Being Forced Into Medicine

[Striving4greatness]

Here's some background information: My parents came to America in the late 80's and met each other here and had me and my other two siblings. I am the middle child and just finished my freshman year of college.Growing up my parents (mainly my dad) has always been really strict and centered around getting good grades with the intention of going to medical school. My dad was very poor when he came to America and worked his way up in life to become a pharmacist .Since we were children, my siblings and I were told that we would become doctors and if we didn't we would not have a stable career in life. But as I have grown up I have noticed that my parents are always comparing me to other Nigerian children many of whom are becoming doctors or other related careers.I interned at a hospital for four months and never felt moved to go into medicine. After telling my dad this he told me that I was stupid and he would not listen to my reservations. It seems as though my dad is focused on the prestige of being a doctor rather than lifetime happiness that I want.

I really like dentistry but my father doesn't want me to pursue that . I like dentistry because of the favorable hours and I find it interesting in general. When I was younger, we never went to the dentist. Coming from Nigeria, my parents did not know the importance of dental health. The first time I went to the dentist was when I was 12 years old. For some people, going to the dentist is very scary. It was never like that for me. Me and my siblings looked forward to going to the dentist because our teeth were so bad. I had seven baby teeth that needed to be extracted. It was terrible being embarrassed to smile because of how my teeth looked before. After my dentist took out my baby teeth, I gained a lot of confidence. I was happy to smile and enjoyed going back for regular visits. The whole experience opened my eyes to dentistry. I always thought of how great it would be to do the same for someone else. What makes me shy away from medicine is the fact that you can work your butt off with the hopes of getting into a certain specialty and still not match. I couldn't imagine matching into a field you don't like and being stuck doing something you're unhappy with. I also don't like the fact that for most of not all specialties, you are on call. I feel as though the hours you get called to work can be very strenuous and tiresome. With dentistry, you are not on call and whether you choose to specialize or not, you will be a dentist at the end of the day. Personal time is also important to me. After working hard in school, I feel physicians/dentists should be able to enjoy the fruits of their labor. With dentistry the hours are great and I would be allowed time with my family.
Shadowing will help me come to a decision. I have done a lot of research and have not found a medical specialty that interests me (maybe OB/GYN). Out of the specialties in dentistry, I like Oral and Maxillofacial surgery and Orthodontics. I am planning on applying to SMDEP summer internship in the fall. I really feel it will further help me come to a decision about what is best for me.
Part of the problem is the pressure we are in as Nigerian children. Many believe that if you are not a physician, you are a failure. They don't open their eyes to the vast field of healthcare. I dislike how my parents compare me to other African children. They like to show off and it's like a competition comparing who is the "best" Also dentists graduate with a doctorate making them Dr's as well but my dad doesn't care. I finished the fall semester with a 4.0 and and 3.9 in the spring. I'm currently taking classes that are prerequisites for dentistry and medicine since they are the same thing. My question is, what should I do if I'm being forced into medicine? What if my parents do not let me shadow a dentists? Is my situation normal? How do I persuade my parents to let me do what I want?

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[Advance]

It's your life and your career. Pick the field you want.

 

[fayevalentine]

What is your concern? Do you parents support you financially? My advice would be get a job, move out, and make your own choices.

 

[GypsyHummus]

Show them how much dentists can make owning their own practice. dents working 4 day/week still pull in like 200k/year. It's ridiculous.

 

[Cello]

Your parents do not live your life, you do. You are not likely to convince them of anything other than what they think is best for you. In their misguided way they really do care about your happiness and leading a good life. It will be difficult to stand up to your parents, but much easier than a lifetime spent in the wrong career. They can not force you to do anything.

 

[deleted642351]

Your parents sound like mine! Against my father's wishes, I got a different degree before coming around to medical school. He wasn't exactly supportive of me, but didn't disown me either. It seems like a lot of the advice here is to do whatever you want, but that doesn't really get at the complexity of your relationship with your parents. I'd say that you should open a discussion with your parents. Oral and maxillofacial surgery is very similar to a medical specialty, so having an honest discussion about your concerns could be fruitful.

The other thing I want to say is that there are a lot of different specialties in medicine, so I wouldn't count out finding something you like so early on. On top of that, you might find motivations to pursue medicine stemming from something other than interest in a specialty, so don't feel too disheartened if you are actually "forced" to apply.

Finally, I hope you can apply to dentistry school, because you've got a damn fine personal statement and good grades. Good luck to you! Feel free to send me a message directly if you'd like to talk more.

 

[florida561]

I agree with standing up to your parents. If they care about you, they will understand your choices.

Here's a cheeky answer:
If you're looking for a less confrontational route, tell your parents you plan to pursue OMFS which will give an MD degree. Once you're in dental school, the choice is yours.

 

[Cello]

Your parents sound like mine! Against my father's wishes, I got a different degree before coming around to medical school. He wasn't exactly supportive of me, but didn't disown me either. It seems like a lot of the advice here is to do whatever you want, but that doesn't really get at the complexity of your relationship with your parents. I'd say that you should open a discussion with your parents. Oral and maxillofacial surgery is very similar to a medical specialty, so having an honest discussion about your concerns could be fruitful.

To be an OMFS, one should actually want to be an oral surgeon. Both for the good of the patient, and the good of the practitioner. It would be unwise to go to dental school with the mindset that you will become an OMFS just to get an MD and appease your parents. A life spent in the pursuit of pleasing others is a life headed for emotional ruin.

The other thing I want to say is that there are a lot of different specialties in medicine, so I wouldn't count out finding something you like so early on. On top of that, you might find motivations to pursue medicine stemming from something other than interest in a specialty, so don't feel too disheartened if you are actually "forced" to apply.

OP is not forced to apply to medical school. Period. Frankly, the idea that someone would become a physician when they have expressed no interest gives me great concern for how they may care for their potential future patients.

 

[Advance]

To be an OMFS, one should actually want to be an oral surgeon. Both for the good of the patient, and the good of the practitioner. It would be unwise to go to dental school with the mindset that you will become an OMFS just to get an MD and appease your parents. A life spent in the pursuit of pleasing others is a life headed for emotional ruin.



OP is not forced to apply to medical school. Period. Frankly, the idea that someone would become a physician when they have expressed no interest gives me great concern for how they may care for their potential future patients.

This.
The story of my life.

 

[striving4greatness90]

I agree with standing up to your parents. If they care about you, they will understand your choices.

Here's a cheeky answer:
If you're looking for a less confrontational route, tell your parents you plan to pursue OMFS which will give an MD degree. Once you're in dental school, the choice is yours.

I think that idea will work. By then I will know if I even have the grades/board scores to match into OMFS and if I will even like it

 

[striving4greatness90]

To be an OMFS, one should actually want to be an oral surgeon. Both for the good of the patient, and the good of the practitioner. It would be unwise to go to dental school with the mindset that you will become an OMFS just to get an MD and appease your parents. A life spent in the pursuit of pleasing others is a life headed for emotional ruin.



OP is not forced to apply to medical school. Period. Frankly, the idea that someone would become a physician when they have expressed no interest gives me great concern for how they may care for their potential future patients.

Im not going to dental school with that mindset. I am only saying that to my parents in order for them to let me go to dental school. Once I am in dental school, I will then decide if I even want to specialize and by then if I dont want to, it will be too late for my parents to even do anything.

 

[schmoob]

I think you and your parents are misunderstood. I understand there are cultural differences, but the first thing that needs to happen is to adapt the mindset that your parents have no power with regards to "allowing you" to go to dental school. They actually have no say in the matter at all. You are not being forced into medicine by any means. That's not to say that your folks aren't pressuring you, but they are not forcing you.
I know what you're thinking: "you don't know my parents..."
You're right, I don't. I know you don't want to disappoint them by not making them happy, but they're disappointing you by not supporting your career decision.
So let's think of a few scenarios:
-You go against your parents wishes, follow your dreams, go to dental school and piss off your old man. You become become a dentist. You enjoy all of the rewards dentistry have over medicine and you are happy. Your parents see you are happy and financially successful, so now they're happy. Plus, their son is a doctor.
-You decide to give in and go to medicine. You finish school and get a residency you are not necessarily happy with. Now you are stuck in that field and hate it. Your folks are happy for now because their son is a doctor. You resent them for not supporting your goal of becoming a dentist, and now you may have a strained relationship with them. Now you're a physician that has invested over 10 years post high school; are you going to go back to dental school? Not likely.

Your father is trying to achieve his dream of being a physician through you; as his own success. If you do not become one, then he may consider it HIS failure and resent you for it, temporarily. But that's not fair on his part.

Follow your dreams. Do not lie to your parents. Educate them on the profession, and be firm. Go become an awesome dentist. Believe it or not, they cannot stop you. Seriously, what's the worst they can do? They'll get over it.

I'm sorry you're in this position, but be strong, stand your ground, and do what makes YOU happy.

 

[florida561]

I think that idea will work. By then I will know if I even have the grades/board scores to match into OMFS and if I will even like it

Sit them down and show them you've thought and planned this out. They're worried about your future and if you can ease their worries, they'll be more likely to respect your decision.

 

[striving4greatness90]

I think you and your parents are misunderstood. I understand there are cultural differences, but the first thing that needs to happen is to adapt the mindset that your parents have no power with regards to "allowing you" to go to dental school. They actually have no say in the matter at all. You are not being forced into medicine by any means. That's not to say that your folks aren't pressuring you, but they are not forcing you.
I know what you're thinking: "you don't know my parents..."
You're right, I don't. I know you don't want to disappoint them by not making them happy, but they're disappointing you by not supporting your career decision.
So let's think of a few scenarios:
-You go against your parents wishes, follow your dreams, go to dental school and piss off your old man. You become become a dentist. You enjoy all of the rewards dentistry have over medicine and you are happy. Your parents see you are happy and financially successful, so now they're happy. Plus, their son is a doctor.
-You decide to give in and go to medicine. You finish school and get a residency you are not necessarily happy with. Now you are stuck in that field and hate it. Your folks are happy for now because their son is a doctor. You resent them for not supporting your goal of becoming a dentist, and now you may have a strained relationship with them. Now you're a physician that has invested over 10 years post high school; are you going to go back to dental school? Not likely.

Your father is trying to achieve his dream of being a physician through you; as his own success. If you do not become one, then he may consider it HIS failure and resent you for it, temporarily. But that's not fair on his part.

Follow your dreams. Do not lie to your parents. Educate them on the profession, and be firm. Go become an awesome dentist. Believe it or not, they cannot stop you. Seriously, what's the worst they can do? They'll get over it.

I'm sorry you're in this position, but be strong, stand your ground, and do what makes YOU happy.

This is the type of advice Ive been needing!! Thank you for understanding sir.
In order to appease them I said that I would shadow both dentistry/medicine to figure out which one I truly love. Even though I know the answer is dentistry, I dont want to waste time at a medical doctors office. I think they keep pushing medicine because that is the only thing they know. I dont know why they wont listen to me when I try to educate them about dentistry. A DENTIST IS A DOCTOR!

 

[schmoob]

This is the type of advice Ive been needing!! Thank you for understanding sir.
In order to appease them I said that I would shadow both dentistry/medicine to figure out which one I truly love. Even though I know the answer is dentistry, I dont want to waste time at a medical doctors office. I think they keep pushing medicine because that is the only thing they know. I dont know why they wont listen to me when I try to educate them about dentistry. A DENTIST IS A DOCTOR!

Not a problem!
The reason they don't understand is because they simply don't know. They are the parents and you are their child, so naturally they think they know more. That's a similarity on many cultures at all ages.
They really do want the best for you, but they just aren't as informed on the profession as you are.
If you've made up your mind, pursue dentistry. Don't waste any more time shadowing physicians; time that can be better spent being more preparing yourself for the profession you choose. You'll have more dental shadowing hours, more dental EC's, and maybe even some dental research; an overall stronger candidate. Besides, the sooner you do this, the better because they are going to expect you to take your MCATs. The sooner they come to terms with it, the better it will be for everyone.
Think about this: What would your parents say if you got into Harvard or Columbia dental? Would they still be disappointed?

 

[striving4greatness90]

What would your parents say if you got into Harvard or Columbia dental? Would they still be disappointed?

lol I wouldnt mind being accepted to either of those! But that tuition......YIKES.... Thank god I live in Texas! And no they would not mind at all.

 

[1passbbsSHAVE]

It's your life and your career. Pick the field you want.

people from outside of his life can say this easily.

 

[Advance]

people from outside of his life can say this easily.

Although my parents support my decision to be a dentist there are other aspects of my life that they don't support.
My happiness > pleasing others. Always.

 

[Socolaphile]

They have their chance to live their lives, now it's time for you to live yours.

Have you show your parents the income of a dentist yet? Better yet, show them dental specialist' income.

 

[Cello]

people from outside of his life can say this easily.

This comment assumes that we have not also had to disappoint the people we love in our own lives.

 

[striving4greatness90]

They have their chance to live their lives, now it's time for you to live yours.

Have you show your parents the income of a dentist yet? Better yet, show them dental specialist' income.

Yes, my dad was saying that oral surgery is where the money is. He doesn't realize how hard it is to get into that yet alone the grades I would need to warrant a residency. But since he thinks it is so simple to pick a residency, hopefully he will let me go to dental school and then I will do what I love after. His naivety will be my ticket into dental school. Hopefully....

 

[NutritionIllinois]

My grandpa had the same problem with his dad. So my grandpa told him that he wanted to be an oral surgeon. When phrased that way, his dad was in. After dental school he became a general practitioner, and by that time his dad was already proud. Try something like that. Even if you don't plan or want to do oral surgery, tell him that is your plan. Later, hey, plans change. By that time you will be a dentist

 

[1passbbsSHAVE]

This comment assumes that we have not also had to disappoint the people we love in our own lives.

that still doesn't mean you can fully understand what's going on, how much pressure he's under.

 

[confidentandgood]

1. My question is, what should I do if I'm being forced into medicine?
2. What if my parents do not let me shadow a dentists?
3. Is my situation normal?
4. How do I persuade my parents to let me do what I want?

1. Your parents sound like rational people, even if they come across as harsh or unforgiving. I grew up with immigrant parents as well, and the sheer concept of someone pursuing anything other than science, engineering, or law seemed bewildering to them. That's just how their beliefs work, but ultimately, they want you to be successful. I promise. Still, you have a responsibility to do plenty of research on your field(s) of interest, and approach them with a rational argument. You make some excellent points here. Have you tried talking to them (and this sometimes takes a few tries, I know)?
2. Why would they keep you from shadowing dentists? Do they track your whereabouts?
3. Absolutely.
4. Realize that most people who are pushed into a field without genuine interest in it regret their career choice. You persuade them by showing them that you can be successful as a dentist. I highly doubt your parents strictly refuse to accept the fact that physicians are not the only form of doctors out there. And while it's wonderful that you're pursuing oral surgery (same here!) it's important to be realistic. Achieving that level of specialization takes a lot of work. Plenty of people have what it takes. Make your parents aware of your potential.

Aside from that, keep up the great GPA and strengthen the other aspects of your application and I think you're set.

 

[schmoob]

Yes, my dad was saying that oral surgery is where the money is. He doesn't realize how hard it is to get into that yet alone the grades I would need to warrant a residency. But since he thinks it is so simple to pick a residency, hopefully he will let me go to dental school and then I will do what I love after. His naivety will be my ticket into dental school. Hopefully....

This is what you want. It's not just your parents mindset that needs to change, but it's your own as well. Chances are, they won't pay for it. And even if they do, so what? I'd rather have the debt of a TX dental grad and be happy, than be a debt free physician that hates my job.

I REALLY think you need to let go of the words "let" and "allow." If your plan is dentistry, than dad can either get on board and support your endeavors for success, or he can just deal with it and let you do your thing. Either way, it has to start with you.

Stay strong, and don't succumb to the pressure. I know it's difficult because it's your father and you love him, but this ultimately is your life and your future, not his.

 

[CMistry]

Time to act like the adult you are. Thank your parents for all they have done for you, all the success you owe to them, and tell them what you want in life. Tell them it's what you're doing, you're going to be the best at it, and you will make them proud eventually.

 

[striving4greatness90]

Why would they keep you from shadowing dentists? Do they track your whereabouts?

I'm 19 and I've never been allowed to get a job. I have a debit card but my dad monitors my account and puts no more than $10 in my account at a time. If I bought something, he would question why I bought it or tell me to return it. I don't get allowance.

It is difficult because he is very controlling and wouldn't even allow me to get my license and drive myself to school in high school. I had to ride the bus and bum rides off of friends in school.

I am supposed to get my license this this summer so I can drive myself from campus and back. During the fall and spring my sister would have to drive me everywhere since we share the same car.

That is why I say "what if they don't let me shadow a dentist"

If I don't have a car of my own or my drivers license, how would I ever get a chance to move out or find a job? This is why my situation is difficult and I don't know what to do.

 

[Cello]

that still doesn't mean you can fully understand what's going on, how much pressure he's under.

You think there won't be pressure when you have patients' welfare and lives hanging in the balance? No one here is a child anymore, and it is not up to their parents what they will do with their lives. Parents can pressure all they want, but they can not force OP to do anything. Imagine the pressure of standing up to addicts who really want their next opioid fix and they want you to grant it to them using your DEA number. Pressure comes with the territory.

 

[1passbbsSHAVE]

You think there won't be pressure when you have patients' welfare and lives hanging in the balance? No one here is a child anymore, and it is not up to their parents what they will do with their lives. Parents can pressure all they want, but they can not force OP to do anything. Imagine the pressure of standing up to addicts who really want their next opioid fix and they want you to grant it to them using your DEA number. Pressure comes with the territory.

I am not here to argue. I am just saying that it's easier to say "ef what your parents want you to do, and follow your dream" than actually do it.

There surely is pressure aspect to it, but there's also another aspect of "wanting to please" Some wants to find balance between their dream and their parents' dream. If it doesn't conflict too much, they compromise.

 

[Cello]

I'm 19 and I've never been allowed to get a job. I have a debit card but my dad monitors my account and puts no more than $10 in my account at a time. If I bought something, he would question why I bought it or tell me to return it. I don't get allowance.

It is difficult because he is very controlling and wouldn't even allow me to get my license and drive myself to school in high school. I had to ride the bus and bum rides off of friends in school.

I am supposed to get my license this this summer so I can drive myself from campus and back. During the fall and spring my sister would have to drive me everywhere since we share the same car.

That is why I say "what if they don't let me shadow a dentist"

If I don't have a car of my own or my drivers license, how would I ever get a chance to move out or find a job? This is why my situation is difficult and I don't know what to do.

You can take out financial aid and support yourself through school. You can get a driver's license. You can get a car, or use public transit. It is not ideal, but it beats the hell out of living someone else's life and being controlled by them. Plenty of people have done so on these forums. Your father can not control you. Period. Either he gets on board with your goals (as @schmoob said above) or he doesn't. You may find that your father will come around and even respect you for sticking to your decision, though it may take time. I know it isn't easy, and it is unfortunate that your father doesn't seem to understand that he came here in large part because this is a land of tremendous opportunity, meaning that you have the ability to choose your destiny, a quality which has defined the United States and much of the success which attracted him to this country in the first place.

I am not here to argue. I am just saying that it's easier to say "ef what your parents want you to do, and follow your dream" than actually do it.

I understand that, which is why my initial response reminded OP that their parents are simply doing what they think is best to look out for their child. It is never easy to go against the wishes of one's parents, but it is sometimes necessary.

 

[DentalLonghorn2014]

This sounds relevant so I thought I will share.
2 weeks ago, I had a conversation with my priest. I asked him, "Why are there people (the ones I know) of great faith who say things that are just downright ignorant and/or cruel? Especially if it's a loved one and it goes against what our faith teaches?"
He said, " Sometimes there are issues that are so deeply ingrained that it becomes part of them. It's how they grew up. Is it a legitimate excuse to be so ignorant that you will not see the other person through and give them a chance? No. However, you cannot fault them for faith they do not have. It's human nature. Pray for them and talk with them. Overtime, they will understand."

I have had similar arguments with my parents but it was rather, "You won't get in if you waste another year trying to strengthen your app. You need to learn to move on and stop being selfish. Apply to med school since it's easier. Or be a pharmacist. My friend is a pharmacist and she makes good money."
They don't really understand how all of this works but I think they are starting to come around. I don't blame them for looking out for me. Do I wish they were more understanding? Of course. We all want that with our parents. But sometimes, it will never click for them until the day you receive your DDS/DMD.

The point is, I have great admiration for how you want to respect your parents but are in a difficult position. You remind me a lot of myself and I believe you should do what is best for your future. Even if it goes against your parents goals for you. This is your future and you are looking at a terrific profession that serves the community and beyond. Your parents love you. Never forget that.

 

[confidentandgood]

I'm 19 and I've never been allowed to get a job. I have a debit card but my dad monitors my account and puts no more than $10 in my account at a time. If I bought something, he would question why I bought it or tell me to return it. I don't get allowance.

You mentioned you have friends who can drive you around, right? Why aren't you allowed to get a job? Frankly, him withholding you from that kind of decision (unless for a very good reason) seems unfair. Have you discussed with him how you want a job to put you through school? If he wants you to become a physician, there's no way he can ignore how expensive your education is. You need to speak with him about your right to earn some sort of income. Tell him textbooks aren't cheap. Tell him you want to save up to pay off college later. Anything to give yourself this opportunity.

I am supposed to get my license this this summer so I can drive myself from campus and back. During the fall and spring my sister would have to drive me everywhere since we share the same car.

Wait, so when are you actually driving? Can you work your shadowing around the times you have the car?

If I don't have a car of my own or my drivers license, how would I ever get a chance to move out or find a job?

You'll have your license in a few months, so that's not an issue, right? And I presume you're not living on campus. Like I said, maybe having friends give you rides would be the best bet for now. I think you need to sit down and plan this all out. You have to establish your independence somehow, even if that involves confronting your parents several times, fitting extracurriculars and shadowing into a tight schedule, getting rides from friends, etc.

OP, my father was the type of person who did not want anyone in the family to be more successful than him. I had to put up with a lot before I could go to my university of choice and pursue pre-health. I know the situation is difficult now, but you have to keep your mind open.

 

[deleted642351]

To be an OMFS, one should actually want to be an oral surgeon. Both for the good of the patient, and the good of the practitioner. It would be unwise to go to dental school with the mindset that you will become an OMFS just to get an MD and appease your parents. A life spent in the pursuit of pleasing others is a life headed for emotional ruin.

OP is not forced to apply to medical school. Period. Frankly, the idea that someone would become a physician when they have expressed no interest gives me great concern for how they may care for their potential future patients.

I did not realize oral and maxillofacial surgeons actually get both MD and DDS. Thanks for the correction.

I did not mean to imply that having no interest in a medical career is a good starting point for a medical career, just that interest in a specialty may be secondary to some other motivation (e.g. ethical). And of course nobody could literally force the OP to pursue medicine, but the fact remains that family support is going to be of crucial importance to a good career. It's not as though he's saying he's interested in a career in English literature; without putting words in the OP's mouth so to speak, it seems as though he's got a strong interest in patient care.

 

[schmoob]

I'm 19 and I've never been allowed to get a job. I have a debit card but my dad monitors my account and puts no more than $10 in my account at a time. If I bought something, he would question why I bought it or tell me to return it. I don't get allowance.

It is difficult because he is very controlling and wouldn't even allow me to get my license and drive myself to school in high school. I had to ride the bus and bum rides off of friends in school.

I am supposed to get my license this this summer so I can drive myself from campus and back. During the fall and spring my sister would have to drive me everywhere since we share the same car.

That is why I say "what if they don't let me shadow a dentist"

If I don't have a car of my own or my drivers license, how would I ever get a chance to move out or find a job? This is why my situation is difficult and I don't know what to do.

You are in a difficult situation indeed. Unlike many people who refuse to grow up and enjoy the free ride of living with their parents, you are on the opposite end of the spectrum. You are not being allowed to grow up, that can be very tough. Tactics like your father is doing is VERY controlling. But it's time to stand up to him. I'm not saying walk up to him and say "F*ck you dad!" but start doing things on your own that show you are a responsible adult.
Step 1: Get to a bank and get yourself a credit card. Only you, without your dad's access. If he asks you, say that you're 19 years old and you need to start building your own credit history. And no, he can not have access to your statements. Be firm, respectful, and informed.
Step 2: Get your license ASAP. Do not wait for permission. By not giving you the freedom to drive or spend money, he REALLY has control over you. What's he going to do, take away your license?
Step 3: Tell your parents that you need your own car. You will need more money and you will do it on your own if you have to. They can either help you, or you will have to start working which will give you less time to study. If you have to work part time to cover your car expenses, then that's what you have to do. At that point, give your parents debit card back to them and say you don't want it (kind of a power move on your part). Plus work experience looks great on applications anyway.

Now that they cannot control where you go with your car that you pay for with your money, what can they do to control you? Kick you out? Fine. Move onto campus or take out student loans and get a roommate. Many many people do it, and so can you.

I know these sound like incredibly drastic measures that can be seen as disrespectful in some cultures, but you are doing it to follow your dreams, not to rebel for the sake of doing it. Also, the sooner you do it, the better. The longer this goes on the more difficult it will be and the more they will hold you back.

And finally, this may sound harsh but I promise it is not my intention. Once you start doing all of these things, handling them well, doing well in school, taking care of yourself financially, and being able to manage your responsibilities, your father should come around. He should be able to respect you as a man because you started acting like one, despite him holding you back.
Be a man. Remember, youre 19, not 14. You have it in you. You can do it.

 

[striving4greatness90]

You are in a difficult situation indeed. Unlike many people who refuse to grow up and enjoy the free ride of living with their parents, you are on the opposite end of the spectrum. You are not being allowed to grow up, that can be very tough. Tactics like your father is doing is VERY controlling. But it's time to stand up to him. I'm not saying walk up to him and say "F*ck you dad!" but start doing things on your own that show you are a responsible adult."

Sir, your advice to me has been amazing. You do not understand how incredibly helpful you have been. Thank you for understanding and taking time out of your day to offer advice to someone you don't even know. I felt so desparate that I didn't know who else to turn to. Even though you don't have firsthand knowledge of our culture, you have been amazing at trying to understand what I'm going through right now. I will start with shadowing a dentist shortly and then I guess I'll just take things slowly and see what happens. I will definitely get my license by the end of the summer. If I can just keep making great grades and show how responsible I am hopefully they will open up and give me the freedoms that normal adults have. I will keep everyone updated for sure! I hope you will around sdn to help me if anything doesn't go as planned.
You have been tremendous and I can't say it enough.

 

[schmoob]

Sir, your advice to me has been amazing. You do not understand how incredibly helpful you have been. Thank you for understanding and taking time out of your day to offer advice to someone you don't even know. I felt so desparate that I didn't know who else to turn to. Even though you don't have firsthand knowledge of our culture, you have been amazing at trying to understand what I'm going through right now. I will start with shadowing a dentist shortly and then I guess I'll just take things slowly and see what happens. I will definitely get my license by the end of the summer. If I can just keep making great grades and show how responsible I am hopefully they will open up and give me the freedoms that normal adults have. I will keep everyone updated for sure! I hope you will around sdn to help me if anything doesn't go as planned.
You have been tremendous and I can't say it enough.

Not a problem and any time!!
Your questions and predicament are unique and definitely deserve more attention than the chance me threads that people already know the answers to. Or worse, the chance me threads where people look for validation, then argue with the advice they solicited in the first place lol.
One more thing, you sound like you have a good approach. What you are doing is giving them the opportunity to give you more freedoms and treat you as an adult. If they do not give you those freedoms, you will have to take them. If they do not give you the freedoms you deserve after being patient and giving them a chance, then you should not feel guilty about taking control over your own life. If not, you'll be taking those MCATS before you know it.
Good luck with your plan and keep us updated!!

 

[distressstudent]

There's a real easy solution here. Just show him the rising cost of education, all the wall Street journals calling for physcian's head, encroaching mid-level providers, and details of the ACA.

Then show him how fast student loan interest balloons, and then compare that to the importance of saving up for retirement early.

Then your parents will realize how raw of a deal the path to be a doctor is.

Embarking into becoming a physician is not the best path to a financially stable career. More than anybody else, I notice that immigrant families have a really hard time understanding this. I personally blame the fact that economic instability back home probably didn't teach them the importance of financial literacy because of a poor economy that doesn't emphasize on proper retirement planning.

So you are right. If your dad isn't budging, it's not because of "stable career" like he claims but because of the prestige. At some point you have to ask yourself when you want to tell your dad to stick his faux MD prestige BS up his anus

If you dont start showing confidence about your decisions, your dad will assume he knows better than you. That's how parents are.

 

[striving4greatness90]

I told him that I don't want to be a physician that was forced to go to medical school. That's not the type of Doctor I want patients to have. I would never sacrifice the wellbeing of patients just to satisfy my parent's wishes. There are more important things in this world than trying to impress people you don't even like.

What you suggested would be a good plan of action because he thinks physicians are just rolling in dough. This misconception brings me to question why anyone would want to go into medicine. The answer is to provide healthcare to those who cannot help themselves and I believe this is noble. Anyone who does it for money is less than smart. Physicians that go through strenuous loads of education and don't care mainly about compensation are the doctors that I want devoting care to me.

I wish our culture would educate themselves. Because we grew up with technology, we have access to an abundance of information that they were not privy to in their day. Because of this, we research and and have evidence to back up our decisions. I did not decide to be a dentist just because I thought it was prestigious. I happen to have a personal story that indicates why I chose this profession coupled with life experiences that have shaped who I am.