Emergency Medicine Haikus for all to enjoy

[docB]

Dear god! Let him sleep.
Messing up the syllables;
Dosage could be next.

Milligrams and grams
Are just all the same to me
Give it IV push

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[Purulent DC]

Excoriations
from cholestasis
arms scabbed as with lice

 

[WakeMedHeel]

Adiposity
Nystatin powder to your folds
Gastric bypass please

 

[aphistis]

Adiposity
Nystatin powder to your folds
Gastric bypass please

That's just...appalling.

 

[Purulent DC]

Skin was discolored
Lost under her breast pannus
lived an old Chicklet

 

[EMDrMoe]

I have never gotten around to reading this thread - it is absolutely HYSTERICAL! Thanks guys

 

[leviathan]

For some reason, hours of rounds and chasing K and Mag all day really make me appreciate EM so much more.

Plus we have this really terrible order entry system that keeps eating my labs.

So I put together this haiku:

Damn this Medicine!
The hours spent chasing vapors -
I long for the Pit.

C

Great, no sleep again
Perhaps I shall eat No-Doz
IV sounds better

 

[Purulent DC]

ICU intern,
pimped mercilessly on rounds.
Buzz off cruel vultures!

 

[aphistis]

Skin was discolored
Lost under her breast pannus
lived an old Chicklet

Trying to lose weight?
Clearly, since she switched her gum
Low-mass is low-cal?

 

[unk_fxn]

750 pounds
today off the vent
crash intubation

 

[Febrifuge]

Grey and rainy day,
Big drop in "emergencies."
Funny how that works.

 

[emtp2pac]

"Grey and rainy day,
Big drop in "emergencies."
Funny how that works."

in my neck of the woods it's more like:

grey and rainy day
forgot how to drive and crash
not hurt, to e.r. now


ok so er could be 2 syllables but you get the idea....
rearended with no vehicle damage but has to be seen before every mi in the lobby.....typical rainy day pt population.

 

[docB]

Post EM haikus.
Simple but interesting
stories from the pit.

 

[Febrifuge]

"Feb, please stop that man
Peeing in the garbage can."
Wow. Dimentia sucks.

 

[quideam]

Med student haikus... (at 2am before a final, mind you...)

Biochem pathway
All of these lovely enzymes-
Can't wait to forget

Pentose phosphate shunt
How many patients will die
Because I forgot?

I'm so sorry sir
I can't treat you at this time;
Need to draw structures

In first year, a sin -
Clinically relevant stuff?
What is this, med school?

 

[docB]

Med student haikus... (at 2am before a final, mind you...)

Biochem pathway
All of these lovely enzymes-
Can't wait to forget

Pentose phosphate shunt
How many patients will die
Because I forgot?

I'm so sorry sir
I can't treat you at this time;
Need to draw structures

In first year, a sin -
Clinically relevant stuff?
What is this, med school?

Hey! That stuff is important. Not a day goes by in the ED that I don't have to track down deficits in a pt's oxidative phosphorylation or admit someone for a urea cycle problem.

 

[Purulent DC]

Leaving AMA,
"I ain't got no heart attack!"
Troponin 7

 

[NinerNiner999]

Oh Meconium
Little crack babies alright
Now, whos the daddy?

 

[NinerNiner999]

Tito just got shot
Now he comes to my ED
Titos gonna die.

 

[kungfufishing]

Tito just got shot
Now he comes to my ED
Titos gonna die.

Tito just got shot
Michael's headed for the Pen
So long, Jackson Five

 

[quideam]

Fearless cadaver
Think I lost your aorta
How about a lung?

 

[Seaglass]

The old man killer
Tractor thought to be so safe
Then it rolls over

 

[deleted6669]

nothing on triage
send trauma to fast track then
next stop o.r. friend

 

[Seaglass]

There's nothing more reliable than that Fast-track triage. Gotta love it.

 

[Seaglass]

Diminished Breath Sounds
CT: There's still air in there
Chest tube number four

Just to be clear that's four tubes total, this is only the second in that side

 

[docB]

No prenatal care
LMP sometime last year
Fetus drops on the floor

I'm so glad someone revived this thread. It's too cool.

 

[Apollyon]

No prenatal care
LMP sometime last year
Fetus drops on the floor

I'm so glad someone revived this thread. It's too cool.

6 syllables in that last line.

 

[docB]

6 syllables in that last line.

Oops.

No prenatal care
LMP sometime last year
Fetus drops on floor

There we go.

 

[substanceP]

normal day in my life:

3rd year med student
He knows pretty much nothing
Scut him off quickly!

happened this morning:

Homeless since ‘80
Lift sheet, necrotic tissue
Maggots everywhere!

 

[NeuroSync]

A Student Perspective:


Two minutes to go
Pray to the PDA God
I am the short coat

A differential?
Here: T.O.Ba.S.H.
Can I go home now?

 

[Apollyon]

A Student Perspective:


Two minutes to go
Pray to the PDA God
I am the short coat

A differential?
Here: T.O.Ba.S.H.
Can I go home now?

Looks like six syllables in your 2nd haiku, 2nd line

 

[Apollyon]

Drunks ev-er-y-where
Graduation was tonight
All are EM grads

Paging stupidly
*****ic idiotic
They will be fired

Fired will be 'terns
They will not make it to 2
Grads don't give a damn

 

[Seaglass]

Fired is only one syllable
http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=fired

 

[APACHE3]

If you are a southerner..."fired" has two syllables! PS I was born in Montgomery..I can say that!

 

[DrQuinn]

Three hundred, sixty
or so, more days left for me
man i gotta read.

Q

 

[Whisker Barrel Cortex]

Here's my contribution.

Have a bad headache.
No different than before.
Stat CAT scan of head.

Belly pain you say
No need to examine you.
Just get a C-T.

Need P-E C-T.
But she has pulm edema.
Still could be P-E.

 

[Apollyon]

Fired is only one syllable
http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=fired

Cambridge says two:

fire

 

[Febrifuge]

Post-bac ten week term:
Chemistry, Bio, Orgo.
Sleep is for the weak.

Home, renting fall term:
Farmhouse. Pond. Pimpin' hot tub.
Owner? EM doc.

 

[Zazoo]

couple of random ones...

the howl, the cry, gasp
house officers carry on
the work must get done

the student wonders
as lives charge through A+E
at the randomness

moment of silence
the staff regain composure
before the torrent

moment of silence
the staff share a joke or two
here we go again!

‘I smoked so little’.
COPD makes him gasp.
If only he quit.

The eager student
Seeks patients with textbook signs,
The doctors shake heads.

 

[jannakins]

The real test is here
The fear fills my heart and head
I'm a new intern

 

[eadysx]

On my summer break
The last one I ever get
Six more years to go

 

[NinerNiner999]

No more scut for me
Someone else will do the work
New PGY1's

 

[pushinepi2]

Toe pain cannot be
Reason for insanity
Call Psych; let me be

Says he don't got meds
Alcohol anesthetic
For the varices

Turning blue, gasping
History of bronchitis
Therapeutic crack

THIS is reason #5 why EM is quite simply the most sophisticated specialty on the face of the planet.

 

[docB]

You are way too drunk.
Now you are so much nicer.
Haldol in the butt.

 

[anonymousEM]

seems to be a theme this week-even had identical twins with identical complaint:

I'm "suicidal"
just off bus, lookin' for work
"I need a sam-wich"

 

[ditch doctor]

Nitro not under,
This tounge: old man; viagra,
Erection of death.

 

[docB]

Nitro not under,
This tounge: old man; viagra,
Erection of death.

"Erection of death."

You should use that in your signature.

 

[Febrifuge]

Studying O-Chem.
Need a good EM haiku;
Sanity at risk.

 

[toofache32]

From a patient's perspective:


He wanted more cash
But I already smoked it
Bullet in face hurts.

 

[docB]

Old and out of it
I suspect a CVA
Nope, it is cocaine