Dating in Med School for AAs

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iave9963 said:
Just made my day lol
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Haha Glad I could do that...But I think you need to get some hobbies to make your day more entertaining :p
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WhittyPsyche said:
Haha Glad I could do that...But I think you need to get some hobbies to make your day more entertaining :p
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Noted! Now that application cycle has wind down entertainment for me is stressing out about where I will be in the next 4 months.
 
Fun is important, especially in times of stress! Congratualtions by the way!
 
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curious lately said:
How difficult is this especially for Black women? What do people do? Any stories or advice about being Black and dating during med school? I've heard that at some med schools, none of the Black students will date because it is like dating someone in your family which I don't get. Is that the general case? What about at HBCUs? I appreciate any opinion on this!
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The "dating difficulty" of being a black female in medical school honestly depends on the location of your medical school. If dating is really important to you, I'd suggest trying to get into a medical school in a diverse state/town/city. Alternatively, if you end up attending medical school in the middle of the country, you have to be open to online dating. This is what I can say about your question.

(1) If you are adamant about dating an educated black man, you NEED to be in an environment where there are educated black men around (e.g. Atlanta, DC etc). Remember, this will NOT be the case if you go to school a state where the population of minorities is already really low to begin with (e.g. Montana, some Midwestern states etc). Otherwise, you may need to sign up for Eharmony, Match, OKCupid, BlackPeopleMeet etc to find your educated black man. You will probably find yourself in a long distance online relationship if you go this route.

(2) If race is not an issue, the environment will impact your dating life. Are you in a state where inter-racial couples are the norm? If so, you will have no problem meeting people when you go out. However, if you are in a state where inter-racial couples are non-existent, then you will face some difficulties. I, unfortunately, go to school in the latter state. There have been classmates who are obviously attracted me (men can be really obvious when they like a girl :) ) Unfortunately, they afraid to approach me because they are worried about what people will think. They will flirt on Facebook & other social media but act like they do not know you in public.The first time this dawned on me, I was really hurt. It's painful to see your classmates pairing off while you are left out in the cold. This happened many times to me so I am numb to the pain at this point.

Solution? Online dating may be the way to go for a black female in medicine. Feel free to agree or disagree with me. I am curious to hear other people's experiences.
 
Nabongo Mumia said:
The "dating difficulty" of being a black female in medical school honestly depends on the location of your medical school. If dating is really important to you, I'd suggest trying to get into a medical school in a diverse state/town/city. Alternatively, if you end up attending medical school in the middle of the country, you have to be open to online dating. This is what I can say about your question.

(1) If you are adamant about dating an educated black man, you NEED to be in an environment where there are educated black men around (e.g. Atlanta, DC etc). Remember, this will NOT be the case if you go to school a state where the population of minorities is already really low to begin with (e.g. Montana, some Midwestern states etc). Otherwise, you may need to sign up for Eharmony, Match, OKCupid, BlackPeopleMeet etc to find your educated black man. You will probably find yourself in a long distance online relationship if you go this route.

(2) If race is not an issue, the environment will impact your dating life. Are you in a state where inter-racial couples are the norm? If so, you will have no problem meeting people when you go out. However, if you are in a state where inter-racial couples are non-existent, then you will face some difficulties. I, unfortunately, go to school in the latter state. There have been classmates who are obviously attracted me (men can be really obvious when they like a girl :) ) Unfortunately, they afraid to approach me because they are worried about what people will think. They will flirt on Facebook & other social media but act like they do not know you in public.The first time this dawned on me, I was really hurt. It's painful to see your classmates pairing off while you are left out in the cold. This happened many times to me so I am numb to the pain at this point.

Solution? Online dating may be the way to go for a black female in medicine. Feel free to agree or disagree with me. I am curious to hear other people's experiences.
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Whoa. =/

I'm sorry to hear that this has been your experience, Nabongo.
 
My sister is black and she dated a couple jerks during med school, but she didn't find "the one" until residency. From what I could tell, they were all non-med white guys. She did go to school in the midwest though, so I imagine it was just a lack of options. She's living with him now and seems happy, so I'm happy for them!
 
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Nabongo!! :lol: It is your name that is chasing them away . I wouldn't want to date a woman named "Nabongo" :rolleyes:







I am totally kidding around and hope you can forgive me :D
 
Good for you.
Most of my white friends said AA women have great issues with anger management. On the other hand, they love black women from Africa. Ask me!!!! In fact this is a white dude thought: women from Africa are caring; they have determination; they are hard workers, great coccinera, and very respectful.
 
Nabongo Mumia said:
The "dating difficulty" of being a black female in medical school honestly depends on the location of your medical school. If dating is really important to you, I'd suggest trying to get into a medical school in a diverse state/town/city. Alternatively, if you end up attending medical school in the middle of the country, you have to be open to online dating. This is what I can say about your question.

(1) If you are adamant about dating an educated black man, you NEED to be in an environment where there are educated black men around (e.g. Atlanta, DC etc). Remember, this will NOT be the case if you go to school a state where the population of minorities is already really low to begin with (e.g. Montana, some Midwestern states etc). Otherwise, you may need to sign up for Eharmony, Match, OKCupid, BlackPeopleMeet etc to find your educated black man. You will probably find yourself in a long distance online relationship if you go this route.

(2) If race is not an issue, the environment will impact your dating life. Are you in a state where inter-racial couples are the norm? If so, you will have no problem meeting people when you go out. However, if you are in a state where inter-racial couples are non-existent, then you will face some difficulties. I, unfortunately, go to school in the latter state. There have been classmates who are obviously attracted me (men can be really obvious when they like a girl :) ) Unfortunately, they afraid to approach me because they are worried about what people will think. They will flirt on Facebook & other social media but act like they do not know you in public.The first time this dawned on me, I was really hurt. It's painful to see your classmates pairing off while you are left out in the cold. This happened many times to me so I am numb to the pain at this point.

Solution? Online dating may be the way to go for a black female in medicine. Feel free to agree or disagree with me. I am curious to hear other people's experiences.
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I can totally relate with the bolded. I live in the deep south:(, I have dated a couple of white girls over the years and got some of the nastiest comments and looks ever. Its only pigment. There have been other white girls who liked me during undergrad, but they were too worried about what daddy, or pastor, or other people they grew up with would say.
 
My dating life in medical school has been no look with girls in my class. Think it's time to get off campus :naughty:
 
I am a black male who goes to a medical school in NYC. Our class is in the 130 range. It has been nearly 3 months and I have been unable to find anyone. I am pretty quiet and I stick to myself. I have made a handful of friends on campus; I study by myself and don't socialize with my classmates. I find this is the best way to conserve the limited time you have to soak in the material. I would try to date the black girls on campus but am scared of the likely rejection and making any girl feel uncomfortable around me. I live in Harlem, thus, surrounded by black people all day, everyday. I have been trying like crazy to find someone off campus using dating sites, but I have had no luck. I am 24, yet have never had any type of relationship with the opposite sex. This is making me feel terrible because I am in the prime of my life yet I can't do something that is routine for others. Ideally, I could approach a girl in my class and ask for some type of casual sexual relationship, but the odds of failure and magnitude of that failure make it a particularly harrowing ordeal.

I think a lot of the concern black females have is do to the fact that they never approach men. If you were to approach when you were interested in somebody, many of you wouldn't be alone. It drives me crazy when a girl tells me that she can't find a guy when she refuses to approach someone because she is afraid people will say she is "thirsty".

For the record, I am 6'0", 220 or so pounds, well spoken and in great shape (gym everyday).
 
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Eokpar02 said:
I am a black male who goes to a medical school in NYC. Our class is in the 130 range. It has been nearly 3 months and I have been unable to find anyone. I am pretty quiet and I stick to myself. I have made a handful of friends on campus; I study by myself and don't socialize with my classmates. I find this is the best way to conserve the limited time you have to soak in the material. I would try to date the black girls on campus but am scared of the likely rejection and making any girl feel uncomfortable around me. I live in Harlem, thus, surrounded by black people all day, everyday. I have been trying like crazy to find someone off campus using dating sites, but I have had no luck. I am 24, yet have never had any type of relationship with the opposite sex. The most has been 3 dates with a girl I met off POF. This is making me feel terrible because I am in the prime of my life yet I can't do something that is routine for others.

I think a lot of the concern black females have is do to the fact that they never approach men. If you were to approach when you were interested in somebody, many of you wouldn't be alone. It drives me crazy when a girl tells me that she can't find a guy when she refuses to approach someone because she is afraid people will say she is "thirsty".

For the record, I am 6'0", 220 or so pounds, well spoken and in really good shape (gym everyday).
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Wow! I'm sorry to hear about your bad luck with dating in med school

I joke with my sister often about whether men should approach women or not. Because it's long been thought that men "like the chase" but it really is slowly beginning to be a disconnect between men and women in this day and age with a bunch of single people twiddling their thumbs waiting for one person to approach the other.

I'm not against it but I'll just say I'm not really a strong supporter of women approaching men. I do think it's perfectly fine if you're a woman to make an opening for an invitation or making it clear that you're interested when the opportunity presents itself.

I'm not sure what advice to give you except that you might need to come out of your shell; a bit, expand your social circle, and not have preconceived notions about black women or women in general. It almost sounds like you might have some baggage to unpack.
 
Eokpar02 said:
I am a black male who goes to a medical school in NYC. Our class is in the 130 range. It has been nearly 3 months and I have been unable to find anyone. I am pretty quiet and I stick to myself. I have made a handful of friends on campus; I study by myself and don't socialize with my classmates. I find this is the best way to conserve the limited time you have to soak in the material. I would try to date the black girls on campus but am scared of the likely rejection and making any girl feel uncomfortable around me. I live in Harlem, thus, surrounded by black people all day, everyday. I have been trying like crazy to find someone off campus using dating sites, but I have had no luck. I am 24, yet have never had any type of relationship with the opposite sex. This is making me feel terrible because I am in the prime of my life yet I can't do something that is routine for others. Ideally, I could approach a girl in my class and ask for some type of casual sexual relationship, but the odds of failure and magnitude of that failure make it a particularly harrowing ordeal.

I think a lot of the concern black females have is do to the fact that they never approach men. If you were to approach when you were interested in somebody, many of you wouldn't be alone. It drives me crazy when a girl tells me that she can't find a guy when she refuses to approach someone because she is afraid people will say she is "thirsty".

For the record, I am 6'0", 220 or so pounds, well spoken and in great shape (gym everyday).
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My last post before I have to get back to med school life in the morning. What alittlestar said about getting out of your shell is right. Ditch the dating site brother, you can talk to 20 people on a dating site and have 0 luck, but I am almost certain if you talk to 20 women in real life the odds will be more in your favor. As far as rejection, it happens but after the first one or two brother, it will barely phase you. Trying to approach females at a club or somewhere like that might not do you too well (based on how you described your personality) , so try like the school's library (my preference) or coffee shop, bookstore etc somewhere mellow. Also try to make some guy friends with outgoing personalities. That helps too when trying to meet new people and you'll have people to go out with when you have those small bouts of free time. Normally I don't do this, but since I'm feeling generous I will teach you an age old technique pass down from generation to generation that has a high success rate if you use it right.
Step 1. See someone you think is interesting/attractive.
Step 2: Make eye contact and walk over smiling
Step 2.5: (Optional): I usually like to do a friendly wave before I reach the intended target
Step 3: Say Hi :)
If she is interested you'll know within 5 minutes. If she is not, you probably made a new friend. Good luck!

P.S most people say they don't know what to say after introductions, talk about the first thing that comes to mind, you're a smart guy (wouldn't be in med school otherwise) you'd be surprise the stuff you can talk about on the fly, which will hold a convo.
 
Eokpar02 said:
I am a black male who goes to a medical school in NYC. Our class is in the 130 range. It has been nearly 3 months and I have been unable to find anyone. I am pretty quiet and I stick to myself. I have made a handful of friends on campus; I study by myself and don't socialize with my classmates. I find this is the best way to conserve the limited time you have to soak in the material. I would try to date the black girls on campus but am scared of the likely rejection and making any girl feel uncomfortable around me. I live in Harlem, thus, surrounded by black people all day, everyday. I have been trying like crazy to find someone off campus using dating sites, but I have had no luck. I am 24, yet have never had any type of relationship with the opposite sex. This is making me feel terrible because I am in the prime of my life yet I can't do something that is routine for others. Ideally, I could approach a girl in my class and ask for some type of casual sexual relationship, but the odds of failure and magnitude of that failure make it a particularly harrowing ordeal.

I think a lot of the concern black females have is do to the fact that they never approach men. If you were to approach when you were interested in somebody, many of you wouldn't be alone. It drives me crazy when a girl tells me that she can't find a guy when she refuses to approach someone because she is afraid people will say she is "thirsty".

For the record, I am 6'0", 220 or so pounds, well spoken and in great shape (gym everyday).
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Bruh I understand completely...
 
le Gud said:
Good for you.
Most of my white friends said AA women have great issues with anger management. On the other hand, they love black women from Africa. Ask me!!!! In fact this is a white dude thought: women from Africa are caring; they have determination; they are hard workers, great coccinera, and very respectful.
Click to expand...

My school has a mix of African American girls and African girls born and raised in Africa. Except for the ones who came to medical school married/engaged/dating someone etc. most of us are probably going to graduate single. That seems to be the trend at my school.
 
I am not in medical school, yet, but I wanted to include feedback from what Nobango has said about "the environment matters". Indeed, it does. A friend (white guy) and I were going to a restaurant here in north Mississippi, and the stares were enough to make you want to go "Hulk-smash". I was eating and happened to turn around and see the mean stare from a WW who quickly changed her facial expression. Apparently, they thought we were dating, or just me being around a white guy is disgusting to them. We didn't kiss or hug, though, he did pay for the food. But some people gave us happy looks; some might have faked but I know that not everyone hated to see us together. Location really matters.
 
Are any ladies looking in NYC? Feel free to pm me if that is the case.
 
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This has probably already been discussed in this thread but I wonder what the dating atmosphere is like for AAs at the historically black medical colleges.
 
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I date a WW in the Midwest and at least twice passerbys have said something to the effect of "shameful" or "disgusting." In New York, people come up to interracial couples and tell them how cute their babies would be (which is a different kind of offensive). Location, location, location.
 
What's up everyone, trying to bring some life back into the URM threads. I'm in second year now. Feels like just yesterday we were all here talking about interviews and what not. As far as dating in Med school, I don't find it that much harder than undergrad. I've noticed that you only have a few weeks from the start of classes to pursue who you want before that window closes. In terms of other races. Some of your classmates will be more open to the idea than say if you just met them out in public randomly. Guess that knowing everyone is going to be a doctor helps lol.

I've had a fling or two with chicas from different programs. For some reason I do well with the ones who wanted to go to med school, but never did. Oh and if you think going to a bar/club and telling a chick you're in med school will score any points......Think again haha. As far as the interracial aspect goes. My new GF and I get stared at a lot when she comes to visit. But not really hostile stares, more like curious "how'd they meet" type of looks. Took her to a pool hall and had two brothers come up to me asking how did I get such a hot girl haha. Needless to say it was an ego boost.
 
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Well at least it doesn't seem like race is an issue for AA men ;). In undergrad I actually dated a couple of people but no relationships formed from it, lol none of them were black. With so few black people in medicine dating each other by choice sounds hard. I am curious about if you noticed a similar situation for AA women.
 
Hey guy's and gals, I had a question. I seen a few people asking about the dating scene in med school. Is online dating or some kind of online forum similar to this, therapeutic in a way. I'm interesting in starting like a social something for AA students. My Girl is in med school and she mentions how its very few AA there on campus, or at least in the dental part of the school.

Any who God bless and congrats on chasing your dreams.
 
MSKalltheway said:
LOL. In this black male's case, I'm not afraid of addressing this topic, but I do want to try to steer as clear from my laptop as I possibly can. I use the dang thing for studying and class (which is always no less than 12hrs/day) so I'm quite sick of it! But I'll stomach it for a little personal disclosure at this point :).

I've been in a serious relationship with a woman who is not black since freshman year of college. I haven't really dated around, and I dont plan on letting her go for someone else, so...oh well lol. In high school (I dont actually believe im going there) I did ask out black girls, as I did all other kinds of girls. I guess I just never really saw color, just who was interesting to me. I couldn't really tell you whether or not I got a lot of love from black women, since my dating life didn't really last long by any means :laugh:.

In the end, you really have to look at a persons situation, since everyone has their reasons. If a black man says "I wont date black women because of...(insert here, attitude, looks, other women are more attractive etc)", then thats just not right. If it just happens that he ends up with a woman of another race, then thats quite a bit different, there shouldnt be anything wrong with that.

My response to any black woman that comes at me with the question of "why arent you dating a black woman?" I'll respond with two questions. First, "Are you looking to be with me specifically?" and secondly, "Are you trying to raise muslim children?" :D If the answer to both aren't yes, I'm not tryin to hear that anger.

In the end, race is nothing but skin color. There's more genetic diversity between African tribes than all the "races" compared to each other. Think about that for a minute...



There is no way I could date someone in my class, come to think of it. There are very few women in my class that I could see spending that much time with...at least at surface level. To me, its better to be with someone on the outside and involve them in what you are learning and doing. Its so much better to have a non-med student opinion on thing. When youre talking about medicine all day everyday, its nice to talk to someone not involved in the same stuff youre doing, so you can actually talk about what you both did today, individually. If youre in the same class, you already know what's going on, at least in the pre-clinical years. FWIW, I'm very glad my sweetie is not in med school :cool:.
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Well said, that's something I see me not being in medicine I love hearing about medicine and class from from my girl!
 
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