PhD/PsyD Cohort Friendships

[Hope4Grad]

Hi Everyone,

So, we just had our last class as a cohort, and I was particularly sad for me. However, not sad bc I'm going to miss everyone - sad bc I never made any real or lasting connections in my cohort. It's sad to me and makes me depressed and worried that I spent three years with a group of people whom I will not keep in touch with - so awkward! Many of them are good friends, which makes it seem even weirder that I did not make lasting connections. So much has happened in my graduate school career - I've gone through so much and ultimately feel that it was successful on a professional level - aside from the total lack of connection with cohort-mates! Can anyone relate to this?

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[erg923]

Sorta. Although it caused me little distress.

I was a bit older, married, and not particularly easy to "bond" with. I didnt like studying in groups and didn't like going to happy hours... with mostly girls. So while I keep in touch with about 3-4 people, the rest I generally do not.

 

[Therapist4Chnge]

Sometimes/Often times cohort-mates are in different places within their lives, despite having a strong shared experience. Internship may have some holdover because it is only a year, but people will probably really scatter after graduation and fellowship. It is akin to college graduation, as people move on to their next stages in their career, much of their former lives don't follow because there is such a shift in geography/daily tasks/etc. I have one cohort-mate that I stay in touch with (close in age w me/a few years older than most of my cohort), as she is someone I would easily be friends with outside of schooling.

 

[AcronymAllergy]

I went out with other folks from my grad program fairly frequently (both within and before/after my own cohort), particularly during the first year or two, but I'd honestly say I just missed the idea of moving on from that phase of my life more than anything. Don't get me wrong, I was predominantly excited, but there were a few transient, "aww, shucks" moments as well. Although I actually was equally bummed about leaving my advisor and a couple of my other supervisors.

I still keep in touch with a few folks from grad school, although most of them are actually in non-psych fields. With the clinical folks, the relationships I maintain are mostly professional. I do keep in touch with a few folks from internship on a more social level, though.

 

[deadmau5]

Can totally relate... Currently in a similar situation, I want to be more connected to the people in my program. I did a lot of research work in my first 3 years but feel like I missed out a lot on the social stuff. I'm going to try to meet up more often for the research meetings in a particular research area and try to increase my contact with others! Also we thankfully have a social committee so I'm going to try and get out more to those events.

 

[Marissa4usa]

I am older than most of my cohort, which I feel often shows. We are all very smart and driven people and I don't feel I am "better" in any way than they are, but I do have to admit that there is a considerable difference in maturity level when it comes to things outside of school. As a consequence, while I still spend time with my cohort doing activities like going the zoo, amusement park or grabbing some food after classes, I pretty much opt out everything that involves excessive drinking (e.g., at somebody's home or a club). It's just not my definition of fun to play the same stupid drinking games every weekend and then have people pass out on the floor.
Having said that, while I do feel pretty satisfied with my social life, at this point, there is nobody that I think I would stay in touch with after I graduate.

 

[cara susanna]

I can relate since most of my cohort was on internship last year. The cohortmates who weren't moved out of town to do external prac and other stuff, so I was all by myself.

 

[smalltownpsych]

I am older than most of my cohort, which I feel often shows. We are all very smart and driven people and I don't feel I am "better" in any way than they are, but I do have to admit that there is a considerable difference in maturity level when it comes to things outside of school. As a consequence, while I still spend time with my cohort doing activities like going the zoo, amusement park or grabbing some food after classes, I pretty much opt out everything that involves excessive drinking (e.g., at somebody's home or a club). It's just not my definition of fun to play the same stupid drinking games every weekend and then have people pass out on the floor.
Having said that, while I do feel pretty satisfied with my social life, at this point, there is nobody that I think I would stay in touch with after I graduate.

Drinking games? Really? Wow! That sounds too much like undergrad. No one in my cohort was really into that. We had a few parties, but it was pretty adult and we mostly talked about psychology while some people had a few drinks and others such as myself had sodas. We were a pretty tame bunch!

 

[AcronymAllergy]

Drinking games? Really? Wow! That sounds too much like undergrad. No one in my cohort was really into that. We had a few parties, but it was pretty adult and we mostly talked about psychology while some people had a few drinks and others such as myself had sodas. We were a pretty tame bunch!

Yeah, I've definitely seen it vary substantially by cohort, even within the same program. At my grad school, for example, there were some cohorts that liked to go out bar- and club-hopping very frequently (with some members getting pretty tossed on a semi-regular basis), and others who hardly ever did so. My own cohort was what I'd call a happy medium between those two extremes.

 

[Doctor Eliza]

My cohort was quite tight, but there were only 5 of us and we were women in our 20's. We still are in touch 6 yrs later and I am planning a mini reunion with a few of them this summer.

Of course the rest of graduate school was hell on earth. One of the girls referred to the closeness of our friendships as "traumatic bonding."

 

[Marissa4usa]

Drinking games? Really? Wow! That sounds too much like undergrad. No one in my cohort was really into that. We had a few parties, but it was pretty adult and we mostly talked about psychology while some people had a few drinks and others such as myself had sodas. We were a pretty tame bunch!

Yeah, I've definitely seen it vary substantially by cohort, even within the same program. At my grad school, for example, there were some cohorts that liked to go out bar- and club-hopping very frequently (with some members getting pretty tossed on a semi-regular basis), and others who hardly ever did so. My own cohort was what I'd call a happy medium between those two extremes.

Notably, the ones that are driving these events are those straight out of college. Even those who only took a year off in between college and gradschool are much "calmer", but mostly go along with it. Being an older student (who is single w/o children), I have found a pretty good balance. Because I don't have a significant other through whom I could meet other people, nor any hobbies that I could engage in outside of gradschhool (I like winter and watersports which are a) pretty seasonal, b) expensive, and c) not close by), I am sort of "stuck" with these people. At this point, I have found a healthy balance that works for me and that everybody else respects. I get invited to pretty much everything (so I am not an "outsider"), but usually decline invitations to alcohol heavy events, and usually say so (along the lines of "you youngens have fun!")..and if I go, I usually only stick around for a short while and leave early. I admit, at the beginning, I felt that people didn't quite know how to react to this (especially the really young ones), but because I participate in most other things, things just have been falling into place.