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TxsMed14

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I'm a current MS2, and never failed an exam or rotation. I took a leave of absence last fall, which has stretched into five months and finally turning a corner on whether to drop out (I think it's time, despite $100k for two years at a private med school. Probably the heaviest factor in my decision). A lot of people have said I should 'just finish and then decide.' .. but that's a ton of money to then not become a physician. I can't transfer to a public school, because we are on a one-year classroom curriculum.

My school is giving me time to sort it out. There aren't too many recent threads on dropping out years, but I appreciate so much those who have done so in the past! I wanted to share my story, and welcome any input/advice from anyone else struggling with the decision. I've started putting my thoughts here if anyone wants to answer anonymously.

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What would you do instead of becoming a physician?
Dropping out with no backup plan and 100k in debt is a set up for disaster.
 
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You're stuck now. I've seen this happen to people before and they all finish because they have to or the money/debt load will ruin them.

You should have realized you weren't cut out for med school beforehand. Thanks for taking up a spot.

Mean, I know. But, truth hurts and we're all thinking it so I'll say it.
 
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Life is a messy thing, and I never thought I wanted to be anything other than a physician. Unfortunately, I was hit with severe depression during my rotations. I became so concerned for myself, I went to a hospital program.

I could never have predicted that would happen, but I am slowly trying to accept that it is an illness like any other. I don't know what I will do, but some point, I had to admit that money or no money, my body wasn't going to allow me to continue.
 
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Life is a messy thing, and I never thought I wanted to be anything other than a physician. Unfortunately, I was hit with severe depression during my rotations. I could never have predicted that would happen. It is an illness, just like any other. I don't know what I will do, but some point, I had to admit that money or no money, my body wasn't going to allow me to continue.
I'm sorry that you are experiencing this and I do hope that you are taking the steps to get this resolved.
That said, please don't make a permanent decision while you're suffering in the depths of depression.
 
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Take time off. Get treated. Return and dominate.
 
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How long have you felt this way, about medicine? Sometimes, in the midst of a depression, there is a tendency to incorrectly reason its fault.
 
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I'm not a fan of telling people to push through med school and residency as if it is inherently is better on the other side. No doubt it's different, but better? Not always. In reading a couple of your prior posts on sdn, you seem to have some idea of what your interests are and how you'd like your career to look. Those ideas are fully achievable, and the problems you mentioned that are common at competitive med schools (and often more perception than reality) will go by the wayside so long as you are able to push through a little more bs, and as long as you accept that happiness doesn't require a residency and fellowship at MBH.
 
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Well if you are sure about dropping out, do it now. Don't wait to finish med school because you will be more in debt. Sucks to see people drop out after completing internship.
 
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Very sorry to hear this. But I hear your illness talking, not you. So talk to your psychiatrist STAT, and take as much time as you need to heal, since your school is willing.

And sorry to soapbox, but this is a classic example of why I tell people with a history of mental illness who are considering a career in Medicine to think very hard about their career choice. Mental illness is the # 1 reason my school loses people to dismissal or withdrawal.



Life is a messy thing, and I never thought I wanted to be anything other than a physician. Unfortunately, I was hit with severe depression during my rotations. I became so concerned for myself, I went to a hospital program.

I could never have predicted that would happen, but I am slowly trying to accept that it is an illness like any other. I don't know what I will do, but some point, I had to admit that money or no money, my body wasn't going to allow me to continue.
 
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And sorry to soapbox, but this is a classic example of why I tell people with a history of mental illness who are considering a career in Medicine to think very hard about their career choice. Mental illness is the # 1 reason my school loses people to dismissal or withdrawal.
How about we advocate managing the depression instead of yielding to it? It IS manageable. If OP wants to drop out of medicine for the right reasons, then fine, but dropping out because of a flare up of unmanaged depression is not the right reason.
 
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You're stuck now. I've seen this happen to people before and they all finish because they have to or the money/debt load will ruin them.

You should have realized you weren't cut out for med school beforehand. Thanks for taking up a spot.

Mean, I know. But, truth hurts and we're all thinking it so I'll say it.

Yeah, we aren't all thinking that. I don't blame anyone for suffering an unforeseen illness during medical school. They worked hard and earned their spot. If they need to drop out its their business. Guilting someone over taking a spot is nonsensical.

OP, how long can your leave of absence last? I'm assuming the school wants you to start again in fall. If you can get treated and feel able you still have a few months to give it a go. If you have determined that for whatever reason it's not worth it then your health and wellbeing do come first. There are plenty of other careers. The debt sucks but talk to one of your schools financial aid advisors to see what options you have. Good luck.
 
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You're stuck now. I've seen this happen to people before and they all finish because they have to or the money/debt load will ruin them. You should have realized you weren't cut out for med school beforehand. Thanks for taking up a spot. Mean, I know. But, truth hurts and we're all thinking it so I'll say it.
Actually none of us are thinking it. Your post is quite abrasive and unreasonable.

I can't stand people who have this mentality that dropouts took a seat from someone else. OP earned that acceptance like the rest of us, it's his/her choice to do what they want with it.
Peoples minds change, and life happens.

OP whatever you do, think hard and take your time with this decision. But I agree with the other posters and suggest getting help for your depression first, before making any major decisions. From personal experience, I also got dx w/ depression a year in and thought about quitting a number of times. But since getting help for it, I've found that my motivation has come back and I'm glad I didn't leave. So, I also say, listen to the others and consider addressing your depression before making such a major decision.

And take care of yourself first and foremost. :) Feel free to PM if you'd like. You're def not alone.
 
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We need better mental health screening of pre-meds before acceptance.
 
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You're stuck now. I've seen this happen to people before and they all finish because they have to or the money/debt load will ruin them.

You should have realized you weren't cut out for med school beforehand. Thanks for taking up a spot.

Mean, I know. But, truth hurts and we're all thinking it so I'll say it.

Are you serious? I find it hard that you're going to be a physician but don't even have an ounce of empathy for this person.

Have you watched the news and seen the number of students/residents/attendings that commit suicide because of the pressures that medicine places on them. There is one person at my school that everyone was worried about, and we encouraged him to seek counseling and he did. It helped him. He passed boards and is doing much better.

I think it is incredibly insensitive to attack the OP the way that you did. Think I'm being too critical? Go back and read what you wrote. This kind of attitude is the reason that depression and suicide is so prevalent in medicine. So, in the future, if you have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. And don't speak for the rest of us because clearly not everyone was thinking what you said.


GOODNESS.
 
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I stand by what I said. I also said it before he mentioned why he was leaving.

Medicine isn't for everyone and people beat around the bush about things too much these days.
 
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We need better mental health screening of pre-meds before acceptance.

Are you proposing we just blanket-ban people with any mental health problems from attending medical school?

Also, OP probably would have passed said screening since apparently their depressive symptoms only really reared their head during med school.


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Are you proposing we just blanket-ban people with any mental health problems from attending medical school?

Also, OP probably would have passed said screening since apparently their depressive symptoms only really reared their head during med school.


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Depends on how it impairs their ability to take care of other people. Can't do that job/be a doctor if you aren't healthy yourself.

Being a physician is a profession that has a higher set of standards than others since we are in charge of the care of human life.
 
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You're stuck now. I've seen this happen to people before and they all finish because they have to or the money/debt load will ruin them.

You should have realized you weren't cut out for med school beforehand. Thanks for taking up a spot.

Mean, I know. But, truth hurts and we're all thinking it so I'll say it.

Just want to reiterate that this is in no way the view of the majority and the comment that OP "took up a spot" is completely unacceptable.

We need better mental health screening of pre-meds before acceptance.

So in another thread you argue that residency programs screening out applicants because of their academic credentials (being a DO) is "discrimination" but you're perfectly ok with excluding people from a profession based on pre-existing mental health conditions. Wow. What a clown. Please leave.

To OP: you need to figure this out by talking with your psychiatrist, your family and close friends. Being a physician is mentally and physically taxing. If you can't get your depression under control it will be hard for you to get through med school and residency and even harder to continue doing this for the rest of your life.
 
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Just want to reiterate that this is in no way the view of the majority and the comment that OP "took up a spot" is completely unacceptable.



So in another thread you argue that residency programs screening out applicants because of their academic credentials (being a DO) is "discrimination" but you're perfectly ok with excluding people from a profession based on pre-existing mental health conditions. Wow. What a clown. Please leave.

To OP: you need to figure this out by talking with your psychiatrist, your family and close friends. Being a physician is mentally and physically taxing. If you can't get your depression under control it will be hard for you to get through med school and residency and even harder to continue doing this for the rest of your life.

To be fair, I never said that OP should have been excluded. I said he should have thought harder before going into the field and that as a whole we should screen pre-meds for mental health better. I think you thought by "screen" that I meant "filter out" but I actually meant "screen" as in "diagnose." But, if a person's pre-existing medical condition interferes with his/her ability to perform the job then yes they should be excluded.

As far as being a DO, that has nothing to do with this thread and not sure why you're trying to even tie the two together.
 
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To be fair, I never said that OP should have been excluded. I said he should have thought harder before going into the field and that as a whole we should screen pre-meds for mental health better. I think you thought by "screen" that I meant "filter out" but I actually meant "screen" as in "diagnose." But, if a person's pre-existing medical condition interferes with his/her ability to perform the job then yes they should be excluded.

As far as being a DO, that has nothing to do with this thread and not sure why you're trying to even tie the two together.

I can see it now, we can have a new SDN subforum where people debate whether to use "Kaplan's Conquer the MMPI" or "Trample the MMPI with TPR". We can have a sticky thread about "10 quick tips to ace your in person psychological assessment!"

No thanks
 
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To be fair, I never said that OP should have been excluded. I said he should have thought harder before going into the field and that as a whole we should screen pre-meds for mental health better. I think you thought by "screen" that I meant "filter out" but I actually meant "screen" as in "diagnose." But, if a person's pre-existing medical condition interferes with his/her ability to perform the job then yes they should be excluded.

As far as being a DO, that has nothing to do with this thread and not sure why you're trying to even tie the two together.

Probably doesn't help that every damn psychiatric illness debuts with stress in the age period where most people fall in medical school.
 
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I stand by what I said. I also said it before he mentioned why he was leaving.

Medicine isn't for everyone and people beat around the bush about things too much these days.

Well by that reasoning, all practicing residents and physicians should get the boot as soon as they experience a life altering event that brings about a mental illness. We wouldn't disbar a physician with cancer would we? Mental illness is just that. AN ILLNESS! It doesn't preclude you from doing any thing that a normal person could do (of course while properly controlled). That's a very narrow minded attitude you got there man.


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In Texas you do not have to disclose mental illness to the board for licensure so get help it you need it. Since your in the same city as me if you ever need help just hit me up bro. I don't think you should throw in the towel yet. Yes the majority of us hate medical school even if we don't admit it (I hate it), but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Being a physician can open up a lot of doors for you and I think you might be able to find something in one of them that is rewarding.
 
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Well by that reasoning, all practicing residents and physicians should get the boot as soon as they experience a life altering event that brings about a mental illness. We wouldn't disbar a physician with cancer would we? Mental illness is just that. AN ILLNESS! It doesn't preclude you from doing any thing that a normal person could do (of course while properly controlled). That's a very narrow minded attitude you got there man.


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We don't disbar anyone in medicine...and you're just making hyperbole. I said that if someone had a condition that prevented them from taking care of patients then they shouldn't be a practicing physician. I stand by that.

I also told OP to get treatment and come back to medicine when healthy but people seem to be ignoring that part.
 
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Are you proposing we just blanket-ban people with any mental health problems from attending medical school?

Also, OP probably would have passed said screening since apparently their depressive symptoms only really reared their head during med school.


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Yes. We need to blanket ban them and muslims/immigrants.
 
I'll deviate from the norm and say that dropping out might not be a terrible decision. Obviously, OP needs to get healthy and back into the right state of mind before making such a huge decision. However, if after getting back into the right state of mind OP still dislikes or hates medicine that much, dropping out sooner rather than later isn't so terrible Imo. Especially since he/she has experience clinical years and not just lectures. The residents or attendings can correct me if I'm wrong, but if someone really hates all of their clinical rotations, chances are they're not going to get better during residency or the career unless it's a route which isn't very analogous to med school rotations.

I'd personally rather take on 100k of debt and switch to a career that I love than spend in the next 10-20 years of my life doing something I hate. Even if it's a lot of debt, I'll take happiness with debt over misery with money.

Also, LOL at MeatTornado for trying to turn this into another DO-bashing thread. Seriously, it's just sad. :beat:
 
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Also, LOL at MeatTornado for trying to turn this into another DO-bashing thread. Seriously, it's just sad. :beat:

Just pointing out how warped that poster's reasoning is


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Just pointing out how warped that poster's reasoning is

Much respect to you, by no means I mean any offence, but.....

Having a DO after your name vs. a mental disorder are 2 different things.

Who would you choose to take care of your family?

A) mentally ill MD
B) overall healthy DO

(age, gender, and years of experience are the same)
 
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How about we advocate managing the depression instead of yielding to it? It IS manageable. If OP wants to drop out of medicine for the right reasons, then fine, but dropping out because of a flare up of unmanaged depression is not the right reason.

I could not agree with this more.
 
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Much respect to you, by no means I mean any offence, but.....

Having a DO after your name vs. a mental disorder are 2 different things.

Who would you choose to take care of your family?

A) mentally ill MD
B) overall healthy DO

(age, gender, and years of experience are the same)

This has nothing to do with anything. If you don't understand what I wrote earlier or you are unfamiliar with the previous discussion with @Cubsfan10 that I am referring to then it's best to refrain from commenting.

I would prefer a competent and well trained physician who is capable of doing the job.
 
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Not sure why everyone is piling on Cubsfan10. I'm sure none of you would feel entirely comfortable getting on a plane if you knew the pilot was suffering from depression severe enough to interfere with his day to day function. I'm not saying the OP should be barred from medicine, but the refusal to even consider, as a global point, the implications of putting the lives of others into the hands of mentally ill people because doing so might result in hurt feelz is emblematic of today's society. Thou Shalt not Hurt Feelz seems to be the prime directive these days, superseding everything else.
 
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The point is, this is not the business of anyone but the person who is dealing with it. We should respect the privacy of people in any scenario. If it begins to interfere with his duties as a physician, it'll likely be recognized early. I mean, a doctor is working amongst other doctors. I would imagine that this would only help them not hurt them.


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Not sure why everyone is piling on Cubsfan10. I'm sure none of you would feel entirely comfortable getting on a plane if you knew the pilot was suffering from depression severe enough to interfere with his day to day function. I'm not saying the OP should be barred from medicine, but the refusal to even consider, as a global point, the implications of putting the lives of others into the hands of mentally ill people because doing so might result in hurt feelz is emblematic of today's society. Thou Shalt not Hurt Feelz seems to be the prime directive these days, superseding everything else.
But there's a large difference between, out of control episodes of psychosis mental illness vs. treated depression mental illness. Obviously, it's a case by case basis, but any physician who has their mental illness under control shouldn't raise concern for alarm.

Now, if that mental health is not being controlled and is getting out of hand, of course no one would want to be seen by that doctor. But that would apply to doctors struggling from any health issue that is not being managed properly I think. I'd be uncomfortable being seen by any doctor who has an uncontrolled illness that can interfere with their ability to do the job. On the other hand, if it's controlled and it doesn't affect their care for patients, then it should be okay.

Just as an example, you'd probably be comfortable seeing a doctor with Type I DM that is well controlled. It's all really a case by case basis, but to generalize and push an entire group out doesn't make sense.

-2 cents
 
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But there's a large difference between, out of control episodes of psychosis mental illness vs. treated depression mental illness. Obviously, it's a case by case basis, but any physician who has their mental illness under control shouldn't raise concern for alarm.

Now, if that mental health is not being controlled and is getting out of hand, of course no one would want to be seen by that doctor. But that would apply to doctors struggling from any health issue that is not being managed properly I think.

-2 cents

Exactly. We would never have such entertaining doctors like House if we didn't allow them to be docs haha... Kidding of course


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Not sure why everyone is piling on Cubsfan10. I'm sure none of you would feel entirely comfortable getting on a plane if you knew the pilot was suffering from depression severe enough to interfere with his day to day function. I'm not saying the OP should be barred from medicine, but the refusal to even consider, as a global point, the implications of putting the lives of others into the hands of mentally ill people because doing so might result in hurt feelz is emblematic of today's society. Thou Shalt not Hurt Feelz seems to be the prime directive these days, superseding everything else.

It's not about hurting feelings. It's about claiming someone wasted someone else's space in medical school that made me respond. OP should seek treatment, counseling and see if they are able to continue in their medical education. If they decide they are unable then other career paths can be sought. Blaming someone because they lacked the insight to see how mental illness would be made worse by the stress of medical school in not productive. Its something you can't really understand until you are there.

I have warned prospective medical students that have had mental illness or depression in the past to be proactive. Make sure this career path is worth it.The risk of not finishing is real. As Goro said one the most common reasons students drop out is because of the toll it takes on mental health. Unfortunately once you start you have 7 years to go minimum until you have potential to more easily pay off your debt. If you are sure you want to go through with medical school then make sure you are comfortable with your current treatment regimen. Establish yourself with a new psychiatrist/therapist when you move and start school even if you are doing well. You can never be sure what medical school will do and when you will need to see someone for a medication change or counseling.
 
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Mental illness can be crippling. There's no shame in taking a leave of absence. I agree with Goro, though-- figure out your depression, then figure out if you want to stay in med school. You might want it, you might not, but it's probably not a decision you should make in a dark place.

I am a little bit confused on the timeline-- you said you're an MS-2 but you're on rotations? If you can clarify a little bit, we might be able to offer more specific advice from the school side of things (obviously talk to your physician for the mental health side).
 
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Mental illness can be crippling. There's no shame in taking a leave of absence. I agree with Goro, though-- figure out your depression, then figure out if you want to stay in med school. You might want it, you might not, but it's probably not a decision you should make in a dark place.

I am a little bit confused on the timeline-- you said you're an MS-2 but you're on rotations? If you can clarify a little bit, we might be able to offer more specific advice from the school side of things (obviously talk to your physician for the mental health side).

A few schools jump you into clinicals before 3rd year
 
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I stand by what I said. I also said it before he mentioned why he was leaving.

Medicine isn't for everyone and people beat around the bush about things too much these days.

I don't mind you saying it, i've thought it myself many times on rough days! But I was amazed when I opened up, both a hospital doc and my psychiatrist shared their own experiences with depression (something that surprised me, because I had assumed doctors generally didn't talk about their own illnesses).

It helped me heal. It's the main reason I stuck with that psychiatrist and trust his advice on medications. Medicine takes energy, depression - or any illness - zaps it. There's no denying that. An MS4 spoke to our class last year about her Crohn's disease and stress flare ups.

I agree, people and medical schools should pause. But I'm thankful that finish in spite of all the other things in their life that takes energy, too. It's what I hoped, and still hope to do.

Also, my personal statement was about a past experience with depression, and how it led to me into medicine. I didn't want to go to a school that wouldn't accept me otherwise. The admins were fully aware. I've had conversations asking if they thought they had made a mistake, or I did. But they said that number of my classmates had anxiety or depression coming in. Medicine needs people from all backgrounds.
 
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As it has been said already:

1. Have an appointment with your psychiatrist and get the current symptoms under control.

2. Re-evaluate your stance once your symptoms have resolved. Try to identify specific triggers. Look into meditation/yoga/exercise to see if it helps.

3. The hardest years are the first two years (for most people). I would continue and see if you have a change of heart after seeing patients. You might find your passion in medicine again.

4. 100k is a lot of debt but if you can do Med school, you can easily get into another masters and do something you love. You will have a lot of debt, yes. But better to have 100k than 200k in debt and getting your degree AND THEN going back to do something else you like. This step obviously takes a lot of serious thought. Try to remember back why you wanted to be a physician and see if any of that is left. Sometimes you really can't overcome certain mental challenges and I think it's important to realize that it's ok. We aren't all suited for doing medicine. Really get advice from your family and advisors though before making such a big decision.

Good luck in this process as I know this must be very difficult.


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Wtf?

There is a difference between having mental illness and going into medicine for the wrong reasons.

Some people may BECOME depressed because they realized that medicine isn't a freebie into the top 2% and that it actually takes a lot of time, sacrifice, and actual interest and passion to learn medicine at the end of the day.

Seek out what is causing you to become depressed, if it really is the fact that you don't like medicine at all and did it only because you thought you'd be rich later then dropping out is the best option. Otherwise, seek psychiatry help.
 
Wtf?

There is a difference between having mental illness and going into medicine for the wrong reasons.

Some people may BECOME depressed because they realized that medicine isn't a freebie into the top 2% and that it actually takes a lot of time, sacrifice, and actual interest and passion to learn medicine at the end of the day.

Seek out what is causing you to become depressed, if it really is the fact that you don't like medicine at all and did it only because you thought you'd be rich later then dropping out is the best option. Otherwise, seek psychiatry help.

You'll have to ask our admin committee, I guess?
 
The point is, this is not the business of anyone but the person who is dealing with it. We should respect the privacy of people in any scenario. If it begins to interfere with his duties as a physician, it'll likely be recognized early. I mean, a doctor is working amongst other doctors. I would imagine that this would only help them not hurt them.


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Do you think substance abuse is recognized early? And is nobodys business?
 
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Do you think substance abuse is recognized early? And is nobodys business?

Probably a can of worms to bring that up, but substance abuse is nothing like depression/anxiety/etc. A physician CAN lose a license due to substance abuse.
 
I'm sorry that you are experiencing this and I do hope that you are taking the steps to get this resolved.
That said, please don't make a permanent decision while you're suffering in the depths of depression.

Thank you for being open that it’s ok to go back, depression or not! I expected a lot of discouragement. I’m ready to take it, because I want to share my story.
 
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Thank you for the support, and for being open that it’s ok to go back, depression or not! From other posts, I expected a lot of discouragement. It's why people sadly keep silent. I’m ready to take it, because I want to share my story. Depression is what it is, I'm in treatment (on-going) and feeling my old self again.

Before coming in, I had MS in microbiology, worked as an EMT and full-time clinical research tech. My workload wasn't necessarily higher now than in my life before, but the environment was. Research is great, but I am an idealistic person driven by patient care. Some of the positive feedback on rotations was that I'm excellent with MI. Unfortunately, it’s the wrong school environment, and I am definitely missing that support system. It’s something I could not have understood before coming here.

At our school, MS1 =1 classroom, MS2 = clinical year (then Step 1), MS3 = research year. MS4 = Rotations. I've completed MS1 and half of Ms2. When I began feeling better, I decided to use the time until August to study and take Step1. But strangely, I can't find my groove and my passion. If I feel fine, why can't dive into the material like i've been doing for years?

1. Is there some kind of sub-acute depression that still needs to heal, or is my body telling me this is the wrong career, regardless of my drive and passion that I still feel I have?

2. Will it return when I go back? I acknowledge, the major stress was going to such a highly competitive school, rather than the workload. Being surrounded by olympic medalists, Ivy league valedictorians, Boston Marathon runners takes a toll. Would I have done better (emotionally) at a different school? Can I use CBT to address the perfectionism that we all deal with, so that it doesn't have such an impact? Was that even the problem to begin with?


These are many of the questions bouncing around in my head, and they don't necessarily have answers. But maybe it's time I put them out in the world, instead of just my head. Messy.

First step, you're in the same place as them. They are no better than you and don't think that. Anyone can dedicate their time to a certain goal such as those people did (and some people just aren't born athletic enough for two of those, haha). But, comparing yourself to others in that way will only bring you down. Focus on the positives of where you are.
 
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You're stuck now. I've seen this happen to people before and they all finish because they have to or the money/debt load will ruin them.

You should have realized you weren't cut out for med school beforehand. Thanks for taking up a spot. Mean, I know. But, truth hurts and we're all thinking it so I'll say it.
Speak for yourself, I don't even feel close to your sentiment. Oh, and grow up. And one can easily get out of 100 k.
 
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I'm sorry that you are experiencing this and I do hope that you are taking the steps to get this resolved.
That said, please don't make a permanent decision while you're suffering in the depths of depression.
How do you know med school isn't the thing causing the depression in the first place?
Very sorry to hear this. But I hear your illness talking, not you. So talk to your psychiatrist STAT, and take as much time as you need to heal, since your school is willing.

And sorry to soapbox, but this is a classic example of why I tell people with a history of mental illness who are considering a career in Medicine to think very hard about their career choice. Mental illness is the # 1 reason my school loses people to dismissal or withdrawal.
You're assuming your med school had no role in contributing to mental illness that wasn't there before.
 
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