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- Feb 9, 2012
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I hope to find honest opinions on my situation, something that I rarely talk about with my classmates or residents.
I hate medical school. I'm in my third year and every year I read on this forum or hear from my colleagues that it gets better the following year. The reason I do not like medical school is because I am a borderline student, despite an absolutely tremendous effort, and it's frustrating to be less than 5 people above the the bottom of the class with a 76 two digit Step I score, unable to answer some of the most basic pimp questions on the floor. I spent the 1st 3-4 months of clinicals going over basic science again and though the fundamental concept is there, I cannot explain to someone step by step the physiological mechanism of ideas like the RAA system, something I was asked to do today. That's just one example of some of the moments I've had in clinicals, though they haven't all been terrible, there have been many embarrassing moments. It sucks to suck this bad at something.
My 1st two years consisted of me studying to the point where personal hygiene and decent nutrition was a problem and for the most part barely passing my tests and classes and being unable to do nothing beyond recite facts of concepts I did remember. (I only later grasped the actual concepts during my review at the start of clinicals). Of my second year classes, I passed 8 of them right on the dot, with 3 of the eight readjusted grades after successfully passing the remediation exams.
My problem now is that I still suck. My good skills go nothing beyond a good H&P and decent knowledge of some autonomic and antimicrobial pharmacology. The rest is mediocre or worse and my resolve to improve is lessening and I'm getting tired of being this terrible at something.
I've thought about quitting a lot. The problem is my $270,000 debt after completing third year and my age (30). My practical side is telling me to at least finish medical school and match into an internship year before deciding what to do next. I'd like to at least pay off $200,000 of what will be a $350,000 debt before I leave medicine altogether and search for a passion that I can excel in.
I do not care about income anymore, a lot of which is driven by personal reasons. I applied to medical school with the idea of job security and decent income. But I'm perpetually single, somewhat socially awkward, and doing something that is really unsatisfying due to my lack of skill and lack of improvement. I suppose there are many reasons I've been somewhat depressed for the majority of my twenties but I should at least owe myself the opportunity to not be miserable at my job.
I'm open to any suggestions. Thank you.
I hate medical school. I'm in my third year and every year I read on this forum or hear from my colleagues that it gets better the following year. The reason I do not like medical school is because I am a borderline student, despite an absolutely tremendous effort, and it's frustrating to be less than 5 people above the the bottom of the class with a 76 two digit Step I score, unable to answer some of the most basic pimp questions on the floor. I spent the 1st 3-4 months of clinicals going over basic science again and though the fundamental concept is there, I cannot explain to someone step by step the physiological mechanism of ideas like the RAA system, something I was asked to do today. That's just one example of some of the moments I've had in clinicals, though they haven't all been terrible, there have been many embarrassing moments. It sucks to suck this bad at something.
My 1st two years consisted of me studying to the point where personal hygiene and decent nutrition was a problem and for the most part barely passing my tests and classes and being unable to do nothing beyond recite facts of concepts I did remember. (I only later grasped the actual concepts during my review at the start of clinicals). Of my second year classes, I passed 8 of them right on the dot, with 3 of the eight readjusted grades after successfully passing the remediation exams.
My problem now is that I still suck. My good skills go nothing beyond a good H&P and decent knowledge of some autonomic and antimicrobial pharmacology. The rest is mediocre or worse and my resolve to improve is lessening and I'm getting tired of being this terrible at something.
I've thought about quitting a lot. The problem is my $270,000 debt after completing third year and my age (30). My practical side is telling me to at least finish medical school and match into an internship year before deciding what to do next. I'd like to at least pay off $200,000 of what will be a $350,000 debt before I leave medicine altogether and search for a passion that I can excel in.
I do not care about income anymore, a lot of which is driven by personal reasons. I applied to medical school with the idea of job security and decent income. But I'm perpetually single, somewhat socially awkward, and doing something that is really unsatisfying due to my lack of skill and lack of improvement. I suppose there are many reasons I've been somewhat depressed for the majority of my twenties but I should at least owe myself the opportunity to not be miserable at my job.
I'm open to any suggestions. Thank you.