Dating a co-resident?

[mercaptovizadeh]

How to approach dating a co-resident in the same residency program? We are in the same program but given the schedule are not likely to be on similar rotations or even be required to attend the same conferences, so our contact is pretty minimal, e.g. some sort of program get-together or perhaps having clinic randomly on the same days.

How can I avoid this being super awkward? Is it really unwise to try to pursue something with this person?

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[that redhead]

How to approach dating a co-resident in the same residency program? We are in the same program but given the schedule are not likely to be on similar rotations or even be required to attend the same conferences, so our contact is pretty minimal, e.g. some sort of program get-together or perhaps having clinic randomly on the same days.

How can I avoid this being super awkward? Is it really unwise to try to pursue something with this person?

Eh, I always think "don't sht where you eat." Sure, you won't have much contact time so hopefully it wouldn't be super awkward on a day to day basis but if things go south, that doesn't mean the whole program won't find out about all the details. And it's possible the whole program will find out details even if you live happily ever after.

If you really want to go for it though, I think it could be easier than if you had more time together on a daily basis. Just tread lightly.

 

[SouthernSurgeon]

A lot of it depends on the program.

As a surgery resident I would definitely recommend (and have learned the hard way) the don't **** where you eat approach, since there are only 6-8 of you per year, who will be spending 5-7 years together, and if you are dating someone older or younger there are some significant power differentials at play.

In a medicine program where you might have 40-50 residents per year and are only there for three years? That's not much different than med school...if things go sour you can probably just avoid the person.

 

[Zweihander]

How to approach dating a co-resident in the same residency program? We are in the same program but given the schedule are not likely to be on similar rotations or even be required to attend the same conferences, so our contact is pretty minimal, e.g. some sort of program get-together or perhaps having clinic randomly on the same days.

How can I avoid this being super awkward? Is it really unwise to try to pursue something with this person?

All things being equal, I think it's unwise. If things go poorly, you will be left with at best an awkward professional relationship, and at worst there may be some truly bad fallout.

But that is a general issue, which may not apply to a given set of individuals depending on the personalities involved.

Bottom line, it's not a good idea for most people, but some can still make it work. You just need to know which category you and she fall into.

One way to approach things would be to start off by simply trying to talk more on the occasions you do interact, and then maybe try to do something very casual like just grab dinner or do some mutually interesting activity, then take things from there.

 

[mercaptovizadeh]

One way to approach things would be to start off by simply trying to talk more on the occasions you do interact, and then maybe try to do something very casual like just grab dinner or do some mutually interesting activity, then take things from there.

Yeah, I think that's how it'll have to go. I'll have to observe from afar and once I get enough pieces of the puzzle together to decide that she's a serious prospect, only then make a move.

 

[Zweihander]

Yeah, I think that's how it'll have to go. I'll have to observe from afar and once I get enough pieces of the puzzle together to decide that she's a serious prospect, only then make a move.

Good luck dude! I assume she's a religious girl since you're expressing interest in her?

 

[mercaptovizadeh]

Good luck dude! I assume she's a religious girl since you're expressing interest in her?

Yes. We don't have nearly as much time as I had hoped, as she and I are off on different weekend days, so this weekend we can't even see each other at church. Oh well. It's bizarre that we could be in the same small program yet barely bump into each other.

 

[Kahreek]

****ng go at it, life is too short.
Dont shait where you eat, but sometimes we have to eat shait anyways.

 

[THP]

****ng go at it, life is too short.
Dont shait where you eat, but sometimes we have to eat shait anyways.

Agreed, although with less vulgarity. It's hard to find someone who shares your values I cannot overstate how important that is.

 

[Kahreek]

Agreed, although with less vulgarity. It's hard to find someone who shares your values I cannot overstate how important that is.

who are vulgar, bro.

 

[Zweihander]

Yes. We don't have nearly as much time as I had hoped, as she and I are off on different weekend days, so this weekend we can't even see each other at church. Oh well. It's bizarre that we could be in the same small program yet barely bump into each other.

Well, the life of a resident is absurdly busy. But the common experience helps in the sense that there are few people who really "get" what you have to deal with outside of the profession.