Anyone feel like medicine is affecting your overall quality of life and happiness?

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dkgrubby

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So this is not your common question. My question revolves around achieving your career goals specifically in medicine. As you guys know medicine is demanding, even preparing to get into a program is demanding and its affecting my overall life.

There are alot of things that contribute to this, but overall the source is not getting a career yet. It is a vicious cycle. Let me explain. I am trying to get into a program, but I am not achieving my goal, which in turn makes me grumpy, edgy, and overall irritated. I say until I get my career then I will have the time to do certain things I have always wanted to do such as jiu jitsu, mma, and travel the world. People say you can do that right now, but I don't have enough money and time for that right now. Its basically I am putting my life on hold to achieve this goal. Then my other friends who majored in accounting, computer science, and engineer are doing very well fresh out of college, while I am trying to get accepted into a program. They are living the adult life and seem to be happy while I am working low end medical assistant job, scraping by which makes me jealous and irritated.

So this adds a bit to my irritation since I have not reach that point. Then my grumpiness affects my friendships, friends say they see me as a grumpy person now when I used to be very happy person in undergrad. Getting in and getting career is only thing on my mind and is the source of my problem. My parents are on my back constantly, seeing their friends kids having careers already (people majored in accounting, engineer, comp sci), while I am trying to get into a program. They put me down and comparing me to them which just irritates me even more, so I just shut myself in my room and don't talk to them, specifically my dad (he is the one that irritates me the most). My love life is non-existent is because all I am doing is taking classes and working health related job, to improve my apps. With all of this added, I come off as irritated and grumpy, so in turn I close myself off and just become more closed off because people don't understand. I keep telling myself, once I get into a program and get started on my career then I will be able to do what I want in life. Does anyone feel this way? What is the best way to handle this? Is this common for people pursuing medicine?

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Nah just treat it like a job. If u r having trouble being happy and managing time, then u might wanna try a diff career field. It is a demanding, challenging, and time consuming field but it shouldn't suck ur happiness or quality of life.


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You can't compare yourself to your peers.

I'm in the same boat as a nontrad. Most of my friends work in banking/finance. My closest college buddy lives in Metro America, in a nice ass high-rise, and drives a BMW in his young 20 somethings. Now, I'm not saying these things are the end-all, be-all but my point is that he lives comfortably the way he wants to live.

Meanwhile, I'm working just above minimum wage. Because I love medicine and can't see myself doing anything else, I'm able to get to bed at night. For me, there's a greater purpose.

The best way to handle this, and possibly the hardest part, is to be sure that you're on your own path for the right reasons. Take control of your life instead of letting everyone else do it, including your parents.
 
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Nope not a good point to be at even if many find themselves there. If you don't love it right now you should take a step back. It may be that you are just feeling burned out, but that is a VERY good reason to take some time for yourself. You can not be successful in medicine if you are already burned out. It may be that you have changed what you want in life. That is alright too. It is your life. Don't let the pressure of the world force you into something that will only make you and others miserable. It gets harder before it gets better (note I didn't say easier because I don't think it ever gets easier).
 
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What gets me by is that even though Im making crap money as a researcher I have some free time to get out and experience the world and I enjoy the work. That said my parents are very supportive and most of my friends are more miserable than me either working 80 hour weeks in banking/finance or studying their butts off in Law school or PhD programs.

Just remember that once you've got the MD you will have a near-guaranteed income and job security that will be the envy of all those guys working in highly replaceable accounting positions. And your parents will get to pull out the "my son, the doctor" card, which is every parent's dream.
 
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It's unrealistic to think that everything in your life will magically be perfect once you get in. If you're the kind of person who feels that petty, miserable and jealous because other people have something you don't then you'll continue to find people to compare yourself to:

Ugh, Sandra has her rich parents paying for med school and is going for a non-competitive specialty so she doesn't even have to work that hard. I'm here drowning in debt and killing myself trying for surgical specialties and have no time to enjoy life and that's why I'm not getting laid. Everything is awful, I should post on SDN.
 
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It's going to suck for a few years, but it's worth it in the end. I've got friends who already have jobs paying between $60-80k a year and are blowing up my news feed every weekend with pictures of them having a blast while I'm locked up studying away, and that can get really frustrating. But then I remember that, in 6 years when I'm making anywhere between $200k to $450k a year, the roles will be reversed. While I'll have the freedom to retire at 50 if I want and spend my golden years relaxing, they won't have that opportunity.

It basically comes down to this simple question: would you rather the rest of your life be good starting right now, or are you willing to have life suck for a few years but then be fantastic starting in your 30's? And that's not to say that all of med school sucks, not by a long shot. You can definitely have fun and live your life, but just not all the time. You've got to buckle down and work harder than any other profession on Earth, but if you can just deal with it and survive it, the payoff is incredible.
 
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Long term it's better to chase your dream; I went with the 80k job and ended up hating it and am back in school.

Make sure to treat yourself with an MMA class, a small road trip, or anything that's ballpark to your interests outside medicine. By doing so, you will be able to push through the term better. Google 'Positive Reinforcement', (because neuroscience).

See who's out there constantly on the grind like you are. There's definitely hyper-busy people around you who also don't like sleeping alone. Perhaps other pre-professional students?

Edit: any combo of poor sleep, diet, or exercise can really drag you down. I know it's a Captain Obvious statement, but triple check to be sure everything is squared away.

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I second everyone's feedback, comparing yourself to others will always leave you frustrated. At the risk of sounding absolutely pretentious, being a pre-med student is the perfect time to start practicing time management, which includes fitting in the fun stuff/time to unwind and relax.
 
You really have to work at not becoming obsessed with the road to medicine. Try to compartmentalize school/grades and develop other areas of your life. I didn't do that in college but I sure am making up for it this gap year (it's wonderful).
 
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Same situation for me as well OP and know your not alone. I've also had a hard time comparing myself to others because I've been so focused on getting into a program while everyone else seems to be settled into their careers already. I try to convince myself I'll be happy again once I know if and where I am going next year.
 
Find pleasure in the journey, in smaller intermediate victories.
If your satisfaction is being held hostage now, it is unlikely to to get better, even as large goals are eventually achieved.
 
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It's going to suck for a few years, but it's worth it in the end. I've got friends who already have jobs paying between $60-80k a year and are blowing up my news feed every weekend with pictures of them having a blast while I'm locked up studying away, and that can get really frustrating. But then I remember that, in 6 years when I'm making anywhere between $200k to $450k a year, the roles will be reversed. While I'll have the freedom to retire at 50 if I want and spend my golden years relaxing, they won't have that opportunity.

It basically comes down to this simple question: would you rather the rest of your life be good starting right now, or are you willing to have life suck for a few years but then be fantastic starting in your 30's? And that's not to say that all of med school sucks, not by a long shot. You can definitely have fun and live your life, but just not all the time. You've got to buckle down and work harder than any other profession on Earth, but if you can just deal with it and survive it, the payoff is incredible.
Or as I like to say, work hard now and chill for the rest of your life or chill now and work hard for the rest of your life.
 
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Don't want to be 50 with a mortgage and kids worrying about being " downsized" every year at a job. I can take chances and work hard now,being that it's just me that I have to worry about .
 
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If you aren't happy because of the career you're pursuing you should think long and hard about what you're doing. Life doesn't start once you're in med school or once you're an attending.

Lack of free time is one of your problems. Time management is the solution. I'll preface this by agreeing that comparing yourself to others is a bad idea. However, the large amount of people that can build a need med school resume while having time to live indicates that you probably can too, if you manage your time. you can study more efficiently, you just need to figure out how. Taking a gap year or two is fine and planning on that will let you lessen your ec load. You should also take a look at how much free time you have, think about how much you want, and determine if that's feasible as a physician.

Finally, you should figure out how to prevent academics and work from spilling into other areas of your life. This is a big problem for people in all professions. Whether you go into medicine or something else, figuring out how to do this is crucial for your happiness.
Good luck
 
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This is really sad, OP. I hope that things do work out for you - in medicine or otherwise.

You have one life, it is yours and no one else's. Even if you do get into medical school, you will have 4 years of debt and then 2-7 years of entry level wages that you will compare to your peers and lose every time. If your choices aren't making you happy, you gotta make the choices you feel will make you happier in the long run. Your past, present, and future self are all depending on you to make the right decision, medicine or not.

So this is not your common question. My question revolves around achieving your career goals specifically in medicine. As you guys know medicine is demanding, even preparing to get into a program is demanding and its affecting my overall life.

There are alot of things that contribute to this, but overall the source is not getting a career yet. It is a vicious cycle. Let me explain. I am trying to get into a program, but I am not achieving my goal, which in turn makes me grumpy, edgy, and overall irritated. I say until I get my career then I will have the time to do certain things I have always wanted to do such as jiu jitsu, mma, and travel the world. People say you can do that right now, but I don't have enough money and time for that right now. Its basically I am putting my life on hold to achieve this goal. Then my other friends who majored in accounting, computer science, and engineer are doing very well fresh out of college, while I am trying to get accepted into a program. They are living the adult life and seem to be happy while I am working low end medical assistant job, scraping by which makes me jealous and irritated.

So this adds a bit to my irritation since I have not reach that point. Then my grumpiness affects my friendships, friends say they see me as a grumpy person now when I used to be very happy person in undergrad. Getting in and getting career is only thing on my mind and is the source of my problem. My parents are on my back constantly, seeing their friends kids having careers already (people majored in accounting, engineer, comp sci), while I am trying to get into a program. They put me down and comparing me to them which just irritates me even more, so I just shut myself in my room and don't talk to them, specifically my dad (he is the one that irritates me the most). My love life is non-existent is because all I am doing is taking classes and working health related job, to improve my apps. With all of this added, I come off as irritated and grumpy, so in turn I close myself off and just become more closed off because people don't understand. I keep telling myself, once I get into a program and get started on my career then I will be able to do what I want in life. Does anyone feel this way? What is the best way to handle this? Is this common for people pursuing medicine?
 
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Honestly I agree with a lot of what OP is feeling, but no one said the road would be easy, and unfortunately sometimes sacrifices in many different forms must be made. I know this is what I want to do with my life, and in the end it will all be worth it, hopefully the OP feels the same way. But to say the past 1.5 years since I graduated and have been trying to get into medical school haven't been downright miserable would be a lie.

Will make the eventual acceptance that much sweeter :)
 
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medicine makes everybody grumpy and irritable lol. I'd say you have to start doing things for you now, because things only get harder when you actually get to med school. First it's the stress of getting into school, then its boards 2nd year, then its grades and boards again third year, getting residency applications ready, actually matching, etc. If you keep yourself on this path of holding out on life until you achieve all your goals, youre gonna be in your late 20s or early 30s very confused on what happened to your life. Also jiu-jitsu is super fun and a great way to de-stress, highly recommend finding yourself a good reputable academy and getting into it.
 
So this is not your common question. My question revolves around achieving your career goals specifically in medicine. As you guys know medicine is demanding, even preparing to get into a program is demanding and its affecting my overall life.

There are alot of things that contribute to this, but overall the source is not getting a career yet. It is a vicious cycle. Let me explain. I am trying to get into a program, but I am not achieving my goal, which in turn makes me grumpy, edgy, and overall irritated. I say until I get my career then I will have the time to do certain things I have always wanted to do such as jiu jitsu, mma, and travel the world. People say you can do that right now, but I don't have enough money and time for that right now. Its basically I am putting my life on hold to achieve this goal. Then my other friends who majored in accounting, computer science, and engineer are doing very well fresh out of college, while I am trying to get accepted into a program. They are living the adult life and seem to be happy while I am working low end medical assistant job, scraping by which makes me jealous and irritated.

So this adds a bit to my irritation since I have not reach that point. Then my grumpiness affects my friendships, friends say they see me as a grumpy person now when I used to be very happy person in undergrad. Getting in and getting career is only thing on my mind and is the source of my problem. My parents are on my back constantly, seeing their friends kids having careers already (people majored in accounting, engineer, comp sci), while I am trying to get into a program. They put me down and comparing me to them which just irritates me even more, so I just shut myself in my room and don't talk to them, specifically my dad (he is the one that irritates me the most). My love life is non-existent is because all I am doing is taking classes and working health related job, to improve my apps. With all of this added, I come off as irritated and grumpy, so in turn I close myself off and just become more closed off because people don't understand. I keep telling myself, once I get into a program and get started on my career then I will be able to do what I want in life. Does anyone feel this way? What is the best way to handle this? Is this common for people pursuing medicine?
if you are this grumpy and this unhappy about trying to get into med school, how will you behave when you are an intern making chicken scrap while a million people breath down your neck?
 
If you're unhappy before medical school I assure you an acceptance is unlikely to be a permanent solution
 
Biggest problem is that your friends and family (and also, you) are comparing you to other people in totally different fields. I've tried to make sure that people in my life understand that medicine is a field of delayed gratification, that I love it regardless of how long it takes, that I see it as something worth doing in a level that transcends "normal" progression through adult milestones, that my focus on my work now doesn't mean that I don't intend to settle down and get married and that it just requires more focus at a younger age than some other careers. My loved ones basically know what medicine entails and have learned to find joy with me in pursuing my passion though the small victories required all along the way. For example I just got hired as a medical assistant for my gap year and everyone I know was almost as excited as I was about it - they recognized that it was an opportunity for me to get more involved in something I love.

It's a tough situation to be in, and I definitely understand the cycle of frustration resulting from the constant stress of school pressures and expectations from others. Do your best to let your family know why medicine is important to you and why it doesn't look like you're as far along as others your age. By this same token, you yourself need to understand the method to the madness in medicine, which will keep you from getting too discouraged by comparing yourself to your peers who are on very different trajectories. If some self reflection reveals that it's more important to you to move on with your life rather than pursue medicine, maybe try evaluating some less educationally demanding careers - there's a lot out there you'd probably like. If you do continue with medicine, understand that although difficult, your pursuit is a noble one that will have the potential to help a lot of people.
 
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I am a medical graduate. I've decided to apply to grad schools to study neuroscience, which has always been my passion even before medical school. Additional incentives include the free time it'll permit me to pursue other interests such as writing, traveling and enjoying the arts. I figured the satisfaction which comes from doing what you love will compensate for the pay if it's lower than that of a typical MD. I also believe that one should enjoy life while young, since I have a funny feeling about enjoying good times people enjoyed when they were ten years younger.

While in med school, my interest in surgery grew. I'll call that a secondary passion. The lifestyle, physician burnout and lack of free time made me jettison the idea of going into a surgical residency.
Reading an earlier post on this thread about enduring a choosing between a good life all through and a few rough years followed by a fantastic time afterwards, with the prospect of retiring early, made me think of residency. Possibly, the huge pay I'll get as an attending, would drive me on and the fact that residents earn better than grad students.
I just don't want to be sucked into the 80 hour grueling work week and acting like a robot, whose fuel of motivation on stressful days and at hours when my other passions scream of neglect, is the thought of earning more than my non-physician friends and the thought of a luxurious autumn.

Any thoughts?
 
I'm going to echo gyngyn's sentiment. The path to becoming a practicing physician is SO long, I don't think you serve yourself well even by being good at practicing delayed satisfaction. You have to take satisfaction in the process itself. As a premed, enjoy the college social scene, learning things you'll probably never take the time to learn again, spending your time in service/volunteering that you enjoy, etc. The mentality of just holding off happiness until you finish doesn't work, and I suspect people who do so end up not being happy even once they "make it". I'm looking at 15-21 years (depending on +/- chief and fellowship specifics) of post high school training before I "make it". That /is/ your life, not a period of waiting until you /start/ your life
 
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Find some sort of enjoyment along the journey. If nothing else and you can't find the happiness and pleasure in the thought of getting into/graduating medical school to start medicine you might need to step back. Prevent burn out and re-evaluate to ensure this is the career choice for you before you end up in school hating life.
 
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