Feel silly but i am asking about handshakes

[Awesome Sauceome]

So I have always been taught to shake a mans hand very, very firmly, two pumps and you are done. To shake a womans hand you simply let her take your hand and so you sort of gently grab just her fingers, and usually one pump.

So now how does this play in the real world. If you are on an interview for med school and your interviewer is a woman, would I shake it firm (because she is obviously in a higher position of authority) or do I shake her hand like I have been taught previously.

I don't want to come off like a jerk and break some poor womans hand, nor do I want to come off as unconfident (as I am a pretty confident dude). Some ladies I can accurately gauge whether they would expect a softer/firmer handshake. But every once in a while its like I go for the soft and then this little woman breaks my hand haha

No troll I promise... I haven't ever had a situation where I have had a woman interviewer for a job. I have only ever had men, just don't want to make a fool of myself.

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[TheWeeIceMan]

Shake everyone's hand the same (the way you described the man handshake).

Hard to resist making a "one pump" joke here...

 

[pterygoideus]

I HATEHATEHATE limp handshakes from either a man or a woman. It feels like I'm holding a dead fish. Grasp my hand firmly and shake it twice like you would a man's.

 

[WillburCobb]

very, very firmly, two pumps and you are done.

Impressed I am.

 

[Awesome Sauceome]

Awesome thanks, I mean I grew up in a relatively old school/conservative place. And since I somehow have only had male bosses like all the way through life so far, I have not really shaken terribly many women's hands outside of church and stuff, come to think of it

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[Awesome Sauceome]

Yea I figure the one pump joke was gonna happen haha, but I didn't know how else to word it heh

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[WillburCobb]

Yea I figure the one pump joke was gonna happen haha, but I didn't know how else to word it heh

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Sorry had to do it. FWIW some of my strongest/firmest have been from women. Be firm but don't crush.

 

[PicardAndRoll]

Firm shake. Not limp, not macho mean either. Super strong testosterone filled shakes are just...well wrong for obvious reasons.

Limp shakes implicitly might tell the other person that you don't care or you're not paying attention to the situation because your passion is low (reflective of the shake). It could also tell them that you lack confidence.

At the end of the day, it's a shake...don't worry about it. Focus on more important components of the interview like posture, body language, tone, etc.

 

[Harpsx]

I don't think women are so fragile that a firm handshake will break them.....

Be firm, just don't squeeze the other hand like you're holding on for dear life

 

[bakedbeans18]

Do this for an automatic acceptance:

 

[PicardAndRoll]

Do this for an automatic acceptance:

Damn, man. Why are you giving out the secrets?

 

[bakedbeans18]

Damn, man. Why are you giving out the secrets?

I'm already in medical school - I no longer feel threatened by the pre-med applicant pool

 

[Served]

I think a good firm handshake subconsciously demonstrates your confidence and determination.

 

[touchpause13]

Don't you dare do the limp fish shake. That's some weak ish.

Give a firm handshake, same as you would if you were shaking man's hand. Don't try and crush her, but she's not a delicate little flower, you aren't going to break her

 

[Goro]

Well, this is a novel source of anxiety. Just be yourself and don't worry about such crap. No one will ever get rejected because their handshake was like a plate of spaghetti.

So I have always been taught to shake a mans hand very, very firmly, two pumps and you are done. To shake a womans hand you simply let her take your hand and so you sort of gently grab just her fingers, and usually one pump.

So now how does this play in the real world. If you are on an interview for med school and your interviewer is a woman, would I shake it firm (because she is obviously in a higher position of authority) or do I shake her hand like I have been taught previously.

I don't want to come off like a jerk and break some poor womans hand, nor do I want to come off as unconfident (as I am a pretty confident dude). Some ladies I can accurately gauge whether they would expect a softer/firmer handshake. But every once in a while its like I go for the soft and then this little woman breaks my hand haha

No troll I promise... I haven't ever had a situation where I have had a woman interviewer for a job. I have only ever had men, just don't want to make a fool of myself.

 

[Awesome Sauceome]

Thanks yall

I have very much been raised with the southern gentleman mentality, so if I was to like give a woman the kind of handshake that I give a man, I would be coming off as rude or pompous.

Itl be all good, not too worried about it. Just basically double checking with the community that it is ok for me to give a woman a solid handshake (instinctually that is what I would've done if a woman was interviewing me). So thanks for the confirmation.

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[Mad Jack]

I had an awkward handshake moment at one of my interviews. Tried to do the two-and-done, released my grip a bit, guy gave my hand another shake, so I was like, alright, I'm in for the long haul I guess, squeezed back down for shake four, but his hand had gone all dead fish. After a handshake like that, you can never look a man in the eyes again and have it be the same.

Still got in.

 

[bakedbeans18]

I had an awkward handshake moment at one of my interviews. Tried to do the two-and-done, released my grip a bit, guy gave my hand another shake, so I was like, alright, I'm in for the long haul I guess, squeezed back down for shake four, but his hand had gone all dead fish. After a handshake like that, you can never look a man in the eyes again and have it be the same.

Still got in.

I'm a fan of the 2-on-1, it's great to show either gratitude or enthusiasm.

 

[Mr Roboto]

This post should be stickied. It exemplifies SDN.

Neurotic pre-meds worrying that their handshake will affect their admissions status.

 

[xnfs93hy]

Just give the person a firm handshake to show that you mean business, are confident, and want the position. Seriously, it's not that big of a deal. I've had some awkward handshakes, but that didn't stop me from getting a job.

 

[boomshaketheroom]

I don't want to come off like a jerk and break some poor womans hand

aww women with their dainty little hands, how cute and helpless

 

[circulus vitios]

I had an awkward handshake moment at one of my interviews. Tried to do the two-and-done, released my grip a bit, guy gave my hand another shake, so I was like, alright, I'm in for the long haul I guess, squeezed back down for shake four, but his hand had gone all dead fish. After a handshake like that, you can never look a man in the eyes again and have it be the same.

Still got in.

 

[CherryRedDracul]

I have very much been raised with the southern gentleman mentality, so if I was to like give a woman the kind of handshake that I give a man, I would be coming off as rude or pompous.

To some other women, you risk coming off looking either unconfident or even sexist.

Give em all the same confident handshake.

 

[Awesome Sauceome]

So I absolutely agree that this thread should be stickied. But not because I am "neurotic" but to exemplify how much some people can be jerks (obviously not all in this thread).

Look, back home, if I was to shake a womans hand hard, its a sign of disrespect. By shaking a womans hand gently you ate showing respect. That you respect her femininity and her differences. There are simply cultural differences at play. I am 100% aware that its not like they would just refuse to accept me on that ground. I am comfortable in my competitiveness for getting into medical school. It is just an honest question, that I was curious if anyone else had thought about/run into.

F posting stuff in pre-allo, a lot of y'all are jerks

I'll stay over in my pre-osteo. You get a lot more honest and pleasant responses over there.

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[shenellica]

So I absolutely agree that this thread should be stickied. But not because I am "neurotic" but to exemplify how much some people can be jerks (obviously not all in this thread).

Look, back home, if I was to shake a womans hand hard, its a sign of disrespect. By shaking a womans hand gently you ate showing respect. That you respect her femininity and her differences. There are simply cultural differences at play. I am 100% aware that its not like they would just refuse to accept me on that ground. I am comfortable in my competitiveness for getting into medical school. It is just an honest question, that I was curious if anyone else had thought about/run into.

F posting stuff in pre-allo, a lot of y'all are jerks

I'll stay over in my pre-osteo. You get a lot more honest and pleasant responses over there.

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It would upset me if I noticed I got a weak handshake and my male colleague got a real handshake from the same person. But I'm sure no one would notice something like that. Just because you do it back home doesn't mean that everyone views it like you do. There was another thread where someone from Korea said it was disrespectful in their culture to look superiors in their eyes. Obviously not being able to look an interviewer in the eye would be a bad thing. I think giving a woman a weak handshake isn't respectful.

 

[CherryRedDracul]

So I absolutely agree that this thread should be stickied. But not because I am "neurotic" but to exemplify how much some people can be jerks (obviously not all in this thread).

Look, back home, if I was to shake a womans hand hard, its a sign of disrespect. By shaking a womans hand gently you ate showing respect. That you respect her femininity and her differences. There are simply cultural differences at play. I am 100% aware that its not like they would just refuse to accept me on that ground. I am comfortable in my competitiveness for getting into medical school. It is just an honest question, that I was curious if anyone else had thought about/run into.

F posting stuff in pre-allo, a lot of y'all are jerks

I'll stay over in my pre-osteo. You get a lot more honest and pleasant responses over there.

Sent from my RM-917_nam_usa_100 using Tapatalk

You gotta calibrate to your audience; it's not a one-size-fits-all thing. Women from your culture may appreciate the gentle handshake, others may prefer the firm handshake, and some others may even prefer not to have a handshake with a male at all (talking about Orthodox Jewish and Muslim women who observe negiah/no contact with non-mahram men, respectively).

I say don't overthink it. You got some ideas of what people think based on this thread.

 

[hubriz]

So I have always been taught to shake a mans hand very, very firmly, two pumps and you are done. To shake a womans hand you simply let her take your hand and so you sort of gently grab just her fingers, and usually one pump.

So now how does this play in the real world. If you are on an interview for med school and your interviewer is a woman, would I shake it firm (because she is obviously in a higher position of authority) or do I shake her hand like I have been taught previously.

I don't want to come off like a jerk and break some poor womans hand, nor do I want to come off as unconfident (as I am a pretty confident dude). Some ladies I can accurately gauge whether they would expect a softer/firmer handshake. But every once in a while its like I go for the soft and then this little woman breaks my hand haha

No troll I promise... I haven't ever had a situation where I have had a woman interviewer for a job. I have only ever had men, just don't want to make a fool of myself.

According to military protocol and etiquette: "The proper way for a male service member to shake hands is to connect hands with a comfortable, firm, solid grip."

And, for a female you should also use a firm grip, but you don't have to pump.

In the military, the more senior officer initiates the handshake.

Don't ever grip too hard. It's not about strength or machismo, it's about extending a courtesy as a gentleman.

 

[Mad Jack]

You gotta calibrate to your audience; it's not a one-size-fits-all thing. Women from your culture may appreciate the gentle handshake, others may prefer the firm handshake, and some others may even prefer not to have a handshake with a male at all (talking about Orthodox Jewish and Muslim women who observe negiah/no contact with non-mahram men, respectively).

I say don't overthink it. You got some ideas of what people think based on this thread.

I can see it now- some poor premed that is going all neurotic before he shakes his female interviewer's hand, trembling as he thinks, "what if she wants a firm shake? What if she wants me to recognize her femininity with a weak one?" So he panics and just sputters out, "H... How hard do you like it?"

 

[CherryRedDracul]

I can see it now- some poor premed that is going all neurotic before he shakes his female interviewer's hand, trembling as he thinks, "what if she wants a firm shake? What if she wants me to recognize her femininity with a weak one?" So he panics and just sputters out, "H... How hard do you like it?"

 

[meander]

Look, back home, if I was to shake a womans hand hard, its a sign of disrespect. By shaking a womans hand gently you ate showing respect. That you respect her femininity and her differences. There are simply cultural differences at play.

It sounds like you have spent all or most of your life in a very conservative, perhaps insular community. Whether a handshake affects your admissions or not, I believe your experience as a medical student and eventually a physician would be greatly enhanced by traveling, interacting with people with different beliefs, and/or living in a different cultural environment. I'm not going to go ahead and call you a sexist because it truly sounds like you don't know any other way... but if I met someone who said this in the diverse, urban environment where I live, I would immediately write them off as a pig. And I would never want to be treated by a doctor who expressed this opinion.

 

[Mad Jack]

It sounds like you have spent all or most of your life in a very conservative, perhaps insular community. Whether a handshake affects your admissions or not, I believe your experience as a medical student and eventually a physician would be greatly enhanced by traveling, interacting with people with different beliefs, and/or living in a different cultural environment. I'm not going to go ahead and call you a sexist because it truly sounds like you don't know any other way... but if I met someone who said this in the diverse, urban environment where I live, I would immediately write them off as a pig. And I would never want to be treated by a doctor who expressed this opinion.

Being intolerant of the views of someone from a different culture than yourself is very cosmopolitan of you. There are many cultures around the world that treat women substantially different than men, not because the men are pigs, but simply because their value system and norms are different than your own.

 

[Awesome Sauceome]

Seriously I am sorry that this thread has caused so much heat. Just going to bow out now. Was seriously just curious...

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[Mad Jack]

Seriously I am sorry that this thread has caused so much heat. Just going to bow out now. Was seriously just curious...

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Dude, there's no reason to bow out. I honestly think etiquette discussions like this are extremely important. People aren't just born and know innately how to act like a professional, where everything from handshakes to dress codes to email standards exist that are entirely foreign to the uninitiated. You shouldn't feel bad about how certain people view your take on manners- it is just how you were raised, and you're now being exposed to the rabidly gender-neutral corporate culture that dominates American professionalism. Never be afraid to ask questions, no matter how trivial they may seem.

 

[dramatrauma]

Seriously I am sorry that this thread has caused so much heat. Just going to bow out now. Was seriously just curious...

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Despite how some people on here reacted, your thread is a very good one. During medical school interview practices, my pre-med advisor would spend a good 15 minutes just discussing handshakes and the importance of eye contact during the handshake. Bad first impressions can kill an interview.

Seriously, thanks for starting this thread.

 

[La Presse]

You guys are noobs.

What you do is, as you are reaching for the handshake, slowly extend you index finger so when your hand is nestled in theirs, you should be touching their radial pulse. Then you give then a firm "one pump."

Accepted.

 

[touchpause13]

I would feel disrespected if someone gave a male colleague a firm handshake and I got the limp fish.

Give eye contact, smile, give a firm handshake. Do this for everyone.

And I think it was a good idea for you to ask this question. It's clearly a cultural difference thing and there is nothing wrong with asking questions. Better asking here than making an easy mistake at an interview!

 

[Optimus-Prime]

Its about establishing dominance, man or woman

 

[ponyo]

I've interviewed a lot of candidates for my boring office job, so as a female recruiter, here are some extra tips:
-Wipe your hands if your hands get sweaty when you're nervous. Just do it surreptitiously before you meet the person, or consistently put your hands on your pants or something.
-If you have cold cadaver hands (as I do), if at all possible, make them warm, like by holding coffee for a few minutes beforehand. Do NOT let the person see you sticking your hands down your pants during any part of the interview or beforehand (this has happened).
-Once you've got the grip, don't immediately loosen. This is the "firm" part--you have to hold that pressure for a few seconds, without increasing (squeezing) or decreasing (letting go).

 

[VVH1003]

I can see it now- some poor premed that is going all neurotic before he shakes his female interviewer's hand, trembling as he thinks, "what if she wants a firm shake? What if she wants me to recognize her femininity with a weak one?" So he panics and just sputters out, "H... How hard do you like it?"

This made my day

 

[boomshaketheroom]

So I absolutely agree that this thread should be stickied. But not because I am "neurotic" but to exemplify how much some people can be jerks (obviously not all in this thread).

Look, back home, if I was to shake a womans hand hard, its a sign of disrespect. By shaking a womans hand gently you ate showing respect. That you respect her femininity and her differences. There are simply cultural differences at play. I am 100% aware that its not like they would just refuse to accept me on that ground. I am comfortable in my competitiveness for getting into medical school. It is just an honest question, that I was curious if anyone else had thought about/run into.

F posting stuff in pre-allo, a lot of y'all are jerks

I'll stay over in my pre-osteo. You get a lot more honest and pleasant responses over there.

OMG, people said something that wasn't warm and fuzzy! Pleasant =/= honest..

Also, you are likely being interviewed by a doctor of some sort. That's the important part. Give whoever it is the respect he or she has earned. You aren't showing respect for someone's position if the person's gender is more important to you.

I am also from the south so I get where you are coming from, but you are the inferior one in this situation no matter what. Men's manners toward women (not manners extended to all people) in the south come across wayyyy too easily as condescending (You could even make an argument that that is how men in the south managed to keep women in an inferior position for so long). I wouldn't want to start an interview with a female interviewer, who has probably worked very hard to overcome stereotypes to get to her position, with her thinking that her being a woman is more important to me than her actual accomplishments.

Also, learn to take non-constructive criticism, it will make you a better person and a better doctor.

 

[kittykattat]

Not to increase anyone's neuroticism but your interview may not want a handshake at all

My most awkward interview handshake came back in November when I threw my hand out and the interviewer just gave me a look and stuck his elbow out at me and said something along the lines of "We dont shake hands. Elbow bump, its flu season"... which was suuuuper awkward but I guess he could have been feeling a flu coming on and as a doctor, didnt want to spread anything to his patients and interviewees, which I can appreciate

 

[Mad Jack]

Not to increase anyone's neuroticism but your interview may not want a handshake at all

My most awkward interview handshake came back in November when I threw my hand out and the interviewer just gave me a look and stuck his elbow out at me and said something along the lines of "We dont shake hands. Elbow bump, its flu season"... which was suuuuper awkward but I guess he could have been feeling a flu coming on and as a doctor, didnt want to spread anything to his patients and interviewees, which I can appreciate

We actually used to do the elbow bump around my hospital for a good long while, but it has fallen out of fashion recently. Still comes up occasionally when you're all gowned up at a trauma and covered in blood though, as high fives are just too splashy.

 

[Pacna]

I can see it now- some poor premed that is going all neurotic before he shakes his female interviewer's hand, trembling as he thinks, "what if she wants a firm shake? What if she wants me to recognize her femininity with a weak one?" So he panics and just sputters out, "H... How hard do you like it?"

This literally made me lol.

 

[ThisCouldBeYou]

According to military protocol and etiquette: "The proper way for a male service member to shake hands is to connect hands with a comfortable, firm, solid grip."

And, for a female you should also use a firm grip, but you don't have to pump.

In the military, the more senior officer initiates the handshake.

Don't ever grip too hard. It's not about strength or machismo, it's about extending a courtesy as a gentleman.

So it's: one or two pumps for men, no pumps for women?


Ahhhh, how am I going to remember all this advice!

 

[Avicenna]

Hold out your hand for the other person to kiss