Discuss.
Attractive faculty/mentor
- Thread starter psych844
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Well, at times it is hard being ridiculously good looking, but I get by.
That is very funny because I was going to add "No..this thread isn't about WisNeuro".
I was doing research for which programs I'd apply to, then came on to this profile..and my decision was made.
http://www.latzmanlab.com/dr-robert-latzman/
http://www.latzmanlab.com/dr-robert-latzman/
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It's something you simply learn to deal with so that it doesn't affect your ability to remain professional.
Or at least it's very, very important that you work at doing so, particularly while still in training. The consequences of inappropriate behaviors toward an attractive supervisee/trainee, employee, or patient when you're a licensed professional are pretty stringent. Much more so than while you're a student. Becoming aware of those feelings and learning what to do with them, at least in my opinion, is any important part of professional self-discovery (just as is learning to appreciate and respond to the feelings different patients may invoke).
Or at least it's very, very important that you work at doing so, particularly while still in training. The consequences of inappropriate behaviors toward an attractive supervisee/trainee, employee, or patient when you're a licensed professional are pretty stringent. Much more so than while you're a student. Becoming aware of those feelings and learning what to do with them, at least in my opinion, is any important part of professional self-discovery (just as is learning to appreciate and respond to the feelings different patients may invoke).
But on a more serious note. I don't know if this is odd, and not that I can't control myself obviously, but if possible, I prefer to work with people that I don't find that attractive. It's simply less stressful ,and my focus would be better, and things would be less awkward.
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It's like working with your cousin/brother/sister/etc. While you can objectively acknowledge that a person is attractive, it really shouldn't have any bearing on the personal or professional relationships. There are huge consequences if that isn't the case.
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deleted343839
I'm sure that's true, though this is the exact same reason people give for not wanting to work with people who are different or special to them in any number of ways (sexual orientation, ethnicity, disability, etc.). It's not odd to prefer that you always feel comfortable around your colleagues. But it's unrealistic to expect that it will happen, and it's better in the long run to examine your own beliefs that undermine your professionalism (a lot of them start with "I can't help...").
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This happens in therapy as well. There are attractive people in the world, and they suffer from the same issues as everyone else so attraction will be part of a dynamic that you have to learn to acknowledge and work through. A person's looks shouldnt be a reason for, or against, you working with them.
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I'm upset that this thread wasn't about me.
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Ways to tell someone hasn't met me yet.
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deleted343839
Agreed. Though I'd rather be attracted to a patient than to be the object of a patient's attraction.
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Many faculty have a big enough head as is, being attractive will probably make them unbearable.
On a more serious note, attractiveness is highly correlated with youth. If you have younger faculty then you are more likely to be attracted to them. Stay away from younger faculty and you will be fine. Though, I will say I was a bit surprised by this:
On a side note, I generally feel bad for young, unattached faculty members. The pick'ens are slim for romantic prospects at work. The examples I have heard about where faculty and grad students (more recently, not the 70s/80s) becoming romantically involved have often ended poorly.
On a more serious note, attractiveness is highly correlated with youth. If you have younger faculty then you are more likely to be attracted to them. Stay away from younger faculty and you will be fine. Though, I will say I was a bit surprised by this:
To me, attractiveness is highly based on personality. I don't stay away from people with attractive personalities.
On a side note, I generally feel bad for young, unattached faculty members. The pick'ens are slim for romantic prospects at work. The examples I have heard about where faculty and grad students (more recently, not the 70s/80s) becoming romantically involved have often ended poorly.
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The number of times that still happens is amazing to me- or how often it happens in questionable circumstances. And not at junky schools- big name R1 schools that I see mentioned on here fairly regularly.
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I believe it. I've seen it and its almost bound to happen in any big name program with an unattached younger faculty (unfortunately, from what I hear its usually a male faculty member).
To be young and high achieving enough to secure a position in a big R1 often means sacrificing resources for close relationships or perhaps never developing important relationships skills. Once you get to Big Name RI school and start looking around, all your coworkers are old and attached. The people closest to your age and happen to have a lot in common are students. It can work out, I have seen older example of it working out but not a lot recently. Even if you have 2 people that really match well, the obstacles faced by grad students and new faculty members are often too difficult to maintain a relationship.
Of course, there is also those faculty members that seem to consistently have this problem.
To the OP, if you find yourself in a program where a faculty member is romantically interested in you, RUN!
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If you start the sex with "This is NOT what to do.." I've heard you get a pass from the ethics board.In what circumstances is this NOT questionable?
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In what circumstances is this NOT questionable?
Technically....if they're a grad student in another department perhaps? Or have recently graduated? That's about all I've got.
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deleted343839
I can name multiple faculty at my R1 school who had sexual relationships with undergraduate and/or graduate students. Happens so often you'd think no one had a problem with it.
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When it's wuv, twue wuv- obviously.In what circumstances is this NOT questionable?
Ditto. I've watched first hand as multiple professors ask grad students they are actively teaching on dates, start serious relationships with them, etc.I can name multiple faculty at my R1 school who had sexual relationships with undergraduate and/or graduate students. Happens so often you'd think no one had a problem with it.
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Can't agree more.
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You don't go to the grocery store when you're hungry. There's probably a similar phrase for strip clubs and deciding if you should take that woman home from the bar.
If your needs are met, you can make decisions much more clearly.
(this is the most subtle thing I have ever written here)
If your needs are met, you can make decisions much more clearly.
(this is the most subtle thing I have ever written here)
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Let's be real here (and not so derogatory to the female sex)...or deciding if you should take Magic Mike home from that "strip club."
When I first started my doctoral program, one of my mentors was an extreme hottie (much like Channing Tatum but better...), brains, body, looks, and an Australian accent to boot (well, not really Australia but that's my attempt to deidentify this post).
However, he was an awfully good mentor and we would spend hours talking about our research. But, alas, he was married with child, and so was I.
I don't think he ever knew I thought he was a hottie (or at least, he was quite modest about his beauty and brains) but it was good that several in my cohort empathized with my plight. I still look at my CV and think fondly of how I would walk away from lab meetings like "multiple regression, who?"
Your safest bet is this:
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haha. Got a good laugh from your post.
I was lucky enough to be taught Human Sexuality by one of the best Sexologists in North America..and it was eye opening to hear that women on average have approx. a similar amount of sexual desire as men...and yes, they do get "turned on" by physical look just like men.
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Wasn't trying to be derogatory to women at all. There are strip clubs for men, women, trans, and pretty much any sexual orientation out there.
As for taking a woman home, my only personal experience is with women. The incredible majority of my single female friends are gay, so my frame of reference is the same.
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Got it. Thanks for the claification. I was reading it like you would take the women working in strip clubs home (who, by the way, like to be called "adult entertainers" in the PC world...some of my former BFFs worked in strip clubs...waaaaaaay back in the day). Regardless, Magic Mike and my former mentor are still hotties.
Have a great day, folks! Until we meet again during my late-night jumping-to-conclusions-insomnia fits (as I wonder what the heck do I have to be an insomniac over now?!?).
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One of the best supervisors that I ever had was extremely attractive. I don't think it ever really got in the way of my listening to her and I think it also helped me to learn to stay focused on what someone is saying and maintaining professionality despite sexual feelings or even thoughts. Patients can be attractive for a variety of reasons, not just sexual. I had one kid I worked with who reminded me of myself when I was their age and at times it was hard to not become his buddy because we had such similar perspective and interests. There is also the wanting to adopt the cute little kids who need a family.
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deleted656923
This sounds incredibly scandalous...and sexy!
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That's part of why, in spite of my love for interacting/working with kids, I do not plan to specialize in working with them - too hard to see incredibly dysfunctional family systems where you're limited in how much you can help the kid without taking them out of that system.
