Everyone wants to talk me out of it?!!

[LupaCupcake]

Do people try to talk you out of this? People that you may expect to support you?

Example...My Mother is a huge on career and very successful, she used to support me doing this, but now she keeps pushing on me that I need to evaluate my situation and I should look into other routes within healthcare and the company I currently work for and how I can advance within them. I work at a behavioral health hospital that is owned by UHS (fortune 500 company, like 250 facilities around the U.S). She pushes on me that I am 30, it will take how many years to accomplish all of this , especially with me working fulltime as the breadwinner and I am wasting my remaining GI Bill without a guarantee etc etc.....says I am not being realistic. I avoid arguing with her and just comment, "yep, I am stubborn". lol

People I work with tell me I should look into getting a professional license within healthcare that is quicker and will allow me to climb that ladder with work more efficiently. My husband/potential ex/odd situation person, is the only one that supports me.

One person told me I was being selfish and unrealistic. Yes, I am a dreamer, always have been, but maybe that is a QUALITY not a flaw within doctors. No it is not an easy path nor is it a guaranteed path, I could get every door to med school slammed in my face and hear my mom say "told you so". I understand that risk, but what if I make it? What if a door opens and says we will take you! *suddenly the birds start singing and I am dancing in the sunlight with adorable animals dancing with me* Sorry, I have a 7 year old daughter so apparently my mind has decided if I make it into medical school I become a Disney princess lol.

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[puppylatte]

There is nothing to be gained listening to other people about your life. If you listen, you run the risk of wasting more time and becoming resentful. If you don't listen, you feel that people are judging you. Pick your poison. But it's YOUR life. If these comments bother you, avoid those topics of conversation or those people altogether if they keep bringing it up.

I have handled similar pressures by disconnecting from overly involved family members. It might not be ideal or the most healthy, but people get the hint. It's not appropriate to tell people what to do with their life but people do this all the time. Also, if they are well-meaning, they will be happy that your plan ultimately worked out.

Furthermore, there is not a person in this world who is harder on myself than myself. So if I decide to take a year off work to pursue this goal and live like a pauper, it's not a crazy and irresponsible life choice. It's a calculated decision and anyone who thinks otherwise can shove it, for all I care.

 

[Flippinski]

Do people try to talk you out of this? People that you may expect to support you?

Example...My Mother is a huge on career and very successful, she used to support me doing this, but now she keeps pushing on me that I need to evaluate my situation and I should look into other routes within healthcare and the company I currently work for and how I can advance within them. I work at a behavioral health hospital that is owned by UHS (fortune 500 company, like 250 facilities around the U.S). She pushes on me that I am 30, it will take how many years to accomplish all of this , especially with me working fulltime as the breadwinner and I am wasting my remaining GI Bill without a guarantee etc etc.....says I am not being realistic. I avoid arguing with her and just comment, "yep, I am stubborn". lol

People I work with tell me I should look into getting a professional license within healthcare that is quicker and will allow me to climb that ladder with work more efficiently. My husband/potential ex/odd situation person, is the only one that supports me.

One person told me I was being selfish and unrealistic. Yes, I am a dreamer, always have been, but maybe that is a QUALITY not a flaw within doctors. No it is not an easy path nor is it a guaranteed path, I could get every door to med school slammed in my face and hear my mom say "told you so". I understand that risk, but what if I make it? What if a door opens and says we will take you! *suddenly the birds start singing and I am dancing in the sunlight with adorable animals dancing with me* Sorry, I have a 7 year old daughter so apparently my mind has decided if I make it into medical school I become a Disney princess lol.

WE HAVE VERY SIMILAR SITUATIONS!
I'm 30, going into year two of my prerequisites, and I'm also a vet whose going to use my GI bill benefits for school. I have received mixed support from my mom and my in laws. They don't quite understand with all the BS (in terms of insurance and hospitalists) why I would want to go into medicine. Here's my opinion, if you take that into account when getting into medicine and salary, then you are doing it for the completely WRONG reason.

I also perform the "OK" method with my mom, when she lectures me on why I shouldn't do it and that I wouldn't make a great doctor because I don't have an emotional breakdown when someone dies.

For me, I have unbelievable support from my husband. I decided to make this life change because I needed something more in my life, I needed to be challenged, in a rewarding career, I have a passion for science, I enjoy being in a social environment and around others who want the same, be in a field where you can research, practice, and teach (and you're students really want to be there), and have the opportunity to give back to a community. If you don't have a passion for it, then it might not be the right decision.

I think at our age, you really really have to want it. Working full time going to school part time and then holding onto other aspects of your life (relationships, home remodeling, kids), you have to really want it to be successful at it. To all the naysayers, I try to take their negativity and turn it into motivation for me to do better, and in 8-10 years when I finally am a practicing doctor say....so what was that you were saying 10 years ago about it not being a good idea?

So my advice is, keep on going, study hard, put in your 40 hours, take any support where you can get it, and follow your passion, it's never too late.

 

[ddmbmom]

Completely agree, 46 year old mother of preteens, waiting to b accepted, worked full time plus taking part time classes, so hard to sacrifice personal time but drive is there. Had I listened to my coworkers and mother and older siblings I wouldn't have ever tried. Buckle down, be very selective with who you chose to share your thoughts and feelings with

 

[Goro]

Follow your heart, not your mom.

 

[CW 2010]

Follow your heart, not your mom.

That's exactly what I was going to say, follow your heart and do what feels right. If at some point of this path, your heart "says" that it's no longer the best for you, then switch. I know that sounds very metaphysical, but I think you understand what I am trying to say.

 

[Rocketdog]

LupaCupCake.....Hello again....I've spoken with you in the past. Hope everything is going well....

Your 7 year old is right, the day you get accepted, you DO turn in to a Disneyland Princess...because you just signed up for the most challenging 4 years of your life where you will sit and wonder where reality went!

Remember this:

"Your good friends will always give you advice about your dreams....

but your TRUE family will always help you live them"

---Robert Pena III

Follow your internal compass...not necessarily the advice of others. It's your life.

P.S, the day I get accepted I'm going to do the chicken dance naked in the street with my hair on fire!
(I've waited 11 years)

 

[jl lin]

OK. Don't jump; but who am I to talk your off the ledge?

 

[MedWonk]

Do people try to talk you out of this? People that you may expect to support you?

Example...My Mother is a huge on career and very successful, she used to support me doing this, but now she keeps pushing on me that I need to evaluate my situation and I should look into other routes within healthcare and the company I currently work for and how I can advance within them. I work at a behavioral health hospital that is owned by UHS (fortune 500 company, like 250 facilities around the U.S). She pushes on me that I am 30, it will take how many years to accomplish all of this , especially with me working fulltime as the breadwinner and I am wasting my remaining GI Bill without a guarantee etc etc.....says I am not being realistic. I avoid arguing with her and just comment, "yep, I am stubborn". lol

People I work with tell me I should look into getting a professional license within healthcare that is quicker and will allow me to climb that ladder with work more efficiently. My husband/potential ex/odd situation person, is the only one that supports me.

One person told me I was being selfish and unrealistic. Yes, I am a dreamer, always have been, but maybe that is a QUALITY not a flaw within doctors. No it is not an easy path nor is it a guaranteed path, I could get every door to med school slammed in my face and hear my mom say "told you so". I understand that risk, but what if I make it? What if a door opens and says we will take you! *suddenly the birds start singing and I am dancing in the sunlight with adorable animals dancing with me* Sorry, I have a 7 year old daughter so apparently my mind has decided if I make it into medical school I become a Disney princess lol.

Focus on you and taking care your business. If you have the numbers, the ECs and the ambition, then the only person you should be focused on is yourself. And your kid(s). They're probably important, too.

Learn to manage the antagonism and being pulled in all directions now. Believe me, it doesn't get easier.

 

[Gurby]

They don't quite understand with all the BS (in terms of insurance and hospitalists) why I would want to go into medicine. Here's my opinion, if you take that into account when getting into medicine and salary, then you are doing it for the completely WRONG reason.

This is a common SDN battle cry, and I hate how idealistic it sounds. Salary and BS-you-need-to-deal-with level are both important things to consider. Maybe they shouldn't be primary deciding factors, but IMO they should at least be taken into account.

 

[Nasrudin]

I think salary considerations like all practical considerations, should not be ignored. I think it weighs more heavily on a person who already makes good money and is older. I only had to content with the latter so that even at the extreme end of debt leverage the result was a push, and I could proceed with different considerations taking the lead. With other people depending on you the margin for "worth it," also becomes a lot thinner.

Those are all good discussions to have with your camp.

There's nothing dreamy about the daily work of being a physician, which I think can be very satisfying with the right fit for field, but it's not dreamy. You have to calibrate satisfaction and reward along different lines. Not too many people dream of becoming cabinet makers. But if you get a lot of satisfaction out of it you have the same odds of achieving internal rewards from your career as from medicine.

For some reason, though I've poked at it, I can't quite figure out why so many people get so dreamy about this career, as opposed to other careers which offer just as much opportunity for satisfaction and internal reward.

 

[puppylatte]

... For some reason, though I've poked at it, I can't quite figure out why so many people get so dreamy about this career, as opposed to other careers which offer just as much opportunity for satisfaction and internal reward.

It's all the more tragic when you consider all the people who delay all forms of happiness until "just after this next test/board exam/degree/residency." I find myself regularly reminding myself to stop wishing my life away by living in the future. If things don't get better and I end up hating the career, than the present is wasted.

Also, since medicine is Work, many aspects of it are beyond our control regardless of the skills we bring to the table. Demand in the field can influence where we can live. The people at work can determine our happiness with even the most perfect position. A dream job in a malignant environment is a nightmare. Feeling simultaneously privileged and unheard because you're "the rich doctor" must be annoying since grievances cannot be properly addressed with an unsympathetic audience. I am a lowly premed and yet I've already managed to alienate half my family because they think higher education is a selfish, egocentric endeavour. It sucks! The more I go down this path the more it becomes clear that mobility, rather than salary, might be the best perk of this career.

 

[jl lin]

A dream job in a malignant environment is a nightmare.

Yes. I've had dream jobs as a RN, believe it or not (*smile*), and the malignant environment killed a lot of it for me. I mean, it didn't take away my ultimate sense of joy; but certain people just make a very sick, toxic environment, and after a while, people just end up saying, "See ya. I'll do something else." Sad thing is the malignant people stay in place and chase other people away, at least until the in-house political landscape changes, or someone in leadership has a miraculous change of heart--the latter being pretty darn rare.

There is almost always a trade-off of one thing for another. That's life. . . .

 

[Vince411]

You only get one chance at life, don't give up, you'll end up always wondering "what if." People expect you to fall in line with the rest of society, buy a house, have a mortgage, have kids after going to college, etc etc, supposed to have already decided on a career...why? Why can't you go back to school at 30-35-40??? Why can't you spend years studying instead of years trying to advance within a company? For some people like many of us on here, pursuing medicine is more fulfilling than "settling down" with a mortgage, trying to get a bigger house, comparing ourselves to what others have done in their careers at our age, and staying in the careers we're unhappy with. So, I would say do what is most fulfilling to you, there will always be a 1000 reasons NOT to do something. 10 years is going to pass either way, and at the end of 10 years are you going to be looking back with regret or will you look back at everything you're going to accomplish?

 

[Bangs McCoy]

I usually listen to the concerns of those closest to me and ask, "so what's really worrying you?" What is the core issue? This works on a variety of levels. When my SO said he was nervous about my class load, I asked this question. The response took some reflection, but he admitted my dwindling time meant less time for us. He was also worried about burnout and how it would affect our relationship. I tend to think it's easier to say, "I worry about your career, your GI bill, and your decisions" instead of "I'm worried that you'll waste years of your life chasing a pipe dream which ultimately reflects on me and I may end up caring for you." Remember that her concerns are valid, reflect those concerns, and reassure her of your goals and desires. The best way to soothe someone's fears is to tell them they are understood, heard, and appreciated and that you acting in a rational and personally convicted manner.

As for work/friends giving you advice, I think most people work to live and don't understand the call to medicine. An advanced certificate or degree for increased salary and responsibility is not the same as actually wanting to spend 30 hours on call with no sleep and cafeteria food sloshing around inside you. Those outside the field see the training, hours, and workload much differently than we do. You can't blame them for trying to "save you" from that future. That being said, it sounds really annoying.

To mirror what everyone else says: you are writing your own life and walking your own path. It's your ultimately your decision. Ask for their support. Seriously, just ask. Try to stay gracious with your family and friends - you'll need them through this.

 

[It's all good]

I think that your mother raises valid concerns. This is a 7 year + 250k investment minimum (4 med school + 3 short residency). From a financial point of view, I'm not sure that it is worth it. Being a dreamer is not a quality of doctors. Realisim is a quality of doctors. *suddenly the birds start singing and I am dancing in the sunlight with adorable animals dancing with me* would happen if you were accepted. It happened to me. Those birds will stop chirping. You cannot dream cancer away from your patients, nor can you dream away a >80hr week which keeps you from your child. Life as a physician can be OK, but is not the answer to unhappiness. Physicians are not empowered to enact change in the vast majority of patients' lives. This post is not intended to be an attack on your motives. I just want to emphasize that becoming a physician will not necessarily fulfill your dreams. I honestly wish that I had listened to those naysayers when I applied to medical school. Seriously consider dental school or an alternative medical career if healthcare is your pursuit.

 

[Holmwood]

You're not that old to be practicing. Yeah, you'll be around your late 30s to early 40s when you start, but you'll still have the potential to be practicing for 30+ years... Does it really matter if you couldn't practice for an extra 5-10 years more? Not really.

Of course, if you could provide for yourself and your daughter in the past for so long, I don't think becoming a doctor should be that much of a stretch. Being both the breadwinner and the significant parent is already a significant accomplishment in itself.