Dealing with concentration and anxiety

[PeaSprout]

I'm a first year Clinical Psych PhD student, and I'm really not sure what's going on but I feel like I'm falling apart. I have absolutely no concentration, I have a hard time paying attention during lab meetings and I'm taking much too long to complete things. My advisor has noticed that I've seemed "unengaged" in lab meetings and said that I should start contributing more. So I took on a project... then another. Now, I have created all this pressure on myself to get things done. But I'm missing every deadline that I set for myself, then compounding the problem, I tend to ignore it and just move on as if nothing happened. So far it has not been detrimental, but I realize this is an incredibly dysfunctional way to work. Especially when working in collaboration with others. I just can't focus long enough to get the work done. For example, I was supposed to write summaries of articles and send them to an upper-level student so that we can write a paper together. Well I've read plenty of articles (thanks to my kindle and text-to-speech on my computer) and can even discuss my ideas (which I have done with another first year). As elementary as the task is, I just can't sit down and write the summaries. I get too distracted and don't even know where to begin (even though she sent me a template). I thought I could "just do it" and I'm really frustrated with myself. I've wasted so much time trying and just can't focus on it. I asked if we could meet and discuss my ideas even though I hadn't sent her summaries and she said no, that it didn't make sense to her... So I just left it alone and moved on. I have a meeting with my advisor soon and I'm sure she will bring up the fact that I never responded to the student's last email asking for a "reasonable time frame" that I could complete the summaries. I just don't know how to tell the fellow student that despite my best efforts, I'm struggling and the task feels impossible.

I know that I've struggled with concentration issues in the past and inspite of my best effort generally find myself pushing deadlines, however, being busy usually helped to focus my attention and it's never been this bad. Well, this time adding more to my load has made things worse and I suspect that I might have ADHD (lack of attention, restless leg/ fidgeting, trouble sleeping, disorganization), although I've never been diagnosed. I also know that there are other disorders that share symptomatology with ADHD, so maybe it's something else. I'm not trying to diagnose myself, nor am I asking any of you to. I'll leave that to a professional. I've scheduled an appointment, but my intake isn't even for another 3 weeks! So I really don't know how much longer it'll take before I am actually functioning on my usual level.

So, my question is, how to I cope with this in the meantime until I can sort things out and figure out this anxiety/inattention or whatever is going on. Also, should I try to address some of this with my advisor? I'm not even really sure what to tell her because I really don't even know what's going on myself. I just feel really disappointed in myself and like I'm also disappointing my advisor. Any advice would be helpful.

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[AcronymAllergy]

One very quick thing I'll note--advisors tend to be much, much more understanding with mistakes and mishaps if you apologize and own up rather than avoid or (worse yet) brush them under the rug. I worked with a supervisor who had three questions he'd ask potential RAs, and one of those three questions was basically, "do you admit it when you screw up?"

I'd recommend prioritizing your work on breaking this particular habit now; as you progress in your training and professional development, these sorts of issues can very quickly turn from something minor (e.g., a missed article summary deadline) to something major (e.g., valid ethical complaint).

Pretty much everyone screws up at various points in grad school. It's why the training occurs. Some of our best learning occurs because of those mistakes.

Also, do you have text-to-speech software available? You've probably thought of it already, but if not, that could be one way to help with your writing. If you have a template available, try breaking that template up into smaller parts that you can potentially knock out in 10-15 minutes. See if that helps with the difficulty staying on task and the tendency to feel overwhelmed. And like my advisor used to write me, because I had the world's most difficult time starting tasks--just write something. It doesn't matter if it's crap, just start writing; sort it out later.

 

[CheetahGirl]

About 5 years ago (yikes), I saw a similar post and someone suggested focus booster for writing (it's a free download that times you for 25-30 minutes, here: http://focus-booster.en.softonic.com/ - use the free version...they have a paid version too but I found this version adequate). I use it whenever I write those mammoth papers/reports and have found it extremely helpful. In fact, I just downloaded again on a new laptop (so it seems safe with no viruses).

Edit: I wanted to add specifically how I use focus booster. I write for 30 minutes...just work, no play. Then, when that time is up...I go to Facebook, SDN, answer emails, walk around, go to the bathroom, eat something, etc. And then, I get back to work and time myself again. Sometimes when I'm really into what I'm writing or reading...I restart the time and push on through for 1-hour... but I don't fool myself into thinking I'm going to be productive for 4-5 hours straight. For me, that is impossible. I need breaks to do quality work and not have my training in assessing/treatment of mental health needs drive me insane.

Good luck with your upcoming appointment. I am one of those SDNers who believes that a therapist who seeks therapy (when the personal demands become too great and seep into other areas of our lives) is privy to a whole new perspective and insight, so the direction you are going may just have you coming out on top.

Good luck!

 

[futureapppsy2]

One thing that I've found helpful in grad school is to realize that not only do other students feel this way, tenured, successful *faculty* feel this way. I once had a colleague run out of time to submit a conference proposal before the deadline, and it was clear that she felt bad about it. My immediate reaction was, "You have tenure, you have a ton of grants, etc--this is no big deal!," but it was normalizing to know that even successful faculty don't always feel that successful, even though they objectively are. So. people who are willing to show their own vulnerability are helpful.

 

[PsyDr]

@CheetahGirl - that is also called the pomodoro technique.

 

[CheetahGirl]

@CheetahGirl - that is also called the pomodoro technique.

Nice! See...you learn something new every day! That combined with Lombardi Time gets me where I need to be, ready to go, with my work complete.