Family Medicine Haiku

[deleted87716]

In the spirit of a similar thread in the Emergency Medicine forum, share your Family Medicine Haiku!

In case you don't know, Haiku is a Japanese lyric verse form having three unrhymed lines of five, seven, and five syllables (definition courtesy of Answers.com).

Here are a few to get the ball rolling:

I'm sorry sir, but
I won't give you Zithromax
For your runny nose.

Medicare Part D
No one can figure it out
But we know it sucks.

Young guy shows up with
Yet another STD
Wear a condom, man!

Sorry, we don't take
Your Medicare HMO
You'll have to pay cash.

Here she is again
Complaining that her knees hurt
Losing weight would help.

Diabetes and
Heart disease, but he's healthy
According to him.

No cancer screening
Because she thinks it will hurt
But so does cancer.

Mom refuses to
Immunize her new baby
This will take a while.

Dad has dementia
The family is stressed out
No nursing home, please.

Five-vessel bypass
Says he feels like a new man
But won't quit smoking.

Reviewing lab work
Glucose is elevated
Here we go again.

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[deleted87716]

Bump

 

[deleted87716]

It's slow around here, so...bump.

 

[Winged Scapula]

I'll try...

Sorry to keep you
The Wal-Mart has a nurse who
will see you right now

You've no high pressure
What's the furosemide for
Ah, a "water pill"

 

[deleted87716]

You know it's slow here
When only a breast surgeon
Will write a Haiku

 

[Winged Scapula]

Came for the cookies
Could not find them so here is
my surgeon's haiku



Doc please don't cut me
Want that scarless op'ration
To pull head from butt

 

[deleted87716]

See, it's not that hard
To write a little poem
With only three lines.

C'mon, you slackers
What are you guys waiting for
A real-life cookie?

 

[deleted87716]

What meds do I take?
Don't you have that in my chart?
One's blue and one's white.

I know it's a cold
All I need is a work note
For the last two weeks.

 

[Doc Oc]

I am an intern
I look like I'm twelve years old
No I'm not a nurse

I took two years off
To stay home with my baby
I'm somewhat rusty

If I had not paused
Peds was still two years ago
With no time to read

I just hope and hope
That I read enough to be
Not an idiot

Friends, however, say
They were *****s anyway
So quit yer bichin

I still worry though
I might turn the car around
Except, student loans

I do anticipate
More idiocy than before
I was a "doctor"

I also expect
More fun and more education
It will be worth it.

 

[deleted87716]

Now, that's more like it!
See, that didn't hurt a bit.
Who's gonna go next?

Incidentally,
If you prefer limericks,
Have a go at it.

 

[sophiejane]

Here on SDN
We all discuss salary
with endless interest

We also adore
Debating who is better
At catching babies

Meanwhile the world turns
Babies are born in rice fields
Mom keeps on working

But what really counts
Is my brand new Lexus coupe
And paying my loans

 

[deleted87716]

It's not just a job
This med school education
It's an indenture.

 

[The Janitor]

My work takes an hour.
After that's done, I track you
Like an animal.

 

[justwondering]

dr cox, i see you often post here with good advice/comments. were u originally an fm resident or do u just like fm ppl (we have poetry!)?

 

[justwondering]

Meanwhile the world turns
Babies are born in rice fields
Mom keeps on working

Thanks for reminding me to always wash my rice before cooking it.

 

[racerx]

No cash to buy meds.
Still smell like stale cigarettes.
Have cash to buy smokes.


Pay for performance.
The non-compliant mock me.
No pay for you, doc!

 

[ajce9]

doc give me something for the pain
take some ibuprofen
can you give me some of that perc something.

 

[deleted87716]

doc give me something for the pain
take some ibuprofen
can you give me some of that perc something.

Um...Haiku is 5-7-5 syllables. That was 8-6-10.

Go ahead, take another crack at it.

Need some more pain meds
Allergic to everything
Except Demerol.

 

[oldbearprofessor]

Maternal fever
Tap before bug juice given
Intern, make it clean!

Mom will you breast-feed?
Give your kid more brain power
Please stop smoking too

 

[deleted87716]

Pay for performance.
The non-compliant mock me.
No pay for you, doc!

Here's the flip side...

Pay for performance
If you don't play by the rules
Find a new doctor.

 

[sophiejane]

Thanks for reminding me to always wash my rice before cooking it.

I mean...

ha ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha ha

 

[McDoctor]

since reading this thread
I have talked like this all day
please God, close this thread.

 

[deleted87716]

I mean...

ha ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha ha

Is it me, or does
Sophiejane's laugh sound just like
Woody Woodpecker?

 

[deleted87716]

since reading this thread
I have talked like this all day
please God, close this thread.

Thank you for asking,
But God is tied up right now.
Will DrMom do?

 

[deleted6669]

midlevel practice
let's just get along now friend
lots of patients, yes?

 

[racerx]

Thank you for asking,
But God is tied up right now.
Will DrMom do?

 

[racerx]

Here's the flip side...

Pay for performance
If you don't play by the rules
Find a new doctor.

I like your point, Kent.
'Don't let the door hit your @ss,
leaving my office.'

 

[Winged Scapula]

dr cox, i see you often post here with good advice/comments. were u originally an fm resident or do u just like fm ppl (we have poetry!)?

Thought about it as I started medical school but actually hated my FM rotation.

I just like FM people, your poetry and I heard from your fearless leader that you had cookies here.

I like cookies more than I like people!

 

[deleted87716]

dr cox, i see you often post here with good advice/comments. were u originally an fm resident or do u just like fm ppl (we have poetry!)?

In case you don't know,
Kim Cox and I go way back.
Heard of Chrononet?

 

[justwondering]

What?! Where Are The Cookies!?!?!?!?

 

[sophiejane]

Is it me, or does
Sophiejane's laugh sound just like
Woody Woodpecker?

It's really kind of sick
Kent's talent for this art form
Someone should stop him

(does anyone else
count syllables on fingers
while writing their verse?)

 

[sophiejane]

What?! Where Are The Cookies!?!?!?!?

You can have mine. I clear them out periodically. Check your security settings.

This was not haiku, though part of me kind of wanted to make it work.

What have I become?


How many days till orientation starts again???

 

[sophiejane]

Is it me, or does
Sophiejane's laugh sound just like
Woody Woodpecker?

Actually, Woody's laugh is haiku, with the last two verses switched:

ha ha ha HA ha
ha ha ha HA ha
hahahahahaha!!!

What do you think it means?? Is it a sign???

 

[deleted87716]

It's really kind of sick
Kent's talent for this art form
Someone should stop him

I guess you missed the
"Motivational Posters"
On the EM board.

 

[deleted87716]

You can have mine. I clear them out periodically. Check your security settings.

This was not haiku, though part of me kind of wanted to make it work.

What have I become?

How's this:

When your browser breaks,
First try clearing out the cache
Then delete cookies.

 

[McDoctor]

Too many patients
I don't want to pay a doc,
nurse practitioner!

 

[Faebinder]

Staple Misfired
Staple Misfired Again!
Stool In Belly!

 

[deleted87716]

Staple Misfired
Staple Misfired Again!
Stool In Belly!

Are you from the South, too? Down here, "grits" has two syllables.

 

[Faebinder]

Are you from the South, too? Down here, "grits" has two syllables.

I am in the only state where the more you go north the more you are in the south.

 

[sophiejane]

I am in the only state where the more you go north the more you are in the south.

Florida?

 

[ajce9]

Lol.

 

[Faebinder]

Florida?

Bingo...

 

[McDoctor]

Not specifically Family Med but:

Same as an M.D.
No... I'm not an eye doctor,
Osteopathy.

 

[The_Sensei]

Not specifically Family Med but:

Same as an M.D.
No... I'm not an eye doctor,
Osteopathy.

Brilliant!

 

[The_Sensei]

A Haiku Master?
I can see why since he is
So Caffeinated

 

[deleted87716]

A Haiku Master?
I can see why since he is
So Caffeinated

It's not the caffeine
that primes the creative pump,
it's the alcohol.

 

[The_Sensei]

It's not the caffeine
that primes the creative pump,
it's the alcohol.

In regards to that
Perhaps the best example:
Ernest Hemingway

 

[deleted6669]

sleep is a symptom
of caffeine imbalance
didn't you know that

 

[deleted87716]

sleep is a symptom
of caffeine imbalance
didn't you know that

My lab tests came back
It seems there's too much blood in
My caffeine system.

 

[umza]

oh no! can it be?
this anasarcic sack here
is just a baby

can i go home now?
rounds ended 2 hours ago
for the other team

postcall haiku verse
can't imagine anything worse
well, maybe i can