Dentistry and Marriage Therapy; Deferring Acceptance

[AlwaysGrowing]

Hi everyone,

So my dad gave me an ultimatum last night and I'm in a bit of a crisis. Long story short, I want to do a 2-year masters in marriage and family therapy and then go to dental school. However, my father, who will be giving me an interest-free loan for my education, wants me to get my dental degree as soon as possible and doesn't want me to delay applying. i.e. he doesn't want me to do the masters. I can get into the reasons why he wants this but I don't think it's essential to the story. Just take it that my father wants me to apply now so I have to. So basically, the only way he'll be fine with me doing the masters is if I apply to dental school this upcoming cycle and if by some slim chance a dental school allows me to defer my acceptance for a year. If they don't allow me to defer my acceptance but still give me an acceptance, then I would take up dentistry and leave my masters program midway after a year. As for the masters, I interviewed and am waiting to hear back. I'd like to think the schools liked me and I'll get in, but we'll see how it turns out.

So here's what I guess I want some advice about:

Say I get into my Masters, I'll want to tell them that I'm applying for dental school this cycle and and if I get in and get a deferral, then I'll finish the masters in 2 years straight (ideal plan). Otherwise, I'll try my best to come back 4 years later after dental school to finish it up (not the ideal plan, and given I get accepted). Hopefully no one revokes any acceptances after hearing this..

As for dental schools, how do I explain this to them?! I (try my best to) value my parents wishes (even when I disagree) so I won't go against them with this. So my plan as of now is to tell dental schools, "Yeah so I'm in this 2-year masters program and want to finish it up before I start dental school, but if no one grants me a deferral then I'm just going to start dental school right away. Will you please be my knight in shining armor?"

Do I stand any chance with this? Am I shooting myself in the foot, or the femoral artery? I asked my cousin (an internal medicine resident who was on the admissions team of his med school) and he said that he hasn't heard of anything like this and can't say how it'd turn out. I would like to hope I'd be unique enough that they at least give me an acceptance and at best also give me a year deferral, but am I cutting my odds really short?


Assume I'm a B+/A- applicant as far as my stats and application go, assuming whatever that means to you lol.

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[AlwaysGrowing]

I'm a guy though so I probably won't want a knight in shining armor, unless he's a girl (and ideally also a dentist or therapist).


:troll:

 

[Faux]

Pick one or the other, make up your mind and learn to stand up to your parents.

Two years masters in therapy and then 4 years of dental school on top of your 4 years of undergrad? Or going back to your masters therapy after dental school?

My head just twisted reading all that.

 

[AlwaysGrowing]

Lol, I wasn't asking you what I should do (regarding my future career plans or my relationship with my father). I'm just asking if anyone has any thoughts on how you think dental schools would feel when I told them this plan at an interview.

But yup, main plan is 2 years masters in therapy and then 4 years of dental school. Backup is finishing the masters after, but no doubt I'd want to get both degrees. The way I see it, it's like doing a specialty, except it's not actually in dentistry and gives me a different profession to enjoy ^_^


Also there are at least 2 other people in the US with a DDS and LMFT after their name. Come join the crew if you're interested!

Last point for clarification: Essentially what I'd be telling schools is that I'm interested in attending your school, but if another school offers me a deferral and you only offer an acceptance, odds are I won't be attending your school. My main fear is that this will scare schools from even offering me an acceptance

:-/

 

[Hannah Banana]

My opinion....Don't tell the school that. Wait until you have an acceptance in hand and then express your wishes to them. If they would not, you still go to D-school and risk nothing. But ask yourself this, if you must pick one or the other, which one would you choose?

 

[AlwaysGrowing]

Interesting, that's a good point. I'll give it some more thought

Sigh.. While I honestly do love aspects of both, if I genuinely had to pick one or the other (and given the circumstances and opportunities in my life), I would most likely choose marriage and family therapy.

I have a hunch that my dad knows this, which is probably one of the reasons he wants me to apply now rather than wait. He has other concerns as well, but I think he's concerned about me choosing that as my only profession and I think he wants to cut off the possibility of that happening lol.

Ironically, I'm opening myself up to some communal family therapy to the forums. Lol feel free to comment on any of this (Faux et Al) as you all see fit.

 

[Faux]

Lol, I wasn't asking you what I should do (regarding my future career plans or my relationship with my father). I'm just asking if anyone has any thoughts on how you think dental schools would feel when I told them this plan at an interview.

But yup, main plan is 2 years masters in therapy and then 4 years of dental school. Backup is finishing the masters after, but no doubt I'd want to get both degrees. The way I see it, it's like doing a specialty, except it's not actually in dentistry and gives me a different profession to enjoy ^_^


Also there are at least 2 other people in the US with a DDS and LMFT after their name. Come join the crew if you're interested!

Last point for clarification: Essentially what I'd be telling schools is that I'm interested in attending your school, but if another school offers me a deferral and you only offer an acceptance, odds are I won't be attending your school. My main fear is that this will scare schools from even offering me an acceptance

:-/

And if I was a betting man I'd say those two people did a career change YEARS later because they found a new interest or wanted to explore other avenues. Your plan is not realistic. You'd be finishing your masters in a completely unrelated subject and jumping into dental school a month later after deferring a year. You won't even remember squat from your masters after 4 years of dental school. You're not even planning on having some time in-between school sessions. All because you want to please both yourself and your family. It doesn't work that way when +300k debt is hanging over your head. Deferrals are rarely given out. The ones I've read about dealt with family/medical issues.

I understand you're not asking for family advice but part of living is paving your own pathway. If your heart lies in marriage and family therapy then own it, fight for it. Move out, take out the student loans and don't rely on anyone financially. You can't be a marriage and family therapist, sit in front of couples and encouraging them to fight for their marriage, if you don't fight for your own life choices. You're telling us you won't go against YOUR families wishes on what YOU should study.

 

[AlwaysGrowing]

I appreciate your response, all good perspectives you shared. At the same time though, I do want both careers and believe that I can make them work. It's really not that much tbh, and actually I would plan to add some clinical therapy hours throughout dental school at a very slow pace (maybe 5 hours a month or so), so I see that as keeping me from getting too rusty on the therapy side.

As for going against parents, it's more a matter of personal principle that I would rather not disobey my parents. I mean for one they dished out $200k+ for my undergrad, but even more importantly they raised me since I was a helpless little zygote. They've sacrificed for my brother and I all throughout our lives, so my going against their wishes would, IMO, be a selfish thing to do at the end of the day. Anyways, it's not like they're not letting me do both, they just believe it would be prudent to first secure my financial security (D-school) and then my other passions (MFT-school).

And as far as getting couples to fight for their marriages, individualism and looking out for what believes is best for oneself is actually a pretty major factor in divorce. Rather, sacrifices for loved ones can go a long way when it comes to saving a marriage.


Either way though, thanks for sharing your feedback and we can always agree to disagree. I'll still be sure to give your points some more thought!

 

[Digitalangel]

Is it at all possible to tell your parents that you will apply next year? I think thats the only way it will work, I dont think dental schools defer anyone unless its a major life circumstance that you absolutely cannot attend that year, they can just pick someone else out of a hat since you will be showing a lack of interest in dentistry...

 

[AlwaysGrowing]

^ sigh, I know right. My mom is more understanding so I could probably convince her. My dad on the other hand I'm not sure. My brother took 7 years after graduation to take his MCAT and apply to med school and my dad thinks I'm following in the same footsteps. So being jaded from that experience he doesn't want to risk a repeat experience, especially as I'm the youngest child and they're at an older stage in life now.

Don't get me wrong, I do have lots of interest in dentistry and will take it up before M&FT if I have to, but I'd prefer to finish one completely before starting the other. But at the same time I guess it doesn't have to be this way. The other approach I can take is just apply to dental school without mentioning any deferral and accept whichever school I like best. Then I could request a deferral and if they grant it then great and if not then I'll just plan to finish the masters degree after D-school.

Sound like a better approach?..

 

[arlmay]

I would listen to your parents in this situation. There's a variety of reasons, which I'm not going to list, on why entering dental school asap is your best option. I can't wrap my head around the masters program if your eventual plan is to become a dentist. I hope you realize there is absolutely no correlation between the two. Once you get through dental school I think you will agree even if you don't now. If you're suggesting that you going to practice both separately upon graduation then props to you but I don't understand the logic. Sounds like you're stuck choosing between two professions and your solution is to pursue both which is not very realistic. Next thing you know we'll have orthopedic surgeons advertising themselves as accountants on the side.

 

[doc toothache]

In your case, deferring admission should be no problem. Just tell them that you will provide free marriage counseling to your fellow students, faculty, and staff.

 

[ajj70]

I guess I'm with your Dad on this and just don't understand why? You do have a 3rd option and that is to do what you want to do, get the wasted masters in Therapy and then go to dental school and just take out loans to do so from someone other than your father. That removes his right to have any say in the situation and allows you to waste the $100,000 or whatever on the masters program????

 

[ICUrunning]

Do you want to be a dentist or a marriage counselor? Something tells me the latter is your calling.

 

[jlee110]

so if i have your timeline straight, you will be starting your masters this fall 2015 semester while applying this upcoming cycle (entering class Fall 2016)?
if so...would you be able to complete your master's in a year? I'm not sure what requirements you need to complete a masters in marriage and family therapy, but if it's just classes you could probably start this summer and complete it by next summer and then begin dental school in Fall 2016...but if it's a rigid two year program, i wouldn't even begin the master's program (you'll take out loans for this and have an incomplete degree).
i know that some master's programs have a time limit of when you can come back to the program if you take a leave of absence from the master's..so lets say after 4 years of dental school, you might not be able to return to the master's program since its past the time limit.

 

[lnngu]

I don't know about marriage counseling, but getting through dental school requires an enormous amount of effort and commitment. Since you sound like you are only applying to make your father happy, I'd suggest skipping the endeavour entirely. As unhappy as he would be about it, I'd wager he'd be a whole lot angrier about being out a year's worth of tuition just to have you quit or flunk out.

PS: yes, it will be a red flag if you ask for a deferral... as it rightfully should be.

 

[PointEstimate]

As much as you think you can combine these two things, let's be really honest with ourselves and recognize that they are two separate career paths.

 

[DrDentistaC]

I'm not sure what the point of getting the two degrees would be at this stage unless you're planning on practicing them both simultaneously which I 100% advice against. Marriage and family therapy and dentistry are both full time jobs that require some time outside of the office (via CE's, research etc). There's only 24 hours in every day so The way I see it you'll either be just ok at both of them but fail miserably at maintaining a social life or you'll be crappy at both and just be ok maintaining a family life (most likely option)

I would never want to see a part time marriage therapist part time dentist for anything because they would most likely be good at neither and I assume you wouldn't want to either. If you like marriage therapy don't disrespect others in the field by assuming it's something you can get by part time in with a career in a completely unrelated field.

My advice would be to stand up to your dad and tell him therapy is what you really want to do and go forward with that or apply to dental school and revisit marriage therapy later on in life. Good Luck!

 

[doc toothache]

You mean all those part time dentists are no bueno?

 

[DrDentistaC]

You mean all those part time dentists are no bueno?

Part time dentist with a related career ie academia, or one that cut back on hours to dedicate more time to family life or hobbies not necessarily but a part time dentist with an unrelated full time job I would find questionable. Especially if you don't have any significant experience just dedicating your time to dentistry.

 

[doc toothache]

Part time dentist with a related career ie academia, or one that cut back on hours to dedicate more time to family life or hobbies not necessarily but a part time dentist with an unrelated full time job I would find questionable. Especially if you don't have any significant experience just dedicating your time to dentistry.

If you say so.

 

[SXCoronado]

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