- Joined
- May 22, 2007
- Messages
- 636
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- 24
I am a new attending, and let me just start off by telling everyone still in med school or residency that "It gets better." I have a pretty sweet gig. I work 36 hours/week, and I've been intubating, running codes, and dispositioning patients all on my own. Terrifying? Yes, absolutely...More than you could ever imagine. But it feels amazing to know that your decisions saved the patient's life or made a difference and not your attending's.
But there is something I've been struggling with for years, and I'd love to hear your thoughts. As a doctor, I feel the enormous weight that has been stacked upon my shoulders. I know it is a great responsibility. From Day 1, I have been told things like, "Medicine is your life now," "You're going to be the only thing between your patient and the grave," "Do no harm," etc.
During college, med school and residency, I buried my head in the sand and ignored all of life's distractions -- you know, friends, family, hobbies, etc. I wanted to learn everything I could so that I could be the best for my patient. Like all of you, I was at the top of my class in college and I succeeded in med school and residency. I envisioned that the misery of not having a life would end once I gained the coveted attending status and knew everything. But you don't know everything, and in fact you never will. Toss that unattainable standard by the wayside and forget it. Medicine is constantly changing and even the information that you once learned quickly flees from your memory if you don't use it. It is because I don't know everything that I often fight with a voice in my head that tells me so harshly that "If you miss something, you could kill someone. Medicine is your life. You need to know more."
I want to date, maybe find a husband, start a family, my friends want me to join them in training for a Tough Mudder, I want to spend my hard earned attending $$$$ and travel with my friends and family. And lately, I've been feeling like I should write a book or put out some Spoken Word poetry. Or maybe publish an article in JEMS because EMS is a passion of mine. I also just bought a house, and I want to learn to cook....But it's in those moments when I'm farthest away from medicine that the voice slowly creeps in and says: "You should be reading and studying. You are a doctor. You're going to hurt your patient if you miss something".......Honestly, it makes me envy people working at fast food joints some days. I wish the greatest mistake I could make was screwing up someone's order.
How do you balance work and life, and how good is good enough? At what point are you satisfied with what you know and accepting of what you don't know?
But there is something I've been struggling with for years, and I'd love to hear your thoughts. As a doctor, I feel the enormous weight that has been stacked upon my shoulders. I know it is a great responsibility. From Day 1, I have been told things like, "Medicine is your life now," "You're going to be the only thing between your patient and the grave," "Do no harm," etc.
During college, med school and residency, I buried my head in the sand and ignored all of life's distractions -- you know, friends, family, hobbies, etc. I wanted to learn everything I could so that I could be the best for my patient. Like all of you, I was at the top of my class in college and I succeeded in med school and residency. I envisioned that the misery of not having a life would end once I gained the coveted attending status and knew everything. But you don't know everything, and in fact you never will. Toss that unattainable standard by the wayside and forget it. Medicine is constantly changing and even the information that you once learned quickly flees from your memory if you don't use it. It is because I don't know everything that I often fight with a voice in my head that tells me so harshly that "If you miss something, you could kill someone. Medicine is your life. You need to know more."
I want to date, maybe find a husband, start a family, my friends want me to join them in training for a Tough Mudder, I want to spend my hard earned attending $$$$ and travel with my friends and family. And lately, I've been feeling like I should write a book or put out some Spoken Word poetry. Or maybe publish an article in JEMS because EMS is a passion of mine. I also just bought a house, and I want to learn to cook....But it's in those moments when I'm farthest away from medicine that the voice slowly creeps in and says: "You should be reading and studying. You are a doctor. You're going to hurt your patient if you miss something".......Honestly, it makes me envy people working at fast food joints some days. I wish the greatest mistake I could make was screwing up someone's order.
How do you balance work and life, and how good is good enough? At what point are you satisfied with what you know and accepting of what you don't know?