Cold Feet... Help!

[preciousnsweet]

I have been accepted to dental school and will be starting in the Fall, but I have been feeling really uncertain with my decision lately for several reasons.

1. I did not get accepted to my state school. My fiancee loves his job and gets paid extremely well to give it all up and move out of state with me. Plus he works in oil/gas and is highly unlikely to find a job in my dental school's location. We would have to do long distance for 4 years and that is really devastating to me. We did long distance in the past before getting married for 4 years and the thought of having to do it again is really discouraging me from going to dental school. A lot of my family members think the idea of leaving my new husband for 4 years is ridiculous. He's sad at the thought, but will support me in anything I want to do.

2. The amount of debt and years of study is also discouraging me more than usual. Yes, I was aware of this before applying, but it's all very real now and adding to that the cost of opening a practice further down the road is also stressing me out and the fact that there seems to be less and less flexibility to work in cities due to saturation.

3. Overall, I am feeling like maybe the path/cost is not worth it. I completed a dental assistant internship with a nice dentist that was willing to teach me a lot. I really enjoyed the internship and felt pretty happy with the career at the time. Now I am feeling like maybe I'm not that passionate about dentistry to go through all of these sacrifices. I feel that as long as I am helping people in healthcare, I would be happy.

My cold feet have been so intense that I have begun to consider becoming a PA instead. I am not interested in medical school because of the lifestyle and years of study. PA school seems like a good alternative. One of my most recently developed priorities is work/life balance and being able to have kids and spend time with them and my husband. I'm 27, so by the time that I finish dental school I would need to start having kids, and it seems like a terrible time to do so when I'll be needing to work as much as possible to pay off my debt. The PA route might give me more flexibility with that, but I can't help but feel like I should just go to dental school. Due to the required experience in healthcare for PA school, I would probably be finishing dental school at the same time as PA school, plus not to mention the stress of the PA application cycle and taking the GRE, so it seems like dental is the obvious choice.

I am totally lost and losing sleep over this. Has anyone else experienced cold feet? I am looking for any advice that would help me make a decision. Thanks guys! I realize some of you will hate me for even posting this question when there are so many out there dying for a dental school acceptance.

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[Hannah Banana]

I have been accepted to dental school and will be starting in the Fall, but I have been feeling really uncertain with my decision lately for several reasons.

1. I did not get accepted to my state school. My fiancee loves his job and gets paid extremely well to give it all up and move out of state with me. Plus he works in oil/gas and is highly unlikely to find a job in my dental school's location. We would have to do long distance for 4 years and that is really devastating to me. We did long distance in the past before getting married for 4 years and the thought of having to do it again is really discouraging me from going to dental school. A lot of my family members think the idea of leaving my new husband for 4 years is ridiculous. He's sad at the thought, but will support me in anything I want to do.

2. The amount of debt and years of study is also discouraging me more than usual. Yes, I was aware of this before applying, but it's all very real now and adding to that the cost of opening a practice further down the road is also stressing me out and the fact that there seems to be less and less flexibility to work in cities due to saturation.

3. Overall, I am feeling like maybe the path/cost is not worth it. I completed a dental assistant internship with a nice dentist that was willing to teach me a lot. I really enjoyed the internship and felt pretty happy with the career at the time. Now I am feeling like maybe I'm not that passionate about dentistry to go through all of these sacrifices. I feel that as long as I am helping people in healthcare, I would be happy.

My cold feet have been so intense that I have begun to consider becoming a PA instead. I am not interested in medical school because of the lifestyle and years of study. PA school seems like a good alternative. One of my most recently developed priorities is work/life balance and being able to have kids and spend time with them and my husband. I'm 27, so by the time that I finish dental school I would need to start having kids, and it seems like a terrible time to do so when I'll be needing to work as much as possible to pay off my debt. The PA route might give me more flexibility with that, but I can't help but feel like I should just go to dental school. Due to the required experience in healthcare for PA school, I would probably be finishing dental school at the same time as PA school, plus not to mention the stress of the PA application cycle and taking the GRE, so it seems like dental is the obvious choice.

I am totally lost and losing sleep over this. Has anyone else experienced cold feet? I am looking for any advice that would help me make a decision. Thanks guys! I realize some of you will hate me for even posting this question when there are so many out there dying for a dental school acceptance.

Sounds like you have made your own decision already. Don't listen to any advice on here about how to live your life. You have to do what feel right. Are you more of a family person or a career person? If you're not so passionate about being a dentist, then you could choose other careers like you listed in the post and have a happy family of your own. Talk to your family and fiance to see what their opinions are.

 

[I want to go to there]

How far away will you be from your husband? If he's too far to visit at least once every 2 weeks or so, maybe you should just try again next year at your state school and nearby schools.

 

[Confused1617]

PA programs are very competitive and prefer experienced healthcare workers.Its not impossible, but also not a piece of cake. Many RN and medical techs decide to apply to a PA program and have the upper advantage. So there is no guarantee that you will get accepted after geting 1000 hours of clinical experience. In other words, you may need more than 4 years (2 years of clinical work and then apply for a 2 year program) to become a PA. Nonetheless what you can do is reapply to your state school, while obtaining clinical experience for a pa program. If you don't get in, just continue with the PA path. If you get in, then there you go!
Also, there are people who have a family and go to school. Don't let your age deter you from your dreams!!

Did you contact your state school to see why you didn't get in? Maybe work on what they found you to be lacking of and reapply.

 

[ajj70]

I'll add that in most clinics, the PA's get pretty crappy hours, often covering the Urgent Care hours. I know my PA friends work until 10 or 11 PM most shifts.

Another option is to reapply next year and maybe get into a school that is closer?

 

[Incis0r]

@preciousnsweet , I agree wholeheartedly with @hannah_hoac . This is your life, and dentistry is NOT the be-all end-all for professional success, although it is one of the reliable pathways to that objective. I think it's great that you're giving this so much thought right now and are humble enough to admit your concerns, and that you are doing your research on all the fields.

You mentioned that you're stressed by the cost of opening a practice. Maybe look into group practice/community health centers/IHS/military/teaching/corporate? Part of the reason I'm interested in the dental field is that there is so much opportunity to practice in various settings. I never understood why it is a default that anyone going into dentistry MUST purchase a private practice. Whenever I talk to fellow pre-dents, they always share their plans as "go to dental school, associate for a year or two, and own my own practice." I mean, I get it- you can make more $$ that way, and you can be your own boss. Sure, but what if I don't want to be responsible for all of those headaches (staff management, insurance, advertising to patients, handling complaints, worrying about overhead/rent, etc), yet still take home a decent income? In fact, I first started looking into dentistry BECAUSE of the ability to work in community health centers. I'd be just as happy if not more with a reduced paycheck for reduced hours/stress. Luckily, dentistry offers such work. Still, some food for thought.

@ajj70 , reapplying next year and getting into the state school can solve OP's concerns about cost of dental education/worries about being away from husband, but OP is also worried about cost of buying a dental practice and of dental saturation- those concerns would still be there next year if OP doesn't address them.

 

[BYU4you]

How far away will you be from your husband? If he's too far to visit at least once every 2 weeks or so, maybe you should just try again next year at your state school and nearby schools.

Oh man that would be a sucky way to start a marriage is going long distance.

However I agree with applying to state school the following year for the exact reason.

One of your jobs needs to take priority and you really can't split up to do both.

Who's to say you will get into the PA school of your choice? You may very well find yourself in the exact same situation with that

 

[cacajuate]

Have you done things to strengthen your application over the couse of the last year? If so, reapply. You and your husband will be happier, he can keep he good income and it will also give you a year to figure out if dentistry is really what you want. Wish you luck!

 

[krikey]

PA programs are very competitive and prefer experienced healthcare workers.Its not impossible, but also not a piece of cake. Many RN and medical techs decide to apply to a PA program and have the upper advantage. So there is no guarantee that you will get accepted after geting 1000 hours of clinical experience. In other words, you may need more than 4 years (2 years of clinical work and then apply for a 2 year program) to become a PA. Nonetheless what you can do is reapply to your state school, while obtaining clinical experience for a pa program. If you don't get in, just continue with the PA path. If you get in, then there you go!
Also, there are people who have a family and go to school. Don't let your age deter you from your dreams!!

Did you contact your state school to see why you didn't get in? Maybe work on what they found you to be lacking of and reapply.

I've read some schools don't require the 1000 hours of clinicals. Just thought I'd add that. I considered going the PA route so I had researched it in the past.

 

[shulk]

Did you get an interview at your state school? Do you feel that if you reapplied, your application would be a lot stronger (and what if you reapplied in the summer of 2016?)
Don't give up dentistry quite yet. You obviously care a lot and have put a lot of time in, or you wouldn't have an acceptance today. Four years is a long time, but I imagine a strong marriage could survive such a thing. It happens a lot with 'power couples', a married couple at my university currently live in two separate countries! You can also have kids in school (a lot of people do this), and waiting until 31 would be fine too. You'll still be very young. It also might not be four years apart, since your husband could keep his eyes open for opportunities that might pop up closer where you would be attending school.

 

[preciousnsweet]

Thanks guys for all of your feedback. I really appreciate it!

I did receive an interview at my state school, haven't received a rejection, but not waitlisted either. I have considered reapplying to my state school, but it doesn't seem like the wisest choice. My school is very competitive and only takes about 20 students. I haven't done too much to strengthen my application other than that dental internship which gives me over 200 hours of dental experience as opposed to 60 that I had when I applied. I did volunteer at a research lab after I submitted my application, but mostly did data preparation for them. I have a 3.6 GPA, I'm a career changer and applied after one year of being on the path. I have a 4.0 GPA on all prereqs. My biggest concern would be the letters of rec. would I just have the same profs submit their letters? That probably wouldn't be the best option and I don't really have any other profs readily lined up. I think I just feel lucky to have gotten more than one acceptance and the uncertainty that comes with throwing it away makes me really uncomfortable.

I am aware that PA school can be pretty difficult to get into. I worked in healthcare 2.5 years, but not in direct patient care, so from what I can tell, the fastest route to some direct patient care is to become a CNA. It's only a 2 week course so it would be pretty easy. However, there is still no guarantee that I would get in. The program here is also competitive and the average accepted student has 10,000 hours of experience. So I could be stuck working as a CNA for a while, which wouldn't be very fun.

My husband would be a 6 hour drive away, so he would be able to visit me every other weekend, especially since he's off every other Friday.

I wish this decision was easier.

 

[midman19]

You could be the bread winner as a dentist, still have kids in a few years and your husband could be a stay at home dad and take care of the kids. Your job will be much more reliable than a job in the oil fields so I wouldn't give up dentistry. This is just a suggestion assuming you and your husband would be okay with such a route. I think family is most important so in my opinion one of you should be willing to move and sacrifice something to stick together and both of you should figure out the best way to have a family and provide for them. If its you that ends up making the sacrifice, in the end, you will be much more proud to raise 3 successful kids than to have a successful dental practice. Good luck on your decision.

 

[I want to go to there]

Thanks guys for all of your feedback. I really appreciate it!

I did receive an interview at my state school, haven't received a rejection, but not waitlisted either. I have considered reapplying to my state school, but it doesn't seem like the wisest choice. My school is very competitive and only takes about 20 students. I haven't done too much to strengthen my application other than that dental internship which gives me over 200 hours of dental experience as opposed to 60 that I had when I applied. I did volunteer at a research lab after I submitted my application, but mostly did data preparation for them. I have a 3.6 GPA, I'm a career changer and applied after one year of being on the path. I have a 4.0 GPA on all prereqs. My biggest concern would be the letters of rec. would I just have the same profs submit their letters? That probably wouldn't be the best option and I don't really have any other profs readily lined up. I think I just feel lucky to have gotten more than one acceptance and the uncertainty that comes with throwing it away makes me really uncomfortable.

I am aware that PA school can be pretty difficult to get into. I worked in healthcare 2.5 years, but not in direct patient care, so from what I can tell, the fastest route to some direct patient care is to become a CNA. It's only a 2 week course so it would be pretty easy. However, there is still no guarantee that I would get in. The program here is also competitive and the average accepted student has 10,000 hours of experience. So I could be stuck working as a CNA for a while, which wouldn't be very fun.

My husband would be a 6 hour drive away, so he would be able to visit me every other weekend, especially since he's off every other Friday.

I wish this decision was easier.

Go for dentistry. School debt seems like a lot, but you can pay it off in few years while enjoying pretty good lifestyle if you find a decent gig after you graduate. I heard banks readily give out loan for dentists since they tend to be reliable with payments, so upfront cost for you shouldn't be that much. Besides, you could always just go work corporate if you don't want to handle the stress of opening a private practice and still make good money. In short, if it's financial reason that's holding you back, I wouldn't worry much about it. Financial security is one of the reasons why dentistry is among the most sought-after jobs in U.S. I think a marriage should be able to handle 6 hour drive distance, so not much problem there.

 

[Confused1617]

I've read some schools don't require the 1000 hours of clinicals. Just thought I'd add that. I considered going the PA route so I had researched it in the past.

I guess the OP should look at the pa programs in her state to see the requirements. The ones in my state say that one average the applicant has 1000 or more.

 

[cacajuate]

Go for dentistry. School debt seems like a lot, but you can pay it off in few years while enjoying pretty good lifestyle if you find a decent gig after you graduate. I heard banks readily give out loan for dentists since they tend to be reliable with payments, so upfront cost for you shouldn't be that much. Besides, you could always just go work corporate if you don't want to handle the stress of opening a private practice and still make good money. In short, if it's financial reason that's holding you back, I wouldn't worry much about it. Financial security is one of the reasons why dentistry is among the most sought-after jobs in U.S. I think a marriage should be able to handle 6 hour drive distance, so not much problem there.

This is exactly the mentality that allows private schools to charge so much.

 

[I want to go to there]

This is exactly the mentality that allows private schools to charge so much.

I wonder how high they can raise their tuition and still have more people that want to attend the school than there are spots available. I'm thinking like 100k per year for tuition

 

[kholley25]

I would wait a year and reapply to the state school. I spent my entire 4 year undergrad in a long-distance relationship and would never do it again. Just my 2c.

 

[cacajuate]

I wonder how high they can raise their tuition and still have more people that want to attend the school than there are spots available.

Of course they will have kids to take those spots. Kids that have no idea how big a hole $500k is and will have to stomach that regret for 20 years. Its robbery.

 

[I want to go to there]

Of course they will have kids to take those spots. Kids that have no idea how big a hole $500k is and have to stomach that regret for 20 years.

Some people regret going into dentistry because their earning is not as high as expected and don't enjoy the work as much as they thought they would. Would they be happier if they had gone into another profession? Perhaps, or maybe they would still find things to be unhappy about, such as low pay and bad boss. Plenty of people make good money to pay off their debt in less than 10 years while enjoying good life style and job satisfaction.

 

[cacajuate]

Not only that, it's going to make kids be super aggressive dentists and over treat patients causing people to second guess dentists. Going to end up like car mechanics with no one trusting their diagnosis.


Don't goto a school that costs that much.

 

[I want to go to there]

Not only that, it's going to make kids be super aggressive dentists and over treat patients causing people to second guess dentists. Going to end up like car mechanics with no one trusting their diagnosis.


Don't goto a school that costs that much.

That's a big and unfounded assumption to make. Dentists who would do that to make more money would do that regardless of how much debt they have.

 

[Incis0r]

That's a big and unfounded assumption to make. Dentists who would do that to make more money would do that regardless of how much debt they have.

I think what @cacajuate is saying is that, since many dentists are paid on production/collections, they would feel incentivized to be more liberal with treatment in order to finance their student loans. The key part is that the debt will blur the line between ethical treatment and greed. That said, I agree with you to a point: more greedy dentists will cross this line more easily, but saddle a dental student with enough debt that has 60%+ of his paycheck going to a lender, put him/her in an office that values over diagnosis and pays based on production, put him/her in a family where they need to provide a "good" lifestyle (*cough the Joneses*) at the expense of retirement savings, and you have created a situation where many will be tempted to push the line.

When you have a patient in the chair who is suffering from recurrent decay, and a boatload of loans over your head, constantly accruing interest, it is so easy to say...."you know what? instead of redoing this filling, I'm going to go ahead and do a crown," even if the more conservative filling has a good chance of success- this is what I mean by pushing/crossing the line.

See this article on dental ethics for more examples of what I'm trying to convey: http://www.dentalfearcentral.org/media/I_Have_Had_Enough.pdf

 

[I want to go to there]

I think what @cacajuate is saying is that, since many dentists are paid on production/collections, they would feel incentivized to be more liberal with treatment in order to finance their student loans. The key part is that the debt will blur the line between ethical treatment and greed. That said, I agree with you to a point: more greedy dentists will cross this line more easily, but saddle a dental student with enough debt that has 60%+ of his paycheck going to a lender, put him/her in an office that values over diagnosis and pays based on production, put him/her in a family where they need to provide a "good" lifestyle (*cough the Joneses*) at the expense of retirement savings, and you have created a situation where many will be tempted to push the line.

When you have a patient in the chair who is suffering from recurrent decay, and a boatload of loans over your head, constantly accruing interest, it is so easy to say...."you know what? instead of redoing this filling, I'm going to go ahead and do a crown"- this is what I mean by pushing/crossing the line.

See this article on dental ethics for more examples of what I'm trying to convey: http://www.dentalfearcentral.org/media/I_Have_Had_Enough.pdf

The way I see it is that while debt is an added incentive, the increased monetary gain is already more than enough incentive for those greedy and unethical dentists to perform unnecessary procedures. However, the debt won't be crippling enough to push an ethical dentist to cross the line.

 

[Incis0r]

The way I see it is that while debt is an added incentive, the increased monetary gain is already more than enough incentive for those greedy and unethical dentists to perform unnecessary procedures. However, the debt won't be crippling enough to push an ethical dentist to cross the line.

Interesting. Didn't think of it like that. Haha so at least the unethical dentists I was describing were more ethical than the unethical dentists you're describing . Mine would over treat to pay off creditors, while yours would over treat to buy vacation homes and yachts xD

 

[cacazor]

Interesting. Didn't think of it like that. Haha so at least the unethical dentists I was describing were more ethical than the unethical dentists you're describing . Mine would over treat to pay off creditors, while yours would over treat to buy vacation homes and yachts xD

There are a spectrum of dentists. Some dentist will be pushed more easily to the dark side than other. Therefore, it is not desirable to have a driving force that will push people into unethical behavior no matter how small.

But we're going off topic to OP's original discussion

 

[ajj70]

Thanks guys for all of your feedback. I really appreciate it!

I did receive an interview at my state school, haven't received a rejection, but not waitlisted either. I have considered reapplying to my state school, but it doesn't seem like the wisest choice. My school is very competitive and only takes about 20 students. I haven't done too much to strengthen my application other than that dental internship which gives me over 200 hours of dental experience as opposed to 60 that I had when I applied. I did volunteer at a research lab after I submitted my application, but mostly did data preparation for them. I have a 3.6 GPA, I'm a career changer and applied after one year of being on the path. I have a 4.0 GPA on all prereqs. My biggest concern would be the letters of rec. would I just have the same profs submit their letters? That probably wouldn't be the best option and I don't really have any other profs readily lined up. I think I just feel lucky to have gotten more than one acceptance and the uncertainty that comes with throwing it away makes me really uncomfortable.

I am aware that PA school can be pretty difficult to get into. I worked in healthcare 2.5 years, but not in direct patient care, so from what I can tell, the fastest route to some direct patient care is to become a CNA. It's only a 2 week course so it would be pretty easy. However, there is still no guarantee that I would get in. The program here is also competitive and the average accepted student has 10,000 hours of experience. So I could be stuck working as a CNA for a while, which wouldn't be very fun.

My husband would be a 6 hour drive away, so he would be able to visit me every other weekend, especially since he's off every other Friday.

I wish this decision was easier.

CNA's make about $9-10/hour here, probably not much better where you are at.

6 hours, while a pain in the rear, is doable. Not sure if he could work our some telecommuting or if he is in a hands on type job but that might cut down some of the commute. You could also meet part way for some of the visits. If you are in major cities, also check out the Megabus for cheep round trips for visits so you aren't putting so many miles on your cars.

I'd say that you have strengthened your app with the new additions.

 

[andreadds]

I have been accepted to dental school and will be starting in the Fall, but I have been feeling really uncertain with my decision lately for several reasons.

1. I did not get accepted to my state school. My fiancee loves his job and gets paid extremely well to give it all up and move out of state with me. Plus he works in oil/gas and is highly unlikely to find a job in my dental school's location. We would have to do long distance for 4 years and that is really devastating to me. We did long distance in the past before getting married for 4 years and the thought of having to do it again is really discouraging me from going to dental school. A lot of my family members think the idea of leaving my new husband for 4 years is ridiculous. He's sad at the thought, but will support me in anything I want to do.

2. The amount of debt and years of study is also discouraging me more than usual. Yes, I was aware of this before applying, but it's all very real now and adding to that the cost of opening a practice further down the road is also stressing me out and the fact that there seems to be less and less flexibility to work in cities due to saturation.

3. Overall, I am feeling like maybe the path/cost is not worth it. I completed a dental assistant internship with a nice dentist that was willing to teach me a lot. I really enjoyed the internship and felt pretty happy with the career at the time. Now I am feeling like maybe I'm not that passionate about dentistry to go through all of these sacrifices. I feel that as long as I am helping people in healthcare, I would be happy.

My cold feet have been so intense that I have begun to consider becoming a PA instead. I am not interested in medical school because of the lifestyle and years of study. PA school seems like a good alternative. One of my most recently developed priorities is work/life balance and being able to have kids and spend time with them and my husband. I'm 27, so by the time that I finish dental school I would need to start having kids, and it seems like a terrible time to do so when I'll be needing to work as much as possible to pay off my debt. The PA route might give me more flexibility with that, but I can't help but feel like I should just go to dental school. Due to the required experience in healthcare for PA school, I would probably be finishing dental school at the same time as PA school, plus not to mention the stress of the PA application cycle and taking the GRE, so it seems like dental is the obvious choice.

I am totally lost and losing sleep over this. Has anyone else experienced cold feet? I am looking for any advice that would help me make a decision. Thanks guys! I realize some of you will hate me for even posting this question when there are so many out there dying for a dental school acceptance.

I've been in practice for several years and this is what I think...
If you are uncertain about becoming a dentist, dont do it. You will regret it every day of dental school and worse once you get out if your heart is not in it. The fact that you didnt get into your state school should be no big deal. Those who really want to be a dentist would kill to go ANYWHERE.. this tells me your heart is not in it. Dont go to dental school. Make the decision now not to go because it will be harder once you get in and have dental school debt and want to quit part way.
Yes having to pay 2K/month on student loans for 10 years sucks but I wouldn't trade my career. (My husband has more dental school loans than I do FYI) Loans are part of it. Between my husband and I we have over 900K in debt between dental school, practices and equipment but I dont think either one of us would give up our careers.
I left a long relationship behind when I went to dental school and I'm sure thats one of the reasons it didnt last but I knew what my priorities were... I can tell whats important to you. Dont go to dental school. I hope you make the right decision for you. I cant imagine being in your shoes because I wanted to be a dentist so bad. If you want to chat more about this feel free to email me and we can chat on the phone [email protected] Maybe I can answer questions about dental school and my daily life as a dentist.

 

[preciousnsweet]

Thanks for all your help! I have some thinking to do!