Emergency Medicine Haikus for all to enjoy

[GoodMonkey]

Skin was discolored
Lost under her breast pannus
lived an old Chicklet

now this one i believe is my favorite!

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[Apollyon]

Overnight tonight
Hot Rads chick working "the box"
Lots of plain films, please!

 

[docB]

Your foot is now black
How long? Three years!
Why are you here now?

 

[NinerNiner999]

Oh Pedatrics.
Why do you cry all the time?
How much do you weigh?

 

[dchristismi]

An ode to my time on the trauma surgery service: (ie, now.)

Chopper on the pad
Never call report early
Paged: "Trauma Now." Run!

 

[indytravl]

 

[DocVirk]

Although only a lowly medical student:

Biochemistry,
Alpha-keto-glutarate.
Who makes up this crap?

 

[amused lurker]

I'm just a lurking non-medical type, but I have one for you

standing on corner
just minding my own business
i fear some dude's gun

thanks for the great stories, and keep up the good work!

 

[doctawife]

attending wants tap
twelve thousand plus white cells bad
for your tiny brain

three in the morning
at the busiest ER
in the southwest - damn

pedi wife on call
normal sweet husband at home
food gets delivered

 

[leviathan]

Smoking while pregnant?
Wait, you also just had wine
Hello, FAS

 

[leviathan]

PR Interval?
Yes, it's short. Delta waves, too.
Wolf-Parkinson-White?

 

[Telemachus]

Ethylene glycol
Plan foiled by dialysis
Next time paraquat

 

[mysophobe]

Gen Surg

Open belly case
Eating cookies in the lounge
Now they're in the wound

 

[Febrifuge]

Baseball on the quad
College girls in croppy tops
Why must pre-reqs end?

 

[Chronic Student]

This guy is a nut
It's just my luck that he needs
I and D of butt

-Mike

 

[mysophobe]

Pens are not so thin
Compared to the urethra.
I'll see you next week.

 

[deleted87716]

I'm not in EM, but what the hell...

Bad migraine headache
Allergic to all NSAIDs
Give me Demerol!

and...

Someone tell me why
The only lost prescriptions
Are for narcotics?

almost done...

Heart murmur? Echo!
Abdominal pain? CT!
Exam? What exam?

finally, based on a true story...

First chart in the rack
Chief complaint: "Needs a rectal."
Put that one back. Next!

 

[Seaglass]

Two new ones (one inspired by the quotes thread).

Oh Penistaxis!
The bleeding goes on for hours-
Clot! Please Please Please clot!

And

Haiku- So easy
Yes, Anyone can do it
It's kind of like sex

 

[docB]

Oh Penistaxis!
The bleeding goes on for hours-
Clot! Please Please Please clot!

I disagree:

Oh penistaxis!
Please do not clot up on me.
You'll need a three way.

 

[doctawife]

Oh no! Woe is he.
His penis won't stop bleeding.
Call urology!

I was SOCMOBing.
Oh no, once again they strike -
the two dudes are back!

 

[SoCuteMD]

I was SOCMOBing.
Oh no, once again they strike -
the two dudes are back!

CRACKING UP!!!!!!!!!!

 

[deleted6669]

otitis maggots
to leave in or take friends out
they are just working

 

[TPS report]

code brown in bed 4
admit to medicine stat
needs GI work up

heeeehehhee

 

[Dunce]

Round and round and round
Will somebody shoot me, please?
No IM for me.

 

[EMT2RN2MD]

Standing on the corn'
Two dudes jump me from behind
Think they had a bat

Socmob beatdowns. I smile every time.

 

[NotANurse]

Oh now we're not limited to Internal Medicine haiku, eh?

Pregnant, in labor
Four hundred pounds of woman
How did she get laid?

huge forty-weeker
educated me on that
only short-dicks ask

 

[deleted6669]

overnight shift time
ten years of back pain special
why no pcp

allergic to all
only percocet helps me
try ultram lady

fibromyalgia
don't even believe in it
no refill tonight

 

[toofache32]

huge forty-weeker
educated me on that
only short-dicks ask

Oh......My......God.....

 

[deleted6669]

septic at ninety
short term obs unit player
what were they thinking

disoriented
hypotensive and febrile
1 day stay won't do

trading shifts lots now
prefer the e.d. lifestyle
beware inpatient

 

[salmonella]

Damn you ER docs
Glorified triage nurses
Stop the weak admits!

 

[Seaglass]

bump

 

[sleepymed]

Bladder is so full
I am sure it will explode
Med rounds never end

 

[sleepymed]

Catch a train, bus, plane
Hotel rooms, taxis, suits, shoes
Interview season

 

[sleepymed]

Handwritten or Email
Thank You notes, do I send them?
Way too much free time.

 

[WallowaWanderer]

Pregnant women
so many of you
and you all show up in my ED!

 

[medicinesux]

I hate medicine
ready to quit anyday
no says Sallie Mae!!!

 

[moonshade13]

the only way I could do this one. I work in x-ray file room and we are now digital so here is mine.

Watching the computer screen
wishing I was home
Sometimes wish we were old school

hope I got it right.

 

[Febrifuge]

Haikus never end
Ancient thread, brought up again
Like a snide old friend

 

[doctawife]

Fever, fever, more fever
Oh, pedi ER
How you bring the G*d damn pain.

 

[doctawife]

Oh, pedi ER
Fever, fever, more fever
How you bring the pain

 

[Febrifuge]

Yes, 5 - 7 - 5 is the traditional scheme for Haiku.

(Okay, technically it's "Senryu," since a real Haiku should be on a theme of nature and natural beauty, and written in the present tense only; Senryu are traditionally the ones to bring the ha-ha. Commonly, and good enough for our purposes, they're interchangeable.)

This has been "Liberal Arts Minute," with your host, Feb. We now return you to the thread.

 

[doctawife]

Yes, 5 - 7 - 5 is the traditional scheme for Haiku.

(Okay, technically it's "Senryu," since a real Haiku should be on a theme of nature and natural beauty, and written in the present tense only; Senryu are traditionally the ones to bring the ha-ha. Commonly, and good enough for our purposes, they're interchangeable.)

This has been "Liberal Arts Minute," with your host, Feb. We now return you to the thread.

Alas, Febrifuge
You have now dropped the knowledge
Right on my poor head

(Note, hubbie says that dropped is only one syllable, since no one says dropp-ed. If dropped is two syllables, then my middle line is "You done dropped the knowledge...")

 

[FISKUS]

Goose intubation
Stomach fills with compressed air
Tube out. Thar she blows!

 

[doctawife]

Poor white trash in OBS
Complex febrile seizure, but
Daddy loves cocaine

 

[PedsEndoSec]

Here's one from my office...

Insulin? What's that?
DKA, yet one more time.
Why even bother?

 

[doctawife]

Hemangioma
Sitting on the airway
Don't die on my shift

 

[ParamedicMan]

A thread I'll revive
Sitting in histo again
I hate pink and blue

 

[doctawife]

Community ER
Now up to twenty two years
Why are teens such fools?

 

[RustedFox]

Ten years in the states ?
Why don't you speak ENGLISH yet?
Portuguese too hard.

 

[docB]

Hep C, HIV
I must place a central line.
You have no veins, damn.