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Dating in Grad School

Discussion in 'Psychology [Psy.D. / Ph.D.]' started by irish80122, Jul 22, 2006.

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  1. PsychPhDStudent

    PsychPhDStudent

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  2. cara susanna

    cara susanna Predoctoral Intern

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    So a few months after I posted that I am eating my words because apparently time and energy were not an issue. I haven't run into any major conflicts with schoolwork yet, but do be prepared to survive on even less sleep than you got before. ;)
  3. ILGirl

    ILGirl

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    Isn't that always how it happens--when you're not looking for it? : )

    But, are you really eating your words--or was he an amazing guy? ;)
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2010
  4. phillydave

    phillydave Doctoral Student

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    <--- Gradcester

    I met my current girlfriend in my grad program. Like Psyclops said, inevitable.

    :p
  5. cara susanna

    cara susanna Predoctoral Intern

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    More the latter ;)
  6. krisrox

    krisrox

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    Awww! Congrats! : )
  7. krisrox

    krisrox

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  8. PsyDWannabe

    PsyDWannabe HpfulboutGradSchl

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    You'd think dating in grad school would not be such a bummer. I just guessed it would be a whole lot easier to find viable companionship with the prospect of all the possible free therapy you could get :laugh:
  9. Wolfman89

    Wolfman89 2 Legit 2 Quit

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    Congrats.
  10. dr squared

    dr squared

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    OK, I'm coming into this thread late because I just found it, but I'm glad this topic was started because it's especially important to me! I'm a 34-yr-old single female and I'm looking to go back to graduate school for the 2nd time. I'm interviewing at Nova in Ft. Lauderdale and Baylor University, so assuming I get into both of those programs, I'll have a very important decision to make. I already get the feeling that both programs are excellent, but even though there will be slight differences between the two and I may be leaning towards one program over another, the LOCATION will definitely come into play (and will likely be the largest factor) in my decision-making. Let's be honest here... by the time I graduate with my PsyD, I'll be 40!!! (That hurt me on the inside to type that.) ;)

    If I get accepted to Baylor, it'll be hard to pass up the financial aid package (assuming they still have that kind of funding this year), but I don't know if I can see myself living in/near Waco, and I've heard that Austin is too far to commute. :(

    I'm wondering if anyone has any info on a few things: (1) the social scene around Nova and/or Baylor (esp. for single 30-somethings; i.e. is it completely non-existent in Waco?), (2) for those of you in grad programs now (or have already finished), in YOUR experience, what is/was the on-campus time requirement for the 1st 4 years (I'm wondering if it might be possible for me to do practica in Austin and maybe only have to commute to Waco once/twice a week for class?), or (3) whether anyone knows of any good-looking, intelligent, single, 30-something men who are looking for a relationship. Hahaha! :laugh:

    Thanks!
  11. Jezebel09

    Jezebel09

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    *
    Last edited: Feb 20, 2010
  12. PsychPhDStudent

    PsychPhDStudent

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    Of course I've heard of it -- I just didn't know what it'd be called and didn't feel like pouring through the pages!

    I think dating in grad school is fun because you can let the guy buy you dinner and save some cash. ;)
  13. Psych Dork

    Psych Dork

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    I have no desire to date a fellow psychology student. I like it when I can converse about other things with my significant other. Or when we can teach each other things about our respective fields. I've always had a thing for med students and have thought it would be nice to date a physics or another type of science PhD students. Gotta keep it in the intellectual science family.
    Last edited: Feb 24, 2010
  14. psycathy

    psycathy

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    Is this ever an option, in a case where the professor is in your department but isn't your adviser or in a direct supervisory position over you? I'm not in school right now, but I've heard of this happening, and I always thought it was a little iffy. OTOH, by the time you're working toward a doctorate, you're both presumably responsible adults, so... who knows.
  15. Kona816

    Kona816

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    I did my undergraduate at Baylor and (for some crazy reason) lived in Waco for a year afterward, and although I loved my undergrad experience at Baylor, I would definitely not recommend Waco as a great place to live or date! I worked pretty closely with two first-year graduate students in the PsyD program who were single (one was 23 and one was 28) during my last year in Waco and I know they were frustrated about the lack of a dating scene if you're above 22 and not an undergrad. I also became friends with one of my professors (she was also an adviser for my sorority) who was in her early 30s and she pretty much had the same sentiments. If you're looking to date a fellow student (there are some who are in their 30s), there aren't too many male students in the psychology department or at the university in general. That was a common woe of many of my fellow female undergrads, at least :)

    Unfortunately, the way the program works I think you have pretty heavy on-campus commitments for at least the first year or two, so you are pretty much stuck living in Waco for a while. I think there is something of a dating scene though, albiet small, and Waco has been growing in size and popularity in recent years. Basically, it's not ideal by any means if you're looking to date or have an active social life, but it's not completely void of romantic opportunities either.

    The good news about Baylor is that they have a great law school, and I can personally attest that there are some very good looking men in that program! ;) I really shouldn't rag on Waco so much though, seeing as how I met my future husband during my last semester and he was single and post-grad at the time. Occasionally Baylor grads will end up staying in Waco after they graduate, so you might get lucky and find one of them. If not...there's always weekend trips to Austin or Dallas, right?

    Feel free to PM me if you have any Waco-specific questions. :) Fortunately or unfortunately, I have experienced living there from more than one perspective.
  16. RileyG

    RileyG School of Hard Knocks

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    no. just no.
  17. psycathy

    psycathy

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    Huh, interesting. Can you elaborate? I'm really curious... and it's not because I'm contemplating doing it myself. I'm just not clear on whether you mean it's unethical or just generally inadvisable.
  18. Sunshine3710

    Sunshine3710

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    For those of you who do find time to date in grad school, how many of you have been in long-distance relationships with another grad student (at another school)? How have you been able to make this work? Obviously, both partners are going to be busy, so I can foresee that being an obstacle in addition to the distance...
  19. Jezebel09

    Jezebel09

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    It's not just inadvisable. It IS unethical. Even if the professor isn't your advisor, there is a power differential. The individual could end up teaching one of your classes, or end up being your practicum supervisor, or may end up on your dissertation committee. But, even if none of those situations were possible for you, the professor is being paid to teach students. You are in a subordinate position--not equal to the professor. Thus, it is considered unethical for so many reasons. . . .

    And, you certainly wouldn't want your credentials challenged by other professors and students who might believe that you are being favored for something because of your "special" relationship with a professor.
  20. RileyG

    RileyG School of Hard Knocks

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    both. i think Jezebel sums it up quite nicely.
  21. cara susanna

    cara susanna Predoctoral Intern

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    Just the thought ecks me out.
  22. PsychPhDStudent

    PsychPhDStudent

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    I've done the long distance thing and as long as we could see each other about once a month, I actually preferred it in some ways. We both had time to do our own things.
  23. krisrox

    krisrox

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    I'm dreading having to do this with my current boyfriend. I know we'll make it work, but I'm not looking forward to the added agony of missing him on top of all the stress of grad school.
  24. Sunshine3710

    Sunshine3710

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    One word: Skype.

    My SO is currently in med school, and so far, long-distance dating has worked for us (I'm sure it will be harder if/when I go to grad school), but what has REALLY helped ease the heart-ache of missing each other is Skype. Of course, if both partners are stressed out from school it could be harder to maintain the relationship, but I'm hoping good communications skills will help.
  25. krisrox

    krisrox

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    We've definitely entertained this idea. I'm glad there's someone out there making it work : )
  26. futureapppsy2

    futureapppsy2 Ed Psych PhD student Moderator Gold Donor

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    Ditto. And if you broke up and then had a class, supervision, etc., with them that would be REALLY awkward.
  27. Markp

    Markp Clinical Psychologist

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    [FONT=arial,sans-serif][SIZE=-1]Naïve[/SIZE]., party of one. Your table is ready... ;)

    Mark
  28. psycathy

    psycathy

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    Well, maybe I am naive, but as I said, I'm not a graduate student right now ("Status: Pre-psychology"), so it should be understandable. I just asked for clarification---which, having been received, surely goes toward reducing my naiveté.
  29. Wapote84

    Wapote84

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    at first i thought that was so cute, and was going to send it to my boy... then i read the end... that was a rough surprise... lol
  30. PsychPhDStudent

    PsychPhDStudent

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    Okay, decided on a new dating rule: Any guy who asks if I'm "analyzing" him automatically dumped. Immediately. NEXT! :D
  31. aly cat

    aly cat

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    My hometown is Ft. Lauderdale, and I did my undergrad in Miami. There is definitely a dating scene for 30 somethings in Ft. Lauderdale and Miami (about a 30-45 minute drive from Nova). Specifically, I'm thinking Las Olas (street of bars, shops, and restaurants) in Ft. Laudy caters to more of a 30s and 40s crowd. Also, Brickell in Miami = swanky businessmen, most 30+.
  32. eka2009

    eka2009

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    x
    Last edited: Feb 24, 2010
  33. Therapist4Chnge

    Therapist4Chnge Neuropsych Ninja Faculty Moderator Emeritus

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    MOD NOTE: It is against SDN policy to solicit medical/psychological opinion about an individual's situation.

    The Lounge is a more appropriate place for a general discussion of dating and political differences.
  34. citypsych

    citypsych

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    I'm not in grad school yet (fingers crossed*), but clinical psych people I know personally often credit their spouses for keeping them sane while writing their dissertations. I'll be checking out cute science grads the day I step my foot on campus officially :laugh:

    But, no one that asks me to hypnotize him.

  35. Jezebel09

    Jezebel09

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    Well, if I followed your rule, I'd only be able to date other psychology graduate students.
  36. kapinkkidowski

    kapinkkidowski

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    My SO is a PhD student in engineering; we met while we were both undergrads and have since both gotten masters degrees in engineering and psych respectively. I'm not currently in school (hoping that will change come september!!), but I live in graduate family housing on campus with him, so everyone in the entire apartment building is grad student either married or in a serious long term relationship (or someone in a relationship with a grad student), and a few of them (*gasp*) have small children. Most people seem to be doing okay.

    I think being in a relationship definitely can and does in many cases work while in grad school. I actually think it works better if you're both grad students or have been through grad school, because then both sides are a little more understanding about the time and effort involved. At the same time, it kind of forces you to have some 'self-care' and engage in other activities besides school.

    And about putting dating off...if you want a research career, you'll always be busy. If you dont, you'll probably always be busy anyway. you might as well learn to balance work and your personal life now.
  37. RileyG

    RileyG School of Hard Knocks

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    The Graduate Student Association at my school hosts speed dating every year for grad students only. :thumbup::love::laugh:
  38. InUrHead

    InUrHead

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    Totally Agree. I am a happily married woman (met my husband in undergrad - he has absolutely NO interest in academia) but I do know someone, can't say too much, but she did get 'busted' for sleeping with one of her professors and let me just say - imagine the worst case scenario and that is pretty much what happened. She ended up transferring to a different department because she said that she had decided she wanted a slightly different degree. It was not a pretty picture. DO NOT DATE YOUR PROFESSORS.
  39. InUrHead

    InUrHead

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    Totally agree, You'll never have enough time - you will always to be busy so if it finds you I say embrace it. Personally, I can't even fathom getting through graduate school without my husband, he has been my rock.

    And I (*gasp*) have a small child too (*gasp*)!! :laugh:

    Sorry, I loved reading that. I mean, we talked at length prior to having her (mostly about money) and you can always plan on more time, more money, more whatever but at the end of the day you have to live your life. I mean, there I was, 8 months pregnant defending my comps - who'da thunk.
  40. dd123

    dd123

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    All of this talk of dating, and the word "sex" has hardly come up.

    I moved last summer to my new city for the first year of my PhD, and I was so into the idea of dating around. Then, the reality of my work load hit. My dating motivations changed to "Oh god, if I could just find someone who wants to shag now and then."

    Am I the only one who, due to a crushing workload, would rather skip the dating right now and just have a FWB?

    In the city where I used to live, which was rather cosmopolitan, there were plenty such options. Plus, I'd lived there for many years, so my social networks were well established. My new city is much smaller, and the prospects of this seem very limited.
  41. AlaskanJustin

    AlaskanJustin

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    HA me too buddy me too... I was at one interview, the school had 1 male and like 40 female students, and I was one of 3 males interviewing for the program (rest female).

    Either way, I too am recently singled, and its a lonely feeling knowing you will be moving on with your life (one of the more important steps in life for sure) alone. It makes me wonder how accepting women in psych programs are to having straight male friends.

    Also, anyone else think that the lack of heterosexual male psych grad students sets up an eerily similar situation to the bar/closing time effect? women settle for whats best of a limited pool?

    disclaimer: I am not saying any of what I just wrote is true, just conjecturing is all :)
  42. AlaskanJustin

    AlaskanJustin

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    i admittedly met someone, who was on my same flight going to interview at the same program.... no names or places, problem with this is that it all rides on actually going to the same program... statistically unfavorable
  43. erg923

    erg923 Psychologist-Department of Veterans Affairs (VA)

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    Oh man do I have a great X-rated interview hook-up story from back in the day....:laugh: Prob not appopriate to share though. I think she's a post-doc now actually. Not sure where though.....
  44. Therapist4Chnge

    Therapist4Chnge Neuropsych Ninja Faculty Moderator Emeritus

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    It's a professional forum, so that probably wouldn't be the best thing to post.
  45. krisrox

    krisrox

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    PM me ; )

    Kidding!!
  46. Wapote84

    Wapote84

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    dude.... stop policing the forums like someone's mother...
  47. PsyDWannabe

    PsyDWannabe HpfulboutGradSchl

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    Well......he is the moderator.......
  48. erg923

    erg923 Psychologist-Department of Veterans Affairs (VA)

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    haha..I was exaggerating some and no, i wasn't gonna tell a dirty story. T4C is the moderator and has the right (and responsibility) to ensure/maintain professional decorum on this forum.
  49. joonscribble

    joonscribble

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    I actually knew of one case of someone who did have a relationship with a professor who DID end up being on his dissertation committee.

    And then they broke up rather messily. He did end up graduating with his degree, but really, climbing Everest sounded easier.
  50. LivingOffLoans

    LivingOffLoans

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    I don't know about this one. Although I'm no Johnny Depp, I'm a pretty decent looking guy, regarded as very smart, more involved in the school community than most in my program, and I am really friendly (albeit my pretentious nature in class, but I blame studying psychoanalysis and the GRE's on that!). Yet I am spending more and more time in isolation while all the youngsters (I am late 20's, they are mostly early-mid 20's) get obliterated with each other at the local pub. There are many attractive women in my program, and I've had my eye on a couple of them, but none seem to be too interested in me. To me, my school (a private institution with lower expectations than a university program) seems to be more like a continuation of the undergraduate lifestyle while I sit on the sidelines trying to make a name for myself. I don't want to get sidetracked here and launch into a woe-is-me tangent, but I am lonely as hell and wish I had a little companionship. I think I have a lot to offer to the right woman, but am not so hopeful I'll find her in time before my looks wear out.
    Last edited: Dec 21, 2011

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