Dating in Med School for AAs

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flaahless said:
I kind of feel what you're saying. I've definitely had to "dumb it down" in a few situations.
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I guess the rest of us females need to step it up...:laugh::laugh::laugh:
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Haha, I love this thread. All of you are pretty lucky though I'm a multiracial (French Jewish / Black) female and looking for a Jewish girl!
 
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anya1207 said:
That is exactly how I feel... Now i'm only 21, but i'm starting to worry early just because I have never met an honest, educated, kind black man. ever. its kinda making me worry... I guess i'll just have to date outside my race as well haha
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we are not that rear. In our first and second year class, there are five of us black men that are single. and my school is not that diverse; well i guess it is compared to other top 20 schools but on the whole not very so we can't be the exception.
 
greengirl said:
Haha, I love this thread. All of you are pretty lucky though I'm a multiracial (French Jewish / Black) female and looking for a Jewish girl!
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Hey greengirl,

I have to admit that after seeing the question face below your post, I did see that you had 4 posts, wondered about whether you were legit, looked your other four posts up, and it looks like you are :) I've got a little sephardic background myself via some of the family in Jamaica... as my Jewish friends point out, even though the mother line is broken by my father, and the family hasn't been practicing jewish since before my grandmother's grandmother (or about then) I'd still be jewish according to hitler. so then we laughed that of all people hitler would get to define my jewishness - just as how we are labelled is a definition that we must end up in dialogue with even when it's not something we are claiming ourselves. but what I've noticed about girl's community is that 1)there's nuff jewish girls and 2)on the whole dealing with coming out means that folks are more likely to take risks and do something different anyways. gl with finding the girl of your dreams.... or even the girl of your reality who you realize is the girl of your dreams.... :)
 
Boogsie said:
Check out this article:
From washingtonpost.com...

'Marriage Is for White People' By Joy Jone Sunday, March 26, 2006
...

And that's when the other boy chimed in, speaking as if the words left a nasty taste in his mouth: "Marriage is for white people."

He's right. At least statistically....
Click to expand...

Wow!!!! That is sad and frightening! We can always find out what 's really going on from the kids. I have friends of all hues and many of them are getting married. Though I don't doubt the stats cause I know a lot of folks who are just living together.

This might sound far reaching but I would guess that a lot of AA Young Adults and such feel the need to "test drive" or seek excessive insurance that their marital choice is right. For most people who are happily married, without the test drive, will tell you it doesn't take forever to figure out if someone is the one. Besides, it's all a risk.

The young man's comments reflect something that I have witnessed, people who are passionate about raising children but lack that same passion about having a succesfull marriage. Back in the day, marriage was expected to outlast child rearing but that is not the case in a lot of households where marriage only lasts long enough for the children to get out of the house.

As a single, AA female, marriage is for me and one day it will happen.
 
RandomBlackManX said:
From a black male perspective, I will date anyone of any color.

In my experiences since high school, I haven't come across too many black females with similar goals and/or common values as mine. I don't fit the ghetto mold and am not big into "spitting game" etc, so thus I get excluded from a large portion of the african american dating pool. I use to get chastised for this back in high school (and perhaps even now), but after some serious self-reflection (and reading "Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria? By Beverly Tatum, PhD), I moved on and do my own thing.

On a related topic, I am a pretty active member in my local MAPS chapter (Minority Assocation of Pre-Health Students). Ironically enough, some of the black females in the club say they get extremely angry when they see a 'successful' black male dating outside of their race due to the scarity of 'sucessful' black males in the dating pool. I am all about giving back to the black community and am very passionate about increasing underrepresented minorities in medicine in addition to increasing underrepresented minoritiy patients in clinical research. Nevertheless, I am not going to date on the sole basis of race of alone. That said, I don't know what they would have me do.

What do you guys (or rather, gals) think?
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I agree. In this day and age I'm more concerned about finding someone who was born a man and desires to be a man. Race is the least of my worries. While living in the NW, I can remember getting dirty looks for holding hands with my white male friend. All those wasted glares...he was not even my boyfriend. Even though I grew up in a small Southern town, I have never wanted to "color code" my life, even in marriage. I'm down for whomever!
 
iluvnerds said:
Back in the day, marriage was expected to outlast child rearing but that is not the case in a lot of households where marriage only lasts long enough for the children to get out of the house.
Click to expand...

This does seem to be the mindset of many people I know. I may have to steal this quote.
 
iluvnerds said:
I agree. In this day and age I'm more concerned about finding someone who was born a man and desires to be a man. Race is the least of my worries.
Click to expand...

almost transphobic and homophobic.... perhaps already is.....
 
iluvnerds said:
Wow!!!! That is sad and frightening! We can always find out what 's really going on from the kids. I have friends of all hues and many of them are getting married. Though I don't doubt the stats cause I know a lot of folks who are just living together.

This might sound far reaching but I would guess that a lot of AA Young Adults and such feel the need to "test drive" or seek excessive insurance that their marital choice is right. For most people who are happily married, without the test drive, will tell you it doesn't take forever to figure out if someone is the one. Besides, it's all a risk.

The young man's comments reflect something that I have witnessed, people who are passionate about raising children but lack that same passion about having a succesfull marriage. Back in the day, marriage was expected to outlast child rearing but that is not the case in a lot of households where marriage only lasts long enough for the children to get out of the house.

As a single, AA female, marriage is for me and one day it will happen.
Click to expand...



I'm wondering what the benefits of marriage are anymore. seriously! If one isn't traditional or religious, which I am neither. Can anyone tell me the benefits of getting married anymore? I mean I take marriage very seriously, legally speaking, which is why I'm not sure I want to do it. I do have children who are loved and well taken care of. and I don't want to here if you're ready for children your ready for marriage, because that's :bullcrap: . How many married couples do you know of that should not have children??!! A lot!! Marriage does not equal stable household in many cases. I feel like a woman who definitely has a defective marriage gene,lol. I don't care about a pretty dress or being Mrs. anyone. As a matter of fact I love my last name and don't want to give it up. I'm beginning to wonder if marriage is becoming a bit outdated???
 
Hey All,

I'm a senior undergraduate who is med school bound! I've been reading off and on but this is my first post.

It seems that both men and women of color have issues finding significant others (who are also of color) while in med school. Is it really as difficult as indicated in the post? Or is it difficult because the region is devoid of minorities to choose from?

I'm still trying to decide between three med schools: one in ATL, one in Cali, and one in Maryland. Does anyone have experience in these three regions?
 
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DrViolin said:
Hey All,

I'm a senior undergraduate who is med school bound! I've been reading off and on but this is my first post.

It seems that both men and women of color have issues finding significant others (who are also of color) while in med school. Is it really as difficult as indicated in the post? Or is it difficult because the region is devoid of minorities to choose from?

I'm still trying to decide between three med schools: one in ATL, one in Cali, and one in Maryland. Does anyone have experience in these three regions?
Click to expand...

I'm from Maryland and go to school in NC, so I can give you a little perspective. U of M med school is in Baltimore which is a little sketchy (no offense to people on the board who are from B'more), but DC isn't that far away. You may have better luck meeting not only doctors, but other young, black professionals.

I personally don't like Atlanta, but it also is full of young, black professionals.

I don't know anything about Cali first hand, but a friend of mine moved out there about 6 years ago and she loves it.

This is just my opinion, though. I hope it was at least a little bit helpful.
 
shmrshines said:
I'm wondering what the benefits of marriage are anymore. seriously! If one isn't traditional or religious, which I am neither. Can anyone tell me the benefits of getting married anymore? I mean I take marriage very seriously, legally speaking, which is why I'm not sure I want to do it. I do have children who are loved and well taken care of. and I don't want to here if you're ready for children your ready for marriage, because that's :bullcrap: . How many married couples do you know of that should not have children??!! A lot!! Marriage does not equal stable household in many cases. I feel like a woman who definitely has a defective marriage gene,lol. I don't care about a pretty dress or being Mrs. anyone. As a matter of fact I love my last name and don't want to give it up. I'm beginning to wonder if marriage is becoming a bit outdated???
Click to expand...

As you said, you're none traditional nor religious, so I'm not sure of "benefits" when viewed from this perspective. Legal stuff as well as personal business can get pretty sticky if one partner leaves or is deceased. Also, beware of "squatters rights" for those who are living together for a significant amount of time but not married.

On the whole, marriage is far from outdated. "Progressed" minds might like to think so but that is far from reality. Marriage is still considered the ultimate convenant and demonstration of commitment. What married people do should not be confused with what the convenant of marriage is meant to be.

Thanx for sharing your thoughts and personal tidbits Shmrshines. Sorry to hear about your "defective gene", maybe it'll be cured one day. :oops:)
 
shmrshines said:
I'm wondering what the benefits of marriage are anymore. seriously! If one isn't traditional or religious, which I am neither. Can anyone tell me the benefits of getting married anymore? I mean I take marriage very seriously, legally speaking, which is why I'm not sure I want to do it. I do have children who are loved and well taken care of. and I don't want to here if you're ready for children your ready for marriage, because that's :bullcrap: . How many married couples do you know of that should not have children??!! A lot!! Marriage does not equal stable household in many cases. I feel like a woman who definitely has a defective marriage gene,lol. I don't care about a pretty dress or being Mrs. anyone. As a matter of fact I love my last name and don't want to give it up. I'm beginning to wonder if marriage is becoming a bit outdated???
Click to expand...

WHY MARRIAGE YOU SAY! Let me give you my perspective from a 26 yr old AA chocolate brother, who is not religious at all (it is outdated), nor traditional. We have no kids either, I am sure that would make things sticky. (No offense to my lighter hued folk and or religious folk)
I got married in August of 2006, approaching year number 2 by a judge on the beach. Judging the way things were when we first got in I figuired I would be flying solo by this time. The first year of marriage was the most difficult thing I have ever done, but worth every bit.
Why marriage?.... Every person's answer is going to be different, but I will say I saw an inner beauty in my wife, flaws and all. I knew my life would be enhanced forever by having her zest and essence as an integral part of it. I wanted my unborn children to have this essence as well. I saw a willingness to be open and receptive to things other than the status quo. A desire and will to live life despite early setbacks. A will to live life versus trying to live a "lifestyle" (big difference)
Why marriage?....... Someone to run with me and squeeze what we want out of this world. Someone to help me bloom and blossom into the best person I can be and vice versa. A woman bold enough to define what it is to be wife, a friend, marriage etc.
I regretted being married sometimes early on. Like I inherited an albatross full of dismay, but with time, work, and patience I have witnessed and felt another human being compeletely bestow their full trust, respect, confidence, and shower that love upon me. Something so powerful but yet fragile, makes me feel powerful and at the same time humbled that it is me and me alone who has this great responsibility. This has sincerely changed the man I am today.
Marriage for all the right reasons, no hollywood glitz and glamour trying to be Jay-Z and Beyonce, can be the most beautiful thing two people can share. There is no "one", I do not believe this, but when you meet who is for you, you will know. I also think we as flawed earthly, composite beings are in a constant state of flux, but are the two of you flexible enough to grow together?
No such thing as a defective marriage gene. Marriage is not the end all be all, nor is it for everyone. It CAN be a very beautiful thing if you and another meet minimally uninhibited.
 
akhilles604 said:
WHY MARRIAGE YOU SAY! Let me give you my perspective from a 26 yr old AA chocolate brother, who is not religious at all (it is outdated), nor traditional. We have no kids either, I am sure that would make things sticky. (No offense to my lighter hued folk and or religious folk)
I got married in August of 2006, approaching year number 2 by a judge on the beach. Judging the way things were when we first got in I figuired I would be flying solo by this time. The first year of marriage was the most difficult thing I have ever done, but worth every bit.
Why marriage?.... Every person's answer is going to be different, but I will say I saw an inner beauty in my wife, flaws and all. I knew my life would be enhanced forever by having her zest and essence as an integral part of it. I wanted my unborn children to have this essence as well. I saw a willingness to be open and receptive to things other than the status quo. A desire and will to live life despite early setbacks. A will to live life versus trying to live a "lifestyle" (big difference)
Why marriage?....... Someone to run with me and squeeze what we want out of this world. Someone to help me bloom and blossom into the best person I can be and vice versa. A woman bold enough to define what it is to be wife, a friend, marriage etc.
I regretted being married sometimes early on. Like I inherited an albatross full of dismay, but with time, work, and patience I have witnessed and felt another human being compeletely bestow their full trust, respect, confidence, and shower that love upon me. Something so powerful but yet fragile, makes me feel powerful and at the same time humbled that it is me and me alone who has this great responsibility. This has sincerely changed the man I am today.
Marriage for all the right reasons, no hollywood glitz and glamour trying to be Jay-Z and Beyonce, can be the most beautiful thing two people can share. There is no "one", I do not believe this, but when you meet who is for you, you will know. I also think we as flawed earthly, composite beings are in a constant state of flux, but are the two of you flexible enough to grow together?
No such thing as a defective marriage gene. Marriage is not the end all be all, nor is it for everyone. It CAN be a very beautiful thing if you and another meet minimally uninhibited.
Click to expand...

Your wife is very very lucky to have someone like you. Very well said!
 
akhilles604 said:
...Why marriage?.... Every person's answer is going to be different, but I will say I saw an inner beauty in my wife, flaws and all. I knew my life would be enhanced forever by having her zest and essence as an integral part of it. I wanted my unborn children to have this essence as well. I saw a willingness to be open and receptive to things other than the status quo. A desire and will to live life despite early setbacks. A will to live life versus trying to live a "lifestyle" (big difference)
Why marriage?....... Someone to run with me and squeeze what we want out of this world. Someone to help me bloom and blossom into the best person I can be and vice versa. A woman bold enough to define what it is to be wife, a friend, marriage etc.
I regretted being married sometimes early on. Like I inherited an albatross full of dismay, but with time, work, and patience I have witnessed and felt another human being compeletely bestow their full trust, respect, confidence, and shower that love upon me. Something so powerful but yet fragile, makes me feel powerful and at the same time humbled that it is me and me alone who has this great responsibility. This has sincerely changed the man I am today.
Marriage for all the right reasons, no hollywood glitz and glamour trying to be Jay-Z and Beyonce, can be the most beautiful thing two people can share. There is no "one", I do not believe this, but when you meet who is for you, you will know. I also think we as flawed earthly, composite beings are in a constant state of flux, but are the two of you flexible enough to grow together?
No such thing as a defective marriage gene. Marriage is not the end all be all, nor is it for everyone. It CAN be a very beautiful thing if you and another meet minimally uninhibited.
Click to expand...

Although I do not agree with you on religion been outdated. I was very inspired by your response to why marriage.
 
I love this thread...LOVE IT!
lol
 
Hey guys!

I have had a few bad experiences with black men, and I just wanna see what else is out there...so for those women of color who are dating outside your race, where do you suggest I go to meet "others"?
 
favored said:
Hey guys!

I have had a few bad experiences with black men, and I just wanna see what else is out there...so for those women of color who are dating outside your race, where do you suggest I go to meet "others"?
Click to expand...


Hi,
I've been monitoring this thread and really love the discussions we're having. I just wanted to say that as much as we black professional women are frustrated with the dating scene and looking to broaden our prospects, we should also be careful not to appear too desperate for these "other" men as if they're doing us a favor because they're not necessarily coming after us in large numbers. Statistics show that a great majority of white men marry their white women and most of those that don't marry asian women.

I think rather than go "hunting" for these other men and risk getting your feelings hurt or looking like a fool if they reject you, just live life, take good care of yourself, TRY to always look your best, be yourself (project your inner beauty/qualities), appear friendly, open and approachable in EVERY social environment (workplace, school, starbucks, clubs, church events, whatever you're into, jazz lounges, etc) knowing that you would consider dating a non-black guy if the right one came along (you never know where or when you'll capture one's attention). My boyfriend of almost 3 years is white and we just happened to come across each other while in a research program abroad and became friends. Things blossomed over time and he started flirting with me the more we got to know each other. He looked like the quintessential all american white guy to me, blond hair, blue eyes. I would never have guessed he had been checking me out all along.

I didn't necessarily say Oh I'm going to go out there and look for a white man to date. I've just always been open to dating outside my race, no discrimination on love, so it was just a matter of whoever I meet first that has the qualities I'm looking for and if he happens to be white, oh well!. It is true that there are some white guys who would be open to dating and possibly marrying black women but are afraid of getting rejected or feel shy/unsure of how to approach a sista. He may not know if you're into white guys so I guess it's important to give off an "open-minded, approachable vibe", whatever that is, lol, in social settings with non-blacks. My boyfriend for instance later told me he looked for signs or clues as to whether I would consider dating him before making a move on me!

Good luck.
 
akhilles604 said:
WHY MARRIAGE YOU SAY! Let me give you my perspective from a 26 yr old AA chocolate brother, who is not religious at all (it is outdated), nor traditional. We have no kids either, I am sure that would make things sticky. (No offense to my lighter hued folk and or religious folk)
I got married in August of 2006, approaching year number 2 by a judge on the beach. Judging the way things were when we first got in I figuired I would be flying solo by this time. The first year of marriage was the most difficult thing I have ever done, but worth every bit.
Why marriage?.... Every person's answer is going to be different, but I will say I saw an inner beauty in my wife, flaws and all. I knew my life would be enhanced forever by having her zest and essence as an integral part of it. I wanted my unborn children to have this essence as well. I saw a willingness to be open and receptive to things other than the status quo. A desire and will to live life despite early setbacks. A will to live life versus trying to live a "lifestyle" (big difference)
Why marriage?....... Someone to run with me and squeeze what we want out of this world. Someone to help me bloom and blossom into the best person I can be and vice versa. A woman bold enough to define what it is to be wife, a friend, marriage etc.
I regretted being married sometimes early on. Like I inherited an albatross full of dismay, but with time, work, and patience I have witnessed and felt another human being compeletely bestow their full trust, respect, confidence, and shower that love upon me. Something so powerful but yet fragile, makes me feel powerful and at the same time humbled that it is me and me alone who has this great responsibility. This has sincerely changed the man I am today.
Marriage for all the right reasons, no hollywood glitz and glamour trying to be Jay-Z and Beyonce, can be the most beautiful thing two people can share. There is no "one", I do not believe this, but when you meet who is for you, you will know. I also think we as flawed earthly, composite beings are in a constant state of flux, but are the two of you flexible enough to grow together?
No such thing as a defective marriage gene. Marriage is not the end all be all, nor is it for everyone. It CAN be a very beautiful thing if you and another meet minimally uninhibited.
Click to expand...

Wow, sorry, just saw this post.. I just wanted to say that it's a good answer from someone who doesn't consider themselves religious or traditional, very well said...
 
In my school there are only two black people in my class, me and this other guy (who is kind of anti-social). Anyway, the town I go to school in is very rural and blue collar. There is a small population of blacks living here, and the majority of the black males only have a high school education. My solution: on-line dating. There are a lot of disadvantages with this, but I think I found someone that I can finally be serious with.
 
For those of you who are considering taking the vanilla plunge. Who maybe are going their first white family gathering or something. And for those who cannot conduct their own field research with trips to Vermont.

I find this blog to quite helpful in trying to communicate the predilections of those peculiar people--white folks. Enjoy.

http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/
 
shmrshines said:
Wow, sorry, just saw this post.. I just wanted to say that it's a good answer from someone who doesn't consider themselves religious or traditional, very well said...
Click to expand...

omg...wow...as a hormone raged college student who is currently only concerned with chasing the next girl, this post really stood out to me. lol..mayne....i hope i can someway feel this way about sum1...not netime soon tho! ehehehe
 
Nasrudin said:
For those of you who are considering taking the vanilla plunge. Who maybe are going their first white family gathering or something. And for those who cannot conduct their own field research with trips to Vermont.

I find this blog to quite helpful in trying to communicate the predilections of those peculiar people--white folks. Enjoy.

http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/
Click to expand...

HAHA vanilla plunge
 
Nasrudin said:
For those of you who are considering taking the vanilla plunge. Who maybe are going their first white family gathering or something. And for those who cannot conduct their own field research with trips to Vermont.

I find this blog to quite helpful in trying to communicate the predilections of those peculiar people--white folks. Enjoy.

http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/
Click to expand...

QTLyss said:
HAHA vanilla plunge
Click to expand...

That blog is very funny.
 
njbmd said:
That blog is very funny.
Click to expand...

i agree, hilarious, some good points made from both sides. Sadly, i cant relate to what it's like to for AA women to date today, but from listening to my friends conversations and these board posts, it must be rough.
 
For those black women looking to date outside your race...I got two words...Puerto Ricans...naw I'm buggin :laugh:...but for real...we're the ishh :cool: lol
 
good people, good relationships are soo hard to find and make happen already. people need to stop limiting themselves to only dating this and that. tell u what, as long as my baby girl can sing along to some classic RnB..im good. regardless of race. there is something about music that can connect two people, cant explain it.
 
ChemEngMD said:
For those black women looking to date outside your race...I got two words...Puerto Ricans...naw I'm buggin :laugh:...but for real...we're the ishh :cool: lol
Click to expand...

What school are you attending in the fall? :oops:
 
MsKrispyKreme said:
What school are you attending in the fall? :oops:
Click to expand...


haha aww unfortunately i won't be attending med school til 2011 :-( lol I'm currently on a 5-year undgergrad plan lol
 
ChemEngMD said:
For those black women looking to date outside your race...I got two words...Puerto Ricans...naw I'm buggin :laugh:...but for real...we're the ishh :cool: lol
Click to expand...
HAHA chemeng you are too funny. you know what they say... once you go rican you neva go seekin LoLoL
 
DRLyss said:
HAHA chemeng you are too funny. you know what they say... once you go rican you neva go seekin LoLoL
Click to expand...


I thought it was once you go Rican you neva stop freakin'? lol
 
shmrshines said:
I'm wondering what the benefits of marriage are anymore. seriously! If one isn't traditional or religious, which I am neither. Can anyone tell me the benefits of getting married anymore? I mean I take marriage very seriously, legally speaking, which is why I'm not sure I want to do it. I do have children who are loved and well taken care of. and I don't want to here if you're ready for children your ready for marriage, because that's :bullcrap: . How many married couples do you know of that should not have children??!! A lot!! Marriage does not equal stable household in many cases. I feel like a woman who definitely has a defective marriage gene,lol. I don't care about a pretty dress or being Mrs. anyone. As a matter of fact I love my last name and don't want to give it up. I'm beginning to wonder if marriage is becoming a bit outdated???
Click to expand...

I thought I would never admit this but I agree with you. I just don't see a reason to get married at this point in my life (I am a 27-year-old woman). I guess if I want to have children, I definitely need to have a good man in their lives as their father (I just want my children to know and love their father even if I am not married to him).

At this point in my life, I don't foresee motherhood until after medical school and residency (have no idea of what I will do) but I believe that children need a mother and father married to each other or not.
 
CuyahogaMD2B said:
I thought I would never admit this but I agree with you. I just don't see a reason to get married at this point in my life (I am a 27-year-old woman). I guess if I want to have children, I definitely need to have a good man in their lives as their father (I just want my children to know and love their father even if I am not married to him).

At this point in my life, I don't foresee motherhood until after medical school and residency (have no idea of what I will do) but I believe that children need a mother and father married to each other or not.
Click to expand...
I agree with that although I would secretly like to have kids before I'm 30... I just don't see how that can be managed smoothly during school & residency. I would never want to feel like having kids is a hassle & honestly it would be during those times.
 
ricans are hot im not gonna lie about that one lol:love:

p.s. does anybody know when the Puerto Rican Day parade is in NYC?
 
divineivy2013 said:
ricans are hot im not gonna lie about that one lol:love:

p.s. does anybody know when the Puerto Rican Day parade is in NYC?
Click to expand...

Usually 1st or 2nd Sunday in June lol...I was there last year and didn't even get into any beef for once! lol ahhhh the parade lol
 
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