like its devolving into one of those quickly). I can only say what I've heard and that's that you'll get used to it gradually, and from what I've heard some people will be better than others under pressure. I honestly don't have an answer for that one.

All physicians I've talked to about this say that its a motivating factor knowing that you're responsible. They also say it's a pressure that's always there, and there will be patients where you do the wrong thing and it ends badly or patients that keep you up at night that you're worried about. I guess the only thing is that it becomes part of your life and you use it to become better.

Diagnosing and interpreting things will come with more knowledge and experience. I have yet to really have an issue dealing with patients and their families, explaining the team's plan answering basic questions that I can and saying I'll mention it to the attending/team and get back to them when they have additional info or questions I can't answer. Either you'll be comfortable doing that, learn how to do it, or I guess go into a field with less patient/family contact.

I'm sure when you're that top person, all you can really do is answer questions and explain why you are choosing to do certain things, which I hope you know, because you really shouldn't be making treatment decisions without knowing why. And then of course if they ask you about something you don't know, you could just say, I'll get back to you on it.

 

[costales]

No matter what specialty, it takes practice - and competent supervision. You do something a few times in intern year - and along the way, people yell at you a few times - you'll remember it for life, you'll know exactly why you're doing it, you'll know what to do when something goes wrong, and you'll get better at it. And that's how you build up your repertoire and your confidence - not to mention your reputation. All of a sudden, you'll realize that nobody is poring over your notes anymore, your consults no longer question what you're saying to them, and your attendings talk to you like colleagues even though you're still a PGY-3. It's not much different from working at Jiffy Lube or Bob's Garage (well, those guys have better hours and they don't have to read at night).

 

[deleted564680]

No.

 

[yanks26dmb]

I think this is normal. I'm also M1 and there are times I just have a hard time visualizing myself out there actively working as doctor, doing all those doctorly things.

I think/hope that this is common and people really start to improve their doctoring/clinical thinking skills during years 3-4 and beyond..

 

[ortnakas]

If you thought you were ready to be a doctor in first year, there wouldn't be a need for med school! (And residency). You're normal. We'll all learn this stuff.

 

[scoKraz4]

.

 

[GUH]

If you are an M1 then you still have at least six years left before you're out on your own. Six very long years with a whole lot of training time to get competent.

 

[SLC]

I doubt myself every single day, and I am (technically) a doctor.

 

[Jinxapotato]

Yup, every time we had a practical exam, I run the drill and say the normal stuff, but I have absolutely no idea what abnormal actually look/feel like, so I am constantly screaming on the inside

 

[Dr Tony T. Chopper]

No. I've grown tremendously just over the past year as a person, and I am optimistic that I will be wholly transformed within the next 4 years of concentrated learning.

 

[deleted564680]

You have to have confidence in yourself to be a good doctor. Patients know when you are unprepared/nervous/etc.

Don't worry though, there are 1000s of doctors that go a whole career and stink the whole time. There are so many checks and balances to our system that mistakes don't happen much. I'm sure we all know of Dr. X who definitely should not have a license and no way you'd want to be treated by him/her but he/she sees patients and chugs along through a whole career.

 

[SLC]

I think its healthy to have some reservations. The minute you think you know everything, you become dangerous IMO.

Even the best faculty I interact with (and there are some intensely intelligent people around here) are looking certain types of things up fairly regularly.

 

[TUVIX]

I'm starting med school in July so I don't have a lot of experience with this from your exact perspective, however I have a lot of clinical experience mainly in ORs and working with anesthesia teams. One way I look at this is that some of the anesthetists I work with have a two year masters degree and aside from intubation and extubation they are alone in the room and running the case, pushing really dangerous drugs, making split second decisions that could easily kill a patient if they dosed a drug wrong or missed something. I think all of these things just come with time and with actually doing them. I have watched some surgeries where things got hairy and the surgeons were very calm and cool about it. They react based on their training and experience and they do what they think is the right thing when the time comes. So basically, I think it just comes with time. I read a thread on SDN once asking when people felt comfortable being a doctor autonomously and it seemed like many people didn't feel comfortable until PGY2 or 3 and some didn't even feel so great into their first few attending years. The good thing is that in most cases you will have other docs and team mates to help you out and help you to learn throughout your entire career. I see surgeons who have been practicing for decades page a colleague mid-surgery to get their opinion about how to proceed with a specific issue.

 

[abolt18]

I've had these thoughts this year as a 3rd year at times, sometimes feeling as though I've made little progress compared to last year. Then I find myself in an intense moment where I'm the one putting in the central line while my patient is severely hypotensive and tachycardic post induction and my attending is setting up pressors (and watching to make sure I don't screw up), I flow through it like it's a breeze, float the swan ganz cath, and continue onto the next task without missing a beat. I look at moments like that and go "Wow how'd I get here?" I find that when your attending expects you to take on a real, significant role, you will grow into that role. When your resident expects you to create the assessment and plan and argue your reasoning, it forces you to grow a little more into that physician you are becoming. I often have my doubts in my personal ability to be a physician and be responsible for the lives of my patients, but every now and then I get moments where I can see how far I've come and I realize everything's going as it should.

 

[AMEHigh]

Yes. I'm finishing my intern year and I feel this way semi-regularly. I think it's good because as soon as you get complacent you aren't a good physician. There is always something to learn and improve upon.

 

[cabinbuilder]

A friend once told me (who is a doctor) is that becoming a doctor is like forming an onion. The information is learned in layers, you are not expected to be at the resident level as a student. It takes time to feel confident and competent. That's why you have residency. I had those feelings when I was a 3rd year student and definitely as an intern. You get through it, your attendings help you, and one day you realize that you know what you are doing and are safe. I think the scariest time is right after graduating residency in the first job because there you are expected to make decisions and you don't that that fall back support you had in the residency program. It gets better. We all have been ther.

 

[DO2015CA]

Trust the process

 

[Rekt]

About to finish first year. Feel like I know nothing.

 

[DrDreams]

I used to feel that way. Then i started seeing patients sporadically and treating them. I was actually very very hesitant the first time. But a second year basically threw me into a room with a patient. I thought i didnt have the skills to use omt, what questions to ask etc. But after the first couple questions it all began coming together.

I still have those doubts here and there but i no longer pay attention to them. Because over my first year, i learned many things about myself and found myself developing a capacity for things i thought i never could have overcome. So you realize, that feeling of being the doc and being in charge doesnt just come one day, but its a gradual building process. I would like to say that eventually we stop thinking about those thoughts and reflect back on how we once thought we were incapable of achieving what we actually will be then.

I hope that makes sense. This was a very troubling thing for me because until i started seeing patients i felt like a ****ty student doctor. Just turns out i was/an not a ****ty doctor but just a student doctor.

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