Dating in Grad School

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Craigstlist still has its "erotic services" section. :D

I would suggest looking outside your program unless someone pursues you, or it just happens. If it does, I would tread carefully and have a conversation about the complications that can arise with dating someone in your program.
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LivingOffLoans said:
I don't know about this one. Although I'm no Johnny Depp, I'm a pretty decent looking guy, regarded as very smart, more involved in the school community than most in my program, and I am really friendly (albeit my pretentious nature in class, but I blame studying psychoanalysis and the GRE's on that!). Yet I am spending more and more time in isolation while all the youngsters (I am late 20's, they are mostly early-mid 20's) get obliterated with each other at the local pub. There are many attractive women in my program, and I've had my eye on a couple of them, but none seem to be too interested in me. To me, my school (a private institution with lower expectations than a university program) seems to be more like a continuation of the undergraduate lifestyle while I sit on the sidelines trying to make a name for myself. I don't want to get sidetracked here and launch into a woe-is-me tangent, but I am lonely as hell and wish I had a little companionship. I think I have a lot to offer to the right woman, but am not so hopeful I'll find her in time before my looks wear out.
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General question: do you tend to talk about school/your program a lot when out with other grad students in social settings? If so, this could be one explanation for the difficulties you're facing. One of the reasons I made a concerted effort to find friends outside of psychologist was that unfortunately, when us clinical psych students gather, people have a tendency to talk ONLY about school (makes sense, as it's what we all have in common). The bad thing is that this can get old pretty quickly, as the last thing I, for example, want to think about when I'm out at a bar is school. Also, the conversation will often change from general talk about school to complaining about school, which is even more abrasive.

And now to slightly change the subject--I agree with erg, you definitely need to talk about the possible complications associated with dating (and particularly with a break-up) if you choose to enter into a relationship of any sort beyond friendship with a classmate. Definitely don't assume that because you're both grad students, and because you're both in psychology, everything will be handled with maturity and respect. I've dated/talked to, and seen other people date, people in my program, and unfortunately this often (perhaps even usually) isn't the case.
 
Interestingly, the only folks I know whose relationships have survived grad school are the people who met during (or as a result of) grad school. Everyone else but me either saved the relationship by dropping out of school, or got divorced/broke up.
 
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wigflip said:
Interestingly, the only folks I know whose relationships have survived grad school are the people who met during (or as a result of) grad school. Everyone else but me either saved the relationship by dropping out of school, or got divorced/broke up.
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Yep, this fits with my experience.
I had a cohort of five- two married, two in serious long-term relationships, and one single.
Before finishing our Masters, both the marriages had ended, and I'd split up with my live-in boyfriend. Only one relationship now remains, and they are happily married.

But, to avoid seeming too negative, one woman has since remarried to a fellow she met while working on her PhD and is a million times happier, and I'm engaged to a grad student in another discipline!

I just think a lot changes while you are in grad school, as not only is it an exceedingly stressful period, but it happens during a pretty formative time in your adulthood. It makes sense that relationships don't necessarily stay the same.
 
Thus far, I believe only three or four of the twelve to fifteen couples I knew heading into grad school in a "serious" relationship (engaged, married, or dating for many years) ended up having things not work out. The others are still together, with I believe four in the past alone getting married while in the program.
 
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! I would never date a girl in my program. When I am done with classes or practicum, I am done. I don't want to hear about psychology, it nice to have a conversation other than that.... Plus, psychologist are the walking wounded :eek: he said what!! lol...... :D
 
I've seen a lot of relationships come and go in my program. Most (all?) the married folks have stayed married, but many of the long-term relationships ended. I'm not sure grad school is at fault though...I was with someone five years, but its ending had nothing to do with grad school.

I've since met someone who is a far better match for me. Of all the random places, I met her in an upper level biostats course, which likely ranks slightly below a comic book convention on the list of worst possible places to try and meet women. In other words...don't worry too much about ratios! I've always found bars/clubs terrible places to meet people - quality over quantity.

There is also no doubt that graduate school is stressful, but I've always had the attitude that if it couldn't survive grad school, there's a good chance it wouldn't have survived in the long run anyways. Life is full of stressors and I'd rather find out sooner than later if I'm in a relationship that is going to dissolve over something like that before kids are involved, etc.
 
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Ollie123 said:
I've seen a lot of relationships come and go in my program. Most (all?) the married folks have stayed married, but many of the long-term relationships ended. I'm not sure grad school is at fault though...I was with someone five years, but its ending had nothing to do with grad school.

I've since met someone who is a far better match for me. Of all the random places, I met her in an upper level biostats course, which likely ranks slightly below a comic book convention on the list of worst possible places to try and meet women. In other words...don't worry too much about ratios! I've always found bars/clubs terrible places to meet people - quality over quantity.

There is also no doubt that graduate school is stressful, but I've always had the attitude that if it couldn't survive grad school, there's a good chance it wouldn't have survived in the long run anyways. Life is full of stressors and I'd rather find out sooner than later if I'm in a relationship that is going to dissolve over something like that before kids are involved, etc.
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These are all important points in my opinion. The age/phase of life most people are in grad school (i.e., mid-ish twenties to late-ish twenties/early-ish thirties) is a period of a good amount of flux to begin with. If the relationship doesn't work out, chances are it might be due to changes in the people that would've occurred regardless rather than any particular stresses brought on by grad school. And, as Ollie said, life is hard most of the time, even when not in grad school.
 
Congrats on your new relationship, Ollie.

AcronymAllergy said:
These are all important points in my opinion. The age/phase of life most people are in grad school (i.e., mid-ish twenties to late-ish twenties/early-ish thirties) is a period of a good amount of flux to begin with. If the relationship doesn't work out, chances are it might be due to changes in the people that would've occurred regardless rather than any particular stresses brought on by grad school. And, as Ollie said, life is hard most of the time, even when not in grad school.
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Hmmm...interesting points. The folks I had in mind actually weren't exclusively the usual "straight out of undergrad" crowd, but folks in their early to late 30s as well. Some of the breakups/divorces I mentioned earlier affected older, more "settled" students like me. And if Hubby and I had been earlier in our relationship we probably wouldn't have made it either, but we'd already logged a decade together before I started. Had two seriously hellacious years, however. The new academic couples I know seem happy, but are grappling with the "two body problem," or it just goes unspoken that they'll be apart once one finds a job (or that they'll stay together and the woman will scuttle her academic career aspirations in favor of his--have never seen it go the other way, at least not yet).
 
Dating other graduate students and even other undergraduate students is totally fine so long as both parties have realistic expectations. If, for example, you're dating someone in your class, the two of you should work out a mature agreement during the breakup so that things don't get awkward in classes or social groups. (Then again, I'm speaking as an undergrad student who met her M4 (now intern) boyfriend freshman year.)
 
varsityblue said:
Dating other graduate students and even other undergraduate students is totally fine so long as both parties have realistic expectations. If, for example, you're dating someone in your class, the two of you should work out a mature agreement during the breakup so that things don't get awkward in classes or social groups. (Then again, I'm speaking as an undergrad student who met her M4 (now intern) boyfriend freshman year.)
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It might go without saying on this forum, but I nonetheless feel the need to point out that with respect to psych grad students (which often doesn't apply to med students), the whole TA/instructor issue can be somewhat thorny when dating an undergraduate. If the person is not now in a class you're TAing/teaching, nor will they be in the future while you're dating, it's generally ok. HOWEVER, this can vary from program to program, so you'll want to check with your grad department before dating an undergrad. Sounds a little wonky, yes, but much better safe than sorry.

Also, if you end up having a bad breakup and this person ends up in one of your classes down the road, that could lead to all sorts of significant inconveniences.
 
AcronymAllergy said:
It might go without saying on this forum, but I nonetheless feel the need to point out that with respect to psych grad students (which often doesn't apply to med students), the whole TA/instructor issue can be somewhat thorny when dating an undergraduate. If the person is not now in a class you're TAing/teaching, nor will they be in the future while you're dating, it's generally ok. HOWEVER, this can vary from program to program, so you'll want to check with your grad department before dating an undergrad. Sounds a little wonky, yes, but much better safe than sorry.
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A TA dating a current student in their class opens the TA up to potential complaints. Even if there is no quid pro quo impropriety, other undergraduate students in the class may perceive the relationship as conferring unfair advantage to the undergraduate in the relationship, or may feel that the relationship changes the environment of the classroom.

Maybe it's just 'cause I'm older, but I've never understood the appeal of dating undergraduates (especially after having read their papers). Even the most secluded college towns have a variety of adults worth getting to know. And it's worth noting too that once you start dating undergraduates you may have trouble subsequently dating grad students--the women I know all think that grad guys dating undergrads is pretty creepy.
 
I'm dating an undergrad but this person has never taken a psych course (and doesn't plan on doing so either). Also, he is older than I am. :)

And yeah, echoing what Ollie said: the ratio is discouraging but I know a lot of ladies in my program, including myself, who have boyfriends outside of our department. I actually recommend dating outside of the dept--it is so nice to not talk "shop" constantly like I tend to do with psych people.
 
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cara susanna said:
I actually recommend dating outside of the dept
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Maybe best to date humanities scholars--those poor souls know there aren't any academic humanities jobs post-graduation, so they'll follow you anywhere! :smuggrin:
 
Well, that certainly would eliminate the "two body problem" then. ;)

Although my boyfriend isn't in my field or academia, his desired career is also very location-limited, so we may have a difficult time. Oh well, guess I'll worry about it when it happens.
 
wigflip said:
Maybe it's just 'cause I'm older, but I've never understood the appeal of dating undergraduates (especially after having read their papers). Even the most secluded college towns have a variety of adults worth getting to know. And it's worth noting too that once you start dating undergraduates you may have trouble subsequently dating grad students--the women I know all think that grad guys dating undergrads is pretty creepy.
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I'd imagine that when this happens, a good proportion of the time it's because the grad student met the undergrad while out and about, and didn't realize at the time he/she was an undergrad. Especially if you live in a smaller college town, it's very easy for many/most of the people you meet to be undergraduates. Then again, this of course depends in part on where you like to spend your time. But even then, again, in a smaller town, the odds of (unwittingly) running into undergrads just about anywhere are pretty substantial.
 
wigflip said:
Congrats on your new relationship, Ollie.



Hmmm...interesting points. The folks I had in mind actually weren't exclusively the usual "straight out of undergrad" crowd, but folks in their early to late 30s as well. Some of the breakups/divorces I mentioned earlier affected older, more "settled" students like me. And if Hubby and I had been earlier in our relationship we probably wouldn't have made it either, but we'd already logged a decade together before I started. Had two seriously hellacious years, however. The new academic couples I know seem happy, but are grappling with the "two body problem," or it just goes unspoken that they'll be apart once one finds a job (or that they'll stay together and the woman will scuttle her academic career aspirations in favor of his--have never seen it go the other way, at least not yet).
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Thanks, though "new" was a couple years ago now:) I'm not certain if its your program, your field, or just the people in that environment but it sounds miserable. I just don't see that problem here. The divorce rate for students in our program (including "older" students) seems far lower than the US average and those that have ended were not (to my knowledge) in any way a function of graduate school. The two body problem is always an issue but I think more of one in your area - we just seem to have more flexibility in terms of the types of jobs we work in, and also likely more money drifting around than many other fields. It always will be very difficult to have two spouses with very limited career flexibility - academia is among the worst but there are other jobs like that - frankly I just view it as a decision that people have to go into with open eyes. Some departments will do spousal hires though this seems to be a tougher sell for junior folks. As with many of the things we discuss in this board I have limited sympathy for folks who somehow don't seem to realize they aren't going to earn 150k starting out, might have to move to find a job, etc. until they are on their way out the door. No one is forced into the profession, and even within it we have tremendous flexibility in the types of jobs we can pursue.

To the other poster - there isn't anything inherently wrong with a grad student dating an undergrad - especially for folks who went straight through and thus are relatively similar in age. Obviously maturity differences can be a big issue, but the distributions certainly overlap as there are plenty of immature grad students, and mature undergrads. The only issue I see is avoiding potential issues with dual roles - dating a former student isn't in the same league of sketchy/unethical as dating a client, but still does not sit well with me. Dating a current student is just not okay. Of course, in larger departments with hundreds of people its perfectly possible for a grad and ugrad to date without it ever being an issue so I find it hard to take issue with that, as long as both are aware and handle it appropriately.
 
Just a funny story... Some students in my cohort dated for a while and decided to break it off for professional reasons. They remained friends of course. A few months later they both joined an online dating service (unknown to each other), and the website paired them as a perfect match. They started dating again after that, and have been quite happy and productive ever since.

I think dating other students is tricky, but you know yourself better than anyone. If you think you can handle it, I say go for it. They could be your match made in heaven.
 
That is quite an ironic story about how the dating service paired them back together!

I have known more than a few individuals from my doctoral program who met and wound up getting married. It can work...
 
Weird thing.... although psychology grad students are (typically) against dating students and profs, this is VERY common in prettymuch EVERY other department, so don;t be weirded out when you see it.....
 
JockNerd said:
Weird thing.... although psychology grad students are (typically) against dating students and profs, this is VERY common in prettymuch EVERY other department, so don;t be weirded out when you see it.....
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Hmm, I'm not sure I'd say dating professors is VERY common in other departments, either. Students I could potentially see, but at least at my school, I've never heard of any department in which I have friends (biology, various engineering fields, math, English) having an instance of a professor dating a graduate student. And it can't be blamed on the school itself, as there's no policy forbidding professors from dating graduate or undergraduate students.

I'm definitely not saying it doesn't happen, I just haven't seen it being much more prevalent in other departments. Then again, my n = 1 as far as universities go.
 
I've heard plenty of "profs dating grad students" stories--mostly involving married faculty men and their female grad student advisees. Ah, the joys of academia.
 
Ollie123 said:
I've seen a lot of relationships come and go in my program. Most (all?) the married folks have stayed married, but many of the long-term relationships ended. I'm not sure grad school is at fault though...I was with someone five years, but its ending had nothing to do with grad school.

I've since met someone who is a far better match for me. Of all the random places, I met her in an upper level biostats course, which likely ranks slightly below a comic book convention on the list of worst possible places to try and meet women. In other words...don't worry too much about ratios! I've always found bars/clubs terrible places to meet people - quality over quantity.

There is also no doubt that graduate school is stressful, but I've always had the attitude that if it couldn't survive grad school, there's a good chance it wouldn't have survived in the long run anyways. Life is full of stressors and I'd rather find out sooner than later if I'm in a relationship that is going to dissolve over something like that before kids are involved, etc.
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Recently I've been wondering if the grad school is a relationship destroyer. This is my first year and of my cohort of 8, two have since left their boyfriends, one had a divorce, and my current marriage is rocky at best. A common thread I hear is that there is such a disparity of mutual interests. I do find it difficult to discuss much of the tons of research I'm reading with someone who really does not have a clue to what I'm talking about. I think some bitterness arises when I'm spending copious ammounts of time doing something she does not understand or appreciate. In fact when I do try to discuss research she throws in something irrelevant from the bible. :boom: Most of us are non traditional students so I don't believe the age is really a factor. Unless you partner can share in your accomplishments and interests it definetly makes things much more superficial, and superficial is not a good adjective to describe a marriage by any means.
 
I used to be miffed that Hubby hadn't read most of my academic publications or other school work. Then I realized that I wasn't much better--half the time I couldn't remember exactly what he was up to at his current job. More importantly, I decided that work wasn't a particularly interesting thing to talk about with someone I share so many other sensibilities and interests with. What got us down was all the time apart, my sour mood as a result of departmental toxicity, stress, etc. Things are much better now, but the earlier grad school years were by far the nadir of our long relationship.
 
JockNerd said:
This is an aside, but the only reason this is the case is because a bunch of the people on the "ethics" board that decided this were married to their former clients. My personal rule is never, ever, not 2 years. I think it's reprehensible.
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Agree JockNerd -- never ever. Off the table once they step foot through my doors...
 
I have to say, reading this thread is making me really nervous about next year! I will be starting a clinical PhD program in the fall and as of right now, I have no idea what will happen with my current relationship. I've been dating my boyfriend for almost three years and I thought I was in it for the long run...but he's having a hard time finding jobs where I'll be next year (and he's not the least bit enthusiastic about moving, either). Dating prospects in grad school don't sound too bad...but still, it sucks to think that we're probably not going to make it!:eek:
 
dumbledoresgirl said:
I have to say, reading this thread is making me really nervous about next year! I will be starting a clinical PhD program in the fall and as of right now, I have no idea what will happen with my current relationship. I've been dating my boyfriend for almost three years and I thought I was in it for the long run...but he's having a hard time finding jobs where I'll be next year (and he's not the least bit enthusiastic about moving, either). Dating prospects in grad school don't sound too bad...but still, it sucks to think that we're probably not going to make it!:eek:
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I feel sort of the same, too, except my fiance is rather enthusiastic about moving (maybe moreso than I am really)...
 
dumbledoresgirl said:
I have to say, reading this thread is making me really nervous about next year! I will be starting a clinical PhD program in the fall and as of right now, I have no idea what will happen with my current relationship. I've been dating my boyfriend for almost three years and I thought I was in it for the long run...but he's having a hard time finding jobs where I'll be next year (and he's not the least bit enthusiastic about moving, either). Dating prospects in grad school don't sound too bad...but still, it sucks to think that we're probably not going to make it!:eek:
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I maintained my relationship from before graduate school and remain happily married. It really depends on you as a couple. My wife couldn't find a job at first but then found an awesome one eventually. I suppose it just depends on whether you both can take a long view of things. Helps if you are married or fully committed to the long term, I suppose.
 
Pragma said:
I maintained my relationship from before graduate school and remain happily married. It really depends on you as a couple. My wife couldn't find a job at first but then found an awesome one eventually. I suppose it just depends on whether you both can take a long view of things. Helps if you are married or fully committed to the long term, I suppose.
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Exact same situation here.
 
People break up across all walks of life - grad school is no different. Like any relationship, it's important to be aware of the context of dating someone in your cohort, but it's not inherently dangerous or problematic. Personally, I met my wife (who was in my cohort) first year, started dating almost immediately, got married in grad school, and we remain happy today (and will be starting in the same department in the fall). It certainly can happen and it can also blow up in your face, like most things.

On a side note, we do talk shop quite a bit, but it's far from our only topic and we enjoy it when we do. I think that just depends upon the person and the content of the conversation.
 
Others might disagree, but I think that while grad school, moving away, not finding a job (or even having a LDR) can put an enormous strain on a relationship, those things alone don't make or break a relationship. In my opinion, it's always is the way that two people handle these challenges and the decisions they make.
 
PsychBrownBag said:
Personally, I met my wife (who was in my cohort) first year, started dating almost immediately, got married in grad school, and we remain happy today (and will be starting in the same department in the fall).
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Just curious, but how did that work in terms of the academic job market? Was one of your a "spousal hire"? I ask because it seems to be a big stigma that female academics never live down. The female faculty in my department who came in that way still get referred to as "spousal hires" by male faculty and grad students alike--over three decades later. :mad:
 
wigflip said:
Just curious, but how did that work in terms of the academic job market? Was one of your a "spousal hire"? I ask because it seems to be a big stigma that female academics never live down. The female faculty in my department who came in that way still get referred to as "spousal hires" by male faculty and grad students alike--over three decades later. :mad:
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Are spousal hires usually women? I believe it in the past, but would be interested in more recent data. It might be anecdotal, but it seems that the majority of faculty hires (not spousal) I have witnessed are women.
 
We were somewhat unique in that she was not looking for a tenure track position (although she is certainly qualified for one). She was looking for and snagged a non-TT position in which she does clinical training for the grad students with an eventual goal of directing the clinic.

That being said, a number of spousal hires have come out of my department in recent years and in a large portion of the cases, the male was the "spousal hire." That being said, all the folks are REALLY qualified - for one reason or another it just made more sense for one person to go on the market more actively. It's a tricky situation regardless, but it can certainly work.
 
This Discussion is hilarious, but very accurate. I know a few people in my MA cohort that started dating (including myself) and at the time I think that the closeness of the individuals in my class and the long hours of studying, working together, etc. definitely heightened the chances of romantic relationships occurring. When it was occurring I thought it was great, good use of time, integrating work and play! In retrospect, probably shouldn't have done it. Really just makes for awkward interactions after the relationship ends... and yet you are still working with these individuals on a professional and academic level.

Overall though... Inevitable and maybe a right of passage sort of thing for grad school, like taking GREs, Thesis Defenses or Interview days... you haven't truly experienced grad school until you've participated in an inner-cohort romantic relationship : )

but now that I am about to start my PhD program... I'm glad I've gotten that over with too! lol
 
Jon Snow said:
Don't know why'd you'd want to discuss your research. I'd be annoyed at bible quotes presented in a serious fashion given my view of religion, but you aren't your work. My wife and I hardly ever talk about my research.
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^^ This. My spouse and I were in grad school at the same time, 1500 miles away from one another. Our PhDs are in different disciplines and we have never read each others' work -- not even dissertations (or excerpts thereof). We don't want to bore each other with the minutiae of our respective fields. And I think that's been a healthy approach. Currently, we hold faculty positions at universities approximately 30 miles apart (we live in between). An academic success story!

We've been together for 16 years, married for 9. It is possible to enter and leave grad school with a relationship intact. Even with long distance in the mix!
 
LM02 said:
^^ This. My spouse and I were in grad school at the same time, 1500 miles away from one another. Our PhDs are in different disciplines and we have never read each others' work -- not even dissertations (or excerpts thereof). We don't want to bore each other with the minutiae of our respective fields. And I think that's been a healthy approach. Currently, we hold faculty positions at universities approximately 30 miles apart (we live in between). An academic success story!

We've been together for 16 years, married for 9. It is possible to enter and leave grad school with a relationship intact. Even with long distance in the mix!
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Yay! This post brightened my day. I am about to move (in Sept) for my PsyD. My bf lives in NY. My school is in CA. :love:
 
I feel a little better knowing that some people do make it...I guess it really does depend on how much you actually want it to work. I just hope grad school doesn't break us because it would suck to let 3 years go to waste. I will just have to keep pretending like I believe that everything happens for a reason, hah. :rolleyes:

For those of you who did do long distance, how often did you see your significant other? I know it greatly depends on how big of a distance it was, but I would appreciate knowing how you made it work / what you think helped!
 
This is slightly unrelated but would grad students be willing to share their opinions on having a roommate vs. living alone in grad school? I'm having an awful time finding a roommate and looks like I will be living alone...
 
Adding my personal anecdotes to the mix... :)

Dating an Undergrad

Coincidentally, I will be a grad student while my long-term boyfriend, a nontraditional 25+ older student, will be transferring to the same school to complete his undergrad. I think that before you form opinions of undergrad/grad couples, you should definitely take into consideration unique circumstances about the couple that you may not know about. The situation may not be what it seems, in any case! ;)

People dating 10 years older/younger will always raise some societal eyebrows, whether or not it's across undergrad/grad lines.

Spousal Hires

I just wanted to chime in that my mom just received a tenure track position and her husband was the spousal hire. In fact, it was his spousal hire that pushed her to accept one position offer over another at a different university. I am super proud of her!!! :D
 
I live alone and love it. Depends on who you are and how you work though. My previous roommate (pre-grad-school) was awesome and remains one of my best friends, but given my weird hours its nice to just have "my" space and not have to worry about accomodating someone else even for trivial things (i.e. can turn music on when I want, have quiet when I want, etc.). The fiancee will be moving in a few months from now so we will see how much of an adjustment that requires:)

Obvious downsides are the cost, and the in-house social network. There are certainly times I miss having a roommate, but for me, at this stage in my life, the costs outweighed the benefits. Of course, despite being somewhat of an extravert in many settings, I'm also comfortable alone - I know plenty of (perfectly normal) individuals who simply like having others around and they may benefit more from a roommate. I'd just engage in some introspection and think about what you need.
 
Ollie123 said:
I live alone and love it. Depends on who you are and how you work though. My previous roommate (pre-grad-school) was awesome and remains one of my best friends, but given my weird hours its nice to just have "my" space and not have to worry about accomodating someone else even for trivial things (i.e. can turn music on when I want, have quiet when I want, etc.). The fiancee will be moving in a few months from now so we will see how much of an adjustment that requires:)

Obvious downsides are the cost, and the in-house social network. There are certainly times I miss having a roommate, but for me, at this stage in my life, the costs outweighed the benefits. Of course, despite being somewhat of an extravert in many settings, I'm also comfortable alone - I know plenty of (perfectly normal) individuals who simply like having others around and they may benefit more from a roommate. I'd just engage in some introspection and think about what you need.
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How much do you think it will affect the ability to socialize if I live alone? I don't know a soul in my program and nothing about the area and really don't want to be alone at first.
 
dcc777 said:
How much do you think it will affect the ability to socialize if I live alone? I don't know a soul in my program and nothing about the area and really don't want to be alone at first.
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Like Ollie, I prefer living alone, and have done so for the majority (i.e., all but one year) of my training. I can say that in my case, it didn't at all affect my ability to socialize; I still frequently hung out with both psych and non-psych friends. As long as you make an active effort early on to let others in the department know you're interested in getting together outside of school, whether you live alone or with a roommate won't impact your inclusion in those activities.
 
Shouldn't really impact your ability to socialize unless you aren't willing to drive anywhere! I just meant that sometimes its nice to have someone to talk to on nights you don't go out or just in between bouts of work. I'm sure if I had a roommate, there are probably additional nights I'd have gone out that I just didn't make the effort to do on my own and had no one to drag me out. They also might offer other social connections (if its someone outside the department). Its certainly possible not to have a roommate without becoming a social outcast! Didn't meant to imply anything like that.
 
dcc777 said:
How much do you think it will affect the ability to socialize if I live alone? I don't know a soul in my program and nothing about the area and really don't want to be alone at first.
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I'm definitely living alone. I've had a few ridiculous roommates over the years and I can't wait to finally be by myself. I can decorate however I like, don't have to worry about stepping on anyone's toes or dealing with messes that aren't mine. I can't wait.

I also just ended a five year relationship so I'm really looking forward to starting over in a new city. Plus I think living alone will push me to go out more often when I do have time. I'm definitely a social person and I won't have the crutch of a relationship to fall back on when I'm lonely.
 
Some of these relationships work out and some don't. I believe the norm is two or three marriages for most of us and divorce is viewed more as a growth experience. My first marriage was from a relationship during my undergraduate degree. Seems that most people in undergraduate schools date and this is how you establish relationships. My second marriage was with a female I met in my hometown and both of my marriages were around ten years long. There is nothing wrong with dating in graduate programs but there are boundary issues when it is a faculty member or a teacher and a student. It still happens but people are very discrete at this point in time.

In most psychology programs there are roughly 80% females and 20% males as males don't go into psychology as much as in the past. Times are different as alternative lifestyles are more common with Gay males and Lesbian females in many programs. I guess this follows along with the general society statistics. Faculty and students readily are out in the open about their sexual orientation at this point in time. Many grad students have piercings and multiple tattoos that you did not see twenty years ago. I've seen some students get married and divorced to other students in their program years of training. Some married students get divorced in graduate school as it affects the relationship due to the length of training.
 
4410 said:
I believe the norm is two or three marriages for most of us and divorce is viewed more as a growth experience.
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You believe? Based on what?

This is senstive topic for would-be and current grad students and this is def not the time for you to throw out all your anecdotes about this guy that you knew that one time and/or other speculations you might have about divorce rates. If you know of some professional survey that demonstrates that stat for psychologists (its obvioulsy not the norm in the gen pop), then cite it. If not, keep your mouth shut about it.
 
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4410 said:
Times are different as alternative lifestyles are more common with Gay males and Lesbian females in many programs.
Click to expand...

"Alternative lifestyles"? Really?!?
 
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