Applying to pharmacy school, husband is reluctant

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yukicat

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I am looking forward to grad school, but my husband who is a truck driver is not thrilled of this. He obviously doesn't have an education, and I think he is threatened. This is going to be a big sacrifice for both of us, financially and emotionally, and I have been warned that it probably won't be good for our marriage.

I appreciate anyone who has gone through a similar situation, or knows of one. I am ready for the challenge, but not sure that he is!

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I am looking forward to grad school, but my husband who is a truck driver is not thrilled of this. He obviously doesn't have an education, and I think he is threatened. This is going to be a big sacrifice for both of us, financially and emotionally, and I have been warned that it probably won't be good for our marriage.

I appreciate anyone who has gone through a similar situation, or knows of one. I am ready for the challenge, but not sure that he is!

My SO isn't "educated", but he's been extremely supportive of me moving away for school this fall. Then again, you guys are married, so it's a little different. Maybe he's not too keen on just rooting up everything and going somewhere else for four years (if you have to leave where you currently live for school). It's also a lot of debt to take on these days, and that'll be his debt too. Do y'all have kids? Those are things that make it more complicated than my situation.

If he's just being a jerk and can't support you because of his insecurities though, that's another thing.
 
At the end of the day, living for someone else / something else will make you unhappy and/or resentful. Probably the only exception I could add here is that if you have children relying on your income that will be neglected in any way by the choice to pursue pharmacy then it could be irresponsible to do so.

Aside... follow your dream / passion.
 
At the end of the day, living for someone else / something else will make you unhappy and/or resentful. Probably the only exception I could add here is that if you have children relying on your income that will be neglected in any way by the choice to pursue pharmacy then it could be irresponsible to do so.

Aside... follow your dream / passion.

I agree with passion4pharm. :eek:;):D
 
I am looking forward to grad school, but my husband who is a truck driver is not thrilled of this. He obviously doesn't have an education, and I think he is threatened. This is going to be a big sacrifice for both of us, financially and emotionally, and I have been warned that it probably won't be good for our marriage.

I appreciate anyone who has gone through a similar situation, or knows of one. I am ready for the challenge, but not sure that he is!

Obviously :rolleyes:? Have some respect for your hubby. I'm a female and I'm all for education, however try to put yourself in his place and understand his concern. Hope you guys work things out. Good luck.
 
How often does *that* happen!?


I agree with you most of the time, but I don't usually post those "I agree" type messages. But really I was just having some fun with your name, cuz you said do what you have a passion for and passion is in your name, except it says sci not pharm....it made more sense last night. :laugh:
 
My SO isn't "educated", but he's been extremely supportive of me moving away for school this fall. Then again, you guys are married, so it's a little different. Maybe he's not too keen on just rooting up everything and going somewhere else for four years (if you have to leave where you currently live for school). It's also a lot of debt to take on these days, and that'll be his debt too. Do y'all have kids? Those are things that make it more complicated than my situation.

If he's just being a jerk and can't support you because of his insecurities though, that's another thing.

Wait, so you havent even started school yet and already brushing off ops concerns ? :rolleyes: Aside from relatively straighforward first year, pharmacy school is hell ( at least my school is living hell) and she has all the reasons to be concerned for her marriage, especially if her husband lacks education. Not because that somehow makes him a lesser man, but because realistically he will have no comprehension or slightest idea what incredulous academic pressures are on her and how much time she will have to invest into studying.

I dont mean no disrespect, but I seen so many "supportive" sos and supportive fiances right amongst when we were starting school and what do I see 2 years
later ? People with broken engagements and broken relationships, depressed, fighting or going for weeks without seeing their sos. We are talking about people struggling in 5-7 year serious long term relationships, not 6 months quickie type. My own 6 year relationship suffered, we even had to start
sleeping in separate rooms because our schedules we so different: I would
leave home by 8 am and be back by 2 am often, he would work relatively normal 11 to 8 shift and we would go for a week in a row without so much as seeing each other.

As much as her so may internally want to be supportive, things like this or the lack of family time, change of pace, change of household routine ( my bf had
to start cooking, grocery shopping and doing my laundry for me during my
second year because I had so little time) ultimately do take a toll and she has all the reasons to be concerned.
 
I'm a P4 (yay!) with a somewhat similar situation. My husband has been dragged through multiple moves and years of higher education with me; he has a lot less education than I do but the difference is that he has been relatively supportive. Even with him being on board with everything, it can be quite difficult at times, particularly because your husband will not be able to understand what you are going through. So I would prepare yourself for some tough times, especially if your husband is not enthused with the idea.

On the other hand, I agree with others that said you will become resentful if you do not follow your dreams. I am also a big proponent of women being able to support themselves without the help of a man, so I would consider whether you will be able to financially support yourself without the education if something should happen to your marriage/husband (god forbid). :luck:
 
Tell him to man up. I'm married with a 2 year old and I'm a P-3 and there are plenty of other married people with kids in the program. The first year is tough but after that you have a relatively normal schedule that would be no different than if you were working a 9-5. Oh and you'll probably be making more money in a more meaningful way... pitch it to him that way.
 
Wait, so you havent even started school yet and already brushing off ops concerns ? :rolleyes:

Huh? I was just looking at the situation in different contexts bc she didn't give much background. Yes, she has every right to be concerned if it's because he wouldn't understand how much school will be a priority and take up her time. On the other hand, there are guys who won't be supportive just because they can't handle being with a woman having more education or making more money, and I was pointing out that not all uneducated guys are like that. I wanted to get more info out of the OP so we could give a better response. If somehow that came across as "brushing off" that definitely wasn't the intention.
 
At the end of the day, living for someone else / something else will make you unhappy and/or resentful. Probably the only exception I could add here is that if you have children relying on your income that will be neglected in any way by the choice to pursue pharmacy then it could be irresponsible to do so.

Aside... follow your dream / passion.

I have been in a relationship like this, it didn't last in part because he couldn't get past not being needed (which is BS, money does not = utility). While you can't live for others, you are married and have to consider the opinions of your spouse. That is the commitment you made when you got married. My hubby is very "evolved" in terms of gender roles and he still struggles with the fact that I am more educated and more successful in my career than he is at this time. Our earning balance may shift at some point but it's likely that I will always earn more than him. But we both knew that when we got involved with each other in the first place.

Consider what his fears are and try to show him how your overall QoL will improve if you are in a career you enjoy and making better money. Hopefully you can reach a mutually agreeable decision. Being considerate of his fears will go a long way.
 
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