I've quoted Shikima's post above so you can re-read it. I don't think the observation of you being dissatisfied with the process and asking when you'll make the jump is actually talking about your process of tapering, and questioning why you don't just 'make the jump' and come off the medication. And of course Shikima can correct me if I'm wrong, but I felt more like the post was intended to bring to your attention the fact that (and I personally think this is right) you appear to be stuck in a transferential pattern based on a mistake that happened the past, where you're transferring your anger and feelings of being mistreated onto potential future providers. From what you've said about your current Psychiatrist, it goes without saying I think you should get as far away from her as possible. But you've also posted about trying to find other Psychiatrists and granted they haven't been willing to continue the tapering schedule as its already been set up for you, but you've also spoken about wanting to be in control of treatment - perhaps too much in control? You have a Psychiatrist misprescribe a medication to you, which leads to dependence and long term issues for you, so now you feel like you have to dictate the parameters of treatment to what you feel 'safe' with. And that's fine to a degree, it's understandable, but have you ever thought of just letting go of that need to 'protect' yourself from Psychiatry by being so stuck in what you will and won't accept as treatment, and see if you can perhaps find a new Psychiatrist and negotiate treatment with them. To me the therapeutic relationship with a Psychiatrist is a two way street, I wouldn't stay with a Psychiatrist who tried to make it all 'their way or the highway' with me getting no say in my treatment, but on the other hand it wouldn't do me any good either just to dig my heels in and say 'You treat me the way I say I want to be treated, or else I don't want to be your patient'. Look, you know I get where you're coming from, you got misprescribed a drug of dependence by a Psychiatrist, I got...'mishandled', shall we say. And I did a lot of the same things I can see you doing now - I wanted to set the parameters of treatment, I wanted to dictate who I would and wouldn't see not based on their skill set but purely on their gender (or in your case their approach to benzo tapering), I cut off a large population of potential treatment providers because I wouldn't budge from these internalised 'rules' I had set in place, and when I finally reached the point where I did have to break my own 'rules' or parameters I spent another 2+ years faffing about while I went through this whole BS dance of 'I trust him, I trust him not' when I could have spent that time actually engaging properly in therapy. For all those years I was transferring what had happened to me in the past, because of one rogue psychopathic Doctor, onto the Psychiatric profession as a whole, and then onto my current Psychiatrist, and it held me back and wasted so much time that I could have used getting help. Just be careful that you don't make the same mistake.
