Help me decide between two PS introductions?

[dentalbuzz]

I have been revising and editing the final draft of my personal statement in preparation for June 3rd, but I am stuck between two introductions! I keep going back and forth on which one sounds best, so finally I decided I need to ask for outside opinions. I'm so burned out. Would anyone be willing to critique them and give me their impressions?

Thank you so much.

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[MrBeans]

I have been revising and editing the final draft of my personal statement in preparation for June 3rd, but I am stuck between two introductions! I keep going back and forth on which one sounds best, so finally I decided I need to ask for outside opinions. I'm so burned out. Would anyone be willing to critique them and give me their impressions?

Thank you so much.

Seeing as I basically finished mine, I wouldn't mind taking a look at yours if all you really need is input on introductions.

Just PM me if you wish.

 

[solstice]

I have been revising and editing the final draft of my personal statement in preparation for June 3rd, but I am stuck between two introductions! I keep going back and forth on which one sounds best, so finally I decided I need to ask for outside opinions. I'm so burned out. Would anyone be willing to critique them and give me their impressions?

Thank you so much.

Do not just have someone read your introduction. If you are asking anyone send all of you essay and two diff intros. And do not send your P.S to just anyone on this forum. This is a public forum and you don't want your essay show up somewhere else. You can also get help from your school writing center. They usually have 1-2 people that go over professional P.S. every year and they can talk to you face to face and give you good critics.

 

[takedailyfiber]

I have been revising and editing the final draft of my personal statement in preparation for June 3rd, but I am stuck between two introductions! I keep going back and forth on which one sounds best, so finally I decided I need to ask for outside opinions. I'm so burned out. Would anyone be willing to critique them and give me their impressions?

Thank you so much.

I don't mind taking a look... I applied last year and will be headed to d-school in the upcoming Fall, so I won't take your PS! Like the guy above me says though, do watch where you send it.