Dream school versus state school issue

[gatorman23]

I made a new account to pose this question.

I hold acceptances at Duke (PCLT program for primary care, paying 10k a year) and the Univ. of Florida, my alma mater and my home state, but not my state of residency.

My girlfriend of 3 years got into a masters program at Florida doing exactly what she wants to do. The pressure is on me... Duke or Florida?

Assuming I don't get a full ride at either, I'm at a loss. I love her and I want to propose to her, but not before med school -- I want to see how we handle the stress of school (we have been teaching for a while). I want to go into primary care, but the money has to be right. Duke, with the 40k, might be able to come down to Florida's cost.

I know ultimately this is our decision, but I feel like I have finally reached a goal by landing Duke, and especially the PCLT which is where I want to be...

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[Ignatius M.D.]

I made a new account to pose this question.

I hold acceptances at Duke (PCLT program for primary care, paying 10k a year) and the Univ. of Florida, my alma mater and my home state, but not my state of residency.

My girlfriend of 3 years got into a masters program at Florida doing exactly what she wants to do. The pressure is on me... Duke or Florida?

Assuming I don't get a full ride at either, I'm at a loss. I love her and I want to propose to her, but not before med school -- I want to see how we handle the stress of school (we have been teaching for a while). I want to go into primary care, but the money has to be right. Duke, with the 40k, might be able to come down to Florida's cost.

I know ultimately this is our decision, but I feel like I have finally reached a goal by landing Duke, and especially the PCLT which is where I want to be...

My ex-girlfriend went to UCF and I chose to come to Vandy. We dated for two years after I left. Long distance is tough my friend. If you're not a resident of FL, isn't the tuition at UF crazy?

 

[Sesom]

If you love her then go to Florida. I am sure you can manage to snatch primary care either way.

 

[gatorman23]

My ex-girlfriend went to UCF and I chose to come to Vandy. We dated for two years after I left. Long distance is tough my friend. If you're not a resident of FL, isn't the tuition at UF crazy?

They have waivers for those with ties (I moved away for TFA), as far as I was told. I will establish residency after the first year.

I don't want to do long distance and neither does she. I think my focus will be on helping her find something in the Durham area that will ultimately help her accomplish the same thing that the UF program would.

The only reservation is that the PCLT track at Duke is all about primary care leadership, and the third year is structured to do research and learn about epidemiology and other primary care related skills. It seems like a great way to get a solid academic medicine job and eventually move on to big things, like medical politics.

 

[bucks2010]

If you really want to marry this girl, you need to do what's best for you/your relationship/your marriage first - not whatever school is best. What's best is for you to stick together where ever you end up. Don't sacrifice love for a job. Either find her something in Durham or be happy in FL - long distance will be excruciatingly tough when you're both in school.

Girl first, school second. Keep those 2 in order and you'll be fine.

 

[RookTookIt]

Similar to what others have said, long distance relationships are hard to maintain even without all of the studying and stress from school..

And the reverse can also be true. It is difficult to study and do well in school when you also have to deal with the stress of a long distance relationship.

 

[Iwy Em Hotep]

You're thinking about your situation the wrong way. Consider the two possibilities:

1) Duke was harder to get into than Florida.

You're a "Duke-quality" student, who will do fine at any medical school, as residency placements are primarily based on objective criteria (e.g. Step 1 score, GPA).

2) Medical school admissions are a crapshoot.

There will be a mix of good-to-great students no matter where you are, so it also matters very little where you go. Again, all you can do is your best.

Ergo: Cheaper cost + getting the girl. It's a no-brainer.

 

[Sesom]

There was a survey done that recorded the success of students who were accepted into top schools like harvard but decided to go to less prestigious schools. The result was they were equally successful because the people who get into these prestigious schools are usually hard workers no matter where they end up.

 

[Perrotfish]

1) Before your MSI year I don't think you should be accepting any scholarship or program that forces you into primary care. Before you hit clinicals you have no idea whether you're going to enjoy a lifetime of rural primary care and clinics, no matter how much shadowing/health care work you'e done. My first year of medical school I was shadowing a primary care doctor for my preceptor and the president of our chapter of the AAFP. It sounded great to me. I still didn't end up intested in FM.

2) Duke is one of those schools that confuses 'different' with 'better'. There is a lot of information in the field of medicine and the idea that you only need 3 years of actually learning it to prepare yourself for intern year is asanine, even more so when they keep you around for four years anyway. I would avoid this cirriculum if you have any other options.

3) If you do end up wanting primary care, then who cares what school you went to? It's not like you're going to have trouble getting an FM residency. And if you want to go into academic medicine, why would you go through this insane primary care program where you don't even learn how a hospital works?

4) People make sacrifices for the ones they love, and as sacrificies go choosing Florida over Duke is not that big. It's not like you need to choose between her and medical school, this is just a question of location. Honestly if my girlfriend accepted a 'dream job' in another state despite having a great option right next to me I would take that to mean the relationship was over. 'I wil do anything for you unless it in some way inconveniences me' is not the attitude I want from a life partner.

So in my opinion: if Flordia costs less than, equal to, or even slightly more than Duke than you should definitely go to Florida. If Florida costs WAY more than Duke then you should probably go to Florida.

 

[gatorman23]

1) Before your MSI year I don't think you should be accepting any scholarship or program that forces you into primary care. Before you hit clinicals you have no idea whether you're going to enjoy a lifetime of rural primary care and clinics, no matter how much shadowing/health care work you'e done. My first year of medical school I was shadowing a primary care doctor for my preceptor and the president of our chapter of the AAFP. It sounded great to me. I still didn't end up intested in FM.

2) Duke is one of those schools that confuses 'different' with 'better'. There is a lot of information in the field of medicine and the idea that you only need 3 years of actually learning it to prepare yourself for intern year is asanine, even more so when they keep you around for four years anyway. I would avoid this cirriculum if you have any other options.

3) If you do end up wanting primary care, then who cares what school you went to? It's not like you're going to have trouble getting an FM residency. And if you want to go into academic medicine, why would you go through this insane primary care program where you don't even learn how a hospital works?

4) People make sacrifices for the ones they love, and as sacrificies go choosing Florida over Duke is not that big. It's not like you need to choose between her and medical school, this is just a question of location. Honestly if my girlfriend accepted a 'dream job' in another state despite having a great option right next to me I would take that to mean the relationship was over. 'I wil do anything for you unless it in some way inconveniences me' is not the attitude I want from a life partner.

So in my opinion: if Flordia costs less than, equal to, or even slightly more than Duke than you should definitely go to Florida. If Florida costs WAY more than Duke then you should probably go to Florida.

Great advice. Thanks to everyone on the thread, including the humor. Just wanted to add that the PCLT program allows you to rotate through patients, meaning that you get to see the same patients through mulitiple rotations (pre-natal, delivery, etc you get the idea) -- though I still don't know how that really works.

It seems like Florida is still a better option overall.

 

[AnotherBioMajor]

I made a new account to pose this question.

I hold acceptances at Duke (PCLT program for primary care, paying 10k a year) and the Univ. of Florida, my alma mater and my home state, but not my state of residency.

My girlfriend of 3 years got into a masters program at Florida doing exactly what she wants to do. The pressure is on me... Duke or Florida?

Assuming I don't get a full ride at either, I'm at a loss. I love her and I want to propose to her, but not before med school -- I want to see how we handle the stress of school (we have been teaching for a while). I want to go into primary care, but the money has to be right. Duke, with the 40k, might be able to come down to Florida's cost.

I know ultimately this is our decision, but I feel like I have finally reached a goal by landing Duke, and especially the PCLT which is where I want to be...

If you don't mind me asking, what was your GPA/MCAT scores? I'm at UF for undergrad and can really see myself staying here for awhile. Just curious.

 

[gatorman23]

If you don't mind me asking, what was your GPA/MCAT scores? I'm at UF for undergrad and can really see myself staying here for awhile. Just curious.

I will PM you.

And thanks Guju. Now I just have to convince parents and relatives that passing up Duke is not digging my grave or the end of the world!

 

[coffeeismyfrnd]

Hi. I just wanted to say that I am in the same boat...sort of. My boyfriend and I have been going out for 5 years and we really wanted to stay together for medical school. He also got into Duke but I didn't so it looks like we will be doing long distance since we didn't get into any of the same medical schools. What we realized the second after all our decisions came out, was that the rank of the school mattered very little when compared to the opportunity to stay together. We're still hoping maybe a couple of our other waitlist schools will work out but the chances are pretty slim. But what I really wanted to say was that, I actually know a few med students at Duke now who would looove to get into Florida for residency programs. UF is not by any means a bad school and they have some of the top residency programs in the world. The in-state tuition after first year will be more than worth it since you don't want to start married life in a whole bunch of debt. But really it just comes down to how much you want to be with your girlfriend I think. If you're absolutely sure, then I think you should try to stay in the same location. If you guys are still talking things out, you don't ever want to go to UF and for some reason break up or end up blaming/resenting her for making you go to UF. So whatever you decide, make sure you also LOVE the SCHOOL. CONGRATULATIONS on your acceptances.!

 

[gatorman23]

Hi. I just wanted to say that I am in the same boat...sort of. My boyfriend and I have been going out for 5 years and we really wanted to stay together for medical school. He also got into Duke but I didn't so it looks like we will be doing long distance since we didn't get into any of the same medical schools. What we realized the second after all our decisions came out, was that the rank of the school mattered very little when compared to the opportunity to stay together. We're still hoping maybe a couple of our other waitlist schools will work out but the chances are pretty slim. But what I really wanted to say was that, I actually know a few med students at Duke now who would looove to get into Florida for residency programs. UF is not by any means a bad school and they have some of the top residency programs in the world. The in-state tuition after first year will be more than worth it since you don't want to start married life in a whole bunch of debt. But really it just comes down to how much you want to be with your girlfriend I think. If you're absolutely sure, then I think you should try to stay in the same location. If you guys are still talking things out, you don't ever want to go to UF and for some reason break up or end up blaming/resenting her for making you go to UF. So whatever you decide, make sure you also LOVE the SCHOOL. CONGRATULATIONS on your acceptances.!

Are you pushing me to drop my spot at Duke to open the wait-list a bit? If so, well played . Anyway, great advice and thanks.

We will see how his ends up in a month and a half.

 

[coffeeismyfrnd]

Are you pushing me to drop my spot at Duke to open the wait-list a bit? If so, well played . Anyway, great advice and thanks.

We will see how his ends up in a month and a half.

haha I thought you might think that. crafty right? No I'm not holding out for my spot on the waitlist at Duke. I'm pretty certain my waitlist rank isn't going to be high up there. But let us know whatever you decide. I think we're all pretty curious!

 

[katiemaude]

Speaking from life experience, if you know this girl is really for you, choose love. You're not giving up anything really, just a higher ranked school. You're still going to a great medical school. You'll be paying less and won't have the stress of an LDR. You won't be tied down to primary care if you change your mind in third year.

Make this "sacrifice," which is hardly a sacrifice. It will do more to show you're love than a silly ring ever could - but get the ring anyway. (I only wish the guy I dated in my 20s understood this concept and so did I, or we'd probably be happily married now.)

 

[allrightythen]

If you and your parents are poor

Duke has great financial aid, and you can escape w/ minimal debt.

Its worth waiting to see what kind of package they offer you...

 

[gatorman23]

Speaking from life experience, if you know this girl is really for you, choose love. You're not giving up anything really, just a higher ranked school. You're still going to a great medical school. You'll be paying less and won't have the stress of an LDR. You won't be tied down to primary care if you change your mind in third year.

Make this "sacrifice," which is hardly a sacrifice. It will do more to show you're love than a silly ring ever could - but get the ring anyway. (I only wish the guy I dated in my 20s understood this concept and so did I, or we'd probably be happily married now.)

Bumped for truth and for some new, juicy information.

I have been accepted to Duke, but not the PCLT. No primary care strings attached.

Also, I have been accepted at Wake Forest.

I don't think this changes anything, but I will be waiting for financials to make a final decision.

UF vs. Duke vs. Wake

 

[searun]

If you really want to marry this girl, you need to do what's best for you/your relationship/your marriage first - not whatever school is best. What's best is for you to stick together where ever you end up. Don't sacrifice love for a job. Either find her something in Durham or be happy in FL - long distance will be excruciatingly tough when you're both in school.

Girl first, school second. Keep those 2 in order and you'll be fine.

Actually, I would recommend med school first and girl second. Girl friends come and go - I have had two girl friends come and go during med school - but your school and MD degree, like diamonds, are forever. If you go to Florida and subsequently break up with this girl, which is quite possible (I have seen alot of med school break ups) you will regret it for the rest of your life.

Go to Duke.

 

[mindthegap]

Actually, I would recommend med school first and girl second. Girl friends come and go - I have had two girl friends come and go during med school - but your school and MD degree, like diamonds, are forever. If you go to Florida and subsequently break up with this girl, which is quite possible (I have seen alot of med school break ups) you will regret it for the rest of your life.

Go to Duke.

i agree. go where the greatest opportunities lie - duke. girls come and go, you can find a great one whenever and wherever you decide to settle down. besides, if she doesn't even want to try to stick out the long distance relationship, doesn't that tell you something?

 

[Geekchick921]

Actually, I would recommend med school first and girl second. Girl friends come and go - I have had two girl friends come and go during med school - but your school and MD degree, like diamonds, are forever. If you go to Florida and subsequently break up with this girl, which is quite possible (I have seen alot of med school break ups) you will regret it for the rest of your life.

Go to Duke.

Did you want to marry either of them? The OP claims that's his intention with this girl. I also find it kind of odd that you don't seem to think he wouldn't possibly regret choosing Duke over his girlfriend, just choosing his girlfriend over Duke.

That said, I don't know, OP. This wouldn't even be a question for me if I was facing the prospect of moving away back when my husband and I were just dating or engaged; I'd be staying close to him.

 

[cowme]

Actually, I would recommend med school first and girl second. Girl friends come and go - I have had two girl friends come and go during med school - but your school and MD degree, like diamonds, are forever. If you go to Florida and subsequently break up with this girl, which is quite possible (I have seen alot of med school break ups) you will regret it for the rest of your life.

Go to Duke.

Actually, I would recommend girl first and med school second. Med Schools come and go - I have had a med school come and go during my relationship - but your girlfriend, and future wife, like diamonds, is forever. If you go to Duke and subsequently break up with this girl, which is quite possible (I have seen alot of long distance med school break ups), you will regret it for the rest of your life.

Go to Florida

 

[gatorman23]

UPDATE: The financials between Duke and Florida are almost identical, with Florida being about 4k cheaper a year. However, my mom didn't work this year, so I might get more in grants next year from Duke.

This makes it so much harder, but I have chosen to go to Florida! It is the best place for my girlfriend, and I can't imagine living without her. I will be a great MD anyway!

Anyone still think I am making the wrong decision?

 

[Lunch Beast]

UPDATE: The financials between Duke and Florida are almost identical, with Florida being about 4k cheaper a year. However, my mom didn't work this year, so I might get more in grants next year from Duke.

This makes it so much harder, but I have chosen to go to Florida! It is the best place for my girlfriend, and I can't imagine living without her. I will be a great MD anyway!

Anyone still think I am making the wrong decision?

I went to UF just like you man. You know how awesome that place is. You will get your residency and your girl...I think you made the right choice.

 

[gatorfann14]

Go Gators! You made the right decision. Imagine having to go to duke football games, watching them get killed by crappy ACC teams. Muschamp and the boys make the choice more than worth it.

 

[NewEngland21]

i agree. go where the greatest opportunities lie - duke. girls come and go, you can find a great one whenever and wherever you decide to settle down. besides, if she doesn't even want to try to stick out the long distance relationship, doesn't that tell you something?

Have you ever been to Duke? It's pretty slim pickings...

 

[bucks2010]

UPDATE: The financials between Duke and Florida are almost identical, with Florida being about 4k cheaper a year. However, my mom didn't work this year, so I might get more in grants next year from Duke.

This makes it so much harder, but I have chosen to go to Florida! It is the best place for my girlfriend, and I can't imagine living without her. I will be a great MD anyway!

Anyone still think I am making the wrong decision?

This is awesome man - congrats on your decision! Like others have said, med school is a few years of your life, but the girl can give you joy & frustration for the rest of your days

In all seriousness though, I'm glad you chose the girl. Once you find the person you want to marry, it's hard to imagine (at least for me) giving up the relationship just for a school.

 

[blubearzangel]

.

 

[snowys435]

I wonder how things turned out Helpless romantic

I would like to know too. Wonder if they ended up together.